The Slayer and the Squib

Chapter 5 ~ En Garde!

"Remind me again why I volunteered for this?" Buffy Summers asked her companion as she skittered to a halt when the staircase she'd been about to set foot on detached itself from the landing and swung in a graceful arc to the opposite side of the chasm it had been bridging.

Remus Lupin grinned, which made his eyes sparkle and reminded her very much of Xander at his most mischievous.

"You as good as promised Filius," he said, his smirk broadening if that was possible at all. "It's his life's calling to raise a new generation of duellists at Hogwarts. And things have gone well so far, haven't they?"

That much Buffy had to grant. So far, the three classes of the day had consisted of her perching on the teacher's desk while Lupin had handed out class schedules and given the preparatory lectures. She hadn't been called on anything more than to regale the kids with a few stories of vampire slaying. They had seemed fascinated enough, apart from that Smith guy, who had had the nerve to ask, when she introduced Mr Pointy, whether that stake was to be understood as a symbol as well as a weapon.

"I thought you Brits were supposed to be polite!" she'd complained to Lupin on the way to the Great Hall for lunch, who had just snickered.

When they entered the Great Hall now, it looked like the entire school was milling about there, and then some. Tables and chairs had been moved to the side. They were hovering in mid-air, stacked almost to the ceiling which was showing a cloudless, starry night.

The centre of the room was empty but for a few teachers. Buffy recognised the Gandalf-type figure of Headmaster Dumbledore, who was beaming down at Professor Flitwick. The tiny professor was waving his wand about and seemed to do his best not to dance with excitement. Over his shoulder hovered the bat-like shape of the Potions prof, Snape.

Buffy craned her head and made out Giles and Xander at the front of the student crowd. She threw a wistful look in their direction, but got identical smirks and headshakes in return. Damn! No escape there.

Following Lupin, who was cutting a path through the tightly packed crowd, and ignoring a wolf-whistle from somewhere at the back - you couldn't punch your own students, even if they asked for it, right? - they crawled up to where the headmaster was standing.

When they emerged from the crowd, Dumbledore included them in his all-purpose beam and raised his wand.

"Sonorus!"

A throat-clearing cut through the hall like feedback at a Metallica concert, and the crowd went quiet.

"Now that all interested parties have assembled," Dumbledore announced, "let me welcome you to this revival of the distinguished Hogwarts Duelling Club." He beamed - no surprise there - at the hall.

"Professors Flitwick, Lupin, Snape and Summers have kindly offered to sacrifice some of their sparse free time to enable this project." He nodded at them, and scattered applause filled the hall, interspersed with a few shouts.

"Considering that there are dark times looming ahead, brushing up on our duelling skills seems advisable, and I hope this will be a worthwhile venture and a continuation of some... student initiatives of the previous year."

There was a snort from behind, and as Buffy turned her head, she heard a blond upper-year snort to his neighbour, "How quickly we've come from him training his own private army to 'student initiative'."

The girl next to him shrugged without taking her eyes of the headmaster. "Bloody Gryffs!"

"Now, while I propose that in the future we'll split up into groups for practicality's sake, each of you with one professor," Dumbledore continued, "tonight I think a general demonstration seems to be called for." He paused to enjoy the awed "Aaahs" and "Ooohs" from the crowd, oblivious a stray yell of "Batty old show-off!"

"If Professor Flitwick perhaps would be so good as to choose a sparring partner-"

There was an audible cough, and then a silkily sinister voice insinuated itself when the headmaster stopped to look.

"Perhaps we shouldn't overtax Filius after he's done all the work organising this... venture," Professor Bastard presumed.

Poor Professor Flitwick looked totally stumped, his mouth hanging half-open, which conveniently prevented any protestations. The headmaster lifted an eyebrow and cocked his white head with an expression of mild interest.

"You would be willing to participate in the demonstration yourself, Severus?" Dumbledore inquired.

"Gladly, Headmaster," the bastard purred. Urgh! Buffy thought. He sounds as glib as a post-coital Parker.

"I'd be happy to-" Lupin sighed and took a step forward.

Snape favoured him with a grin that displayed sharp, yellow teeth.

"Oh, thank you, Lupin, but I have to admit I'm quite curious about the expertise of our new Defence Colleague."

His voice rose into a challenging question-like tone at the end, and he favoured Buffy with a look as saturated with derision as his hair was with oil.

