Unicorn Horny

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry changed its curriculum about once every 300 years. Somewhat unsurprisingly (that is, if you believe in fate, destiny, or any of that nonsense), this curriculum change occurred during the second semester of Harry's seventh year. In order to better prepare for the NEWTs, the Seventh Years' courses were split into units - each unit lasting one week and focusing on a particular area of study and the ways in which it related to each discipline.

This particular week, the area of study happened to be magical creatures. This particular day, the focus was on unicorns.

Professor Binns gave an especially rousing lecture on the Great Unicorn Massacre of 1049, very nearly managing to keep the majority of the class awake (with the exception of Ron, Neville,

Crabbe, Goyle, Seamus, Dean, Millicent, and Harry). Flitwick taught them several charms used for luring and soothing injured unicorns. McGonagall even transfigured an ottoman into a very passable miniature unicorn, in order to demonstrate the perils and pitfalls of transfiguring typically mild-mannered furniture into rather high-strung living beings. This was best demonstrated however, when Ron attempted the same feat and found himself (much to his chagrin) chased around the classroom by a rather peevish half-unicorn, dragging its be-tasseled ottoman legs behind it.

Harry was beyond grateful to escape the castle and the still-struggling "ottocorn" to the relative safety of the Hogwarts grounds. Hagrid was whistling merrily as he leaned against a sagging and protesting wooden pen. Harry, Hermione, and Ron (who was sporting a grotesquely purple eye from a too-close encounter with the hind quarter of the "ottocorn") raised their hands in greeting and looked for a seat on the magically cushioned grass for Care of Magical Creatures.

Since Hagrid had planned a very special class for this day, the Seventh Years of all four houses were present, crowding together on the lawn. Hermione had, of course, dragged them to Ravenclaw country, at the very front, to ensure the best view.

Hagrid grinned like a mad hatter and moved to the front of the outdoor classroom.

"Welcome everyone!" he bellowed, and Harry and Ron winced. "We got a right special class planned fer t'day," he continued, moving to the gate at the front of the pen. Harry noticed the grass inside seemed to be teeming with flowers in so many colors his head swam just looking at them.

"Right," Hagrid said, meaty hand resting heavily on the gate. "Now, nobody move so as not tuh startle 'em." Hagrid peered into the shed at the back of the pen and whistled softly. "Delsol, Laluna, come on out."

A hush fell over the mass of students as the door to the shed burst open and two creatures pranced out, surrounded by a blinding halo of light. Beside him, Harry could hear Ron's sharp intake of breath and Hermione's soft gasp of awe. He even swore he heard Hagrid murmur "Ruddy brilliant," under his breath.

After a moment, the light dwindled to a soft, steady pulse. A ripple of excited whispers washed over the lawn, growing louder and more frantic as it neared Harry and friends among the Ravenclaws.

Hagrid held up his hands in a warning gesture. "QUIET!" he yelled, and instantly the students fell silent. "Now," he continued in a softer (for a half-giant) tone, "Delsol and Laluna were very kind tuh offer tuh come here t'day and give ya a practical lesson in unicorns. I know ye've already had History of Magic, but I'll fill ya in on a few more important details."

Harry allowed his eyes to wander over to the magnificent creatures as Hagrid began his lecture. Delsol, the male unicorn, was small and compact with taut, sinewy muscles covered in shimmering golden hair. His horn was long and majestic, rising proudly from the center of his forehead. His eyes were a deep amber and held a profound intelligence. Laluna, the female, was larger than her mate and had luminescent silver hair. Her horn was shorter than Delsol's, but it shone like polished opal. Her belly was swollen to enormous proportions, and she shifted on her hooves as though uncomfortable. Harry reasoned she must have been pregnant, and quite far along. But her eyes were what really caught his attention: they were the color of twilight and sparkled with wisdom and love. They were eyes that could look into a person's very soul, and Harry was captivated by them.

He was drawn out of his fascinating perusal when he noticed that Ron and the other boys were all snickering quite rudely. He looked up and saw that Hermione, along with several of the Ravenclaw girls around them, was blushing, her cheeks stained almost the color of Ron's hair.

"What's going on?" Harry whispered to Ron, who was trying to pass his laughter off as a cough under Hagrid's glare.

