According to Lily

According to Lily

Afternoon of the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. exam

Lily Evans stomped around the Gryffindor girl's dorm, waving her purple and green striped sock like a flag of surrender.

"I swear! He will never learn!" Lily declared and threw the sock. It landed atop the scarlet canopy, like an odd-shaped cap. Lily scrunched up her face and grabbed a pillow. "I'm sorry if my screams bother you or anything," Lily said to her dorm mates before shrieking into the pillow.

Nadia Alexander, Lily's best friend, watched with a vague interest. Lily going mad like this wasn't unusual.

"Really, Lily," Nadia said, "you're going mad. Don't let James get to you. He's a bloody jerk."

"James!" squealed Amanda. "James is so not a jerk. Sheesh, Lily. He likes you. Just go for it. Any girl would be blessed to have him."

Lily looked up from the pillow and rolled her eyes. "I'm so sure," she said before sitting up. Lily ran a hand through her hair and groaned. Why were all the girls so stupid? Well, Amanda and Mattie, anyway. Not Nadia, Nadia got marks just below James and Sirius. She could have been a Ravenclaw. But Nadia had a slyness - an inner prankster, really - that made her Gryffindor.

Nadia grinned and chuckled. "He is gorgeous. A snob, but gorgeous."

"Not a snob," Mattie said matter-of-factly. "He's just so . . . brilliant. No one understands him properly." Mattie and Amanda both nodded solemnly as if this explanation made perfect sense.

Lily sighed. It was really no use trying to convince those two to get any kind of reason into their heads. Although they were usually nice girls (except for the occasional jerkiness from Amanda), they were just a little clueless.

"Now, Remus," Nadia was saying, "is not only cute, but he's sensitive, and nice. And he's got good marks."

Amanda nodded. "Though there's one thing," she said suspiciously.

Mattie shrugged. "My heart belongs to James. It hurts me to talk of another."

Lily groaned again, but this time laughed. She knew Nadia was just kidding, but that was one more thing Mattie and Amanda didn't get.

"He's got this . . . this thing, once a month!" Amanda shrieked and began laughing hysterically.

Mattie giggled, but Nadia frowned. Lily straightened, and within an instant, she was two inches from Amanda's face.

"You do not make jokes like that," Lily hissed into her ear. "You don't know what it could really be. And you have no right to laugh at the nicest boy in our year just because he's got some sick aunt or whatever."

Nadia nodded, and Mattie silenced, but was shaking with mirth all the same. Amanda's eyes became little slits, and she glared at Lily.

"Well just relax, Miss Evans. Don't blow your gasket or anything. I'm just having fun. Besides, you need not worry about Remus. Your lover is another, after all. I'm sure James could tell you the real problem. He loves you!" Amanda smirked and walked towards the window.

Lily clenched her fist and took a step, but Nadia grabbed her arm.

"Don't do anything you'd regret, Lily Evans. Don't do anything stupid," she whispered to Lily.

Lily sighed and loosened a little. She slumped into the lone armchair in the dorm and watched the other girls. Amanda was apparently amused by the event going on outside, because she was smiling broadly. Mattie dashed to the window and peered over Amanda's shoulder. She giggled once to satisfy Amanda, but then just stared with a dazed expression. Nadia shook her head and opened her Transfiguration book. In a minute, she was engrossed in her reading and had a serious look on her face. Lily, now, was bored out of her mind.

Mattie turned towards Lily suddenly, and motioned for her to come over. Lily slowly made her way to the window and rolled her eyes.

Probably James flying, she thought.

She peeked out the window and saw something that made her even angrier than she'd been before. James and Sirius were outside, marching around in a circle, shouting. What they were saying Lily couldn't hear. (There were soundproofing charms on the window). Remus was watching from a few yards away, but Peter was nowhere to be seen.

"Why the bloody hell are you showing me this?! You know very well I can't stand them!" Lily yelled in frustration and glared at Amanda.

Amanda just smirked. "Honey, it's because of that," she said, pointing to Peter, who was holding up a large banner with large red words that shimmered, probably with some kind of charm.

Lily stepped in front of the other two girls and muttered a magnification charm on the windowpane. She leaned in and read the words out loud, softly.

James loves Lily!!

Banner sponsored by Wormtail and Padfoot INC

Lily's eyes widened and she threw her hands up. "I give UP! That's IT! I'm going."

Lily walked out of the door and slammed it behind her.

*****

Lily was walking. Walking was what she did when things got her fired up and, boy, was she fired up now. Just who did James Potter think he was? Making fun of whomever he saw first, screwing up his hair because he thought it looked cool. I bet anything it's a charm that made his hair that way. And it wasn't as if his friends were much better. Sirius was almost as much of a jerk as James. And Peter... Peter was just there. He laughed when he was supposed to, he shut up when his friends wanted him to, and he went along. Of course Peter would be recruited to hold the banner. Peter just wasn't a very exciting sidekick. Remus, at least, didn't make fun of anyone but he certainly didn't stop it. Lily took a sharp turn down another hallway. By now, she had no clue where she was. An alert vaguely registered in the back of her mind, but she ignored it. She just wanted to be angry. Anger was strangely relieving.