Buffy suppressed a shudder at the thought and lifted an eyebrow instead. He dipped into the merest shadow of a bow and did a challenging wand wriggle.

At least Buffy hoped it was challenge, not innuendo. The whole wave-your-stick business was vaguely disconcerting after sitting through Maggie Walsh's lecture course on Freudian Thought at Sunnydale College.

"Now, Severus, you know that-" Remus interjected with another sigh, running his hand through his slowly-greying hair. Buffy sincerely hoped she'd not add to the colour change too much.

"Oh, no, Mr Lu-, Remus," she interrupted quickly and graced the oily bastard with a smile that was all teeth. "We don't want to rob the students of an educational experience, right, Mr Snake?"

"Professor Snape, Miss Summers," Snape hissed in a tone that indicated he was even less amused than Queen Victoria.

Buffy batted her eyelashes at him. "So sorry. I'm just horrible with names."

"And that's the God-to-honest truth," she heard Xander whisper against her neck from behind. There was a muffled "Ouch!" when she delivered a kick to his shin.

"Shall we find out whether you are equally forgetful with hexes, then, Professor Summers?" Snape murmured.

"Whenever you're ready," she grinned, although she didn't feel quite as confident any more as she observed him stalking towards the empty centre space of the hall. Dramatically billowing robes aside, he didn't look like much of a threat, but she'd seen enough of those people's magic tricks to be worried about said hexes. She looked back over her shoulder as she followed. The headmaster looked mildly interested; Remus Lupin looked worried. Giles looked downright frantic. Uh-oh...

Buffy slipped her hand into the pocket of her dress - no, robe - as she took her place opposite Snape on the duelling floor. A vile grin was etched about his narrow lips as he bowed to her.

"You will move into opposite directions, and at the count of ten, turn and cast your magic," explained Flitwick, who had taken the referee's place. Obviously he had noticed that Buffy had not the faintest inkling where this was going. He smiled up at her encouragingly.

Buffy let her fingers wander over the contents of the elbow-deep pocket of her skirt. They clenched around Mr Pointy in fitful desire before she let go with a sigh. Tempting as it was, she couldn't well stake the bastard, even if he looked like Dracula's great-grand uncle. Instead, she closed her hand around the other piece of wood that floated among lipstick, perfume dispenser and mascara tubes in the roomy pocket.

Of course Giles had said that she wouldn't be able to get the wand to spark, but heck, everybody lugged them around, she resolved as she stood back-to-back with the damn scarecrow of a wizard. So she could at least look cool until the time came for drastic measures.

"Ten steps, turn and fire away," Flitwick reminded them, and Buffy took a very deep breath as she stared out at the sea of expectant faces crowding around the duelling corridor.

One, two - just why the heck did I agree to do this? - three, four - Giles is gonna kill me! - five, six - nah, I'm gonna kill Giles! - seven, eight - what the heck am I gonna do? - nine, ten-

She whirled round, wand raised like a conductor intimidating a recalcitrant orchestra.

Ok, wand, do something! she thought at it.

Unsurprisingly, it didn't.

She flipped to the side as a burst of red light rushed at her. It went whistling over her head, and fizzed out at the end of the duelling space.

Buffy jumped up only to get an eyeful of Snape's angry face as he screamed another spell.

"...sortia!"

Buffy gulped as the body of a red-and-black patterned snake was coming at her, whipping the air furiously. She yelped and went into another evasive dive. The snake impacted on the floor with an outraged hiss, twenty feet away. There were squeals and a rush away from the audience closest to it.

Ok, that does it, Buffy snarled inwardly. I won't stand around and be pelted with reptiles!

She hurled the wand, useless thing that it was, at the snake for distraction, and - with a prayer to the goddess of female dignity to keep her from flashing the entire hall in that bloody skirt - went into a series of flip-flops. Aim: one greasy bastard Snape!

The nameless goddess was kind. Instead of rolling along in a tangle of cloth, she came up to her feet just within arm's reach of Snape. He gaped and tried to aim that wand again, but Buffy allowed a cold little smile to settle on her lips. She picked the wand out of his hand in a heartbeat, and delivered an almost gentle - for Slayer standards - kick to his midsection that had him doubling in half like a switchblade snapping shut.

She snapped his wand in half for good measure, and turned to look for the snake, only to see it fizzle out on the floor into so many reddish sparks.

