A (Random) Day (Actually Two) in the Life

I read the news today, oh boy

About a lucky man who made the grade

And though the news was rather sad,

Well I just had to laugh

I saw the photograph.

He blew his mind out in a car,

He didn't notice that the light had changed

A crowd of people stood and stared

They'd seen his face before

Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords.

I saw a film today, oh boy

The English army had just won the war,

A crowd of people turned away

But I just had to look,

Having read the book.

I'd love to turn you on.

(weird music or whatever you want to call it)

Woke up, fell out of bed,

Dragged a comb across my head.

Found my downstairs and drank a cup,

And looking up, I noticed I was late.

Found my coat, and grabbed my hat

Made the bus in seconds flat.

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,

And somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Aaaaaaaahh, aaaaaaahhh, aaaaaaaaaaahhh, aaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaah.

(more weirdish music)

I read the news today, oh boy

Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they now how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.

I'd love to turn you on.

(really weird music)

One day at Hogwarts, 15-year-olds Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking down a corridor to History of Magic class. It was a warm day in...uh...I have to think of a month, gimme a sec......okay, how about December? No, not a warm day in December....August! Yeah, August! Okay, so it was a warm day in August, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione are walking down a corridor...I mean were...oh, whatever!!! Restart....Okay. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking down a corridor to History of Magic, which was very boring and taught by a ghost and Hermione was the only person who took notes and Harry and Ron copied off hers at the last minute and....Oh, I'm blabbering again, aren't I? Sorry about that....Okay....Suddenly, Voldemort Apparated right in front of them.

"Hey! You can't Apparate inside Hogwarts' grounds!" Hermione shouted angrily.

Voldemort shrugged. "Whatever." He raised his wand and hexed Hermione, who fell backwards in a dead faint.

"Cool!" Ron said. "Can you teach me that?"

Voldemort shrugged again. "I don't know."

Harry, however, said angrily, "That was very rude, Mr. Voldemort, so you'll have to go to detention."

"Ha ha ha!! I'll kill you instead!!" Voldemort said happily.

Harry grinned. "Okay, but killing is wrong, but have it your way. It's your own fault."

Ron looked around stupidly, then said, "I'll tell Professor Binns why you're late, Harry."

"Okay, thanks Ron." Harry nodded and Ron took off.

"Kill me, please," Harry said quietly. "Even though I have so much potential. Please."

Voldemort stared at Harry, then he lowered his wand. "Whatever, dude." Suddenly he was sporting tie-died robes and a peace medallion around his neck. He held up his fingers in a 'peace' sign. "Peace, love, man," Voldemort said, then he vanished.

Hermione sat up. "Hey Harry," she said as Harry helped her up. "I've just had the strangest dream!"

"Hermione, I told you not to eat on an empty stomach!"

"Yeah, but I just couldn't help it! I was so hungry...I hope we're not late for Transfiguration!" Hermione gasped.

Harry looked at her, puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, never mind, it was the Time-Turner thing again....Sorry." She grabbed Harry's arm and then ran to Trans - er, I mean History of Magic.

The next day Hermione sat down next to Harry and said, "What's wrong with Won-Won? I mean," Hermione turned a brilliant shade of red, "Ron."

Harry looked around the Great Hall. Won-Won - oops, I mean Ron, sorry - was dancing around the Great Hall, kissing nearly all the girls on the cheek, then saying, "Oh, I thought you were Hermione." When he looked up from kissing Cho Chang (Harry's heart did a somersault), he grinned and yelled, "Hey, where's Hermy?! 'Mione the sweetie!! 'Mione!!! Where aaarrreeeee yyyyyyyyooooooouuuuuuu?"

Hermione blushed so deeply that Harry thought she resembled a tomato with bushy brown hair.

"Ouch," Harry said, grimacing as Ron shouted, "'Mione, my love!!!"

"Yeah," Hermione breathed, sinking lower in her seat. Then Ron was hurrying toward them. "Oh no," Hermione gasped, and quickly hid her face in a book. Unfortunately, you could still see her hair over the top of the book.

"Hi Ron," Harry said casually as Ron sidled down across from him.

"Hi, 'Mione, my sweet," Ron said, ignoring Harry and staring instead at poor Hermione, whose face looked exactly like a sun burnt tomato. (Note to self: look...up...on...Internet...to...see...if...tomatoes...can...get...sun burnt....)

"Hi Ron," said Hermione quickly, looking cautiously over the top of her book. "Er...I love you," she whispered.

Harry laughed loudly. Hermione, in love?!?!? The bushy-haired, smart, in-your-face, bossy girl in love?!?!? Harry laughed again as Ron reached across the table and stuck his elbow in the butter dish.

"Oops..." he muttered, blushing so his face was as red as his hair. "Didn't mean to do that..."

Harry turned to Hermione quickly. For some reason, he wanted to make Ron jealous and angry; maybe it was because he kissed Cho, or maybe because Ron got him an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini for his last birthday.

"Hermione," he said urgently, "I love you."

Hermione's face appeared over the top of her Arithmacy book. "What?" she said.

"I...er...love you," Harry said to his bacon. What? I love my bacon? Yeah, actually, I do. And Harry started making out with his bacon.

Hermione and Won-Won (oops, there I go again) Ron stared at Harry, then Hermione said, "I love you too, Ron," and she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"What?" Harry abruptly looked up from his bacon, which was now covered in slobber. "What d'you mean, 'what'?" Ron said impatiently, knocking over the orange juice. He kissed 'Mione's ear and grinned.

"Hey, I love Hermione!! She's mine!" Harry shouted, throwing his beloved bacon at Ron. Oh crap, he thought. I just threw my loves at Won-W - oops, now I'm thinking like the author! Oh dear! Forget the author and Ron, my poor bacon!! "BACON!!" Harry yelled, jumping over the table and hitting Ron in the face with his sneaker.

His beloved bacon slices were lying, unconscious(well, not really, but it sounds more dramatic that way!), on the dirty floor. "No...no!" Harry sobbed, cupping the bacon in his hands and rocking it back and forth. "I love you, bacon..." He pressed the slices to his cheek and sobbed loudly, attracting stares from all the students, and especially Dumbledore, who looked as though he were fighting a smile. He heard Fred Weasley whisper to his twin, "Aww, look at 'em, the perfect couple."

Harry sat up and looked at Ron, whose butt was blocking his view. He moved a little to the right and saw he and Hermione were kissing over a pancake glazed with maple syrup.

Harry lay back down on the floor on his stomach and dusted off his bacon, which was now conscious(not really). He kissed it tenderly. He, Ron, and Hermione had all finally found love.

The End