Letter to Ginny, Revisited

Letter To Ginny, Revisited

By JM Lane

A/N: This story is based on my earlier vignette on FF.Net, "Letter to Ginny."

DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to JK Rowling and company except my imagination and this story.

ONE - POIGNANT GOODBYE

Seventeen-year-old Harry Potter had never found anything as difficult to do as he did leaving Ginny. Around nine p.m. the previous night, the eve of his departure, he had come to her room and hesitatingly asked her if she would be willing to make love with him, if only to give them both a beautiful memory to cherish in the event something happened to him and they never saw each other again. Part of him was hoping she'd say no, another part was praying she would say yes ... and the latter part won out. At the time, he hadn't considered the possibility of her becoming pregnant; all that mattered was being able to love her one last time.

When it was over and she was sleeping in his arms, he knew it had been the most heavenly thing he had ever experienced. He would never forget it as long as he lived ... for however long he lived. But time was running short. He, Ron and Hermione would be leaving soon, but he couldn't leave Ginny without some explanation, so he decided to write her a letter. There was so much he wanted to say, but unfortunately there were just no words; all he could do was write what was in his heart and hope she understood.

He conjured up some parchment and a self-inking quill, then began.

My dearest, most beloved Ginny ...

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write, but I must. I am going with Ron and Hermione to fight Voldemort and search for the Horcruxes. I have no idea how long it will take, or even if we will all come back alive. At the moment, all that matters to me is being able to tell you what is in my heart.

Despite our breakup, I have never stopped loving you. I never will. Nor will I ever forget you or all that we've shared. Gin, you have given me many beautiful memories; I will cherish them. You will always be on my mind and forever in my heart. I wouldn't blame you if you don't believe these things, but they are true; I could not say them otherwise. Whatever my other faults, I could never lie to you or mislead you.

More than anything I wanted us to be together, have you fight by my side, but I don't want Voldemort and his ilk coming after you and that would surely happen if we stayed together. I must find him, Gin, just as I must find the Horcruxes, or nothing in the wizarding world can ever be safe again ... least of all you ... and that is what is of the utmost concern to me.

I didn't want Ron and Hermione coming with me either, but finally realize that I will need their help. Just the same, considering their involvement, which mirrors our own, it will be a classic case of three's a crowd ... and when it happens, that is when I'll miss you most of all--your gentle touch, your sweet kisses, your smile, the feel of your arms around me, the smell of your perfume, the beat of your heart and the warmth of your body against mine.

Gods, I wish I didn't have to do this, didn't have to leave you! I don't know how I'm going to stand it. The only things I'm taking are a recent picture of us together in Hogsmeade this past Valentine's Day ... you looked especially lovely that day ... and a handkerchief with your perfume in it. And considering all I'm feeling right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I got plenty of use out of it, if you know what I mean.

I watched you sleep for a long time before leaving. You're so beautiful, Gin. So very beautiful. I love you so much. How I wish I didn't have to leave you behind. Please take care of yourself for me. I pray that I'll be able to come back from all this in one piece, but in this uncertain time, I cannot guarantee anything. If at all possible, I will come back to you. Until and if that day comes, we must go on, endure as best we can.

I'd better close soon; Ron's getting impatient and you know how he is when he gets like that. Just one last time I want to say it, though ... I love you. Please don't forget me, Gin, and please forgive me for leaving you. It's tearing my heart in two, but I've got to go. Pray for me, my love, but most of all, pray that fate will bring me back to you alive and allow our love to endure.

All my love,

Now and forever,

Your Harry

None of those concerned had any way of knowing that ten years would pass before they saw each other again ... and what's worse, how drastically events which occurred during that decade would change them.

* * * * *

It was ten in the morning and the sun was flooding into the open window of Ginevra Molly Weasley's bedroom when she awakened, stretching languorously, remembering the tenderly passionate night with Harry even as she spotted her nightdress crumpled on the floor. Her body was deliciously sore in all the right places, yet at the same time, she knew she wouldn't have minded doing it all over again. Which reminded her ...

"Harry?" she called. No answer. She turned her head; the bed was empty save for herself, although it was obvious that he had been there. The distinctive smell of the soap and shampoo he used was there in the extra pillow she had gotten out for him when she put it to her nose and breathed in ... but he was gone. What had happened to him? She turned her head to the right -- and that was when she spotted the letter from him, propped on her bedside candlestick.

That was when it all registered. He must have left with Ron and Hermione to go after Voldemort and the Horcruxes! Ginny sat bolt upright in bed, uncaring that she was still naked; all that mattered was reading the letter and finding out if her hunch was right. She opened it and began to read, hearing Harry's sweet voice in her mind as she did so, hearing it as clearly as if he were there with her.

She read it several times before everything registered, but when it did the realization was devastating ... and the further she read, the faster and heavier the tears flowed. Several times she'd had to stop because she could no longer see to read. There was both love and regret in the letter, especially regret for all the pain he knew his departure would cause her, but at the same time, a very final-sounding farewell in spite of his entreaty that she pray for his safe return, for the chance to start their love anew.

He was gone. He had left her behind -- even though he knew how much she wanted to accompany him! Never mind that he had said how much it hurt him to have to do it; how could he possibly leave her after all they had shared last night?

She had not regretted a moment of it, nothing could ever make her do that ... it had been heavenly, literally a dream come true, but at the same time, she couldn't help feeling used. Harry had only made love to her because he was leaving and had no idea when or if he would ever see her again. Not that she doubted that Harry did have feelings for her -- very deep feelings indeed -- but they had broken up at Dumbledore's funeral, only three days before his departure. Bill and Fleur's joyous wedding two days later seemed to mock her grief, rub salt on the torn, bleeding wound which had once been her heart.