"Oh, well I suppose they all think it's funny. Just hilarious to make fun of a kid who has no friends." Lily tended to talk to herself when she was angry. "They probably also think it's funny when James asks me out as he's torturing an innocent person! Oh yeah, that'll turn a girl on. As well as a bloody banner for all the world to see." Not watching where she was going, she turned another corner and collided with Remus Lupin. She landed on her rear and blushed. Her books had fallen from her bag and scattered throughout the hallway.

"Oh... Lily, I'm sorry. You ok? Need help?" He offered a hand to help her up.

Lily felt the anger flash, but resisted. "Yes, I'm fine. No, I don't need help. Thanks, though." She stood and brushed off the front of her robes.

Remus' eyes were confused, but he just shrugged. "Er... Ok then. Bye." He waved and continued walking.

Ok, so Remus is nice. That doesn't make up for the rest of them. And Remus still should've tried to stop James. But . . . maybe James would have made fun of him then. For ruining the fun or something.

Lily decided that was the reason and walked outside to the lake. She tore off her shoes and socks.

"Wonder if the water's warm." Lily crept closer and dipped in one foot. She grinned widely. "Just right."

There was a loud noise, a barking laugh just like Sirius and some cries of protest. Lily turned to see Sirius pushing James forward, towards Lily. "Great. Just who I want to see now," muttered Lily.

James stumbled his way to Lily, and almost touched his hair, but stopped himself. It's nice to know he's stopped that. Or is trying to, she thought.

"Hi, James." Lily tried not to sound mean, but she wasn't exactly friendly either.

"Hi, Lily." James' cheeks flushed a little and his eyes darted all over behind his glasses. He seemed to be trying to think of something to say, but was obviously not coming up with it because he kept opening and closing his mouth.

Like a fish, that one is, Lily thought.

"Er . . . was there something you wanted?" Lily chewed the inside of her cheek, feeling increasingly nervous. Just go, James, just go if you're just going to gape at me all afternoon.

"Well, I uh, just wanted to say I'm sorry." James looked thoroughly embarrassed and kept looking over his shoulder, where Sirius was laughing. James glared and turned back to Lily.

"For what?" Lily demanded. "Sorry for making fun of Severus or for asking me out while you were doing it? Or that bloody banner?"

"All of it?" James said hopefully.

Lily nodded and said, "I accept your apology - but only the one about asking me out. You'll have to say you're sorry to Severus for that one. And I doubt he'll forgive you readily or anything. And about the banner-well, the way to a girl's heart is not flashing her name to the whole school." She looked James squarely in the eye.

James sighed with relief and smiled cockily. "So, does that mean you'll consider my offer to go out?" he asked, trying to sound confident. "To Hogsmeade, maybe?" James' voice cracked, and he reached out to rumple his hair. This time, however, he didn't stop himself. Sirius guffawed loudly, but Remus elbowed him and continued watching.

Lily held back an enormous sigh. Not again, bloody not again. Why does he do this twice in the same day? Isn't one rejection enough for the boy?

"No. I'm sorry James, but I told you. I'd rather date the squid."

As if on cue, the squid held a tentacle up above the water and fixed itself on James arm. It remained there for a moment, and then released itself with a loud pop.

"Damnit," James groaned. He rubbed his arm and grinned. "Well, the squid sure is lucky then."

Sirius was laughing even louder now. James held his wand behind his back and muttered a curse. Sirius yelped and began jumping all over the grass, as if an invisible, tiny fairy was poking his feet with pins. James looked satisfied and turned his attention back to Lily.

"Look, Lil, I really like you and... and, you know any Gryffindor girl-no, make than any girl would love to have me. So...Will you consider?"

Lily felt the anger swell in her, from the pit of her stomach, up her throat, and waiting behind to lips to leap out. She closed her eyes and swallowed back the anger, all the while wondering what to say if it wouldn't be rude. She finally opened her eyes and saw James leaning against the tree, looking self-confident at first glance. But Lily looked harder and saw the fear, the nervousness in his eyes.

It would be so much easier if he was just a rude guy, not someone who actually cared. She swallowed again and plunged into her spiel.

"James, I've told you a million times! One million and one just a second ago. I don't like you like that! Sometimes I can't stand you even as a friend! I don't want to go out with you because I don't like you. It would be mean to you. If I ever come to like you, it'll be in a long while. After you've deflated your big head, and swallowed your pride, and been kind to others. You know, like you were. Before fourth year, before you became a stuck up prat."

Lily stopped short and stared at James. Mistake... damn rants.

James looked crestfallen. He rubbed his arm again, and smiled weakly. "Let me know if you change your mind then, will you?"

Lily turned away without answering. Sure, James, sure, she thought cruelly. Ugh, Lily! That's horrible.

James walked away sullenly, without looking back. Lily frowned. Somewhere inside her, she felt a tiny, tiny, prick of guilt.

End Chapter One