The Final Showdown Goes Somewhat Awry

Ok, it's a wee bit over-the-top, I'll be the first to admit, but just read it anyway, pweez? this came to me at 1:30-2:00 in the morning so it's garbage, but just give it a chance! thanx!

-hg-

THE FINAL SHOWDOWN GOES SOMEWHAT AWRY

Harry: ~checks watch and taps foot impatiently~ When is that dumb-ass Denizen of the Underworld gonna show up? I've got a long to-do list of heroic things I still have to do today! Hmph!

Voldie: ~apologetically~ Sorry I'm late! Oops, I mean (ahem) ~puts on a vengeful face~ I will vanquish thee, foe! Oops, wait, that's your line. What do I say? ~cue cards scatter to the ground~ Oh shit! ~kneels to pick them up~ I'm really, really sorry about this, Harry.........

Harry: ~sarcastically~ No problem, cuz, you know, I have NOTHING better to do!

Voldie: ~pouts~ Well, I said I was sorry!

Harry: ~sighs~ Yeah, it's okay. Anyway, let's get this shit over with.

Voldie: ~hurriedly shuffles through cue cards; seems to find the right one~ Ahem. It is time for me to kill you, Harry Potter. You have eluded me too many times. Prepare to die! ~grimaces~ Who wrote this crap?

(A/N: Whoopsie, Voldie, dear, that'd be me! ~blushes~)

Harry: ~brandishes sword~ Ah, but it is *I* who must kill YOU! ~puts on a really bad Spanish accent~ My name is Harold James Potter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

(A/N: Hasn't anyone seen the Princess Bride?!?!?!)

Voldie: ~begins speaking Parseltongue~ Say-a-reth-heth Hass-a-saya-hassy-heth.

Harry: ~laughs~ Dude, why are you speaking Parseltongue? It's not like I can't understand you!

Voldie: ~embarrassed~ Erm, right. I meant to say 'Taste defeat, you rancid bit of slime.' Better?

Harry: Much. ~looking superior~ I've got Godric Gryffindor's sword, I won't taste defeat. Besides, this sword is so much cooler than Parseltongue. I got this sword from my house-founder, but all you ever got from yours was a dumb hissy language that nobody can understand! Ha! Haha!

Voldie: ~hangs head~ You're right. A sword's much cooler. Damn.

Hermi: ~joyfully~ Oh, Harry! I can't wait any longer! I lo-

Harry: Well, you're gonna have to, I'm a titch busy here. I'm battling VOLDEMORT-

Voldie: ~waves~ Hiya.

Harry: -and we're in the middle of a heated argument-

Voldie: ~nervously~ Er, well, actually, Harry, ~cough~, I agreed with you, so wouldn't that mean the argument's over?

Harry: ~shushes Voldie furiously~ SHHH! Can't you see that I'm trying to get RID of her?!

Hermi: ~indignantly, sniffs~ Well, I never! For you information, Mr. I'm-Too-Into-Battling-Snakey-Old-Men-To-Listen-To-My-Best-Friend, I was GOING to tell you that I lo-

Harry: ~exasperatedly~ Seriously, Hermione. It'll have to wait. Go bang Ron or something.

Hermi: ~brightens~ Okay! ~rushes off, trilling~ Oh, Ronnniekinnnsss!!!!!

Harry: Whew. Wonder what the hell she was going to tell me. ~shrugs~ Oh, well. Now where were we?

Voldie: I don't remember.

Harry: ~frustrated~ DAMN it!

Ginny: ~wide-eyed~ Oh my God, Harry, you won't believe it, Ron and Hermione are shagging in--OH MY GOD!! IT'S VOLDEMORT!! AAAHHH!!!

Voldie: ~looking embarrassed~ Aw, shucks, kid, no reason to make a fuss, I'm not THAT scary!

Ginny: ~rolls her eyes~ Well, DUH! I'm just so excited to MEET you! ~glances Voldie appreciatively up and down~ You're kinda hot, in an evil child-killer kind of way!

Voldie: ~ flustered~ Well, thanks, you aren't too bad yourself. We should go out sometime.

Harry: ~tears at his hair~ OH, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!! Me and Ginny together would be cradle-robbing, but THIS is ridiculous!!

Voldie: ~irately~ Ridiculous HOW? True love knows no age! ~grins devilishly~ And besides, everyone knows you're just jealous cuz I'm gonna shag her first.

Ginny: ~gives Harry a smirk~ Yeah, Jesus, Harry, way to be a jealous stick-in-the-mud. You sound like my mum.

Harry: ~nauseated~ Oh, gag me with a broom.

Ginny: ~throws broom to Harry~ K, here. ~proceeds to give Voldie a big fat kiss~

Harry: ~very, very grossed out~ Eeeurgh. ~tries to ignore long-time crush making out with deadly rival~ So, now that we are COMPLETELY and UTTERLY off topic, where did you say Ron and Hermione were makin' it, Gin?

Ginny: Oh! ~giggles~ (A/N: though whether from Voldie kissing her neck or Harry's question, I can't say) In your bed, Harry, for some odd reason.

Harry: ~convulses~ BLOODY FUCK WITH A CHAINSAW!! ~dies~

Voldie: ~gratefully to Ginny~ Wow, thanks! That's sure a load off MY mind! Whew!!

~And the two couples lived happily ever after. Although Ginny got pissed when Voldie began ANOTHER reign of world-domination and terror, they went to a marriage counselor, worked out their problems, and went on to have many babies resembling redheaded snakes. Yeeurch. Strangely enough, so did Ron and Hermione. But I guess you can't win 'em all.~

THE END