So Far Away

~~~~~

"Where to, sir?" the driver asked.

"Huh?" James said.

"Where to?"

"Oh," James said, realizing he had nowhere to go. "Er..know any hotels in Glasgow?"

"Well, you looking cheap or expensive?"

"Cheap," James said.

"Well," the driver said, "I think the Belhaven's pretty cheap."

"Take me there," James said.

"Al right," the driver said.

James sat back in is seat. "How far away is this hotel?"

"Not too far," the driver said. "Pretty close, actually."

"Good," James said. He fished through his bag for some of the Muggle money he'd won that night betting with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. He thought he probably had enough for a week or so at a hotel and meals after that, he'd have to ask his friends to lend him some.

James smiled. Even though he had to leave Lily, he'd at least get to see, or at least talk to, his friends. He'd only been away from them for about three days, but (sadly enough) he missed them. Since first year, he'd never been more than a few days without talking toy communication them.

He felt into his pocket for the powder that would enable them to talk through the fireplace. If they had a fireplace. If not, James would just have to do some renovating. He was good at transfiguration, after all, and transforming a wall into a fireplace wouldn't be too hard, as long as the Muggles didn't notice anything.

"Here we are," the driver said. James handed him a few bills and trusted him to make the correct change. Then, James took his bag and headed into the Belhaven Hotel.

~~~~~

"Wanna go outside?" Anne asked Lily as Lily watched James pull away.

"Yeah," Lily said, trying to look excited as she let Anne lead her to wherever they were going.

"Marcus made me a swing back here," Anne said. "Can you push me on it?"

"Sure," Lily said.

"I helped him paint it. I chose red 'cause it's my favorite color."

"I like red too," Lily said.

Anne smiled at Lily as she got up onto the swing. "Don't push me too high."

"I won't," Lily said, pushing her gently.

"Higher than that!"

Lily pushed her higher.

"Good!" Anne cried.

After Lily felt that Anne was good and distracted, and no one else was around, she took out her wand and began to use it to push the girl. Anne didn't seem to notice.

Lily sat down under the tree, her wand still pointed at the swing. She wondered if Eugene was going to talk to her in person before their wedding. She wondered when their wedding was. She wondered if James was all right.

Lily decided to face the fact that Eugene probably wouldn't talk to her very much, if at all, beidea. She barely knew the man; they'd only met yesterday. It shouldn't be that big of a deal whether or not they ever saw each other again.

Still, for reasons Lily could not fathom, she found that it was. But she'd just have to put it in the back of her mind for now. She'd talk to him at the wedding briefly, dance with him like she promised, and that would be that. She'd probably spend the rest f her life in this manor, taking care of Anne.

Lily tried to tell herself that it wouldn't be that bad. She and Anne could become close, and Anne could be her friend. She didn't really need

She decided not to think about it anymore. Thinking about it made her weaker, and she needed to be strong.

"Excuse me, Miss Lily," a voice said. Lily stuffed her wand in her pocket quickly.

"Yes?" Lily said, getting up and slowing Anne down.

"Mr. Grenwich would like you to meet him right now, in the parlor," the woman Lily recognized as Heather said.

"What about Anne?" Lily said. "I can't leave her, can I?"

"I'll take her to her room. You can get her there when you are done."

"Alright," Lily said, lifting Anne off the swing and putting her down next to Heather. "See you later," she said to Anne. Then, to Heather: "Where's the parlor?"

"Go in that door, make a left, and it's the first room in that hall," Heather said, taking Anne and walking away.

Lily followed the instructions Heather had given her, and walked through a large archway into the parlor.

"Hello," Eugene said from the opposite end of the room.

Lily gulped. "Hello."

"Come here, Lily," he said, patting a seat on the couch right next uch with him.

Eugene didn't seem to mind. "I called you here to tell you something," he said, leaning as close as he could to her while they had a chair in between them.

"Obviously," Lily said.

Eugene grinned. "I have set our wedding date," he said.

Lily gulped. "When?" she asked, moving farther away from him.

