Raw

************************************************************************************

"Hermione, for the four hundredth time, I know that you're busy," Ron exploded as he walked through the portrait hole to the Gryffindor common room. It was Monday night, and Ron and Hermione had made plans to spend time together. However, Hermione had just broken the news to him that she needed to leave soon to coordinate the prefects' schedules with Draco, and Ron was angry at being blown off again.

"It's not even a matter of how busy you are anymore, it's a matter of if you even want to be my girlfriend! This is the one time this week you can make plans to see me, and you have to leave to go work with Malfoy?" Ron spit out. "You see him every bloody second of the day."

"It's not like me and Draco are hanging out, Ron, we only see each other during training," Hermione shot back.

"And since when did he become Draco?" Ron scoffed. "Don't tell me you two are friends now."

"We're not friends, it's just - "

"It's just WHAT?" Ron roared.

"RON, please don't get so defensive," Hermione shouted at him. "Megan made us address each other by our first names - I have to do it. I'm just trying to be cordial with him since I have to spend so much time with him this year."

"I don't hardly understand you this year, Hermione," said Ron. "Last year you would have sworn Malfoy was your hated enemy and you would have avoided him as much as you could. Last year you said Harry and I were the most important people in the world to you. Now we barely see you. It's like we hardly exist!"

"Ron, believe me, I miss you and Harry so much. I wish I could spend more time with you..."

"Hogwash," Ron snorted. "The only thing you care about anymore is being an Auror. You're obsessed with becoming an Auror. That's the only thing you do anymore - training and studying. You're so obsessed with it that you've forgiven Malfoy for all he did to you over the past six years."

"I didn't just 'forgive' him, Ron, we talked about it and he explained what he had been going through at home."

"So that's what it's going to be like, now? You're going to defend him?"

"Ron, stop over-exaggerating."

"I'M OVEREXAGGERATING? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CONSORTING AROUND WITH DRACO MALFOY!" Ron bellowed.

"RON, would you just LISTEN to me for a moment!" Hermione picked up a glass Gryffindor figurine off the common room table and threw it against the wall. It shattered and she stared at it, horrified.

Ron stared at her in surprise. Hermione started towards him, holding her hands out in apology. "Ron, I am so, so, sorry...I don't know what's gotten into me."

"Yeah...I don't either." Ron backed away from her, shielding her with his hands. "Hermione, I don't know if this is a good idea right now. I don't even...you're not even you anymore. "

Hermione sank to her knees on the plush common room carpet. "Ron, I...I didn't mean to lose my temper like that. It's just that I don't even know what to tell you anymore, or how to convince you that I still love you."

"That's it though...I don't want you to have to convince me that you still love me. I want to feel that you do. And right now, I just know that I don't feel that way. It kills me to do this," said Ron, his blue eyes shooting to the floor. Hermione looked up at him, her eyes misting over as she bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

"Hermione, I really think we shouldn't see each other anymore. We will always be good friends, but us dating right now is preventing us from being friends. I want to spend some time apart until I feel like I can rebuild my relationship with you." Ron's voice got shaky towards the end and he took a step towards Hermione. She turned her head away.

"Hermione...are you...are you going to be okay?" Ron took another step towards her, leaning down and reaching for her hands.

Hermione refused to look at him. "Go, please," she whispered, a tear betraying her stony expression as it melted traitorously down her cheek. Ron stayed there, looking at her, until Hermione said, with more force, "Go." Ron walked quietly out of the room, his feet shuffling on the shag carpet.

Hermione waited until he was through the portrait hole until she burst into tears, sobbing ferociously and wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands. She had always assumed that she and Ron would be together forever - they were best friends who had fallen in love. It seemed meant-to-be. And yet not even a year after they started dating, Ron claimed that she had changed so much that he didn't even know if she loved him anymore. The whole situation seemed unreal to her, and she wept for this new change, diving face first onto the carpet and beating her fists against it in helplessness.

She cried until her eyes bulged, puffy from the effort. She buried her face into the carpet and grunted several times - upset that she no longer had tears to shed. However, the initial shock of the breakup was fading away and reality was beginning to set in. Ron was right about one thing - their relationship had changed over the past several months. She wasn't constantly with him anymore, and since her training had started, she had less desire to seek him out.

Was it the dependence he missed? Hermione wondered to herself. Throughout their friendship they had constantly been around each other and used each other for friendship and support. Now they no longer did. She knew their relationship had changed but she hadn't realized how much until this very moment. For now, all she could do was hope that Ron would cool off and that they would at least return their friendship to its previous state. Maybe their romantic issues would settle out also.