There were shrieks and applause from the students, the majority of whom seemed beside themselves with delight. A gangly redhead in the front row was practically dancing on his toes, held upright only by the efforts of his two companions.

Buffy lifted an eyebrow at the headmaster, who was making his way over. Behind him, Giles had his head buried in his hands - what was wrong now? She had won, right? - while Remus Lupin looked at the fallen Potions professor with a constipated expression on his face. Either the lamb stew from dinner had caught up with him, or he was trying very hard not to laugh.

The headmaster reached down to pull a still-wheezing Snape to his feet. The bastard was even more singularly pale than before, and slightly hunched over. He cradled the remains of his wand and fixed Buffy with a death glare that rivalled Angelus's.

"Now that certainly was a... spirited and... unconventional performance," Dumbledore's voice boomed through the hall, soothingly mild, to calm down the overall ding a little. "Please, Filius, Remus, would you divide the students into groups and hand them their schedules?"

"Unconventional?" Snape hissed as the immediate attention of the students was occupied, acid dripping from every syllable. "A travesty of every codex of magical duelling in existence, you mean?"

"Oops," Buffy murmured, trying for a modicum of contrition, and failing badly. "There are rules?"

Snape did not even look in her direction.

"I will not acquiesce to the destruction of my wand, Albus! It was my grandfather's, it has been in the Snape family for generations, and Ollivander does not even use snake scale cores any longer!"

"I'm sure we can arrange something, Severus," Dumbledore promised and patted the bastard's shoulder encouragingly. "After all, a wand custom-made for you will give you better service than an inherited one, as Ollivander keeps pointing out. The school fund will most certainly take care of the costs, since your wand was evidently lost in the course of duty." Snape looked as if he was about to reach up and strangle the headmaster. "You look exhausted, Severus - would you like someone to accompany you to the hospital wing?"

"I'm perfectly fine, headmaster," Snape snarled before turning on Buffy. "This is not forgotten, Madam Summers!"

He whirled around and stalked towards the exit, the crowd parting before him like the Red Sea. The students were fitfully trying to wipe the grins off their faces as he passed.

The headmaster uttered a small sigh as he watched his departure.

"Elizabeth, I assume you're quite exhausted yourself," he said with a kindly smile.

Buffy gulped in air to protest that of course she wasn't when she realised he was giving her an excuse to escape the omnipresent stares.

"Yes, really, I am. Absolutely. Out like a light," she nodded, feeling her cheeks burn.

She grabbed Giles's mother's wand from the floor, stuffed it into her pocket and made for the exit.

Hoo boy, did I eff up or what? she thought as she squeezed past her Watcher. "Bye, Giles," she mumbled.

It was just a piece of wood! she fretted inwardly, stomping up the stairs with a nervous look around from time to time. Snape might just lie in wait to push her down one of those floating staircases...

Who'd have thought those magical sticks were so fragile?

***

Buffy spent the following hour with her head on the table of her room and then, when that became too uncomfortable, sprawled on her four-poster in a sulk. There had been a knock at the door a while ago, but she'd played dead. It was probably Giles, and she wasn't yet in the mood for a lecture. She couldn't have known that a wand was such a big deal! It was Giles's fault for not cluing her in on that minor detail! And Dumbledore's! And Lupin's! Somebody could've had the decency to let her know!

The knock repeated itself, and this time it felt just too childish not to answer again. Giles deserved better, and she had that carefully brushed under the carpet fling thing of his with Ethan Rayne to hold over him if he got too preachy.

She sighed, slipped off the bed and opened the door.

"Look, Giles, I'm really sorry I-"

She stopped. And shrieked, jumped back and brought Mr Pointy out of her pocket in a split second.

The creature in front of her shrieked just as shrilly, dropped the tray it had been holding, and stumbled back, one spindly hand clutching at his - its - heart, the other held up in front of its head.

"Locomotor Amphoris!" a voice rang out, and the bulbous pot was arrested in mid-plunge while cups and saucers met their shardy doom on the stone floor.

"Sweet professor... Tumbler didn't... Tumbler just..." the monster thing babbled.

"It's just one of the staff house-elves," Remus Lupin said, grabbing for the floating pot.

It was anything but a tinkerbell, Buffy thought as she threw a closer look at the thing. It about reached her hip, was small, bony with over-large ears and fingers, and the ugliest little face she'd seen since the Turok-Han invasion. And that included the whole batch of trolls.

