Careful Where You Stand: The Light

Two

Living Twice at Once

The potion fizzled and popped as it swirled around in the goblet. It turned several shades of blue before finally settling to the consistency and color of seltzer water. Severus stared at it for a moment, deliberating over its purpose. He could not remember the last time he needed to use any sort of remedy to calm his stomach and at the thought that he might be losing his nerve, berated himself for considering the use of it.

His stomach gave a painful lurch, and his bowels grumbled threateningly. At any moment he would find himself in desperate need of a toilet, and he did not think that he could bear to see the confused and curious expressions on the students and staffs' faces as he ran past them in the corridors for the third time since dinner. Yet this all felt rather absurd. Severus Snape--Potions Master, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher...Death Eater--there was nothing he had not witnessed or experienced to date that had put his stomach in such dire straits. Perhaps it was not even his nerves; maybe he had just eaten something at dinner...or lunch...or breakfast. Yes, he remembered feeling this way earlier in the morning. Surely it was a bad kipper or an over cooked egg. Severus Snape was not a coward; would a coward make an unbreakable vow? He had been readying himself for this day for months. Of course, even he had to admit that, at first, he did not like this idea--this plan--and most certainly did not want to be the one to carry it out. But what choice did he have? The responsibility was given to him and he could not go back on his word.

And that is precisely why, Severus thought, it isn't bothering me...not at all.

His stomach shook again.

Severus sighed with annoyance rather than pain and quickly lifted the goblet to his lips. He drained it at once and forced his mouth shut, as it tasted vinegary and its fumes were making his eyes water. He swallowed with difficulty; the potion burned and bubbled as it slid down his throat. Now Severus wondered what was worse; this, the unyielding cramping, or admitting that, yes, perhaps he was a tad bit anxious.

He replaced the goblet back on his desk, feeling bitter and unusually tired. The next moment, Severus felt as tough someone had stunned him repeatedly and all he wanted to do was to sleep. He moved toward the cot in the corner of his office, knowing that the effects of the potion would take some time to work; he was not going to fight the urge to lie down. Getting on the cot, however, proved to be much more difficult than usual, as this sudden fatigue seemed to be blurring his vision and relieving him the use of his muscles. When he finally got comfortable, he stared up at the ceiling and let the past several months wash over him. The planning...The teaching...The spying...The following--and everything in between-- it had all certainly taken their toll on him. He often found himself wishing time would go faster, just so that he could get it over with. Yet now it was difficult to believe that tonight was the night, and even though he had gone over the plan a dozen times in his mind, Severus could not will away the feeling that everything was going to go horribly wrong. He looked around the room in an almost ceremonial way, knowing that in a very short amount of time that he would be leaving Hogwarts forever.

Severus forced his eyes closed and let his body relax against the feeble support of the cot. He reminded himself that the only thing that mattered was what had to be done. It did not matter how Severus felt or where he went from this night on. He was to become a servant to the cause, and despite his nerves--and his cramping stomach--he felt secure in knowing that by the time it was over, no one would ever again question his true loyalties...

...Severus was being pulled down through the stone floors of the castle. Only, there were no more floors, and no more castle. The cot was gone too, leaving Severus feeling as though he were falling through water.

"Severus..." someone said; their voice was echoing as though they were inside a cave. "Severus Snape..."

"Hmph?" he mumbled.

No one responded, but Severus did not really care. He was rather content with where he was. His stomach had suddenly stopped cramping and his worries were fading away...

...The sound of crying--her crying--came as a thunderous surprise. Severus's eyes snapped open and he sat up, ripping the bed sheets from his legs. He stumbled to get to his feet and tripped, landing hard on one knee. At first he thought the noises were coming from somewhere in the castle. Someone else was crying--someone who coincidentally shared the same throaty tones and faint whimpering--someone who, he assured himself, was definitely not Diana Cox. Diana was dead and in the very least case nowhere near Hogwarts. Even if Bellatrix had not left her, paralyzed and defenseless, even if Diana had somehow miraculously survived the cruel enchantments of the forest nearly fifteen years ago, she would still not have come to the castle.

Severus looked at the clock on his desk, noting that he had not been asleep for very long--maybe ten minutes at the most. He could not explain why he had started to dream of Diana crying, or why he could still hear it, echoing in the distance. He was not used to dreaming at all and the thought of Diana, creeping into the forefront of his mind at will, was more than unnerving. The last thing Severus wanted was to have to take another Stomach Taming potion.