She glanced out the window to see that night had fallen over Hogwarts. Hermione realized that she was mentally exhausted from the day's turmoil. She left the Gryffindor common room and headed down the hallway to the Head chambers. She paused, turning to her right to look at herself in a mirror hanging off the wall. Her face was gaunt and emotionless, her eyes bloodshot and haggard. She sneered at her reflection. "You look like an animal," she whispered, and turned and walked away. "Cheer up, dearie," one of the portraits called after her, but she ignored it.

She entered the Head chambers and glanced quickly around the common room, checking for Draco. She was in no mood to have to explain her state for him. When she was satisfied he was not in the room, she hurried to her room and closed the door. She flopped on her satin sheets and buried her face in the comforter, falling asleep almost immediately.

That night she dreamt only of Ron. She dreamt of memories of chasing Horcruxes, of their first kiss, of summers at the Burrow. She dreamed he was a dragon, thirty feet tall, chasing her down with flames. But lastly she dreamt he was there with her, but a smug Lavender Brown stood between them. Hermione tried to dodge around Lavender over and over again to get to Ron, but Lavender blocked her each time. Throughout the dream, Lavender taunted her "you can never have him, you can never have him," as Ron remained out of her reach. In the last moments before Hermione awoke, Ron's ginger hair turned to platinum and his eyes to pale blue.

************************************************************************************

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

************************************************************************************

Hermione awoke the next morning to a tousled mess of red hair in her face. She gasped and backed away from the body lying next to her in bed. Ginny yawned and flipped over.

"Sorry, Hermione. Good morning."

"Blimey, Ginny, you scared me," breathed Hermione.

"I know, I'm really sorry. I came up here earlier to talk to you and was surprised you were still asleep, so I decided to rest while I waited for you to wake up. I didn't think I would fall asleep," Ginny said sheepishly. "Anyways, I came up here because I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize for what?"

"For ignoring you all week and siding with Ron. I just assumed that because he's family I should side with him no matter what. But that wasn't any reason to shut you out or get mad at you. You're like my family too," Ginny said, looking down at the bed. "I felt really badly not talking to you all week - I really missed you. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," said Hermione. "I know now that I wasn't exactly being fair to Ron."

"He still loves you, you know," said Ginny. "He's just not used to this. He's used to being around you all the time and you being the biggest part of his life. He'll come around, just give him some time."

"I don't know, Ginny. He's right about some stuff. I definitely have changed since starting Auror training - I feel more emotional and honest, and I lost patience. I don't know if this is permanent or just a side effect from the training. But I do know it makes Ron and I less compatible. And that just makes me incredibly sad...I always thought of Ron and I as so perfect for each other, and that nothing could ever change that." Hermione sighed and dropped her head onto the pillow.

"Well...do you miss him?" asked Ginny.

"Yes. I do. A lot. But at the same time, not as much as I imagined I would. Maybe we do need some time apart. I know I'm definitely not putting as much effort into our relationship as I should be."

"Do you want me to talk to him for you?"

"No. I think he said everything that needed to be said yesterday. Besides, I'm still too embarrassed about yesterday; I don't want anyone to bring it up to him."

"Why, what happened yesterday?" asked Ginny.

"You didn't talk to Ron about it?"

"No, Harry just told me that you two broke up and I decided to check on you first. He didn't tell me anything about what happened."

"Oh. Well, he was mad because we had plans last night, but I had to cancel because I had a meeting with Draco - which I ended up missing anyways - and I got frustrated because he wasn't letting me explain, so I kind of....lost my temper and threw a glass figure."

"AT HIM?"

"No, not AT him. At the wall. But still."

Ginny let out a low whistle. "Wow, that doesn't sound like you at all."

"Right? That's why I understand where Ron is coming from - I have changed somewhat. And I don't really know why yet."

"Well, maybe it would be good to let you both cool off for the next few days. Let me know if you want me to say something to him though. He's generally a prat when it comes to girls, but you know that."

"Thanks Ginny. And also, thanks for coming to talk to me. I felt really bad about making you angry - I missed you this week."

"I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have avoided you like that. I promise, we'll be friends no matter what happens with you and Ron. Deal?"

"Deal. All right I have class in twenty minutes so I have to get dressed. I'll see you later today though?"