"Tumbler is sorry he frightened mistress! Tumbler is a bad house-elf! He should be kicked out of Hogwarts, yes!" It bent to the ground, ears brushing the floor, to pick up a saucer shard. "Tumbler will punish himself, mistress."

It raised the shard to a spindly arm as if to cut a vein.

Lupin quickly reached down and took it out of its hand.

"No harm done at all," he told it kindly and waved his wand. "Reparo!"

The shards melted together into perfect china, hopped onto the tray, and finally the floating pot settled down on it with a gentle thud as well.

Under Lupin's prompting glance, Buffy let out the breath she'd been holding, put the stake away and gave the elf-creature a wavery smile.

"So sorry, Tumbly. I've never seen an elf before. I'm, um, pleased to meet you."

The creature gave her a smile so wide she feared its head would split.

"Mistress is pleased to meet Tumbler! Mistress is called him Tumbly!" Overcome, it burst into noisy tears, dabbing its eyes with the corner of the lacy pillowcase it was clad in.

"I think I can take it from here," Lupin told it with a smile. "Thank you for accompanying me."

The bawling increased until the elf vanished into thin air with a watery *pop*.

"I'm sorry I startled you," Lupin said. "But I didn't want to walk all the way up from the kitchens without a hand free for my wand, just in case Severus thinks I put you up to it."

"Oh!" Buffy realised he was still standing in the corridor, and stepped aside quickly. "Please come in."

Directing the tray to float before him with his wand, he walked in and set it down on the table.

"I had hoped to see you in the staff room, but then Professor Giles said he couldn't find you either, so I thought you might be hiding here. I wondered if you might appreciate a cup of hot chocolate?"

Buffy smiled faintly as one of the cups flipped off the tray and the pot rose to fill it with a fragrant, steaming liquid.

"Thanks," she said. "I think I just might, if you join me." She paused. "I really f... messed up, right?"

He waved for the pot to pour him a cup too, and then settled down on one of the chairs, toying with the cup's handle.

"No, I don't think you 'effed up' too badly." A tiny smile crept into the corners of his mouth. "To be honest, Severus face when he went down was... entertaining, at the very least." The smile morphed into a grin. "Almost makes me wish I had put you up to it."

Buffy took a sip of her chocolate. It was strong, rich, with a touch of saffron, cinnamon and the same mellow spices as the cauldron cake Xander had gotten her on the train. She sighed blissfully as it filled her with warmth.

"It was, wasn't it? Though I'm sorry about his wand - I didn't want him to get the drop on me again, and I had no idea they were so valuable."

"They're a wizard's most personal possession," Lupin explained, taking a swallow from his own cup.

Buffy's face fell a little, and he began to rummage through his pocket when he noticed. He produced a book, then a few marshmallow-textured candy mice that shivered on the cover, and finally a large, silver-wrapped slab.

"Here, have some chocolate."

Buffy eyed the creamy dark bars covetously, but hesitated.

"I'll be needing larger-size robes any time soon," she complained weakly.

Lupin raised an incredulous eyebrow. "I doubt it. Wizarding chocolate is made with Soothing and Revitalising Potions to help people through the aftermath of magical attacks - so trust your Defence against the Dark Arts expert."

"Well, if it's medicinal," Buffy quipped and broke off a piece.

"And Albus was right," Lupin added. "Many of the old pureblood families keep their wands in use for generations, and while a relative's wand will serve you better than a stranger's, it'll never be quite as much an extension of yourself as a custom-made one." He shrugged. "Tradition - it gives gifted Muggleborn students an advantage that the old families resent." He smirked. "So I wouldn't be surprised if Severus wasn't quite as outraged underneath all the bluster, especially with Dumbledore shelling out for the new one."

"You seem to know him pretty well, considering how much he dislikes you," Buffy commented around a mouthful of chocolate.

"We went to school together," Lupin shrugged. "My best friend Sirius pulled a prank on him that almost got him killed by me in wolf form. He's hated me ever since."

"Oh," Buffy said. Yes, being near-dismembered by a werewolf might result in a bit of bad blood...

"And since he's the only one around who's able to brew the potion that renders me tranquil during full moons, I try not to aggravate him too much."

"Is he going to give you grief over this?" Buffy asked worriedly.