He had supposedly done it to protect her, or so he'd said, but it was just as likely that Voldemort -- an accomplished Legilimens -- would read his mind, see the memory of her and Harry's time together and come after her anyway. What had been the point of their breakup, much less leaving her behind, if she was going to end up the Dark Lord's prisoner anyway? How was that supposed to protect her?

She had tried to be unselfish about it, Merlin knew, tried not to make him feel any worse than he already did, but all the while her heart was breaking and tears brimmed, threatening to overflow. All she could do was stare at his beloved face, hurting too much to speak. This was surely the worst day of her life! "Gin, please don't look at me like that," he had entreated, sounding as if he were also fighting off tears. "I feel bad enough already. Don't make it worse."

She had forced herself to turn away, not daring to speak, then get up and walk off, leaving him behind ... but at the same time, leaving a piece of her heart behind. Now that she was away from him, she could allow herself to cry ... but somehow the tears would not come. It seemed as if she hurt too much to even cry! Even now she could recall the poignant memory of the first time they had kissed ... the way Harry had pulled her close, the gentle strength of his arms, the sweetness of his lips. For those few moments in time, she had been in Heaven and didn't care if she ever came back to earth. Then last night ... the tenderness, yet the passion in his beautiful green eyes as he had unbuttoned her nightdress and slid it from her body.

"Gin, you're beautiful. So very beautiful. I've wanted this for so long ..." Then he had carried her to bed, gently lowering her to the pillow as her legs seemed to part of their own accord to accommodate him.

All she could do was cradle his sweet face in her hands and kiss him with every ounce of love and desire she possessed. "Love me, Harry ... love me as if there were no tomorrow, no Horcruxes, no Voldemort to fight ... only us, only our love ..." And he had.

The last thing she remembered him saying before she fell asleep was, "Thank you for loving me, Gin. Thank you for the beautiful memories you have given me. If I survive this war, it will be because of you." It had been wonderful while it lasted, but now he was gone ... and only Merlin knew if she would ever see him again. She clutched the letter to her breast as if it were the most precious treasure in the universe -- and to her, it was ... possibly the only tangible evidence left that someone named Harry Potter had ever existed in the world -- much less that he had loved her, belonged to her for one bittersweet moment in time.

She had no idea she had begun to cry again, but she obviously had because she heard a soft knock on her door and her mother's voice. "Ginny, are you all right? Darling, why are you crying?"

She was unable to speak as her mother approached her bed; Molly's eyes widened as she noted the nightdress on the floor and her daughter's tear-stained face, which registered before the fact of her nakedness did, not to mention the letter she was holding out to her. What could it all mean? She sat down beside Ginny on the bed as the young girl sat up, cross-legged, covering herself as best she could with a rumpled sheet ... a sheet that still smelled of her beloved.

"I know, darling. Harry's gone. He left with Ron and Hermione two hours ago."

"Mummy ..." Ginny sobbed, reverting to her childhood name for her mother. "Don't you wonder why I'm ... naked?"

Molly's eyes widened. "You mean, you and Harry ...?"

"Yes, Mummy. He came to me last night ... and we made love. He said he wanted a beautiful memory to sustain him through the war to come. Mummy, you know how I ... love him. You must understand why I could not refuse him. I had to know what it was like to ... be physically loved by him, if only for one night."

"But, Ginny darling, you've broken up with him. And what's more, you're a ..."

"Not any more, Mummy -- and you want to know something? I'm glad I'm not one any more. I would far rather have just this one night ... being loved by the one boy I love most in all the world than a lifetime with anyone else!"

"I can understand, darling, believe me, I can ... but what if you're pregnant? What will you do then?"

"I'll deal with it, Mummy." Ginny's voice was uncharacteristically hard. "And don't tell anyone what's happened. It's ... none of their business. If it turns out that I'm ... pregnant, I'll need you to help me keep Harry's baby. Don't let Daddy or any of my brothers stop me."

"Never, darling. We ... women will stick together," Molly assured her youngest child and only daughter, pulling her into her arms and holding her tightly. However, she couldn't be sure how long she would be able to keep her promise. If Ginny was pregnant, it was only a matter of time before it would show and she would be forced to reveal her secret. Her heart ached for both her child and the boy she loved, whose streak of nobility had forced him to break both his own heart and that of the girl he loved in order to fulfill the prophecy made so long ago.

Harry was such an incredible young man; how could they ever have been so blessed as to be associated with him--or Ginny, to actually have been loved by him, if only for a bittersweet moment in time? "Oh, Mummy, how will I ever live without him? How can I ... possibly forget him?"

"Don't even try, darling. That usually just reinforces the memory. Just try to fill your life with other things; keep as busy as possible, so you don't think about it ... or him ... so much."

"How can I, Mummy? Harry is everywhere I look ... literally in my blood ... a part of me, now and for all time."

"You must try," Molly entreated. "I'll do all I can to help you, darling. But you must do your part as well, or else it's not going to work."

"What are we going to do now, Mummy?" Ginny asked once she had composed herself.

"I'll use a Pregnancy Detection Spell on you, and that will tell us if you're pregnant. Then we can go from there." Molly pulled out her wand and touched the spot just over the place in her daughter's body where a baby would grow. Once she had done that, the telltale blue tint showed up on her daughter's skin, telling Molly everything she would now have to do. For a long time she was uncharacteristically silent, then Ginny broke the silence.

"Well? What happened, Mummy?"

"It was positive, darling. You are most definitely ... pregnant."