Draco Finds Jesus

Chapter 6: New strategies

Even evangelical Christians sometimes succumb to temptation. Archibald Beanstead, preacher, missionary, and one of the elect chosen people, for example, indulged one fine afternoon in a mug of butterbeer with Draco. So far, Draco was no further to understanding Archibald's position on homosexuality. Oops, slip of the tongue there, I mean God's position on homosexuality. At least, Draco couldn't see what was wrong with homosexuality. Archibald, I mean, God seemed to think it very bad. Because it went against His will. And His will went against it because it was bad. Whilst Crabbe or Goyle might not have seen any problem here, Draco did. Confident it was a misunderstanding on his part, Draco tried to clarify.

'So, could God make it so it wasn't bad?'

'God is omnipotent. But He wouldn't make it so it wasn't bad, because it's bad.'

'But if God could change it so it wasn't bad, and if changing it so it wasn't bad would stop people sinning, because it wouldn't be sin anymore, why doesn't God change it so it isn't bad?'

The evangelical preacher paused for a moment. 'Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? Canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth? (Job 38:33.) Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? Or who hath given understanding to the heart? (Job 38:36).'

'So we're back at God's immutability.' Archibald nodded. 'But what about comprehensibility? Shouldn't we be able to understand God's purpose?'

'No,' Archibald stated simply. 'Only God knows. We are not omnipotent.'

'But we know some things, don't we? I mean, we know that God is behind the bible, and we know the commandments written in it.'

'That,' Archibald said icily, 'is different. That's revealed. As is the Lord's condemnation of homosexuality. It's not for us to understand it, just follow God's commandments and remain faithful.'

Draco gave up. 'So we do what we're told. We don't have to understand it. And homosexuality is unquestionably wrong.'

'Yes.'

'What if. . . by homosexuality we could bring someone into the fold?'

'We do not convert. The Spirit converts. We are mere vessels. The Spirit does not use sex in His Holy purpose.'

Lingering images of long, intense conversations on Christianity with Harry, after longer, intense bouts of shagging, faded reluctantly from Draco's mind. Ah well, he thought. I was always better at being an arrogant bastard than having angst-filled inner monologues, anyway. So he turned, instead to another topic.

'So, about smiting.'

* * *

'Come on, it's a great idea.'

'It's certainly more well-researched than most of your ideas, and a lot less filthy too, but the answer is still no.'

'Come on, Hermione. I don't know where it is in the bible; you have to help me. It doesn't compromise Harry in any way, unlike my last idea, it doesn't break any - well, many - school rules and it'll be funny.'

Unexpectedly, Ron spoke. 'If it doesn't involve Harry snogging Malfoy, I'm all for it.'

'Harry snogged Malfoy?' Seamus asked in surprise. 'Did you see? Was that why you weren't in the common room?'

'Of course he didn't! But I can guess what your next stage on that old plan would be.'

'No, actually, snogging *wouldn't* be my next stage. You're such a prude, Ron. First dates aren't just about snogging anymore.'

Hermione sighed. 'What do you think, Harry? Harry?'

'Huh? What?'

'Off frolicking in a field with darling Draco?' Seamus teased.

Luckily, Ginny intervened. 'Hermione wanted to know what you thought about Seamus' plan,' she said.

Harry tried to shake himself out of his daydream. 'Oh, I don't care anymore. He's stopped trying to smite us all, hasn't he? Why bother?'

'But it will be *funny,*' Seamus pleaded, exasperated that no one else seemed to grasp this. 'Why are you sticking up for him?'

'I'm not sticking up for him!'

'I think it'll be fine, Seamus,' Hermione interrupted. 'If he does anything more we can just threaten to tell everyone he fancies Harry.'

'No!' Harry exclaimed. 'You're not to say a word to him about it. Ever.'

'But. . . how can we expect him to behave then?' And why not?'

'Because. . . it's too embarrassing to have him after me. Everyone will start teasing me and acting like Seamus.'

The Gryffindors paused in horror at the contemplation of a Hogwarts full of Seamus.

'Look, go ahead. It's a great way to embarrass him. You have my blessing. Hermione, show them the bit in the bible. Just never mention the Draco fancying thing ever again. Not to anyone, especially not to me. Ok?'