"Okay. Bye Hermione." Ginny exited the Head Chambers. Hermione sighed and walked to her dresser, picking out a simple grey vest and skirt to wear under her robes. At least she had one thing to be thankful for today - Megan was away from Hogwarts, so she and Draco had the day off from working out. She didn't want to imagine what it would have been like seeing Draco and Megan. They would have scrutinized her somber mood and probably asked her questions about what happened. And talking with them about personal matters was much different than talking about it with Ginny.

Hermione grabbed her wand and threw it in her book bag, combing her fingers through her hair. She had become an expert at getting ready for class in minutes, a useful skill on days like these. She stepped out of her bedroom into the common room she shared with Draco, glancing around for him before she shut her door. His door was open, so she was pretty sure he had already left for class. She walked through the tapestry and out the portrait hole.

When she reached Defense Against the Dark Arts, Harry was already in the corridor waiting for her.

"Hi Harry," she said, genuinely surprised to see him waiting for her.

"Hey Hermione," he said, giving her a quick, gentle hug. "Listen, how are you doing?" he asked, holding her at arms' length. "Ron was devastated last night, he was a mess. I was worried about you, but I didn't feel right leaving him."

"I'm okay," Hermione said. "I was really upset last night, and I still am. But I think it's just going to take time to cool off. I'm dreading seeing him in class though."

"I already told him I would sit with you. He's going to sit with Dean. You don't need to be around each other today, it will just be more awkward."

"Thanks, Harry," said Hermione, relieved. "That's a really good idea."

"Yeah. Just stick with me when we go inside," he said, leading her by the arm into the classroom. "He's sitting towards the front on our left with Dean." Hermione followed Harry into the classroom, letting him guide her by the arm as she kept her eyes to the floor. She caught a glimpse of Ron in her peripheral vision, and she could feel his eyes train on her from across the room. She refused to look up to meet them - she didn't know if she could trust herself to keep from crying just yet. Harry led her towards the back of the classroom and picked an empty table in the corner. She sat down and focused on pulling her books out of her backpack.

"Did you manage to finish the reading for today?" Harry asked her as he unpacked Defensive Magic, Year Seven.

"No, but I figured it would be okay. Megan canceled our training for today and told Draco and me that she would be away from Hogwarts. We'll probably just have a substitute today." Almost immediately after Hermione finished her sentence, Megan strolled into the room, as present as ever in shiny dark robes.

"What?!?" exclaimed Hermione quietly as Harry turned to look at her. "Why would she cancel our training if she was going to be here?!"

"Maybe she was only gone for the night and got back early morning."

"Maybe..." Hermione started to speak but was cut off by Megan beginning the lesson.

"Good morning, class. We have a lot to do today, so I'm just going to go ahead and get started. I hope you all have read up on the Memory Erasing Spell, as we will be learning how to perform one today. You will be practicing on your table partner, so make sure to grab a vial of Restoration serum. We don't want any of the effects to be permanent."

Hermione was relieved; she had been performing memory-erasing charms for years now, so the lesson was nothing new to her. It might be nice to have Harry erase her memory for part of the lesson.

The class spread out around the room, and Harry and Hermione turned to face each other, wands drawn.

"You first," said Hermione.

"Okay," said Harry. "Are you ready?" Hermione nodded. Harry raised his wand and shouted, "Obliviate!"

Hermione immediately felt warm and happy. She looked around the room and saw it filled with friendly faces, none of which she really remembered. Her eyes focused on a striking boy with a lithe build, whose wand was raised as he murmured an incantation, blowing his platinum hair out of his eyes. She wondered who he was. A slight boy with thick glasses snapped at her to get her attention.

"Hermione, drink this," he said, shoving a small vial in her hand. She felt as if she could trust him, so she shrugged and downed the vial. Immediately she felt her dour mood return and the faces of her classmates aligned with their names in her mind. She shook her head distractedly.

"Well, did it work?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, I think so," Hermione replied.

"What did it feel like?"

"Pretty much like what you would imagine. I felt really happy, and like everyone in the room was so friendly. I couldn't remember who anyone was though - I didn't even remember you. It's not scary though. It just feels nice."

"Okay, are you ready to try it on me?"

"Please," Hermione joked. She could perform a memory charm in her sleep. She and Harry took turns performing the spell on each other. She was glad it was an easy charm, so she did not have expend energy focusing on the lesson. She could tell Megan sensed that she was distracted, as she could feel her eyes on her often throughout the class.

