Down Came the Sky

Chapter Four: Self-Control

"Ginny, can I have a word?"

Ginny tore her gaze from the frigid landscape whipping past her window.

"Of course. Now?"

Harry cast a look around the compartment and nodded. Ron had left for some unknown reason and Hermione had decided to patrol the corridors; it certainly did seem ideal for a private conversation. Ginny turned so that she was facing Harry.

"What's up?"

"Er--" Harry looked down for a moment and Ginny reached over to stroke his hair. She loved the way it felt twisted in her fingers.

"What's the matter?" she said, trailing her hand down to his chin and tilting his face up. Harry smiled faintly.

"Er--well, d'you remember New Years?"

"Yes," Ginny drew out slowly, wondering where in the world he was going with this.

"So, you know what we, erm, did?" His voice was tense and he rubbed at the back of his neck, anxiously looking at the ground. Ginny still couldn't determine what he was getting out.

"Of course I remember. Just because I was inebriated doesn't mean I don't recall..." her voice faded as vivid picture of a shattering vase flashed in her mind. She drew her eyes slowly to Harry's. He pulled her hand off his face and placed it in her lap.

"We need to be careful," he said, staring her hands.

"Because of the vase?" Ginny said softly. Harry nodded. "You know why it broke then?" Ginny wrapped her arms across her chest and stared at him.

"It was my magic," he said, putting more distance between them. "I lost control for a moment."

"How...?" Ginny started just as Harry pulled out his Kaigdin magic diary. He flipped through the first pages until he landed on one that looked like nothing but odd symbols and foreign words.

"I'm not good at translating but," he flipped to the next page, which had some English writing on it. Ginny squinted at Harry's messy writing and read: use extreme caution after a jumble of Latin and odd symbols.

"What does that mean?" Ginny said, tracing the page with her finger.

"It means," Harry said, closing the diary, "that what we did triggered something in my magic that I can't afford to toy with, or else I'll break vases all over the place." He smiled at her slowly, like it was painful.

"So, what are you saying?" Ginny said, crossing her arms again. "That we can't act like a couple anymore?"

"No! No," Harry shook his head furiously. "But I think we need to take a few steps back... that's all."

All logic told Ginny that Harry really didn't want to be saying this. She looked down at his hand, which twitched before he quickly pulled it into himself and crossed his arms. No, she knew he wanted her.

The scared, insecure part of her couldn't help feeling like there was something wrong with her though, and that he was using the vase as an excuse to avoid being a couple. She stared at him a long time and he met her eyes in confusion.

"You will at least hold my hand sometimes," Ginny said, narrowing her eyes. Harry laughed at this and Ginny raised her eyebrows incredulously.

"Yeah, of course, I mean, I just don't think we should do that sort of...erm..." he squirmed a bit and Ginny scooted nearer to him, covering his hand with hers.

"We'll move more slowly," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder. "No more drunken snog sessions."

Harry laughed, sounding slightly bitter, and shut his eyes. He slouched, his fingers moving slightly under Ginny's, and opened his eyes again.

"Sometimes even the normal ones are difficult." His hand twitched under hers again and he pulled it away. "It's really powerful...the magic, I mean. And when I'm with you it...sort of..." he squeezed his eyes shut again and shook his head.

He was quiet for a long time and Ginny wasn't sure what to do. Would something happen if she tried to comfort him physically, she wondered? She sat up and separated her body from his.

"Harry, I--"

"What if something terrible happens because of things we, you know, sort of do?" He seemed to gaze at her longingly at this last comment and abruptly turned his head away. His lips pouted more beautifully in that moment, when she wasn't allowed them. His arms looked strong and his hands inviting. His lanky frame was all the more attractive and Ginny had to force her eyes from him.

"But...but, what if it was the Firewhiskey that made you loose control?" Her voice felt unnaturally strained in her throat.

Harry shook his head. "It just caused me to loose it faster."

He was staring down at the fabric of the seat and picking it with his fingernails. Slowly fixing his eyes to hers, his eyebrows drawn worriedly together, he pulled his hands to his lap and tightened his mouth. Ginny's breath caught when she saw desire in his expression. She shivered and scooted farther away from him. What scared her was that she wanted him too. No...no... she told herself, I just want him because I can't have him right now. Harry looked back down at the seat.

"If we try to not be alone, maybe that will help," he mumbled, slouching further in his seat. Ginny nodded numbly and pressed herself against the compartment wall, away from Harry. She felt lust radiating off of her and she couldn't understand its unbidden strength.

Just then, Ron slid the compartment door open and both Ginny and Harry jumped. Ginny quickly stood up and sat on the other side. Ron looked at her oddly before settling next to Harry.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Ginny asked Ron. He looked around anxiously.

"Oh, yeah...yeah..." he said distractedly and then he visibly relaxed as he seemed to notice Ginny was not sitting next to Hermione.

"What was it you were trying to find again?" Ginny asked, biting back a smirk.