Lupin reached for one of the chattering candy mice on his booklet and popped it into his mouth in an almost feral gesture.

"Ice Mice." He chewed. "Don't worry. I'm the only one left of his old school enemies since Sirius died, and he needs an outlet for his anger. I'm used to it."

He eyed the last mouse, which squirmed towards the corner of the table. Buffy shoved it back in Lupin's direction, suppressing a twinge of pity. Moving or not, it was just freezing candy! Still, she kept her eyes on the book as he grabbed the mouse by its tail and stuck it in his mouth.

"DEPRESSING DRAUGHTS AND MELANCHOLIC TONICS?" she read out loud.

"Confiscated it from one of my sixth year Slytherins during the Duelling Club session," he explained. "They made quite a statement out of how they'd rather study Potions for Snape than pay attention to me..."

Buffy sighed and took a sip of chocolate. Yes, she could just see why.

"Never mind, though." Lupin gave her a lopsided grin. "I wondered if you might be interested in a bit of exploration of the wizarding world? Next week is Hogsmeade weekend, and the headmaster will want as many teachers as possible out there with the kids for security's sake. There are some interesting stores and pubs in Hogsmeade, and," his grin turned decidedly wry, "there is the Shrieking Shack, said to be the most haunted building in Britain."

Buffy felt a warm glow suffusing her stomach, and smiled. And paused.

"I'd like that very much." She hesitated. Oh, heck, spit it out! "I don't know very much about your wizard customs, so don't be angry if that sounds blunt, but..." You're seriously babbling there, girl! "Are you asking me for a date?" she blurted out, and cringed. Smooth, Summers!

There was a few seconds' uncomfortable pause. Lupin's face didn't exactly close off, but it... emptied, somehow.

"No," he replied quietly. "I thought you might like to see the sights, perhaps take your friends as well."

There was a flutter of - it's not disappointment, Summers! her conscious yelled at her subconscious at a mental volume that made her wince. But his matter-of-factliness bothered her far more, because it didn't even seem to be dipped in resentment, or resignation.

"I know that-" he started in a tight voice, and Buffy realised that yes, it had to be borne out of a lifetime's reactions like - or even more damagingly subtle as - Snape's.

She put her hand over his, and he fell silent.

"No, you don't understand. Believe me, you don't." She picked up a piece of chocolate, looked at it and put it down again. Frowned when it left a smear on her thumb. She glared at it intently, waiting for him to say that there wasn't any need for an explanation.

He didn't.

"Look, before I came here, I... lost somebody. Somebody I cared about, even if I only realised that after he was gone, and I treated him like dirt when he was around..." Oh no, I won't blubber! she glared and tried to swallow around a hot tightness in her throat. It was, she realised, the closest she'd come to speak about - Spike, dammit! - since his death, having developed the habit of surreptitiously stepping out of whatever room the topic came up in.

"That's why I asked," she finished. "Because I don't think I could do the dating thing just yet."

Lupin smiled very slightly, and refilled her cup.

"I was being honest when I said I was not asking for a date," he said. "Two months ago, my lover was killed in a battle with the Death Eaters. The one Snape hated so much. Harry Potter's godfather." He stared at the empty pot as if observing it from light-years away.

"Sirius was in Azkaban - wizarding prison - for over a decade, innocent, and I took him for a murderer and traitor." He gave a short bark of a laugh. "He forgave me for that, I never figured out how. And then he just went and got himself murdered..."

Buffy gulped. "God, I'm so sorry. All that, and here I went assuming... and then assuming you'd be even interested in girls, when I really should know better..."

That got her a wry grin after all.

"Oh, I'm not immune to female charms. I've never been attracted to blokes in particular... just Sirius."

Buffy pondered that with a strange feeling of deja-vu.

"I think I know what you mean," she nodded at last. "I really don't have a thing for vampires either - just Spike. Well, and Angel..." She flushed.

"Vampires?" Lupin asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Well..." she stalled, flushing even deeper.

They shared a conspirational grin over the last dregs of chocolate, tension exorcised for the moment.

"So," Lupin asked lightly, waving his wand at the china, "think you're ready to face the masses again in the morning?"

"Those, and my Watcher," Buffy affirmed. "And, Remus...?" He looked up from the cups scurrying across the tabletop to return onto the tray. "Thanks. I'm really looking forward to that severely haunted shed."

~ tbc. ~