"Weren't you listening?" Ron asked.

"No, I guess I spaced out for a minute. What's so funny?"

Hagrid stopped glaring and went on with his lecture, so Ron deemed it safe to answer.

"Hagrid just said that unicorns will only allow a person to touch them if they're a... a virgin!" Ron started tittering again, and finally had to slap his hand over his mouth.

Harry wasn't all that surprised. He vaguely remembered reading something along those lines in a textbook or novel sometime in the past few years. It wasn't all that big a deal, really. Unicorns were completely pure beings - of course they wouldn't allow themselves to be sullied by the touch of someone who wasn't. Harry felt a momentary gladness that something good might finally come of his 17 years of celibacy (by choice, of course), until he realized that he wouldn't have a chance to touch the unicorns. There was no way Hagrid would let the unicorns mix among the students - teachers were not supposed to know that much about their students' personal lives. Unless Hagrid, being the rather innocent man he was, just assumed that all his seventeen-year-old, coed, hormones-for-brains students were still virgins.

Harry had a brief panic attack. He might be alright (well, not alright, but he had come to accept the cold hard facts) with his virginal state, but he sure as shit didn't want anyone else to know! But no, Hagrid would never do such a thing. Hagrid would never -

"A'right, gather 'round everyone. I'm gon' tuh let Delsol and Laluna out, and ya can all have a chance tuh pet 'em."

"Well, shit," Harry muttered, but no one heard him. The crowd was abuzz with excitement, disbelief, and in some cases, abject horror. Many of the Ravenclaws appeared disappointed, while the entirety of Hufflepuff seemed near tears (no doubt the unicorns would make a beeline for the patch of grass where their house huddled). Most of the Slytherins were smirking, obviously plotting how they would use this information against the poor, pathetic souls who hadn't yet gotten laid. Harry turned to glare at them and saw Crabbe and Goyle guffawing obnoxiously, elbowing Malfoy suggestively until he was sure the boy would have bruised ribs. Malfoy simply stared ahead stonily, his 'royally pissed off' look never wavering.

Harry returned his attention to the unicorns, who were now walking carefully amongst the students. Of course, they just had to be right at the front. Harry made a mental note to hex Hermione as soon as he got the chance.

Laluna approached him slowly, and Harry knew he was doomed. She paused directly in front of him and tilted her head so she could look at him out of one of her dusky eyes. Slowly, she lowered her head to his until they were almost nose-to-nose. With a resigned sigh, Harry reached up and, very tentatively, ran his hand down her nose, resting it on the soft, velvety muzzle.

And then it all hit the proverbial fan.

Hermione and Ron gasped beside him, betrayed. Well really, what was he supposed to tell them? That all the girls (and boys) he knew would rather stare at his scar than go anywhere near his bits? That the reason there were so many damned silencing spells around his bed was not because of nightmares? That the only person he had ever really fantasized about would just as soon see him castrated as... well... see him naked? Not bloody likely!

He was almost indignant enough not to notice the uproarious laughter coming from the Slytherins. Almost. He was even more annoyed to note that most of the Ravenclaws, a few of the Hufflepuffs (hypocrites!), and even some of his traitorous Gryffindors were also chuckling.

"Thanks a lot," he muttered to Laluna, resting his forehead against her nose. The beast merely whinnied softly and nuzzled at his ear.

Meanwhile, Delsol had nudged past and paused, nosing at Ron and Hermione, who were both looking extremely uncomfortable. With a last sniff, Delsol lifted his head and moved on, heading toward the back of the crowd.

It was Harry's turn to feel betrayed.

"When the hell did that happen?" he grumbled at them. Ron's face was red as a tomato and Hermione had gone deathly pale, but neither was able to answer him.

Muttering curses under his breath, he gently shoved Laluna's head away from him. "Go on," he said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "Go humiliate someone else, will you?"

Laluna pulled away and gave him a significant look out of one eye before obediently moving away. Harry let out the breath he'd been holding and turned to fix Ron and Hermione with a steely glare.

"So, would one of you like to explain why you didn't think it was important to tell your best mate that you've been shagging like rabbits?"