"Exactly a week," he said, still grinning and staring at her in a way Lily didn't like at all.

"A week," Lily repeated.

"Yes, a week," Eugene said, standing up and moving closer to her still. "Then you become Mrs. Lily Grenwich"

Lily shuddered. Eugene seemed to notice.

"Don't act so disappointed," Eugene said. "I think we'll make a good couple."

"I don't," Lily said, surprising herself. She didn't think she was going to say that.

"Oh well," Eugene said, shrugging. He moved away from her and back to how he was sitting when she had first come in. "You can go now. Go take care of my daughter."

Lily bolted out of the room.

~~~~~

James was happy to find that his room, besides from being cheap, also had a fireplace. He lit it with a wave of his wand and threw in a little of the powder.

"Sirius Black," he said clearly.

The flames turned several colors, and once they became purple, James stuck his head in them.

"You there, Padfoot?" he called.

"James?" a surprised Sirius said, coming into the room. "James! Good to see you, old boy."

"Good to see you too," James said, grinning.

"So,"Now, which would you like to try on first?"

Lily chose a dress at random, and pulled it off the hanger.

"Just go in there, dear, and try it on," Mrs. Stewart said, all smiles.

Lily went in to the changing room, and pulled it on. It took long enough, but Lily gasped when she looked at herself in the mirror.

She looked like a ruffled cream puff.

Lily took it off as quickly as she could and put her normal Muggle clothes back on. Then she stepped out and handed the dress to Mrs. Stewart.

"Oh, you've taken it off already!" Mrs. Stewart said. "I wanted to see you in it."

"I don't think that was the dress for me, anyway," Lily said.

"Well, if you're sure," Mrs. Stewart said, rummaging through more dresses. She produced another one, which looked completely covered in ribbons and bows. "I think this one would look splendid on you."

Lily groaned, and brought it into the changing room.

~~~~~

"Lovely!" Mrs. Stewart exclaimed as Lily stepped out of the changing room again, in her 37th dress. Or 38th. She wasn't quite sure; she'd lost count a while ago. "That just might be the one!"

Lily looked at herself in the mirror for the first time since putting the dress on. She breathed a sigh of relief. There were only a few frills, and the dress was very plain. It wasn't the most beautiful dress in the world, but it was comfortable. And at this point, Lily was fine with that.

"I'll take this one," Lily said.

"Splendid," Mrs. Stewart said. "Now, we still have a lot to do. You need to be fitted, and you and your fiancé (her eyes lit up slightly at the word) will need to pick out the flowers and arrangements and such."

"We've already decided on them," Lily said. In truth, Eugene had decided on all of it. Lily had the feeling he was trying to re-create his old wedding. She tried to protest it, but he had threatened to hurt Anne, so she consented. Lily had already become attached to the girl.

"Oh," Mrs. Stewart said, sounding a tad disappointed. "Well, just show me them, then."

"I don't have any pictures of them," Lily said.

"Gracious, you don't?"

"No. We'll just have them shipped to wherever they need to be, and you can arrange them however you want."


Lily laughed bitterly, causing the woman to stare. "The happiest day of my life," she said sarcastically. "Right."

~~~~~

Anne was bored. She hadn't been this bored in a while - not with Lily to play with her. But Lily was out getting ready for the wedding.

She was so bored, in fact, that she decided to risk going to ask her father to play with her.

Anne treaded the familiar path to her father's bedroom, where he spent most of his day, sleeping, Anne thought. She reached the door, and knocked.

"Daddy?" she called. "Are you in there, Daddy?"

She heard the sound of her father getting up, and stomping over to the door. "What?" he said gruffly.

"Wanna play?" she asked.

He growled and came lumbering over to her. Anne was starting to regret her decision to come to him when he said, "What?"

"W-wanna play?" Anne said again, her confidence close to gone.

"Play?" he asked, as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "Play with you?" He let out a laugh, which ended in a coughing fit.

"If you want t-to," Anne said, looking down. "I was bored 'cause there's no one around 'cept you and I-"

Eugene was looking at his daughter with the utmost amazement. In a way he was proud of her, for being brave enough to come ask him such a thing. But that was a very small part of him. The small part of him that was what he once was. But that was when Sophie was alive. Now she was dead. So felt now remorse in saying to his daughter, "Get the hell out of here."

"e said, coming very close to Anne, who was on the verge of tears, and gripping her shoulder, hard, "it's to not talk back."

Anne cowered and tried to run away from him. At this point she'd do anything to get away from the monster he was.

"Don't you try to run from me," he said loudly. She risked a look up at him. He slapped her across the face. Anne let out a scream, but forced herself not to cry. She swallowed hard, but didn't try to run again. "I'll always find you," Eugene said with malevolence. Then he let go of his death grip on her.

She fled.

