Lily's Very Buddha-rific Year

September - All Through Our Sorrow, All Through Our Splendor...

August 31, 1977

Magnolia Court, Little Whinging

Dear Diary,

I'm all very nearly packed for school. Pet hasn't been helping at all. She's a very spiteful little girl; in fact, I have no idea where she keeps all that spite.

But it's there because every time I set something in my duffel, she picks it up and chucks it across the room.

At this rate, Sirius Black will have grown up by the time I get done packing.

Later

Dear Diary,

Once Dad carted Pet off, I finally finished packing. Sadly, this means that I will, in fact, have to see damn, fathead, smartarse Potter again.

Lis says the whole problem would be solved if I just accepted one of his invitations. But again, Lis does not understand pride. Lis throws herself at the feet of Sirius Black once a month. Boys are different with me. My thing with Potter is a matter of principle. I reject Potter; therefore, I am.

Also, when you date one of the Marauders, you date all of the Marauders. Flora, dear girl, is finding this out the hard way. She said she was trying to snog Remus, when Sirius Black jumped out of a nearby shrub and just about gave her palpitations.

I don't want palpitations. I want sanity. Just a nice, peaceful year to cap off my productive Hogwarts career. The kind of year Buddha would have at Hogwarts. A nice, calm, Buddha year...

All together, now: Ohm...

September 1, 1977

Amidst the rollicking hills of Scotland

Dear Diary,

I told Flora, Ravenclaw's Head Girl, I wanted a Buddha year, and she just snorted in my face, like some wild snorting thing.

"Oh, come on, Lils. You're Head Girl, Potter's Head Boy -"

Wait a minute. "Potter?"

"You know, Potter. The tall, skinny boy that keeps asking you out, but somehow misinterprets the meaning of 'never in a million years.' That Potter?"

I closed my eyes in exasperation. "Yes, Flora. I know who Potter is. What I don't know is why the hell he is Head Boy."

"Oh." Flora shrugged. "Well, I don't know why."

I stared Flora down. Flora was really very cute in a quirky way. Her piggies, the omnipresent Bealtes shirt, the belt of freckles across her face apparently just made her all the more endearing to those of the sausage gender.

And then in walked Potter.

Honestly, the sight of him strikes fear into the hearts of kittens. He's just so...evil! There's simply no other word for it.

He gave me a smirky type thing, and my lip just curled unabashedly. "Ah, I get quality time with my favourite girl in the world!" Potter threw an arm around my shoulders. I wriggled away. Shoulder molester. "This'll be the greatest year ever!"

Very politely, I said, "Actually, Potter, I was anticipating a Buddha year, and somehow I think your definition of 'greatest year ever' collides with that." I am so calm and put-together! I am just a put-together deity! Gandhi wants to know my secret!

Potter smirked again. My God, was there a tic in his lips? "My definition of 'greatest year ever' involves you finally going out with me."

I shrugged and said, "Just as I thought; that definitely collides with my Buddha-ness."

After that, Potter didn't say much more, and now he is sleeping in the compartment. It's scary; he looks almost innocent when he sleeps. Flora is reading a magazine that has an interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono and keeps making disparaging remarks regarding Yoko. I mean, poor Yoko. It's not her fault she's completely batty and broke up the world's greatest pop band.

Wait - it looks like we've finally stopped! Flora says I should wake up Potter, but I think he'll discover we've stopped soon enough...

Later

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitories

Dear Diary,

I've gone from Potter calling me his soul mate to calling me an vile creature! Yes, progress!

Apparently, he almost missed it, but his drippy friends had to go find him, because they'd be nowhere without dear, dumb Potter.

Maybe he'll leave me alone now.

A few minutes later

...Or send me a singing elf to sing outside my window just as I am trying to fall asleep!

Wow, he really knows the way to a woman's heart. I think I am beginning to melt.

Just like Flora's beginning to become a man.

September 2, 1977

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitories

Dear Diary,

Classes started today. We only have double History of Magic with the Ravenclaws, so I won't be blatantly receiving any of Flora's expertly folded notes during Muggle Studies like last year.

But at least Lis and Vesta are in my house, and I am forever indebted to the Sorting Hat for that.

