Ad Mortem Festinamus

Narcissa was sitting in the library, brooding over her homework for Muggle Studies, when she suddenly thought she had perceived a faint scrap of music, and automatically, she looked up and around, but it there was nothing to be seen. Of course. She must have been distraught. She returned to read, but there it was again, a little more distinct this time. She gazed around, but couldn't locate the origin, so she assumed that some student must have turned on their music box really loud. That would have been a sufficient explanation, but in that moment, she spotted a book on the shelf right in front of her, which was jiggling. She rubbed her eyes and looked again, but no - this was no fata morgana - that book was jiggling, quite in pace with the music that grew louder and louder, until the book fell off the shelf, just that it didn't fall - it took off gracefully to float in mid-air, opening and - no way - starting to rustle in pace, as if it was dancing. And it wasn't only this one book. More and more books did the same, jiggling, rustling, wiggling - hovering and dancing along to the waltz that rang loudly through the galleries by now.

She didn't believe this, honestly, and her jaw finally dropped when she saw the statue of Barnabas the Barmy come along, tap-dancing, right before her eyes. She peeked around, finding that thousands and ten thousands of books were dancing everywhere now, and somewhere in the distance, Madam Pince was going berserk, trying to chase them, shouting, but incapable to drown out the beautiful song. Barnabas had unravelled two yards of his bronze bandages and did a fancy ballet impression. The ridiculousness of his performance mingled with the utter beauty and elegance of the book ballet; Narcissa pressed a hand to her mouth to keep herself from bursting out with laughter, gazing around to see who had brought this about. She had a couple names in mind, but no one would show up.

She finally found out about it at dinner when Bertram asked with a wide grin, "Did you hear about that library incident, Black?"

"I happened to sit right in the middle, thank you very much," she replied dryly.

"In the middle, uh? Well, you needn't thank me, for sure!"

"Sure thing, Higgs. I wouldn't have suspected you to be so imaginative either."

"Imaginative, you say?" Lucius put on his best grin, too.

"The choreography was elegant and the tap-dancing statue added a refreshing sprinkle of humour. The one responsible must have considerable taste -"

"You think so?" He was beaming, literally.

"- and hardly an ounce of brains to spare."

He licked his bottom lip and scrutinised her with a strange glance. "And why would that be?"

"Because Madam Pince got old McGonagall, and this one's bound to sniff them out, and boy, they'll be in trouble!"

"But what would life be without a bit of trouble, Black?"

"Oh well... Imagine you're a student who's - let's say for the sake of an example - who's about to graduate, and all of a sudden, boom, you're no longer allowed to enter the library, because you've pulled an undeniably admirable stunt in there. Doing the math, it's not worth it."

"I'd say it depends."

"Would you?"

"Oh, I would, yes. Let's say your exemplary student never sets a foot in the library anyway. However, that student does take great delight in seeing gorgeous girls pulling pretty faces with pleasure in a good stunt. For this sort of student it'd be totally worth it."

"See? That's why McGonagall will have such a walk in the park tackling the culprit. There aren't that many graduate students who never go into the library."

"Could be a younger student, too."

"How many Sixth Years or younger attend this school who'd be even capable to perform such a piece of magic?"

"I'd know at least two."

"Oh yes?"

"You for one are a Fifth Year, and little Severus is a Second Year even, but I'm sure he could do it."

"You know I'm rather fond of the kid, but no way he could hover and conduct thirty thousand books to a Waltz at this point. Besides - both he and me have ample respect for books, and libraries, and would never do something like that only to - well, what did you say was the reward?"

He gave her a very intense look. "Seeing an incredibly gorgeous girl look even more stunning because she finds her favourite things in the world do a little dance for her."

His silvery eyes were piercing her, making her feel slightly dizzy, but she wouldn't let it show. "Aha! Favourite things in the world, you say... That narrows the circle of suspects. Now we only need to find that girl who's got a thing for Barnabas the Barmy, and the lad who wants to get off with her. Should be easy enough."