"You know, food..." Ron said vaguely, looking down to concentrate intently on his shoes. The compartment door slid open again and Ron tensed. He looked like he might retch at any moment. Hermione slipped in and sat wordlessly by Ginny. Ron's gaze lingered on her and he anxiously turned toward the window, his hand gripping the material of his trousers so that his knuckles were white. Harry shook is head and stared at the back of Ron's head with an expression of wanting to say something. Ginny gave him an encouraging smile.

Their eyes locked and all of Ginny's coherent thoughts unexpectedly melted into a goo of nonsense. The only thing she could comprehend was the heat flooding her body while her chest seemingly heaved out of control. Her newest Weasley jumper was uncomfortably itchy, but she wasn't wearing a shirt underneath it. She absently tugged at the ends. Harry followed this motion with his eyes and clenched his jaw. His nostrils flared slightly and he turned away. Ginny stood up abruptly.

"I'm...going to the...er--loo," she said, slipping out of the compartment. She brushed past a couple odd students who were compartment hopping and located the first empty lavatory. After shutting the door behind her and sliding to the ground, Ginny pulled off her itchy jumper and let the breeze hit her skin. Looking down at her stomach, she saw that it was blotchy and red from her perspiration.

Why...? she thought, burying her face in her hands. Why am I suddenly feeling this now? She leaned her head back on the door and shut her eyes. She could see Harry's face tattooed on the back of her eyelids. A blurry face from New Years Eve that looked at her with longing. Her skin prickled as she recalled the sensation of his lips on her neck. She imagined him sitting in the compartment, maybe struggling the same way she was. A fleeting fantasy flashed through her mind where he came to find her and had his way with her, even if it was in the loo. She ground the heels of her hands against her eyebrows. Stop, stop, stop!

She opened her eyes to stare at her rumpled jumper beside her, fingering the fabric. We can't be alone, if I need to control myself, we can never be alone... Taking a breath, she grabbed her jumper and pulled it over her head. The fabric chaffed slightly, but wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as it was before.

Taking a deep breath, Ginny returned to the compartment and sat as far away from Harry as she could. Harry could barely look at her.

*

Ron thought that she and Harry were fighting, but Ginny was too embarrassed to say why they were avoiding each other. Hermione attempted to approach her on the issue a few times, but conversations always turned when Ginny distracted her by bringing up Ron. The situation between the four of them was incredibly awkward and it steered Ginny deeply into her studies once lessons had resumed.

They had taken to eating meals in a group, Ginny and Hermione on one side of the table, Harry and Ron on the other. No person in the group could bring themselves to look across the table however; Ron and Hermione were ignoring each other magnificently and Ginny and Harry tried to avoid each others eyes at all costs. Every time there eyes did meet accidentally, Ginny had the feeling of a warm bucket of water pouring down her body and steaming off of her febrile cheeks. Each time their hands accidentally brushed, it felt like she had burned herself on a hot stove.

The worst part to Ginny was there was no way to remedy it. But even if she and Harry could get it over with and lock themselves in a broom closet or something, Ginny also knew she wasn't ready. She always thought that decision would wait until she was married or at least much, much older. She created a mantra for herself as she attempted to make her way through each day...it's a lesson in self-control...it's a lesson in self-control...

A week after she established her mantra, it all almost came crashing down. She had spent hours in the library, reading for so long that her eyes were dry and the salt of her tears stung them. When she blinked into the light, all she could see were neat words scrawled across her vision. Walking back to Gryffindor Tower, she felt like she was floating outside her body.

She entered the common room and Harry was sitting, secluded, in a chair in the corner. His head was in his hands and when he lifted it, he was ashen and his scar stood out boldly in contrast. His eyes were wide with fear and dulled to a sage color. He looked directly at Ginny and she felt her satchel slip off her arm with a resounding thud. She hardly noticed the attention it drew from the students mulling around.

Harry got up and walked toward her. Her breath hitched and her knees felt as though they had acquired the consistency of jelly.

"I need you to help me," he said in a low voice once he had approached her. Ginny nodded numbly as he seized her by the arm and dragged her over to a pair of chairs and faced them toward one another.

It felt like electric shocks were shooting up her arm where Harry's hand lingered. He gripped her shoulders and sat her in a chair, and then sat across from her. Ginny's stomach fluttered uncontrollably.

"Hold my hand," he said, lacing his fingers with hers. Their hands sweated against each others, but Harry clenched his fingers around hers tightly and shut his eyes. He shook slightly as he concentrated and Ginny could feel him, truly feel him cascading into her in waves of desire.

"Merlin," she whispered. "What are you doing?" He was breathing heavily and Ginny dug her fingernails into the arm of the chair. It's a lesson in self-control! It's a lesson in self-control! she screamed in her head.

Beads of sweat formed under Harry's fringe and his mouth parted as he breathed more heavily. Ginny felt rushes of heat pouring down her body and she dug her fingernails harder into the chair.

The room was spinning and she shut her eyes, feeling herself grow sweaty all over. She vaguely heard people saying her and Harry's name, but she couldn't think about it. She concentrated on breathing. In...out...in... but her breathing grew increasingly rapid. She squeezed her eyes more tightly together, as if the pressure would help her regain control.