Of course, now that Diana had found her way into his thoughts, Severus was having an unusually difficult time shutting his mind down. Memories began to swim through his mind at an uncontrollable rate. No matter how he tried, he could not keep the images from coming. He saw Diana at the age of fifteen dressed in her school robes, walking with a group of other Ravenclaw girls from the library, while he looked on from behind a large stone pillar. He saw her next walking by the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, while at the same time watching himself up end his bowl of porridge all down the front of his robes. He could almost hear the laughter of the other students and the unmistakable taunting coming from the Gryffindor table. And now was he feeling sorry for himself? It was almost as if he were seeing the same memory twice at once, as if it were from another prospective as well as his.

The images continued to move through time, like a catalogue of files, whizzing by his mind's eye; it was one of the most emotionally painful moments Severus had experienced in a long time. His emotions began to strangle him, as the sounds of Diana crying began again, ringing through his ears like a train whistle.

He climbed onto the cot in agony and feeling even drowsier than before. He fell onto his back; the sounds were excruciating to listen to as he continued to fight the images away, losing miserably. He wanted to stop--wanted to runaway--but something was pulling him down. He was falling again, though this time it was anything but peaceful. The air around him turned to water once more and a thunderous noise moved through the ripples as he descended into an abyss. The noise, he soon realized was the amplification and echoing sound of the crying, and he knew that as it grew steadily louder that he must be moving toward its source...

...Now it sounded as if the person crying was sitting right beside him. His eyes were closed, crunched together tightly, as his blood began to boil and his heart pounded against his ribs. He could no longer withstand it. He sat up, once again tearing the bed sheets from his legs and stumbled down to his knee.

"STOP!" he shouted.

He slammed his hands against his ears, incensed that someone had obviously found it so amusing to torture him this way. He opened his eyes, expecting to see a student at his office doorway or hiding beside a cupboard. However, as his eyes traveled around his surroundings he found that he was no longer in his office. He was not even at Hogwarts, nor anywhere near the grounds. He knew immediately where he was, but could not imagine how he had gotten there. It seemed that Severus had somehow brought himself back to the forest--to his quarters--a shabby looking canvas tent, which sat in a queue of other tents of varying shapes and sizes, along the edge of a large clearing.

It had not been planned for the Dark Lord to send for the Death Eaters tonight; they were all stationed elsewhere, waiting for Draco's cue. And it was a common known fact that no one could Apparate to or from Hogwarts; there were enchantments surrounding the castle to prevent it.

There was only one plausible explanation for Severus's impromptu arrival--he had to be dreaming.

It certainly felt like a dream, or at least what he imagined what one would feel like, as Severus once again had the sensation that he experiencing two things at once. It was as though he were caught in the middle of being asleep and being fully consciousness. The pain in Severus's knee did not feel real. It was almost as if he were merely remembering an injury from the past.

Severus looked around the tent, noting how blurry everything looked, but stopped as his eyes caught sight of someone sitting across from him. He felt a strangled sense of joy spread throughout his body upon recognizing their face.

"Diana," he said angrily, startling himself.

He had not meant to say it so harshly, but he did not seem to have any control over what he said. It was as if his words were floating from his mouth by means of their own.

Diana wiped her eyes with the corner of her nightgown and stood up from the chair. She looked younger than he ever remembered her being as she sat in a chair beside the cot, her dark tear stained features looked exquisite silhouetted against the flicker of candlelight. Severus felt his eyes go wide at the sight of her dressed so alluringly, while at the same time it felt perfectly normal to see her this way.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "If anyone saw you come into my tent dressed like that I--"

He stopped as she swung her arms around his neck. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she kissed him.

The pain of receiving something that he so desperately missed was doubled as he involuntarily kissed her back.

"No one saw," she whispered, taking his hands into hers.

Severus could not bring himself to speak. If he had known dreams could feel this real, he would have allowed himself to have them more often.

"Do you remember this night?" Diana asked quietly.

Severus looked at her, noticing that she had rather suddenly stopped crying.

"What?" he asked.

His mind was still on that kiss.

"Just keep remembering," she said and began to kiss him again, gently pushing him back down onto the cot.

Severus could once again feel hot tears fall from her eyes down to his face.

