Draco Finds Jesus

Chapter 7 Blinding light to pitch darkness

He began to walk through the castle towards the Slytherin dungeon, pleased with himself, when suddenly there was a blinding light from above.

'What the-!' he exclaimed. He could see nothing. A deep voice boomed and echoed around the corridor.

'DRACO, DRACO, WHY PERSECUTEST THOU ME?'

'What? When did I turn into St. Paul?'

'I AM JESUS WHO THOU PERSECUTEST.'

Draco fell to his knees. 'Lord!' he exclaimed. 'I didn't realise! Do you mean. . . you want me to stop smiting the Gryffindors? Are *they* your chosen people?'

'YES, YOU IDIOT. NOW GO AND BUY THEM SOME CHOCOLATE TO SACRIFICE TO ME. OH, AND SOME EVERY FLAVOUR BEANS. AND BE NICE TO SEAMUS, HE'S MY FAVOURITE.'

Draco jumped up quickly. The blinding light vanished, replaced by total darkness. 'Oh you think you're so funny,' he said in an attempted withering tone, as the Gryffindors burst into muffled giggles. 'What did you do with the lights? No, this whole thing is just beneath me.'

'Lord! Oh, I-I didn't realise'' Dean cried in a high pitched voice.

'THIS IS NO JOKE DRACO,' Seamus continued, as Ginny tried to hold her sides in and Hermione struggled to keep a straight face. 'I REALLY FANCY SOME CHOCOLATE. EVERYONE IS SO BUSY SACRIFICING MEAT FOR ME ALL THE TIME, IT DOES GET A BIT BORING YOU KNOW.'

Draco rushed to where he thought the nearest room was, stalked through the door and shut it. Slytherin girls' bathroom. Oh well, those stupid Gryffindors must have made sure everyone was out of the way before pulling this stunt, so hopefully he shouldn't encounter any screaming girls in here. He fumbled around trying to find candles, shaking with anger, then remembered his wand, which he brought out of his pocket. 'Luminos!' he said, and lit up the bathroom long enough to find the candles and light them. Only then did he sit down and try to plot his revenge. What could he do which would be bad enough to punish them for this? More to the point, how was he going to stop them telling the whole school what had just happened? They'd broken a rule or two so could hardly just announce it, but news had a habit of spreading.

'Turn the other cheek, Draco. Do not take revenge on someone who wronged you.' The voice echoed slightly against the bathroom walls.

'Sod off Finnigan.' No, it didn't sound like Seamus, it sounded like Harry. 'Got you in on it as well, Potter? I might have known.' But he shivered to think of Harry so close in the dim light.

'I'm not Harry, and you really are obsessed with him, aren't you?'

'Who is it then, as if I cared.'

'Not Harry, but I can see all your thoughts-'

'No way. I know what you're getting at but NO WAY!'

'I am your-'

'Hey! I never asked for a conscience, sod off. I didn't realise it was part of the job description of a Christian. Get out of my head.'

'I've always been here, Draco. But now you've been praying, and your mind is still, so you can hear me.'

'And you sound like bloody Potter, great.'

'Rather appropriate, actually. You always think of him as the archetype of good and your usual self as the archetype of evil. It's your own fault that whenever you say something moral it sounds like Harry, in that case.'

'Potter, not Harry. We're not on first name terms you know, we're enemies.'

'I think you're on more than first name terms, Draco. I'm in your head, remember? And, more importantly, I was on the Quidditch pitch. I say, vicar!'

'Oh great. My conscience thinks he's a fucking comedian as well. GO. A. WAY.'

The conscience began to hum a song irritatingly. 'You can't get rid of me,' he sang. 'This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, I don't think that they'll ever stop, they'll never stop because this is the song that never ends, it just goes on and-'

'Oh, I give up. Say what you're here to say and then get out.'

'For once the Gryffindors are in the wrong. You'd stopped bullying them but they didn't leave you alone. Now you have to show them you're bigger than they are. Don't take revenge. They will have to make an account to God, as will we all.'

'But they'll think they've won!'

'We all have to suffer for our faith, Draco. Perhaps your example will lead them onto nobler things.'