Hermione gasped. "But we haven't!" Ron cringed at her words and flushed even brighter.

"Er... I mean... well you see...." Hermione stammered, sending Ron a silent plea.

"It was just the once," Ron explained, staring fixedly at the ground.

"Not that we didn't want to... well, you know... more... but we just...."

"It just didn't go quite as we had expected..." Ron supplied, looking quite miserable.

"I don't understand," Harry said, wondering what the problem had been.

"We didn't quite... erm...." Hermione looked as though she wanted to sink into the ground and never reappear.

"Well, we did," Ron said quickly, giving Hermione an affronted glance. "It just didn't... once we actually...."

"Oh, for god's sake," Harry said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Forget I ever asked! It's not like I'm just dying to know about your sex life anyway."

But Hermione had finally screwed up her courage. "Basically, it was over before it started! There. Is that what you wanted to know?"

"Hermione," Ron said, through gritted teeth. "I thought we decided we weren't going to discuss this." His voice held a warning tone.

"Well, Harry is our best friend, and besides, it's just been driving me crazy..."

"Oh, like the fault was all mine! You weren't exactly helping, you know! You're like a bloody instruction manual! 'Insert part A into part B, turn three times counterclockwise, grasp knob C...'"

"Oh, shut up!" Hermione hissed, absolutely livid. "It couldn't have been that bad! Unlike some people, at least you got -"

"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" Harry yelled, silencing the entire yard. Hermione and Ron glared at each other, and Harry shut his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened them, Ron and Hermione refused to look at him, but the rest of the students had gone back to their own conversations.

A moment later a wave of shocked laughter made its way through the crowd, drawing Harry's attention. He turned to see what was causing all the commotion, and what he saw nearly made his heart stop.

Draco Malfoy, rumored Slytherin sex god, prick extraordinaire, and the object of Harry's nightly trysts with his right hand, was seated quite calmly in the grass, petting the unicorn whose head was resting in his lap.

The Hufflepuffs cheered, and Pansy Parkinson fainted, but Harry merely stared, enthralled, as the platinum-haired boy stroked Delsol's silky mane, watching the soft hair run through his fingers almost reverently. After a few moments of this, Delsol got gracefully to his feet, nuzzling his nose into Draco's hair before walking away to torment poor Susan Bones.

Crabbe and Goyle stared stupidly at Malfoy, looking as though he had just told them Christmas was canceled and someone had murdered their puppies. But before they could gather enough of their remaining wits to say something, Malfoy had risen to his feet and strode off in the direction of the castle.

Harry watched him go, memorizing the confident gait, the almost imperceptible sway of the slim hips.... and he decided he would need some extra reinforcements on his silencing spells that night.

*** Fast forward two hours ***

Professor Snape snarled distastefully at his double potions class.

"I don't care what that half-breed did to get you all so riled up, but I warn you, I will tolerate no funny business in today's class. We are discussing a topic which may one day save your life or the life of one of your comrades, and more importantly, will most certainly appear on your NEWTs. Now, can anyone tell me what potions require powdered unicorn horn?"

Hermione's arm shot into the air, as usual, and Snape rolled his eyes heavenward.

"Yes, Ms. Granger, go ahead before you implode."

"Well, powdered unicorn horn is quite potent, and can be used in a number of potions. Some properties of unicorn horn are..."

Harry drifted off, allowing Hermione's words to wash over him as he slipped into one of his more popular fantasies: himself and Draco shagging like mad on Snape's desk. He watched the other boy, who had been banished to the back of the classroom, precariously close to the Gryffindor side of the room, after the incident that afternoon, like a hawk. He studied the way shimmering blonde strands of hair fell in front of Draco's eyes, dangling there until they finally got too annoying and he had to shove them back with an slim, aristocratic hand.

Harry finally realized Hermione had stopped talking, and tried his best to pay attention.

"Thank you, Ms. Granger," Snape said, his lips pursed together in a thin line. "Well class, it seems you can throw out your textbook as Granger has just managed to recite to us the entire bloody thing. Now, though I highly doubt there's been anything left out, can any of you name another potion that requires unicorn horn?"