"Diana, I don't want to do this if you're upset," he said unable to stop himself.

"I want to," she said. "It's important."

"Important?"

"Yes, please..."

And then she started kissing him again.

'It's important'. It was such an odd thing to say, and yet...it seemed familiar. But Severus did not have time to mull it over. It was less than a minute later that Severus discovered that the tent was filling with water and beginning to whirlpool around them...only Diana was no longer there.

"Diana!" Severus yelled.

He attempted to sit up, but was quickly submerged in a towering wall of swirling water.

It was over before it started. Before he could gasp for air or even close his eyes, Severus felt himself being dropped from midair.

He had landed on the cot, this time facing the wall of the tent. He sat up, looked around feverishly, and was somehow unsurprised to find Diana sitting in the chair again, crying. He could not help but feel annoyed with her, while at the same time relieved.

"Is this going to be a monthly occurrence, Diana?" he asked bitingly, getting to his feet. "I wake up in the middle of the night to find you here, crying."

Diana looked at him, but made no move to get up.

"I'm so sorry, Severus," she said. "I just want things to go back to the way it was before."

"Don't expect me to be sympathetic," he said.

He could not stop himself from being angry while at the same time wondering what was happening. Why was he not going to be sympathetic? And why did it suddenly feel as though he were trapped in a massive déjà vu?

"I don't expect you to be sympathetic. I know how much this hurts you," Diana said.

"No you don't. If you did, you would have kept your legs closed," he said and immediately cringed.

How could I have said something like that? he thought, and why does it sound so familiar?

Diana got to her feet quickly and Severus braced himself for the slap he knew that he deserved.

"But you did say that to me," she said, making no move to raise her hand at all. "You were angry. How could you not be? You got caught up in the middle of so much chaos and I'll never forgive myself for letting it happen."

Severus's eyes widened and it took him a moment to find his tongue; it seemed his words were no longer going to do the talking on their own. In fact, Severus was feeling less confused and more centered in one reality, no longer straddling two separate consciousnesses. His surroundings were more tangible and Diana looked so clear that for a moment, Severus considered the idea that she was real.

"I..." he began. "I don't understand."

"No, I didn't think you would," Diana said smiling. "You never cared much for my interests in Divination."

"Divination?"

"I believe your exact words were, 'what a load of bullocks'," she laughed.

Severus had never felt more confused in all his life.

"Diana, what is going on here?" he asked. "One moment I feel lucid and in control, like now, I feel like this is all really happening. Then the next thing I know, I'm shouting things at you...things I never wanted to say out loud."

"But you did," her smile fell and her voice sounded desperate.

She reached down and took hold of both his hands.

"You did say it. Please try and remember."

"Remember?" Severus asked.

"Yes. It's why I brought you here," she said softly.

"You brought me here?" he asked. "How?"

"I don't have time to explain. I was only allowed half an hour to do this."

"Allowed to do what? Diana, this doesn't make any sense!" he said.

"Severus, for once don't analyze it or try to understand. Just try and remember what happened next. I can't do this all by myself."

Severus wanted desperately to argue, wanted to point out that he could not possibly help unless he knew what was going on, but then something stopped him. His single mind was disappearing, and his anger was returning unusually fast. Diana smiled.

"I showed up in your tent and woke you up. It was the first time we'd spoken to one another in over a month. Do you remember?"

Severus stared at her blankly. Of course he remembered; these moments were permanently embedded into his mind and he was feeling a little foolish for having not realized it before now.

"Yes, and the first thing you showed me...before the water came?"

"It was our last night together," Diana said.

Severus felt his face grow hot as the full memory came flooding back to him.

"May I ask why you're showing me all this?" he asked.

Diana's smile faltered slightly.

"Not yet. Just keep going," she said moving back toward the chair.

Severus felt himself drift back into a split perception the moment she sat back down, and as he looked around the tent once more, he finally understood what was going on. It was no longer important to understand where he was; it was to remember when he was. He wondered then if it was possible to time travel and dream at the same time. At any rate, he felt severally uneasy, yet determined to stay with Diana as long as possible.

He looked at her as she began to cry again, suddenly remembering that she had stayed in that chair throughout the entirety of this argument.

"You wouldn't be so pompous if you just tried to understand!" Diana yelled suddenly.

Severus's response was out of his mouth before he could even formulate another thought.