~~~~~

James had never felt this way in his entire life. He wasn't sure how he felt, but it wasn't completely recognizable. He recognized the worry; worry for Lily. And fear for her and himself. Mostly for her. He felt anxious for the wedding to come, and for the year to be over to he could go back home and see his friends.

Then there were the feelings he couldn't explain. They were the smallest ones; the ones in the back of his mind, annoying him every so often. He had a hunch they had to do with Lily as well, but he wasn't sure. Most of him wanted to leave Glasgow, that was for sure, but a small part of him wanted to stay, just for the chance that he might be able to see Lily again. And that brought up about a million more other feelings.

James sighed. He was probably going insane. Either that, or he as turning into a soap opera actor, what with all these feelings. Not that it made a difference. Going insane and being in soaps were both pretty much the same thing. At least in James' opinion.

~~~~~

The week went by in a flash. Lily's last days as an unmarried woman were going way too fast for her liking.

Lily had been to hell and back in the past week. She'd spent it all with either Mrs. Stewart or with Anne. She >
The wedding arrangements were all in order. Everyone was seated in the right place, and the large room at The Caribbean Suites that had been booked for the party afterward was all in order. The flowers were all set up in the right display, and Lily thought they looked beautiful, even if marigolds and tulips weren't her favorites. The bridesmaids' (none of which Lily knew, personally) dresses were all fitted, as was Lily's wedding gown. Nothing was wrong at all, it seemed. The wedding would be flawless. Perfect.

The only problem was the person she was marrying.

~~~~~

October 31st: the wedding day. Lily was in a dressing room outside the hall in the church where the ceremony was about to take place, and all dolled up.

The pain came in pangs. After first hearing she was going to get married, the pangs came quickly, so fast that it didn't seem like there was any time in between. Them for a while, they slowed down. When she was with James on the train, she'd barely felt them at all. Then they'd started up again. During the week before the wedding, there had been times when she didn't notice any pain, mostly when Anne distracted her. Now it was the big day. The wedding day. Lily was positive there was no space at all between the pangs. There might have been momentary lapses, but they were just because Lily was extremely busy hating her father.

Lily took a deep breath. She observed herself in the mirror. Even Lily had to admit that she looked pretty good. Lily fought back the tears as she magically put on some waterproof mascara. She couldn't guarantee that she would be able to hold in the tears the entire time.

There was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" Lily asked.

"It's James."

Lily gasped. James. Lily opened the door with a wave of her wand. She swallowed when she saw him. Since Hogwarts, she'd that, though. But now -

"You clean up pretty well, James," Lily said quietly.

"Thanks," he said. "You look stunning, yourself."

Lily would have blushed if she weren't so occupied with beating down nerves.

"I didn't think you were coming," Lily said.

"You owe me a dance, remember?" he said. "I wasn't about to miss out on it."

Lily chuckled weakly and stood up, ready to go out to the church hall. James went over to her.

"Don't worry, Lily," he said softly. "Everything will be all right in the end."

Lily choked. "Will it?" she said. "I'm getting married today James. To someone I barely know. And what I know of him, I hate. Things aren't looking up for me now, James. I hardly think the sun will ever come out for me."