There was a prolonged silence, and then another hand, not so quick or self-assured, rose into the air. Snape quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes, Mr. Finnegan? Did you have something to add, or do you simply have to use the loo?"

"No sir, I thought of a potion Hermione forgot." The class made a small murmur, half disbelieving, half impressed. Hermione looked offended.

"And just what potion is that, Mr. Finnegan?"

"Erm... I'm not sure of the proper name, sir. My brothers always called it the 'unicorn horny' potion." Seamus, never one to be bashful about the most sensitive of subjects, didn't even flinch at saying 'horny' in front of the evil potions master.

Snape heaved a very put-upon sigh and placed a weary hand over his eyes. "Leave it to you, Finnegan, to bring this class to its most base level. However, you are correct - powdered unicorn horn is a very powerful aphrodisiac."

Seamus, wearing a cat-that-caught-the-canary grin, looked at Snape expectantly.

"Oh, very well. One point to Gryffindor. But I'm taking away two for wasting so much of our time."

Seamus kept grinning. Harry knew he had expected Snape to take away at least ten points, so all in all it was a red-letter day.

Snape continued on with his lecture, but Harry could only focus on one thing - the unicorn horny potion. As neither Ron nor Hermione were speaking to him after the earlier fiasco, Harry decided to develop his Ingenious Plan on his own.

Half an hour later, Snape was still droning on - something about carefully measuring the powdered unicorn horn - and Harry had almost perfected the Ingenious Plan. A bell rang, signaling the end of class, and Harry gathered his things and walked out, so preoccupied he didn't notice the silvery stare that followed his every move.

*** Fast forward five hours ***

Harry thanked all the gods who may have been listening yet again for his invisibility cloak. He had had two near run-ins with Filch, one with Snape, and one very disturbing moment when he had stumbled upon Professors Flitwick and Hooch in a very compromising position. But the real trauma had come when he caught Professor Binns and the Bloody Baron in the prefects' bathroom. He had only recently begun to understand how two men could do that, nevermind two ghosts!

Shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut to rid his mind of all the horrible images, Harry slunk into the potions laboratory, careful not to make a sound in case Snape had headed there after his nightly roam through the halls. Finding it empty, Harry breathed a sigh of relief and quickly set to work. He had found an old potion recipe for the unicorn horny potion after a quick trip to the restricted section of the library (another prayer of thanks for his cloak), and was in an awful hurry to make it.

Twenty minutes later he had gathered all the ingredients and was frowning over the instructions. It was obviously a well-loved and frequently-used potion, as there were smudges and stains all over it.

"Hmm," he whispered softly to himself. "Does that say one gram of powdered unicorn horn, or ten?" Figuring he needed all the help he could get anyway, Harry measured out ten grams of the sparkly powder and dumped it in the bubbling cauldron.

*** Fast forward forty five minutes ***

Harry whispered the password to the Slytherin common room and slipped stealthily inside. It really paid to know people in high places (actually, it paid to know Dobby, who knew every detail about the castle and would throw his own mother off the astronomy tower if it would please Harry Potter).

Creeping silently up the spiraling stairs, Harry counted off six doors on the right until he reached his intended destination. The door to the prefect's bedroom was unlocked (apparently, Draco was under the misconception that the password to the dormitory was enough to keep out ill-wishing intruders) and Harry ducked inside, letting out a relieved breath.

He looked up and saw Draco's lithe form stretched out on his bed, skin gleaming in the pale moonlight filtering through the window. Whatever the outcome of his Ingenious Plan, Harry knew this image of his arch rival would fuel his fantasies for many months to come.

He finally tore his gaze away, looking for some way to put his Ingenious Plan into action. His eyes lit on a water carafe and cup sitting on the bedside table. He crept over to it and dumped the contents of the small vial inside, watching as it shimmered gold and silver and then disappeared.

Now, the only thing he had to do was make sure he was the first person Draco saw upon waking. He settled down beside the door, pulling his invisibility cloak over top of him, and leaned his head against the wall, thinking it would be alright if he dozed for just a little while.

*** Fast forward six hours ***

Harry awoke slowly, wondering where on earth he was and why he was so sore. He looked up and saw a distinctly rumpled, definitely empty bed.

"Oh fuck."

