Omnia Mors Perimit

I haven't been able to imagine the extent of my sister's despair. As a matter of fact, I think I've never seen her in such a state.

"I'm trying to help you, Cissy, so stop sniping at me, okay?"

"If you want to help me, go to Azkaban at once and bring me back my husband," Narcissa says shrilly, a tone that doesn't become her and is very uncharacteristic for her as such. When we were younger, I was convinced sometimes that ice was pumping through her veins instead of blood - she'd never raise her voice, she'd never cry, she'd never show any discernible emotion at all, with very few exceptions, no matter how hard Andy and I tried to provoke her. Looking at her now, I can tell that she has cried though, even if it takes someone knowing her face very well to notice.

"You know I cannot do that. Even without the Dementors, it's a heavy security fortress still!"

"So when will He do it then? Just give me a rough date, I need something to cling to, Bella!"

"I don't know, Cissy! I've told you a dozen times! He'll come for them when the time is right."

Narcissa is silent for some time; she's sipping her Whiskey and stares into the fire. The evening is warm, still the fire is lit; I've already moved away from the heat, but Cissy seems to feel cold nonetheless. She has wrapped herself in a large, black pashmina shawl and drawn her knees up to her chest, her armchair as close to the fire as she may dare, without having her silky robes accidentally catching fire.

"I'm scared, Bella," Narcissa mutters at last, without looking over. This is a whole new tune; I can't remember to have ever heard her acknowledge fear before. But perhaps this is only due to the fact that we haven't seen much of each other in the last thirty years.

"You mustn't be, Cissy! You've got to have faith in our cause. We will be victorious, and you'll get Lucius back."

Now, she does look over, but her expression is so strained, so utterly frightened, that I avert my eyes in return. "Will I really?" Narcissa whispers weakly. "Can you give me your word on that?"

All right, I rather want this to be the truth than really believe it myself. I got a full blast of my master's fury after the Ministry debacle, and I wasn't even the one in charge, and I wasn't overwhelmed by Dumbledore either. Let's see what the kid's up to. I like him somehow, he's a cocky snotty brat and all, yeah, but somehow, he reminds me of Cissy when we were still children. All self-confidence and snootiness on the outside, and on the inside... I don't know. I never quite understood about the inside of my little Cissy. She's repulsively smart, never gave a damn about her marks and was outstanding nonetheless. In fact, she never gave a shit about anything, if I think about it. Draco isn't like this, he does care about many things, as far as I can tell. Cissy couldn't be bothered what other people thought of her, she was content when everyone hated her. Draco wants to be respected, I imagine that is because he's Lucius' son. It must be hard to be Lucius jr., if you'll ask me.

But Cissy isn't as tough as she wants people to believe, and neither is Draco. He's talented, perhaps not as prodigiously clever as his mother and not quite as sly as his father, but there's plenty of talent and intelligence still. I'll make him a great wizard, I can make him as good as Lucius, I'm sure. Or perhaps even the Master himself... I just don't understand why Lucius hasn't taught his own son more. I knew more about the Dark Arts when I was twelve, thirteen, and Draco is almost seventeen already. Cissy isn't bad in the Dark Arts either, but like everything else, she doesn't care much about it. Our father did his bit, but he hadn't got much clue about the subject, and then, Lucius continued with her education. She did habitually well, like she's always accomplished everything that she's started with. But she didn't pursue it, 'twas more like when she learnt to play the harp, you see. Achieve a certain level of mastership and abandon the subject altogether then.

Draco's got more fervour, definitely, and he is trying his best, that's a good start. Give me more some time and I'll sculptor that spoilt schoolboy into a fully-trained Dark Wizard, the worthy descendant of his mighty father. Cissy will be grateful once I'm through with her darling. Even though right now, she looks nothing like happy.

"You must not take Draco away from me as well," she croaks and I sincerely hope that she hasn't started to cry again.

"I'm sorry to say it, Cissy," I reply quietly, and for the first time in twenty years at least, I feel like being tender to my little sweetey, stoop and place a little kiss on the back of her head. I don't have a heart of stone, you know! I understand and pity her. "The Dark Lord doesn't care how you feel about it. As a matter of fact, Lucius is unlikely to - come back - if Draco doesn't prove his loyalty first. The master wants to get a sign of true devotion, you know?"

"What is it, Bella? I know you're in the secret, please -"

"No, Cissy. I cannot tell you. You'll run off to Snape again."

"I promise, I won't! Please, I cannot bear to think that he might - that he might be failing... And then..."

"His plan is good, if it works out, and I see no reason why it shouldn't, the Master himself was quite delighted."

"My baby... My little baby..."

Narcissa has started to tremble, softly first, but it's getting stronger and stronger until she's literally shaking. I whirl my arms around her neck and press her tightly. Not even when we were children, she has ever been that vulnerable as she appears now; it's strangely moving, even for someone like me, who isn't that easily touched, trust me. I missed on how my sister's family has grown older - when I got imprisoned, Draco was roughly two years old, just starting to speak, and little Cissy has been that young, glowing mother, determined to be good at that job.

I somehow assumed that the effect would wear off with Draco getting older, that Narcissa would go back to be the pert, cool person she was in her teenage days. But she hasn't, has she? If anything, her affection for her child seems only to have grown stronger. This is strange for someone like me. I never got round to having children myself; more so, I don't think I'm the type, this way or that. Maybe Rodolphus and I would have had a kid, to have an heir, and because there are so few purebloods left these days. But Azkaban has prevented us, naturally, and now, it isn't exactly too late yet, in terms of my ability to get a child, but much too late when it comes down to being a mother like Cissy.

Yes, I know about Draco's plan, and I'm honest when claiming that it's not unlikely that it'll work. I don't get why it hasn't already... The boy needs to focus, that's his major flaw, he's distraught by every bit of nonsense coming his way. I bet he's screwing that girlfriend of his right now, instead of pursuing his mission. But that can be helped, too. Give him some - motivation. I send him a coded message about his mother's injury, and that I could prevent the worst from happening just so. Cissy cannot correct that - misconception. It's not a lie, technically - blast it, I suck at lying. Anyway, Cissy cannot mention old Reggie's medallion, he was a traitor. Draco will believe that the master has given his mum a second chance, and I'll make sure he's taking on his responsibility. He's very fond of his mummy, I know, I've been in his brain, even if they were having a bit of trouble lately. Still, he'd do everything for her. Maybe I should have got a kid as well then... It's nice to think that there's someone out there who'd lay down his life for you.

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Non dolore... Before the pain, the imagination of pain torments us.