Hogwarts Gone Mad

Hogwarts gone mad

"Rah, rah, rah!" Hermione yelled, bouncing up and down, "okay, girls, take five," she called to her fellow cheerleaders.

Ginny, Parvati, Lavender and Pansy all slumped to the floor.

"Hey, 'Mione, great cheer," Ginny said breathlessly

"I know, that's what I'm head cheerleader for, duh," Hermione replied

Just then, Harry and Ron walked into the room.

"Dweeb alert, dweeb alert" Hermione said bitchingly

"Hey guys, whatcha doin'?" Harry asked with a snort, pulling up his trousers so they were inches above his ankles

"Cheerleading. Now, if you don't mind, piss off," said Parvati

"OK. I was just going to the toilet anyway," said Ron

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Later, in the otherwise empty Slytherin common room, Draco was leaping around in tights and a leotard, trying to do ballet.

"Leap, and land, and leap, and land, and first position," he muttered to himself as he went.

When he had done this for about half an hour, he sat down to write in his diary.

Dear diary

Today, I continued to practise my ballet. I know it goes against daddy's wishes (he hates me calling him that), but I like it. Maybe It'll help me get Hermione Granger. Girls like a man with a soft, feminine side.

Love

Drakie

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Hermione and her gang of giggling friends were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, telling everyone who past to shove off, and gossiping.

"So, what's it like?" Lavender asked Ginny, who was talking about her 'first time'

"Well, it depends on if the guy knows what they're doing or not" she replied

"You still haven't told us who it was" Hermione reminded her

"You've got to guess"

"Harry?"

"As if. He's a total dork"

"Seamus? Dean?"

"No and no"

"Oh, I know," chimed in Parvati "Neville!"

"Yep. You got it"

"Oh my god, you lucky thing!" exclaimed Hermione

(A/N: Neville is a sex god, for all of you that couldn't figure it out)

"Wish it was me," sighed Parvati

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Harry and Ron were sitting in the library, studying, when Dobby the house elf came running up.

"Harry Potter must get out of here!" he cried

"Why?" asked Harry

"The Dark lord is after Harry!"

"What does he want now?"

"Tea and sandwiches, and a chat!" said Dobby, as if it were the most scary thing imaginable

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh," screamed Harry, "he's after me again!"

"Harry Potter must hide." said Dobby

And he did. (Harry, I mean, not Dobby)

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Later, just as Dobby said, Voldemort drifted through the castle, carrying a tray.

"Harry, darling, come and have tea with uncle Voldie!" he called

He continued to look, until he came across Malfoy, who was still in his leotard.

"Ah, Draco, how nice to see you!" he cooed "Still practicing ballet?"

"Yes, Voldemort," Draco replied

"Please, call me Uncle Voldie. Voldemort makes me sound old, and evil"

"OK"

"Oh, and have you seen Harry anywhere? I want to have tea with him"

"Try the Gryffindor common room"

"OK, thanks"

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To be continued