"Understand what exactly?" he demanded. "Do you honestly expect me to grasp how its possible for me to listen to you claim that you love me, while at the same time know that you are the mother of another man's child? You can't even come around me without crying, so I find it rather futile to even wish things back to the way they were. Eventually you'll stop seeing me all together, just like when you..."

His voice trailed off; he felt so suddenly enraged that he was not sure he would be able to speak or think coherently again.

"So," he said maliciously, "the rumors are true. I thought perhaps Bellatrix was merely trying to get a rise out of me, but no. The Dark Lord wants another heir. Apparently one just isn't enough."

"Severus..."

"I should have known that there was only one reason that you would come to my tent in the middle of the night like this!" he yelled. "You just feel guilty!"

Severus wished the memory would end. This had been one of the worst nights of his life and he was taking no pleasure in living it for the second time; once was plenty.

"How could you?" he asked quieting his voice.

Diana covered her mouth with her hand as she began to sob.

"I don't have the power to stop it! If I did..."

"You do!" Severus could feel his body shaking with fury now.

And then one part of him felt suddenly terrified while one part felt his heart drop into the bowels of his stomach at the realization of what was to come next.

"No," he muttered. "Don't make me see anymore. Not this."

Diana did not move; she was clearly waiting for what came next, and Severus knew he was powerless to stop it.

"I--I can't deal with this any more tonight," he said unable to keep the words from spilling out. "I've got to leave."

"Leave?" Diana asked. "You can't leave."

Her eyes were illuminated by the candlelight and they poured into his, begging him to stay.

Severus hated remembering this more than anything.

"I can't," he heard himself say. "I've got orders."

Diana looked away and Severus stared at her, mustering all the courage he possibly could to suggest the thing he had been longing to for almost a year.

"You could come with me."

She looked at him again.

"We'd just run away and never come back. There are plenty of places we could hide," he said.

It must have sounded absurd. He was acting just as ridiculous as she was, one minute calling her filthy and cruel names, the next asking her to run away with him. But Severus clearly remembered feeling as though he were being driven to do it by a force much stronger than his pain and stubbornness. Perhaps Dumbledore was right: perhaps love always--somehow--found a way.

Diana began to cry again.

"Oh, Severus!" she wailed. "You know I can't! The Dark Lord won't allow me to be alone with Archard and I can't leave him behind!"

Severus's blood boiled at the mention of the heir's name. It was forbidden for the Death Eaters to address the boy as anything but 'the heir'. No on really knew why, nor did they question it.

"He will never truly be your son, you know that don't you?" Severus asked. "He's already turned into the perfect image of his father."

"I won't go," Diana said tersely. "He is my son and I will not abandon him."

It was then that Severus realized that a line had been drawn between them, never to be erased or crossed again. If their time together had been complicated before, it would only become impossible from here on out.

There had never been a tougher pill to swallow.

"Perhaps you don't see fit in leaving your son behind," Severus said slowly, "because you're secretly enjoying the attention from the Dark Lord."

He hated himself for even thinking this and knew by her expression that he had genuinely hurt her.

She stared at him for an eternity before speaking again.

"Where do you come off by making such an accusation? Do you think it's easy for me? Do you think I enjoy the thought of someone other than you being the father of my children?" she asked bitingly.

"It's hard to know the difference. I--"

He stopped. Children?

He knew then without having to ask that Diana was pregnant again, but more importantly he realized why she had brought him back to this moment.

"So," he said unable to meet her gaze. "I suppose congratulations are in order."

Diana held her face up to her hands and to no surprise, continued to cry.

Severus now felt consumed with not only rage, but with jealousy. Why was the Dark Lord allowed to take such license with something that should have been Severus's alone to claim?

"No. It is I who is sorriest," he said as he turned away, moving toward the entrance of his tent. "I'm sorry that I ever believed that you would come back to me."

"Wait!" Diana cried, but Severus did not respond.

Severus remembered Disapparating seconds later, at that time feeling so angry that he did not care if he ever saw Diana or came back to the forest again.

He slowly turned to face her, finding that she was now standing only a foot away from him.

"I've never been more ashamed of myself," he said quietly.

"I was hoping you would say that," Diana said.

"Wonderful," he said sarcastically. "This must be hell then, where I will be forced to relive this moment for all eternity."

Diana smiled kindly and slid her hand up to his face, kissing the end of his hooked nose.