Vesta and I are partners in Potions, and together we form what Lis calls One Big Glob of Brownnosing, OBGOB for short. I secretly think Lis is jealous because she got paired up with Marigold Parkinson, who really is the most ill-tempered girl on the face of the planet.

The Marauders have not tamed down a bit despite the fact that this could be the defining factor in what they do with their lives. Because what does that mean to someone who is just so obviously born to play Quidditch, like Pretentious Largehead?

When McGonagall asked what the scientific name for a macaw is during Transfiguration, Sirius suggested that she ask it. He lost us ten points for cheek. The first day of term. How does someone do that other than to be oblivious to the way that real society works?

Really, I don't understand what Lis sees in Sirius. Other than the fact that he is superbly good-looking.

But so are Twinkies, yet you don't have a relationship with them.

Later

Gryffindor Common Room

Dear Diary,

Tried to explain brill Twinkie theory to Lis.

The daft girl just said, "So you're saying Sirius is an overgrown Twinkie?"

"More or less, yes."

"Leave the theorising to Buddha Thing, or whoever he is, Lils," she said, before laying down on the sofa.

September 5, 1977

By the lake

Dear Diary,

Study group with the girls. Really, it's only a study group in name. Occasionally, some lark will actually bring books, but we end up graffiti-ing them in the worst way. Lis still hasn't been able to rub off the "LIS SINGLETON WANTS TO ROGER SIRIUS BLACK IN THE WORST WAY" we wrote in her Transfiguration textbook last year.

Anyhow, goss has brought me word that Flora's cousin Claudius Quirke fancies me. Aside from his name, he's quite lovely. He is also well-mannered, which is why he is not as popular as Sirius and Potter. The good bloke appeal is dead.

I am thinking of Potter's reaction to me dating Claudius, and all I can do is laugh. Vesta probably thinks I am doing the disco down the doorway of the daft.

Which I am.

And I can blame it all on Potter guiltlessly.

September 8, 1977

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Not a week into term, and Vesta has called her first sickies. Like Lis, she knows no pride.

I looked at her witheringly before setting off to Charms. "You make me sick."

"Great; then there'd be two of us," Vesta said cheerfully.

"One of us, actually," I corrected her.

"Oh, come off it, Lils. How do you know I don't have a crippling sinus infection?"

"Because it's conveniently scheduled for the same day as Binns's test."

"Oh, is that today? Sorry, short term memory's a bit affected right now - I've a sinus infection, wouldn't you know -"

"Ves -"

"Although it is very painful, I suppose there are some benefits. For instance, I get a day solely devoted to recuperating."

"Ves -"

"And I could listen to the Muggle Past, Present, and Future channel on my wireless -"

"Ves - "

" - which, I understand, is playing that, ah, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen very heavily in rotation. And that other one from a few years ahead by them...oh, what was it?...Entendre or something of the sort... -"

"Vesta -"

" - and I could eat Lis's ice cream..."

"Vesta Minerva Casanova -"

"But were we saving that for her birthday?"

"Innuendo!" I screamed.

"What?"

"That's the name of that Queen song - not...'Entendre' or whatever bollocks you said! And you know that that's one of my favourite songs right now."

"Oh, really now?"

"Vesta, right now, you are very nearly wrecking my Buddha year."

She smiled innocently. "It's not me. It's the sinuses."

"Well, then you and your sinuses are very nearly wrecking my Buddha year." I picked up my books. "Those of us with integrity have to go to class."

Vesta looked at the clock by her bed. "And those of us with integrity are about five minutes late."

Later

Avoiding going to Potions...

Dear Diary,

Blimey.

Blimey, blimey, and a thousand times, blimey.

Someone has told Potter about "Innuendo" (or "Entendre," as Ves apparently calls it). Someone who has a crippling sinus infection.

Someone whose name is Vesta Minerva Casanova!

Potter is now taking any and every opportunity to be a pig, and then not hesitating to immediately sing, in what is meant to be a Freddie Mercury-esque way, "All through our sorrow, all through our splendor...don't take offence at my innuendo!" And I laugh it off, in a Lord Laugh Laughingstein way, but he is really making me hate that song before it has even come out.

