Hogwarts Gone Mad

"Draco," a voice interrupted his thoughts, "maybe you can tell us what is needed for a love potion," said Snape, still bouncing around in his shocking pink "I love Potter" tracksuit.

"Sorry, no" he said, ashamed

"Oh well! Maybe my lovely best friend Harrykins can tell us! Oh, and Harry, no hard feelings about cheerleading!"

"Er, It's ok, Professor," Harry said, while Hermione made sick noises in the back row, "But I'm afraid I can't answer the question either, because you haven't told us yet"

"Terribly sorry, everyone," he squealed, "how could I have forgotten? Oh, and Harry, detention for pointing that out!"

And, with that, he proceeded to explain to the class exactly what was needed for the love potion. Draco listened intently, plotting his amazingly brilliant, er, plot.

That evening, after ballet practice, Draco sat in the Slytherin common room, making a love potion. His plan was to make Hermione fall in love with him. He quickly made the main brew. All that remained now was something of Hermione's and something of his. He pulled one hair out of his head, and dropped it into the bubbling cauldron. Then he took a cheerleading outfit out of his bag. He had stolen it from the changing room while the squad were practising. It was Hermione's exact size, so it had to be hers. He dropped it in and watched the mixture fizz. Then he poured the potion into a goblet and drank the lot, laughing in a very evil manner. Then he choked. Never laugh while drinking.

The next day, Draco sat at the Slytherin dining table, waiting for Hermione to come over and declare her love. But she was sitting at the Gryffindor table, as always, laughing and gossiping. Draco turned around to eat, and felt a figure approach him. A pair of arms slid around his shoulders. He turned around smirking (or as much of a smirk as a ballet-dancing Draco can smirk, anyway), and said,

"Hello, my darling"

"Oh, Draco, honey," a voice replied, giggling. Draco turned around to face Hermione, and instead came face to face with Uncle Voldie.

What the , he thought, why... oh no!

The reality sank in. It was Voldemort's uniform he had put into the cauldron (as if you hadn't figured that one out, readers).

Meanwhile, we find Harry in Snape's office, getting on with his detention.

"Harry, I really only gave you detention to talk to you. How's it going, old chum?"

"Er, fine, I guess," Harry replied, uneasily.

"Anyway, your task is to clear up the mess those lovely cheerleaders made at the back there. They refused to do it, and I knew you wouldn't mind."

"Well actually..."

"You don't mind, do you Harry?" Snape said, his eyes filling with tears.

"No, no, of course not"

And so, Harry gets on with detention. He mops, picks up gum wrappers and clears up magazine pages. Halfway through, Snape interrupts him.

"Harry, there's something I have to tell you"

"Er, ok, what?"

"Well, Harry, I,"

"Oh, just one kiss, Drakie-pie," came the squealing voice of Uncle Voldie.

"No!"

"Please!"

"No!"

"But..."

"NO!"

Uncle Voldie was just about to speak, when who should come down the hall but Hermione. Draco sighed, partly with relief, and partly because Hermione had a look of utter devotion on her face.

"There you are!" she exclaimed

Draco was just about to reply, when Hermione continued to speak.

"I've been looking for you everywhere Voldie, sweetie!"

Draco looked gobsmacked.