After class, Harry said goodbye to her and hurried out of the room. Ron walked out after him. She couldn't tell if he looked at her at all. Hermione took her time packing her books carefully and started to leave for her next class. Megan stopped her on the way out.

"Hermione, I wanted to apologize for missing training this morning. I had a mission to complete and I couldn't make it back in time."

"That's okay," said Hermione, smiling a little. She was glad to see Megan, even if she could sense that something was wrong.

"You seemed distracted today. Is everything all right?"

"Well, no. Ron broke up with me last night. I was pretty upset."

"I'm sorry. Do you want a hug?"

"Sure," said Hermione. Megan hugged her, but Hermione felt awkward. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to cry, or let out all of her emotions to her mentor. Megan sensed her hesitation.

"You don't have to tell me any of the details," she said. "I know it's hard to talk about sometimes. Just wanted to let you know that I'll be here for you if you do want to talk. That's what I'm for."

"Okay, thanks," said Hermione, giving a little smile. "I'm okay, really. I know we will be friends again eventually, and that's what's most important."

"Well said. I'll see you again tomorrow, bright and early. You got lucky with your break today!"

"See you tomorrow, Megan," said Hermione, leaving the classroom. She was starting to feel like hiding her sorrow was going to become a full time chore - and she didn't feel like she was doing it very well.

************************************************************************************

"Conjunctus," Hermione whispered to the dragon portrait. The dragon roared and swung aside to let her enter Head Tower. As she pushed aside the tapestry, she saw Draco sitting on the couch studying. He stared at her for a moment, his platinum hair mussed up.

"Hey," he said simply.

"Hi," she said, sitting in a chair and placing her bag on the floor.

"It's been a while since I've seen you."

"So it has," she said, purposely keeping her replies terse. She didn't want to give anything away.

"So you and Weasley, huh?" he asked, his blue eyes looking surprisingly sympathetic.

"God, how does everyone know already?" Hermione exploded. "Was there some sort of bulletin put out or something?"

"No one told me," said Draco. "It's just that neither of you are really very closed books. Well, you're better than he is, but still. Plus, you weren't sitting together in DADA. It's not exactly mad detective work on my part."

"Stalking me now?" Hermione grumbled.

"Not much. Just enough to notice that you seem more fond of me today when your memory was erased."

"Probably true of most people here at Hogwarts."

"Well played," said Draco, smiling a little. "But seriously, are you okay? I know everyone's probably asked you today and you're probably tired of talking about it. But you can say whatever you want to me, you know I won't tell him."

Hermione stared at him. "What's your angle?"

"Nothing, I promise. Just trying to be nice."

"Okay. Well, I'm sad, sure. But I think it's more about the fact that something is changing rather than the fact that we aren't together anymore. You know? I think somewhere along the way this year, I fell out of love with him. I just continued to love him as a friend. And I didn't realize the difference until Ron pointed it out. All in all, I think it's probably good that we're taking a break right now." Hermione twirled a piece of her hair around her finger absent-mindedly as she spoke. Draco stared at her intently.

"That's too bad. About the falling out-of-love part, I mean," said Draco.

"Yeah. Well he was right: I changed. I'm not the same person I was when we started dating. Don't you feel like you've changed since the beginning of this year?"

"Yeah, definitely. It's hard for me to explain...but I feel like I think more about my emotions, and I allow myself to feel them more completely."

"That's a good way of putting it. I let them control me like I never did before - last night when I was arguing with Ron, I threw a glass Gryffindor at the wall."

Draco stared at her. "Seriously."

Hermione nodded sheepishly. "That's awesome! Well, not awesome. But it would have been cool to see you get that angry."

"I've definitely been that angry at you before, Draco."

"Yeah, but you usually just curse me. It would have been awesome to just have you hurl something at me."

"I'll keep it in mind." Hermione rose from her chair and grabbed her book bag. "I need to go to bed. I'm mentally drained from talking to everyone about Ron today. Well, at least today was probably the worst it'll get. Right?"

"Right," said Draco, picking up his book. "Goodnight, Hermione."

"Goodnight Draco. And, thanks for talking to me."

Draco peered at her from over the top of his book. "Anytime. I like talking to you. And I'm actually not lying, cross my heart."

"Sweetest thing you've ever said."

"I'm a regular teddy bear."

"Sod off," Hermione grinned as she shut her door. She lay down on her bed and fell asleep almost immediately, a slight smile playing across her lips.

************************************************************************************