'Nobler? Potter? If he gets any more noble, God's out of a job.'

'I know your lust must be clouding your vision, but he does have his flaws you know.'

'Oh, shut up! Lust clouding my vision indeed! If I don't take revenge, will you go away?'

'For now.'

'That's enough. Just don't try to interfere in every little decision in my life, or I will find a way to torture and kill you. I don't care if you're me.'

* * *

The Gryffindors meanwhile were still rolling around laughing in the corridor.

'Seamus!' Dean exclaimed. 'Whoever would have guessed you'd make such a good God.'

'We'd better get out of here,' Hermione pointed out, still half trying to be disapproving.

'Ok, ok, but you'll have to help me out, I'm not sure I can walk,' Ginny replied, to a fresh burst of giggles from Dean.

The others were waiting for them in Gryffindor tower.

'How did it go?' squealed Lavender. Ginny narrated with interruptions from Seamus and Dean as the voices of God and Draco respectiviely.

'Oh, I wish I had been there,' sighed Parvati.

'Well I don't! You'd have giggled before we'd even started! That's why we left you behind,' Seamus reminded her.

For once Lavender and Parvati bore this with good grace. It was hard to deny, really. Harry sat quietly in the corner, Ron next to him, silent and sober. Hermione shot them a worried glance, but didn't want to say anything in front of the others.

'Hermione, you're a genius,' affirmed Seamus. 'If I didn't know you know every book ever written off by heart, I'd wonder how you came to know the bible so well.'

'It's hardly an obscure story,' Hermione replied. 'And I was brought up a Christian.'

'My Dad's Christian,' Seamus countered. 'But I'm almost totally ignorant.' There were mumbled sounds of agreement. Seamus rolled his eyes. 'I meant about Christianity in particular.'

'Of course, and so did we,' Ginny said in a mock soothing voice.

'I've often wondered actually,' Hermione began, to a chorus of groans. 'What?' she said.

'We've known you too long, that's a cue that you're going to go all thinky,' Ron told her.

'Thinky. You mean intelligent?'

'That's the one.'

'I've wondered,' she glared at them all. 'Why it is that in the wizarding world we follow the externals of religion but never really bother about the inside. I mean, take Christmas and Easter for example, we're expected to celebrate them without thinking about what they mean. I for one would quite welcome some religious education-'

'You'd welcome anything that was more work,' Neville complained. 'I have quite enough problems with potions thank you.'

'A little prayer in hall now and then wouldn't hurt-.'

'What, and mess up Dumbledore's speeches?' Ron joked. 'Come on Hermione, we don't need another SPEW, why do you have to take everything as an Issue.'

'How about CERP? Campaign for the Enforcement of Religious Propaganda,' Harry piped up from his corner.

'Well actually-' Hermione began.

The others began chattering as much as possible. 'Did you see Malfoy's face?' 'Do you think it will rain tomorrow?' 'I'm going to do some homework.' 'Oh look, it's almost time for tea.'

Hermione gave up.

* * *

So Draco ignored that the Gryffindors had ever tested his religious gullibility. The news did not spread far-to a few of the Ravenclaw girls thanks to Parvati telling her sister, and down a year in Gryffindor because Ginny's classmates demanded to know why she'd been hanging round the year above so much recently. But generally, their fear of being found out by a teacher stopped even Lavender and Parvati from gossiping. This did not make it more bearable for Draco, however. He was well used to the Gryffindors shooting him filthy looks, but having them giggle every time he walked past was a new and highly unwelcome phenomena. Crabbe and Goyle did not notice, which was something. Draco found himself glad to have such oafs for friends. But some of the other Slytherins had, and were watching him curiously, without having the courage to ask him outright.

Overall, the next few days for Draco were terribly unpleasant. He'd always kind of envied Harry his fame, but was beginning to see how people staring at you all the time was not actually that much fun. Luckily, he hadn't bumped into Potter yet, who seemed as anxious to avoid Draco's company as Draco was to avoid his. Draco had to keep reminding himself that it was Harry who had instigated The Kiss, and *why was Weasley staring at him like that?* Had Potter told him? No, he couldn't have. Anyway, it was Potter's fault. He, Draco, had merely been caught by surprise, unable to tear his shocked lips away. And, err, the dreams, they must just be because he was tense. Very vivid dreams. Well, he must be *very* tense then. If only there was some way of relieving that tension. . .