*** Fast forward ten minutes ***

Harry didn't need to wonder what all the commotion was about when he entered the Great Hall for breakfast. He only prayed that it wasn't as bad as he thought it was. He was almost relieved to find out that it wasn't.

It was worse.

The hall was in an uproar. Students were pointing and laughing, teachers were running about, shouting orders and taking house points - even Dumbledore looked quite ruffled.

There, seated at the staff table as though he had every right to be there, was Draco Malfoy, completely wrapped around Professor Snape, who was looking murderous. Draco had his hands twined in the professor's hair, and was attempting to pull his face closer. Snape looked as though he'd rather have every strand ripped out before giving in to Malfoy's attentions, but Malfoy's other hand was wandering, it was causing Snape to become rather distracted.

Harry gaped, stumbling to his seat beside Ron and Hermione.

"Wh-what?" he managed to choke out, not even remembering his two best friends had not been speaking to him since the previous day.

"He's been up there for at least ten minutes," Ron said incredulously. "Everyone's too afraid to try and stop him."

"But... but why Snape?" Harry asked, confused. How was Snape the first person Draco saw? Wouldn't he have run into one of his dorm mates before now?

"Oh, it's not just Snape," Hermione said, her eyes wide as saucers. "He's molested no less than twenty five people since breakfast began."

Harry groaned, remembering his confusion over the potion ingredients. Apparently it had been just one gram. Oops.

"So what are the professors doing?" Harry wondered.

"Well," said Ron, "Dumbledore tried to pull him off when he attacked Colin, but..."

"But what?"

"But he tried to kiss him," Hermione finished, cheeks flushing.

"He tried to kiss Dumbledore?" Harry felt ill. This was not supposed to happen at all!

"I just wanted the both of us to finally get laid," he mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Hermione asked.

"I said I just wonder how much he's getting paid."

"What?"

"Well," said Harry, trying to think of a quick save, "this is obviously some sort of prank. I wonder how much Crabbe and Goyle paid him?"

"Erm... since he tried to take both Crabbe and Goyle at the same time on top of the Slytherin table, I would guess they have nothing to do with it." Hermione said.

"Unless they have some severely repressed desires," supplied Ron.

Harry snorted. Repressed desires, indeed!

Just then, Draco detached himself from Snape, who looked beyond relieved, and began to back slowly away from the staff table. His eyes went wide and his jaw slackened in fear.

Harry looked around, wondering what had him so frightened. Then he saw that Madame Pomfrey had slipped in and was edging towards him slowly, tranquilizer in hand. The hypodermic glinted evilly in the early morning light as Poppy lunged for him and Draco took off like a jackrabbit, bounding out of the hall and disappearing out the front doors.

Harry buried his head in his hands and wanted to die.

*** Fast forward seven hours ***

Classes were over and Harry was felt as though he'd been crucio'd to within an inch of his life. Nobody had seen Draco since his hasty exit that morning, and Harry was feeling horribly guilty. He decided to sneak down to Hagrid's paddock before dinner and visit the unicorns. Laluna had had a calming affect on him the day before; maybe she would be able to soothe him. He had to think up a solution to this mess, and he couldn't do it when Ron and Hermione were constantly hanging about, bickering like an old married couple and cracking jokes about Malfoy's 'situation.'

Harry swung the paddock door open and went inside, grasping blindly for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Delsol and Laluna were curled up on a bed of straw, both of them appearing to be asleep. A small figure huddled next to them, only visible in the soft glow both creatures projected.

"Don't come any closer, Potter," Draco said in a husky voice. "Just stay where you are."

"Malfoy?" Harry stepped nearer, squinting until he could just make out the shiny fair hair and glinting grey eyes.

"I mean it, Potter. Go the hell away!" Draco's voice held a note of desperation, and it drove Harry wild.

"What if I don't want to go away?" he asked softly, and was met with silence. He was beginning to think Draco hadn't heard, when a quiet noise resembling a sob met his ears. "Malfoy, what is it?"

"Why?" Draco said, and it was almost a whisper.

"Why what?"

"Why would you want to stay? You saw how I was this morning. It's killing me even now, just to sit here and not..."

"Not what," Harry said in a low, throaty voice.