"Patience, Severus. Try it for once..."

He opened his mouth to retort, but became immediately distracted by his sopping wet feet. Water was beginning to fill the space around them again and as it began to swirl up into another whirlpool, Diana moved away from Severus.

"Just one more," she said. "One last memory."

And with that she stepped into the wall of water and vanished. A second later the wall fell down around Severus, but he was ready for it this time. He closed his eyes, held his breath and waited.

The first thing Severus saw when he opened his eyes was fog. He looked around, catching sight of a few other tents and realized that he was standing in the forest, just along the edge of a large clearing. All the tents stood darkened and ominous looking...all except one. Severus's tent was illuminated from within, and he could see someone moving around inside of it. He remembered knowing in an instant that it was Diana. The others were still off, celebrating at some filthy pub in Knockturn Alley, waiting for the moment the Dark Lord returned from Godric's Hollow with the good news. The Dark Lord would then want to move onto the second phase of his plan, to take over the Ministry of Magic, and he would need his servants close by. How much use they would all be to him drunk did not matter anymore. Severus knew better.

The news had not reached many people yet. The only ones who knew that the Dark Lord had just fallen to a one-year-old boy were Dumbledore and Severus. Soon the Order of the Phoenix would know, as would the Death Eaters. This process would take some time, allowing Severus to make one last attempt to convince Diana to leave. They had not spoken much since the night he discovered that she was pregnant again, and he was fairly sure that she hated him for leaving. But Severus did not care. He knew that she was in danger, and not only from the Death Eaters, or the inevitable collapse of the forest, but from the Ministry as well.

Severus had no doubt in his mind that those Death Eaters who were captured would sell Diana out in hopes of getting out of jail time; and if anyone was never a true servant to the Dark Lord, it was Diana. Severus could not let it happen, though he dually noted that such an action was extremely out of character.

Severus stared at the tent, partially wondering why he was not going inside the tent, while also listening to the voice inside of him, which said, 'pay particular attention to the group of trees directly behind your tent'.

It happened just as the voice left him. A shadow of a woman and a small boy appeared with a faint popping noise along side a tent, two rows away from Severus's. Severus recognized them immediately as Bellatrix and the heir. He watched as Bellatrix pulled her wand out from inside her cloak and started for Severus's tent with the boy close beside her. Severus had no recall of this whatsoever and due to curiosity alone moved after them quickly. A second later the clearing was filled with another popping noise and both Severus and Bellatrix turned simultaneously to see who had arrived. Severus gaped as he watched himself materialize right before his own eyes. He saw Bellatrix and the heir quickly jump behind the group of trees that the voice had mentioned, while the memory version of himself ran to the tent.

He blinked and was startled to find that he was now inside his tent.

The two perspectives had joined together.

Diana was moving around frantically, tossing clothes and books into her old Hogwarts trunk, which sat at the foot of Severus's cot. She walked to his old rickety writing desk, which was littered with nearly a dozen tiny glass jars, several scattered rolls of parchment and a large, dragon-skin bound book. She was slightly inhibited by her pregnant belly, but she seemed determined to get everything inside the trunk as quickly as possible.

"Diana," he said hurriedly, trying to grab her attention.

She spun around, nearly dropping the bundle in her arms.

"Severus!" she cried. "You're supposed to be with the others. What are you doing here?"

"I came back," he said moving toward her, taking the bundle from her arms and letting it drop into the trunk. "I came back for you."

He remembered that it had taken everything for him to say it.

She looked at him closely for what seemed like an eternity and then moved back toward the desk.

"Doing something out of guilt doesn't make you noble," she said. "It just makes you guilty."

"I'm not doing this because I feel guilty!" Severus said defensively.

The last thing he wanted to do was to argue, especially about what had taken place during their previous encounter.

She stopped and looked at him for a brief, scrutinizing moment.

"All right, but that's not the only reason I'm doing it," he said. "You're in danger and I want you to come with me. It's all over."

"It is far from over, Severus," Diana said, dumping the last of her things into the trunk and closing it with her wand.

Severus watched as she shrunk it down and put it into her cloak pocket.

"The news will begin to spread soon, and it won't be long until the forest begins to turn on us. You are right about my being in danger, but I think its safe to say that we all are now that the Dark Lord is gone," Diana said.

Severus stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"How did you--?"