"Yeah, Barnabas gave it a nice touch, didn't he? Gee, I'd say that's a hell of a way to be invited to the big graduation ball!"

"You think that's what it was? A subtle invitation to go out for a dance?"

"You know what Dumby says, the marshes of guesswork..."

"That eloquent phrase must have slipped my lecture, I'm sorry!"

Gibbon started to giggle hysterically. "Do us all a favour and get a room, pu-leeeaase!"

"Don't look at me, buddy, she's the snag to this scheme," Lucius said smartly.

"Snag or snack, Luce?"

"Both unfortunately. Come on, Black, you see the audience's expectations! Let's get through with it. We can go to my place, all my dorm mates will be here for the next half an hour."

Narcissa raised her eyes to the ceiling, exasperated. "Half an hour isn't enough time, Malfoy."

Howls and cheers all around, and Lucius put on his most self-confident face. "Finally! And don't you worry, they'll stay away all night and sleep in the Common Room if I tell them to!"

"I second that," Bertram rejoiced.

Narcissa sneered at him. "Why, that's so sweet of you guys, because I'd like to give your friend some sound curses, and it'd be such a shame if you got back too early to relieve him."

"You think you could take on me, Black?"

"I'm a hundred percent sure that this is far more likely than you taking me, Malfoy."

"Whoo-hoo, Black! Embarked on the train of dirty thoughts at last!" Bertram cackled.

"Get up, Malfoy, and let's give us a try. Whoever's quicker will receive a real treat tonight!"

He watched her closely, hesitating. "You haven't guarded your virginity for so long to gamble it away like this!"

She had got up and gloated. "I'm not gambling, coward. I know I'll take you down in a heartbeat." She marched off and out, wondering if he'd dare to come, and indeed, he had caught up with her by the time she walked down the stairs.

"You're serious, Black?"

"Of course I am serious. I'll hex you like you've never been hexed before."

"Can we just exchange a consonant there?"

She ignored the comment. "And the best is - I cannot lose."

"You cannot?"

"Additional to the fact that I'm better than you, you wouldn't do anything to me anyway, even if you did manage to stun me by shooting me in the back or so."

"Are you crazy? Dear girl, I've wanted to hook up with you for ages. You cannot expect reserve from my side!"

"No, as a matter of fact I can and I do, because one of your most prominent flaws is your vanity. You are far too vain to take advantage of a girl who couldn't defend herself. You want them craving for you."

"But you are craving for me, Black."

She battered with her lashes. "Oh, absolutely. Each and every night - in your dreams!"

"So you're basically telling me that there is absolutely nothing for me to win in this? And for that I've skipped my kidney pie?" They had crossed the Slytherin Common Room and the corridor leading to his room. He took his time to shut the door and put a spell on it, then very slowly turned around, his wand pointing at the floor. "You're sure you want to do this?"

"I most certainly do. Because once I've cursed you, you might kindly abandon your habit of filthy innuendoes in front of your buddies. Since we were speaking of 'worth it'!"

"But I don't want to curse you! You - you're a girl!"

"Allow me to quote good Horatio - pu-leeeaase! One - two - three - Incarcerous!"

She caught him slightly off-guard, so he jumped sideways and ducked behind Graham's bed. "Confundio!"

She blocked the jinx and retaliated cleverly by aiming at a bookshelf over the spot where Lucius was cowering; naturally, Graham stored no books there, so a framed poster of the Hackney Harriers fell down and hit him over the head. He muttered some swear words, crawled around the corner, managed a successful leg-lock curse that sent her to the floor, but he triumphed too early and was squarely hit by her following Stunner. She removed the Leg-Lock, got to her feet and approached him, towering high above him.

"I told you I'd get you, blondie. Have a good time down there, contemplating your mischievous ways... Oh, I got something else to contemplate for you - you remember the exemplary student we were discussing? The one with the crush on the Barnabas aficionado? I think he could have succeeded, if he stopped being a complete prat around the girl. Yes, I believe she would have agreed to accompany him to that ball... Nighty night, Malfoy!"