James was at a loss for words. Then, he did something completely unexpected for two people who were just past acquaintances, and hugged her. Lily immediately put her head on his shoulder, and began sobbing into him. Lily felt so relieved to have someone to comfort her. James rubbed her back soothingly as she cried.

Lily tried to cry away all the pain she was feeling, all the hatred and despair and anguish. But it was no use. Still, it felt good to be in someone's arms.

"You're walking out in one minute," a man said from outside the door. Lily pulled away from James slowly.

"Thank you, James," Lily whispered.

James nodded. "Don't worry, Lily. Everything will be alright in the end."

Lily wiped away her tears and nodded back at him. "I hope so," she said. Then she checked herself in the mirror one last time. "I should go now," she said.


The music started.

"Fuck," Lily muttered, looking out into the church. Everyone was staring at her.

"Going to wait for me before you walk down?" a voice said from behind her. Her father.

"Hello, father," Lily said in mock-happiness. Her father put her arm around his and they proceeded to walk down the aisle.

Lily thought she was going to die. Hell, she almost wanted to die. It had to be better than this. Everyone was staring at her expectantly. Lily didn't even try to smile, like she'd seen other brides do. She thought that she must look between constipated and nauseous, and as angry as anything. Either way, it wasn't a good feeling.

Richard Evans seemed to notice Lily's inner struggles. He tightened his grip on her arm.

"Lily," he said firmly, in an I'm-warning-you kind of voice. Lily ignored him. He had ruined her life enough - she wouldn't let him deprive her of her silent bitching.

Lily saw James out of the corner of her eye when she was about halfway there. She tried not to look at him.

Every step Lily took was like a lifetime. Lily was thinking of running, what chance did she have? Anyway, she wasn't that cowardly. She was a Gryffindor, after all. And Gryffindors certain weren't cowards.

Lily tried to picture Petunia in her head. She was doing this for her, after all. Lily briefly wondered if she was there, but squashed that thought immediately. Her father wasn't foolish enough to allow Petunia to attend. He'd know that would open up a great possibility that this would go wrong for him.

She was a few steps away from the alter. She swallowed as she looked at Eugene, and failed at not looking disgusted. The man was hideous; thto hide it. His dirty blond hair was even greasier than Snape's. Lily swallowed again.

She reached the alter. Eugene tried to hold her hands, but she pushed them away, causing the congregation to stare.

"Eugene and Lily. In presenting yourselves here today, you are performing an act of faith in each other - a faith that should grow and mature and endure," the reverend said as soon as Lily had taken her place. Lily snorted. Her father glared at her.

"If you would have your love set on such faith, not just for this moment but in all the days ahead, then ever cherish the hopes and dreams you now hold," Lily looked at the reverend is disbelief. Didn't he know they weren't in love? Didn't anyone know?

"Resolve that love not be blotted out by.." The reverend began. Lily didn't hear the rest. She took deep breaths. She tried to calm herself. She tried not to let her eyes wander to James' seat. She tried to look at Eugene. Maybe he wasn't really so ugly. Maybe it had just been a trick of the light.

Lily finally managed to look at her to-be husband. She was pretty sure it wasn't the light - he was just plain revolting. "Can I ever love him?" she thought. "Could he ever love me?"

Lily bit her lip. The reverend seemed to have finished his droning. He was looking at Eugene.

"Eugene, do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? Do you promise before everyone present that you will love her, honor her, comfort and keep her in sickness and in health and that forsaking all others for her alone? Will you perform unto her all of the duties and respect that a husband graciously bestows upon his wife?"

Lily could have sworn that Eugene smirked. "I do," he said.

The reverend smiled, and looked over to Lily. "Deep breaths," Lily thought. "It'll all be all right."

"Lily," the reverend said. "Do you take this man to be your wedded hromise before everyone present that you will love him, honor him, comfort and keep him in sickness and in health and that forsaking all others for him alone will you perform unto him all of the duties and respect that a wife graciously bestows upon her husband?"

Lily felt a drop of sweat trickle down the back of her neck. She could literally feel the tension in the hall.

"I-" Lily said. She bit her lip. "I do."