She gave him a wiry smile.

"Perhaps you'll change your opinion now about my interests in Divination."

Severus could not find any words to say. It was impossible. Divination was bullocks; it was all just smoke and mirrors, one big illusion.

Wasn't it?

There was a noise outside that caused them both to jump. Severus pulled out his wand and quickly extinguished the candles, a reflex based purely on habit. He felt an itch of realization that Bellatrix and the heir were still out there, but it came and went too quickly for him to act upon. Besides, he reminded himself, you're only witnessing these moments. You can't change them.

Diana's eyes went to the entrance of the tent and Severus could have sworn that he could see her pupils sliding in and out of focus as if she were lost in thought.

"I'm right, aren't I?" she asked quietly.

"About what?"

"The Potters are dead and the Dark Lord has fallen."

Severus sighed heavily as a new wave of guilt washed over him.

"Yes, but it seems that their son survived."

Diana closed her eyes and moved toward the desk, cursing under her breath.

"Diana?" Severus asked. "Are you all right?"

She did not look at him or respond.

"You were right about the forest turning on us. I imagine we don't have much time before--" he said, but was suddenly interrupted by Diana's bare foot colliding hard with the side of his desk while yelling,

"You're damn right, I was right!"

She shrieked out painfully and bent over as far as she could in attempt to grab her foot.

"That Bloody hurt."

Severus moved toward her and helped her sit down on the chair.

"Diana, I don't think you should be doing that in your...er...condition."

She looked up at him as tears glazed over her eyes.

"It isn't fair, what's happened to you and I. And I can't believe one lousy piece of jewelry is responsible for it all!"

Severus looked at her perplexed.

"What piece of jewelry?"

She reached into the pocket of her cloak and pulled out a silver necklace with a clunky, tiger-eye pendant dangling from it. Severus recognized it immediately though took a moment to examine it carefully. He had quite a bit of experience when it came to enchanted pendants and amulets. He always assumed she wore it for ascetic purposes, not as a talisman, and could see nothing particularly special about it.

"This? You wear it all the time, you have been since..."

"Since my mother gave it to me, right before she was killed. She said it would protect me and I believed her. It's why I didn't leave the first time you asked me Severus. I just believed this damn thing would eventually do whatever it was that it was supposed to do. But when the Dark Lord said he wanted another heir, I knew that I had to be missing something. And I was. But I didn't discover the truth until it was too late."

"What truth?" Severus asked unable to feel as though she weren't really talking to him.

"The truth of what my sister and my mother had been keeping from me. I found it all among my mother's things. Old journals she kept and books that I had never even heard of. The point is, I discovered the truth of what my mother thought this necklace would do to protect me!" Diana said excitedly.

She got to her feet again and quickly grabbed onto his arm, letting the pendant drop to the floor.

"You've got to believe I didn't know, that I had no idea what was really going on or the real reasons why I had been chosen by the Dark Lord! Not until after it was too late!"

Severus listened with keen interest, having always been curious about that as well.

"It's important that you know this Severus," she said reaching up and kissing him. "You've got to believe that I didn't do any of this on purpose," she said.

"I...I do," he said taken aback by the kiss.

"If I had known any of this, I would have run away with you a long time ago."

Severus looked at her as his mind began to race. There was only one thing he could think to do.

"Let's go then," he said. "You can come back with me. No one will know where you are."

"I've told you a thousand times Severus, I can't go. Not without Archard."

"Well then we'll take him too!" Severus said before he could stop himself. "It will be easier to get to him away now."

Diana glanced quickly at the entrance of the tent then back at him, looking extremely anxious.

"Where would we go?" she asked, "The Dark Lord won't be gone forever."

Severus felt his heart leap into his throat.

"I don't know," he said quickly. "You could go to Hogwarts. I'm sure that Dumbledore would allow you refuge."

"You want me to raise my children in a castle that will someday be filled with Death Eater's children?" she asked.

"No. Hogwarts would be temporary, while I figure something else out."

"Oh Severus," she said quietly.

Severus could feel himself deflating.

"You are a good man. Please remember that," she said kissing him again. "You know, I wrote you a letter. I was going to send it with an owl once I left the forest."

She reached down into her pocket once more and pulled out a perfectly square, folded piece of parchment. She slid it into his hand and looked up at him again.