And if I protest, he just smirks and says, "But don't you just luuuuurve that song? That's what Vesta said! That you just luuuuuuuuurve 'Innuendo'?"

Do you think that I could obtain a license to kill from the Ministry for young blokes abusing Queen songs?.

September 10, 1977

Operation vis a vis Lis's Supersecret Birthday Party

Dear Diary,

Flora, Vesta, and I are planning Lis's surprise party - she turns eighteen next week. Right now we are trying to establish a theme.

Old Throbby Sinuses suggested, and I quote, Parisian Sophistication's Afoot.

I waited around for her to laugh or something. But she didn't, and I had a sinking feeling that she actually meant it.

"So?" she asked, demanding a follow up.

"Parisian Sophistication's Afoot?" I repeated. "Where in the hell...? On second thought, don't answer. Just no."

"But -"

"Ves, that is the worst suggestion any of us have ever made, barring the time Lis wanted to call us the Femme-rauders in third-year." After seeing the pleading look on Vesta's face, I said, "Fine, we'll keep the Parisian. But none of that Sophistication or Afoot bollocks." I thought for a second. "Parisian Picnic?"

Vesta and Flora shrugged apathetically.

A velveteen voice floated from Vesta's wireless: "A kiss on the hand may be continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend!"

"Parisian Playground?" Flora suggested.

"Where in the name of arse would someone put a playground in Paris?" Vesta responded.

"Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end..."

"I don't know, you're the one who just lurves that blooming Paris!"

"Can't say bloody, can we?"

"Can too!"

"Do it, then."

"But square-cut or pear-shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape! Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"

"I have it! For Our Blonde Bombshell!" I exclaimed. "It'd be a 1950s America do, and our Marilyn Monroe could be Lis!"

"Ooh!" Vesta squealed. It appeared that all thoughts of Paris or playgrounds were gone. "Now, Muggle World History isn't my area of expertise, but isn't that the era of flappers?"

"No, Ves, that was the Roaring Twenties."

Vesta shrugged. "I'll just dress like a flapper anyway. Flappers are just too cute."

I blinked. I love my purely wizarding friends, like Lis and Vesta, but they are completely nutters. "Okay, Ves, have fun with that." I turned to Flora. "I was thinking the three hostesses would dress like 50's era Hollywood glamour, but I suppose it'll just be us."

Instead of protesting or begging me to let her wear a Beatles shirt under her dress, like I was anticipating, she just smiled. "Sounds like fun. It's about time someone saw me as something other than boring Flora Randall."

"Good. Your boyfriend will definitely be shocked beyond belief once he sees your hair coiffed."

Vesta added, "Oh, he'll piss himself."

Flora was beet red. I loved her so much; she was just adorable. "Well, if it'll garner that positive a response..." Garner? Response? I loved her too much already.

And now I am trying to get that damn song out of my head...

September 12, 1977

Gryffindor Common Room

Dear Diary,

Potter is a git of the first water. I hate hate hate hate hate him. One of these days, Buddha will whack him with the Two-by-Four of Karma, and he will realise that Buddha takes no prisoners.

He cannot act civil for the life of him. Manners and etiquette are just beyond him.

Don't even want to talk about it; it doesn't make a difference - he was a git then, and he still is.

Fathead stupid pretentious-arse.

I walked with Claudius. Despite his loveliness, he really is boring. In a lovely way. He's not put-offy boring; you could be entertained by his loveliness. He really is Claudius the Lovely.

We might meet again tomorrow, so I might have something to get to Potter...hahahahahadiha.

Karma's a bitch, Potter.

September 13, 1977

Operation Parisian Sophistication May Not Be Afoot, But a Hugearse Surprise Do Is

Dear Diary,

Vesta got invitations made out. They're truly lovely:

Flora Randall, Lily Evans, and Vesta Casanova

Request Your Presence at

An Eighteenth Birthday Party

For Felicity Singleton

"OUR blonde bombshell!"

50's Era Themed Party - Please Dress Appropriately!

September 17, 1977

Gryffindor Common Room

8 PM till Vesta Passes Out

And they're all old timey and have pictures of Marilyn and Lis, and I just love them.

The Marauders were invited - but only because of Lis's infatuation with the Twinkie Known as Sirius. Potter had the audacity to come up to me and say, "So, how is my little Greta Garbo?"