There was a brief silence. 'I understand,' Ron said. 'I've been saying all along how gross it is. You must want to just forget all about it.'

'Yes. Yes I do.'

* * *

'Have you been reading my highlighted bible?'

'Yes. And I also read some of the non-highlighted bits, and they confused me a bit. Like Leviticus.'

'Go on.'

'Yes, well, apart from the homosexuality bit, I was also a bit perturbed by the not wearing garments of mixed materials. Why would that be an abomination to the Lord? And where it says that women who get raped should be forced to marry the guy who rapes them if they scream, but should be stoned if they don't scream. . . I'm not a feminist or anything, but I didn't really like that bit.'

'Oh, well that's one of the bits of the Old Testament we ignore.'

'How do you choose?'

'The Holy Spirit guides us.'

'The Holy Spirit, right.' There was a pause. 'So, the homosexuality thing, that's the bit of Leviticus we accept. And the smiting. And it makes sense because Adam and Eve were united in one flesh. Not Adam and Steve.' Archibald smiled and nodded. 'So, when Paul writes that it is better not to marry. . . what happens to the one flesh thing?'

'Individuals are also one flesh. The point is that God never decreed that men and men or women and women could have the same sort of union as the one flesh. Why are you so interested in this anyway?'

'No reason, no reason. Oh, actually one of my friends is gay. Well, my arch- nemesis actually, not my friend. I don't make friends with err faggots?' Was that the expression? Wasn't that a sort of meat dumpling thing?

Archibald reached over and patted Malfoy on the shoulder. 'Worry not Draco, you are shown a superior being to your enemy. Not only are you Christian, you have only natural passions too.'

'Yes, they certainly feel natural enough. The object of my desire is pretty fine.'

Archibald smiled serenely.

* * *

'You're an awful liar,' Ginny said conversationally, walking up to Harry as he wandered aimlessly through the grounds.

'Me? Lie? Ahaha. Hahahahaha. Me lie? Ha. Ha. Hahahahow did you know?'

She giggled. 'If I didn't, you would have just told me anyway. But the fact that you're staring into the distance all the time helps to give it away. I remember being like that myself once. Then you don't want to talk about Draco, but seem not to want to hurt him either. You stammer when people get too close to the truth. But the real clincher is that I saw you snogging on the Quidditch pitch the other night.'

'You saw WHAT?'

'Don't worry, I haven't told anyone. Especially not Ron, though I think he might suspect. I know us Weasleys aren't always the brightest of the bunch, though our hair is, but he is your best friend and he must have noticed something is up with you.'

'Oh, that! That was. . . Draco just. . .'

'Don't patronise me, boy. I just thought, if you don't want to talk to anyone else about it, I'm here for you, type thing. I never really imagined I'd be your dating confidant, but I actually feel a lot better about you not fancying me when I fancied you, because if you're gay, maybe that means Cho just looks like a man or something.'

'Oh I don't think I'm gay, I just. . . '

'Fancy men? Right. Anyway, I'm around if you want.' She slung her bag over her shoulder and skipped back to the castle, her long red hair swinging.

* * *

As Draco made his way back to Hogwarts, he could not decide if he felt better or worse since meeting up with Archibald. Part of him just wanted to ask more and more questions, and part of him wanted to lose his doubt by trying to force Christianity onto everyone else. And do some more smiting. On the edge of Hogsmeade, he saw a little church. There was singing coming from it. Archibald had warned him that not all who professed to be Christians were saved, that this particular group pretended to do the will of God when actually just trying to fit in with the morals of the day. 'Liberals,' he had spat distastefully. 'Wishy-washy Christians. God will judge them.' The singing sounded so happy. No, not happy. So Harry. They sounded like bloody Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, that's what they sounded like. So pure, and so stupid. Draco seethed his way back to the castle. Crabbe and Goyle had gone back long ago. Draco was last back, and running the risk of being late. In fact, he got back one minute before the deadline. McGonagall glowered at him from the top of the steps in the Great Entrance, and looked meaningfully at her pocket-watch. He just grinned. He began to walk through the castle towards the Slytherin dungeon, pleased with himself, when suddenly there was a blinding light from above.