"You can read it any time, but seeing as you're here, I don't think it's right to wait any longer to tell you what I should have told you nine months ago," she said.

Severus waited, knowing what was about to come next and he began to wonder what life would have been like if the Dark Lord had not fallen. Would she ever have told him?

She gave one last careful glance outside then smiled gently, sliding her hand over her stomach.

"She's yours Severus. The baby--this baby--she belongs to you."

The shocked part of Severus felt faint.

"Wh--what?"

"Stupefy!"

"Finite Incantatem! Severus go!"

Severus pulled himself together and spun around. Bellatrix stood at the entrance of the tent with her wand aimed directly at Diana and a terrifying expression on her face. She tried to jinx Diana again, but this time Severus was ready for her. He stunned her wordlessly, knocking her cold to the floor. Diana looked back toward the entrance and quickly lifted her wand.

"Imperio!"

Severus turned as well, shocked to find that the heir standing there with a glazed look across his tiny face. He looked at Diana in disbelief. He had never known her to use any of the Unforgivable Curses before.

"It won't last long. I know he's learned how to throw it off, but I think it will give me enough time to get him out of here," she said stowing her wand back inside of her cloak.

"Let's go then," Severus said. "I'll take you back to Hogwarts."

"No, we don't have time. You won't be able to Apparate he and I, along with the baby, back with you. And you've got to go before the other Death Eaters start to hear what's happened and come back here!" she said.

"Diana, I don't want to leave you."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him as best she could, kissing him passionately.

"I'll be fine, we all will. This is what's supposed to happen, it's the safest for everyone. I know my way out of the forest and I promise I'll find you when it's safe. We'll be together again soon," she said, then moved quickly to the heir, taking hold of his hand. "Come on darling. We've got to hurry."

"No, I don't want to," the boy said, but turned to follow her out anyway.

"I've got to hurry. It won't last much longer."

"Diana wait!" Severus shouted, but she had already gone.

He stood there desperate to fight the emotion and the shock of what had just taken place. He was a father and Diana was gone. The ground began to shake and the weak structure of his tent wobbled threateningly. Soon there would be no more forest either. Everything that Severus had ever been certain of would vanish from his life permanently within the next hour.

Severus felt the shaking stop and knew that this part of the memory was not accurate. He remembered that the tents began to collapse one by one and disappear as if they had never been standing there at all, leaving everyone's possessions strewn across the ground. When that did not happen, he began to look around, noticing that Bellatrix was gone and everything looked slightly different, sort of how his tent looked now in the present.

"Severus."

He looked quickly back to the entrance and saw Diana poking her head inside as if asking for permission to enter. She came in before he said anything and walked right up to him. She looked older now, perhaps how she might have looked if she had really been there with him now. He knew at once that there were no memories between them to see, that he was at last settled back into his own perception.

"I was seeing it from your perspective as well, wasn't I?" he asked.

Diana nodded and slid her hand up to his cheek, gazing at him lovingly.

"I was hoping you would catch on. I couldn't show it to you from my point of view completely though, you would have gotten confused," she said.

"You mean more confused than I already was," he said dryly. "I find that incredibly hard to believe."

She smiled and they looked at one another, falling into an awkward silence.

"You didn't find me," Severus said after a moment.

"I know," she said quietly. "Things didn't turn out the way I expected. As I'm sure you've heard, Bellatrix caught up with me."

"Yes she boasts about it every chance she gets."

"She knows about the baby. She knows what I told you," Diana said. "I Saw her arrive in the clearing with Archard a moment or two before I Saw you come that night. I wanted you to see that she was hiding behind the tree and that she heard every word we said."

"Is that why you brought me here?" Severus asked. "To tell me that Bellatrix knows about my dead daughter?"

"No. I've brought you here to show you how we have both been forced to make choices. And perhaps they were choices that we didn't quite understand or ones that hurt us, but the point is that we had to make them. I've come to tell you that I know what you're planning to do tonight."

Severus looked at her taken aback.

"How did you--?"

"I don't have time to explain how I know or why. You just have to trust me. In a moment's time you will be awake, back at Hogwarts and given a choice. Don't do it. Please. Disobey your orders and run away as you planned to do so long ago," she said. "I fear everything will go even more wrong than it already has."

"Diana what does any of this have to do with what you've showed me?"