"Do you know anything about Muggle World History? On second thought, forget it." I would have loved to say I was going to Lis's do with Claudius the Lovely, but he moves with me at a snail's pace, stupid lovely boy.

"Want to go to the do with me?" Potter asked.

For some unexplained reason, I said yes.

I am replacing Lis as the village idiot. Gandhi no longer looks up to me. He spits in my face and laughs. Buddha is ashamed to have such a fool like me for a follower and is brandishing the Two-by-Four of You Blasted Silly Girl!

September 15, 1977

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitory

Dear Diary,

"It's not too late to change your mind," says Vesta.

Like Potter will take anyone else.

September 16, 1977

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitory

Dear Diary,

The Two-by-Four of Karma has attacked, and it brings pneumonia. Buddha works in mysterious and hilarious ways.

As his (ex) date, I was obligated to go visit him in the hospital wing. I fed him the usual drivel of, "Oh, I'm so sorry you got pneumonia - we would have had such a fab time!" blah, blah, blah... But once out of his view, I skipped and sang "In America" from West Side Story, which always makes me feel really fab.

Now Ves wants a word with me over this whole Potter deal. She looks very unhappy. I just hope she realizes that I didn't give him pneumonia.

Later

Dear Diary,

Oh my God. Oh my Goddy God God.

There is no way I can go to Lis's do tomorrow night. No way at all. I am Not Going with capital letters. It's as official as Lis and Sirius aren't.

Vesta was going on about how awful I am and how I deserve to die for what I do to Potter constantly. She really was mad about it; I suppose she has a right to - she is their friend, too. Then she did the worst thing she could have ever done once I mentioned Claudius:

"Neglecting poor sick James? What, did you take bloke-neglecting classes from your mum?"

I imagine that I lost all the colour from my face, but I can't know for sure. I was so angry with her! How dare she bring up my mother! My mother! (The short and short of my mum is that she drank too much, and one day when I was five, she just ran away to Italy, leaving Dad with me and Pet).

"How dare you!" I yelled. "The decisions my mother made have nothing to do with how I feel about Potter! You know what? That wasn't skilful debate; that was just malicious intent. And I'm not going to take that!"

Now I'm sobbing up on my four-poster, in extreme hate with the evil known as Vesta Minerva Casanova. I hope Buddha's getting some sort of a Two-by-Four ready for her, because Godric knows she needs it.

September 17, 1977

In the library, sobbing my brains out

Dear Diary,

Life is one big bag of poo.

I'm all alone, abandoned by those I thought were my friends.

Okay, well, Lis has no choice because it was a do for her. But is she not the slightest bit concerned about where her gorgeous best friend Lily is?

Knowing Fluffy like I do, she probably doesn't even know I'm not there.

Every seventh-year is at the stupid do. Except the Slytherins, but they're probably off having their own exclusive Slytherin do, where they curse ferrets or whatever they do for fun.

Without Severus Snape, I notice. I would go over and say hello, but he'd probably bite my head off and call me Mudblood. And all I am is friendly!

He is now staring at me, while I sob like a loon. He probably thinks I'm a loon.

Great. The resident Slytherin loon thinks I am a loon.

A lonely, lonely loon.

I wonder what everyone's doing. Vesta's drinking firewhiskey like the Minister just announced that it had run out. Lis's singing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" poorly. Sirius is being funny and all-around charming. Remus is ogling Flora and being quiet. Peter is following Sirius about and flirting with some of the especially pretty Hufflepuffs.

And I am sitting in a library, sobbing my bloody eyes out.

Hark! I see a figure darkening the doorway of the library! A very wide one, albeit, but I must see!

Later

Dear Diary,

50s Flora is gorgeous. Oh my God, she's bloody angelic. I'm feeling very inferior right about now.

She's brought Remus and Claudius the Lovely with her, and they both look very, very dashing.

Now I bet Severus is wondering what these lovely people from the past are doing with red-eyed, blotchy-faced Evans.

Loon. Stop staring, you!

"Everyone's gotten ridiculously drunk, and I had to leave. You should see the way Lis and Sirius are acting with each other; it's positively revolting. She still can't get off with him, even when he's drunk, so I suppose that's just slightly amusing. And Vesta is Vesta magnified a few hundred times. It's very exhausting, so I decided to escape to you," explained Flora. "I brought the last two sober people with me."