His hand was starting to grip hers painfully and she whimpered as her fingers crushed under his. His grip loosened and she opened her eyes to see his face still screwed up in concentration but also shining with sweat. Her body felt weak and she unintentionally slid out of her chair so that she was at Harry's feet. She hugged his legs and started to breathe more heavily. He released her hand and leaned over her, enfolding her head and pressing it to his chest. She had the fleeting thought of how odd they must look, but she was almost immediately forgot when she processed the proximity of his body.

Ginny gripped his calves and pressed her eyes against his knees, still shaking and sweating. It had to end or else she wasn't sure what she would do. A moment before she was about to burst, Harry pulled away from her and slumped in his chair. Ginny crawled away from his legs, feeling utterly exhausted.

Slowly looking at Harry, she saw that he was staring behind her in shock and she craned her head around to see a small group of Gryffindors gathered, their mouths agape, gawking in Harry and Ginny's direction.

All she could think about, however, was how uncomfortable her robes felt and she slid them off. Her shirt was showing visible sweat and she folded her arms across her chest. Harry tore his eyes from the group of students and looked down at Ginny. She expected him to look ashamed, embarrassed, weak, or something in that vicinity of emotion, but he look faintly happy.

She watched him in disbelief as he rose and helped her up off the ground.

"What did you do?" she whispered as he steered her up the dormitory stairs and into his room. He shut the door behind them.

"It worked," he croaked, turning around to face Ginny. Ginny shakily sank onto his bed and absently fiddled with the bracelet he had given her.

"What?" her voice quivered.

"It drove him out...these past months it felt like he was sitting in the back of my head, watching me or something. He kept putting..." his voice cracked and he sat next to Ginny, gripping the edge of his bed. "...visions in my head."

Ginny didn't like the gleam in his eyes at that moment and she looked away quickly.

"But--but why did you use that emotion?" Ginny said, staring at their reflection in the window. She saw that Harry was staring at her cheek. She turned to him and his mouth quirked.

"Because it's the strongest." Ginny lightly pushed his chest.

"I don't think I could handle that again," she said, dropping her hand back onto the bed. Her mouth felt heavy, and she pulled her lips tightly together to avoid crying. The weight of Harry's hand pressed on hers and he squeezed it lightly.

"Thanks," he said softly. She looked up at him, feeling her cheeks wet, and he stared down at her, frowning. "I'm sorry," he said, pulling her into him. She pressed her face into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders.

"I--I don't know why..." Ginny sniffed, pulling back from him.

His hands were gripping her arms and he stared at her in a way she hadn't seen for two months. He looked afraid of her. He gingerly moved closer to her, his fingers tensing, and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. Ginny opened her eyes and reached up to dry her tears off of his face. He smiled and slowly unclenched one of her arms to wipe her cheeks.

Ginny felt her breath quicken again, but this time it was different. It wasn't heaving in her chest and sending currents of heat through her body, rather it was uncertain and nervous, causing her to tremble. She pressed her face into her hands and leaned over her knees.

"Ginny..." Harry's voice was strangled and she felt his hand on her back. "I'm so sorry, I won't use that emotion again...I won't...I--"

"I'm glad it stopped him," Ginny interrupted, sitting up too quickly so that her head spun. "But, let's wait to use that until we're ready for...erm...more."

Harry nodded silently and she felt his hand close to hers again. She stared down at their almost touching fingers and it dawned on her: she loved him.

She tentatively reached toward him with her free hand and touched his mouth. He leaned closer to her slightly, his eyes boring into hers as the door clicked open and she heard a low murmur drift in and stop abruptly. Her hand dropped onto the bed and she slowly turned to see Seamus, Neville and Dean staring at them. Dean tersely nodded at her and promptly exited the room. Seamus looked confused and continually looked between Harry and Ginny and the door until Neville broke the silence.

"Just came to get my books," he said loudly, walking over to his trunk. Seamus wordlessly followed after him and Ginny looked back at Harry. She was startled to see he was still staring at her. His eyes felt magnetic and she didn't look away, even after the door clicked behind Neville and Seamus.

He looked down. "Ginny, I..." he started, his voice shaking. Ginny shook her head.

"You don't have to speak," she whispered.

He looked up at her and nodded. She shifted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. He turned toward her and kissed her again. She felt his height rise as he moved onto his own knees to draw her closer. She pulled back from him, panting.

"Harry..." she whispered.

"I know," he responded, releasing her and sinking back on his knees.

"I should finish my essays," she said, leaning onto her heels. It sounded stupid to her, to say such a thing in such a moment. Harry merely smiled mutely. He led her all the way to the bottom the girls' dormitory stairs, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist, until he couldn't go with her any longer.

"Later?" he said as she started up the stairs.

"Later," Ginny echoed.

The word felt like it hung ominously behind her as she trudged up the steps. But Ginny decided to think of her homework and when she reached her room she proceeded to write two terrible essays.