"Everything!" she said. "When you joined the Death Eaters did you ever once consider what you were getting into before you made the choice to do it? You're not a killer Severus. I know you didn't kill Regulus, and I know that deep down beneath your tortured soul that you are a good man. When you discovered I was pregnant again you ran away from me, and the night the Dark Lord fell I left you! We made choices!"

"Horrible ones!" Severus said. "I regret the fact that I left every single day of my life."

"That's it!" Diana cried happily. "That's what I wanted you to see! You can't change it; you can't go back and fix it. You have to live with the consequences of your actions, just like I do. The different tonight is you can make another choice before it's too late. We will never be given the chance to live a moment twice. I've been given the ability to warn you, please don't let it be wasted."

"Diana I--"

"Severus please!" she cried. "Do it for me, for your daughter! Do it for your own safety! Get as far away from Hogwarts and Britain as you can."

"I've got a job to do. I swore my loyalty, Diana. I took an oath," he said sternly feeling the itch of an old familiar argument coming back again. "I can't go back on it."

Tears began to well up in Diana's eyes as she began stroke his cheek gently.

"You've got to wake up now."

"No, wait a minute," Severus said grabbing hold of her hand as if it might anchor him to her.

"Please Severus. Promise me you won't do it."

"Diana--"

Severus blinked as water droplets began to pour from the ceiling, smacking them both in the face. The tent filled with water quickly, but instead of swirling around them, it acted as a large pool. They were helpless to its affects and were both submerged completely in a matter of seconds. Severus felt Diana's hand slip away from his face and his surroundings began to blur. He had the strange sensation that he was floating toward the ceiling, but as he looked up he realized there was no ceiling--there was not longer even a forest. All that surrounded Severus was an ocean of blue-green water. He felt Diana's other hand grasp his tightly as she was pulled in the opposite direction.

"Please Severus!" she yelled. "Please!"

"Diana!" he shouted as her finger tips slid from his palm.

He began to float faster now, upward toward a non-existent surface.

"Severus wake up!" Diana shouted, her voice echoing away. "Wake up!"

Severus looked up as a bright light caught his eye. The water around him began to bubble furiously and a second later he had broken the surface, gasping for air and reaching for the hand he knew was no longer there...

"Severus! Wake up!" a squeaky, panic-stricken voice cried.

"Diana!" Severus gasped, sitting bolt up right, soaked in sweat; his eyes snapped open, wide with fear. He turned quickly, shocked to find Filius Flitwick standing beside him.

"What?" Severus asked as he looked around the room, trying to gather his bearings and assure himself that what had just happened was not real. "What's wrong?"

"Death Eaters!" Filius squeaked. "Death Eaters inside the castle! They've conjured the Dark Mark above the astronomy tower!"

Severus felt his body go rigid.

"In a moment's time you will be awake, back at Hogwarts and given a choice. Don't do it. Please"

"Where are they now?" Severus asked.

"We don't know! They could be anywhere! Oh! Merlin's beard the students! What about the students?" Filius was now hysterical. "Why, of all nights, has Dumbledore chosen to leave the school? What are we going to do?"

"Don't do it."

Severus ignored Diana's voice as it continued to echo through his head. He did not wish to follow these orders, but knew without a doubt that he had no choice; regardless of what her letter said or what memories she had shown him. He could not listen to a dream. He had to do what was asked of him. There was no telling what would happen if he did otherwise.

"Please Severus."

Severus looked at the hysterical charms professor, dancing from one foot to the next, looking as terrified as Severus felt. He reached for his wand and gripped it tightly, hoping against all hope that he would have the strength to pull it off.

"What do we do Severus?" Filius cried. "We can't beat them! Not without Dumbledore--"

Severus pointed his wand at tiny, unsuspecting, Filius and wordlessly Stupefied him. He watched as Filius fell to the floor; it would be easy to say that he had fainted from shock--everyone would believe that. Severus slid his wand back into the pocket of his cloak and moved to the door. Before stepping out, he glanced one last time at his office and whispered a goodbye to the only place he had ever felt at home.

"You were right Diana. We'll never be able to live the same moment twice," he said as he made his way through the castle corridors.

He could hear explosions and shouting, as he got closer to the astronomy tower. His heart began to race and his stomach lurched once more, but he paid no attention to it. He knew that even if he had were given the opportunity to run that he would not take it; he knew that what he was doing what was right. "And for once I am not going to evade my responsibility...no matter the cost."