And the opportunity came late one afternoon after a particularly troubled night's sleep. It had not escpaed the notice of the more gossip-focused section of the school that both Harry and Draco had bags under their eyes. Some of them claimed they had always suspected that the two fancied each other-their enmity must have stemmed from sexual tension, because young boys cannot hate each other without wanting to bed each other, of course. When McGonnagall noticed, she had no such gutter-worthy suspicions. She did, however, ask them to stay behind after Transfiguration, to numerous panicked glances from the Gryffindors.

When the other students had filed out, Professor McGonnagall came out from behind her desk and leaned herself against the front, staring at them both inquisitively.

'Mr Malfoy, Mr Potter, it is only to be expected that teenage boys occasinally do not perform to their best abilty. I feel it only fair to tell you that you have not today. I do not wish to pry into the reasons behind your lack of sleep-'

They both looked relieved.

'-unless you have a problem that I may be able to help you with. Otherwise, I shall presume that you are both under a lot of stress from the work for your OWLS. This is understandable, of course, since the pair of you could be capable of great things if you only get the required results on these exams. However, it is their very importance which makes it imperative that you get more sleep.'

She peered at them over her spectacles befoe continuing.

'Therefore, I am sending you both to Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping draught immediately.'

Harry looked horrified at the idea of having to walk with Draco to the hospital wing.

'Oh no, Professor, really, I'm fine, that would be far too much trouble.'

'On the contrary,' she replied a little sharply. 'There will be a great deal more trouble if I find you have not picked up this potion, and if I do not see a marked improvement in time for our next lesson together.'

Harry hung his head. 'Yes Professor,' he replied.

'Yes Professor,' Draco echoed. He walked towards the door, with Harry filing behind him. By this time the corrodor was empty, everybody returned to their respective common rooms or the library before tea. They walked in silence for a few moments before Draco could not resist breaking the silence.

'You must be very proud of that stunt you performed the other day. Bet you didn't tell your precious Gryffindors why you wanted to embarrass me, did you? What was it, upset I didn't kiss you back?'

'That "stunt" wasn't my idea,' Harry muttered mutinously. 'And you didn't exactly pull away.'

Draco faltered for a moment. 'I was shocked,' he replied. 'And I was the one to break it off.'

'Yeah, yeah, everything's a competition for you isn't it? Who's the richest, who beats who at Quidditch, who's the most popular, who pulls away from kissing first. It must really piss you off that I beat you on all the important things. And you bloody must have seen that kiss coming Malfoy, or are you pretending to be all naive and innocent as well as dumb?'

'What do you mean all the important things!' Draco exclaimed, wheeling round to face him. 'I'm rich, powerful, popular and *everyone* wants my body.'

'But you want mine, so I must have something you don't. That wasn't what I meant though. I was thinking of friendship, goodness, bravery-'

'Oh quit it Potter I'm not a fucking Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. You missed out cunning. And my lineage goes back centuries. *Your* mum was a filthy mudblood.'

They stared squarely at each other now, enraged. 'At least my mother loved me,' Harry spat back. 'Your parents don't give a shit about you, and quite frankly, I'm not surprised, I'd be embarrassed to have you as a son.'

'Didn't stop you kissing me though, did it, you bastard!' Draco screamed. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned around quickly. A gaggle of first year Hufflepuffs stood staring at them, some shocked and scared, others unable to conceal their joy at such a tasty morsel of gossip. 'And what are you staring at?' he roared. They fled. Draco grabbed Harry bodily by the front of his robes, flung open the nearest door (a broom-cupboard, luckily enough for the cliched literary slash device), and shoved him inside, slamming the door behind him.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' Harry demanded, in a slightly less authoritative tone than he would have liked, since Draco was currently pinning him down and he didn't like not being able to see in the dark.

'We are going to talk this through,' he whispered menacingly. 'Get it out of the way. Without Potter-fans to run and tell tales to your Weasel about the nasty man.'