Claudius the Lovely took my hands and asked, "Why weren't you at the do?"

Really, could he be more lovely? How can Potter think he has a chance with me when people like Claudius the Lovely walk the earth? "I'm not exactly on good terms with Vesta right now," I coolly said. What I really wanted to say was, "Yes, I want to beat her face in with a tube sock of wood screws!" but I think that would make him question my sanity, and it just might not be a good thing to say to a potential boyfriend.

"It would have been fabulous if you had been there, Lily," he said. "I bet you would've kept it from becoming a firewhiskey bath."

"Are you kidding, Claud?" Flora laughed. "She would have been the faucet on that firewhiskey bath!"

"Well, maybe we should have a sober do, just the four of us," suggested Remus.

Claudius the Lovely grinned at me, and my heart melted. There needed to be a law against being that lovely, if only for the reason that it put young girls such as myself under serious cardiac arrest.

"I'm up for it," I said, feeling almost sorry for Potter.

September 18, 1977

Just after Potions

Dear Diary,

Just when I thought that Vesta would have to apologize, seeing as we're OBGOB and all, but Slughorn, being the insane nutjob he is, said, "Let's switch it up for this project!"

So he's "switched it up," and now I am partners with Severus Snape, the loon who thinks that I am a loon.

September 20, 1977

Gryffindor Common Room

Dear Diary,

Claudius the Lovely hasn't asked me out yet, while the whole school knows he's mad about me. Why, you ask?

Because he doesn't want to "rush me"!

So in other words, he's too lovely to ask me to go with him.

I am going to scratch my eyes out.

September 25, 1977

Gryffindor Common Room

Dear Diary,

Lis, Vesta, and I were just casually sitting around. I was just writing, Ves was reading, and Lis was looking anxiously from Vesta to me. Finally, Lis screamed, "Would you two just make up already? I can't stand it!"

Stiffly Vesta said, "Sorry for bringing up your mum like that. Suppose it really wasn't fair."

"And I'm sorry for losing my cool. It just - ergh, it made me so mad!"

Then, the three of us just stood there in creepy silence. Then Vesta wore a devilish smile. "You missed one hell of a party."

Something about Vesta's smile made me smile. "Yes, Flora said it was a firewhiskey bath."

"And that's putting it lightly! Honest to Godric, Lils, I was sweating firewhiskey by the end of the night."

Then, I knew that things were going to be just fine between Ves and me...

"So what's going on with you and Claudius Quirke?" Vesta asks just now.

ARGHHHHH.

September 27, 1977

Walking towards the Common Room

Dear Diary,

I am going to pull my hair out.

Vesta says I'm sexually frustrated.

I tell her to bugger off.

September 29, 1977

Corridor outside Common Room

Dear Diary,

Severus Snape just came by and handed me a piece of parchment. I was this close to pulling his stringy hair and saying, "You silly boy, this is not a time for Potions notes! I am sexually frustrated!"

Might as well see what the notes are on. I do need to keep up on my grades, seeing as I am Head Girl, beacon to the students.

Later

Gryffindor Seventh-Year Girls' Dormitory

Dear Diary,

Oh, God.

Lis and Vesta are being so mean about this.

"Snivellus luuuuuuuuuuuurves you!" Vesta cried.

"Really, you shouldn't call him Snivellus - that's a bit like stooping to Potter's level," I persisted with those two to no avail.

"You've just become a bloke-magnet, Lils. First, Potter; then, Claudius; and now Severus. All one can say at a time like this is phwoar," Lis said.

"Well, are you going to meet him or not?" Vesta asked.

"I don't know...," I said.

"You should decide soon - I really hope you don't end up hurting him," Lis said.

"Although you have no problem hurting James," added Vesta.

"What could he have to show you anyway?"

"Ooer, I am trying to keep my mind out of the gutter but it's not working!"

"Stoooop!" I yelled. "I will decide whether I meet him or not, and you will not!" I yelled.

So now I am here, alone and away from Fluffy and Throbby Sinuses.

Argh, what a debacle of a first month.