"To not jump on top of you, kiss you, touch you, feel you.... shit!" Draco was breathing heavily now, his chest heaving with the effort. Harry was transfixed.

"Is that what you want, Draco?"

"Yessss!" Draco said, so sibilant it almost sounded like parseltongue. Either way, it sounded good to Harry.

"Then come and get me Draco. I'm all yours." Harry moved even closer, stepping carefully around the resting unicorns and dropping to his knees so he could look into Draco's eyes.

"No," Draco hissed, slamming his eyes shut until two tears squeezed out.

"Why?" Harry asked, moving closer until his breath ghosted over Draco's lips.

"No, dammit!" Draco said, even though he was slowly inching forward, as though pulled by some invisible force.

"I thought you said you wanted this," Harry said, brushing his lips lightly against the very corner of Draco's mouth, joy coursing through him as he felt the other boy shudder.

"I do," Draco whispered, opening his stormy eyes. They hardened suddenly with resolve. "And that's why I can't."

"Huh?" was all Harry managed, before Draco had pushed himself to his feet and began to walk away.

"Draco, wait!" Harry's plea rung through the air and stopped Draco in his tracks as though he's thrown a lasso around him.

"I don't understand," Harry continued, seeming to reel the other boy in with every word. "I thought you said you wanted this. That you wanted me. Well, here I am. So what's the problem? Still can't accept the fact that you might just want to shag Harry Potter? You've always been an evil prat, Malfoy, but even I had hoped you'd gotten over that phase."

"Oh, get over yourself," Draco snapped, turning around to face him, eyes flashing. "For god's sake, I wanted to fuck Snape this morning. I very nearly kissed our one hundred and fifty-year-old headmaster, Potter. What makes you think you're so special?"

And quite suddenly, Harry Figured it All Out.

Draco didn't really want him, had never really wanted him. He had hoped the potion would loosen Draco up, help him see that their enmity really could be resolved, and hopefully make him admit that he wanted Harry like crazy. But what he'd really done was push the boy further away. He'd humiliated the one person he felt could really understand him, the one person who, if they could just get over their petty jealousy and rivalry, could have been someone Harry could really care about.

Defeated, Harry hung his head and turned to go. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" Draco said bitterly.

Harry knew if he didn't come clean, he would be guilty for the rest of his life. "I was the one who slipped you the potion, Draco. That's why you're acting like this. I gave you a very strong aphrodisiac. I don't even know how long it'll take to wear off."

"Why," Draco said, his voice dangerously low, "would you do something like that, Potter? You and your Gryffindork friends bored and looking for some way to spice up a Friday afternoon?"

"No," Harry whispered, dejected.

"Wanted to bring the Malfoy prat down a peg, eh?"

"No."

"Well, you've succeeded Potter. Not only does the whole damned school know I'm a fucking virgin after yesterday's fiasco, now you've gone and made me look like the most desperate git in the world. Happy now?"

"No," Harry said, willing himself not to cry.

"Then why?"

Harry wanted nothing more than to just walk away, but he felt that after all he had put Draco through, he at least deserved an explanation.

"Because I wanted you... to want me."

Draco laughed, loud and bitter.

"Oh sure, like I'm going to believe that."

"It's the truth," Harry said insistently. "Believe it or not. That's what I intended, but I guess I screwed up the potion, or it didn't work right, or something. I'm sorry. I should never have done it, but I've been looking at you for so bloody long... and I just wanted... more. I'm sorry."

Draco eyed Harry warily, though he wasn't entirely successful in hiding the lust burning in his eyes. Harry told himself it was only the potion, nothing more.

"Do you know," Draco said slowly, "why I told you no?"

"Because you hate me and hope Voldemort doesn't murder me so you'll get the honor instead?"

"No, you idiot."

"Then why?"

"Because I've wanted you since I figured out that 'outies' are better than 'innies.'"

Harry was totally lost. "Huh?"

"Ever since I figured out that I'm beating for the other Quidditch team, so to speak, I have wanted, needed, been out-of-my-mind desperate for you."

"Oh."

Draco stalked toward Harry, eyes gleaming hungrily. Harry couldn't compose his scattered thoughts fast enough, so when he found himself locked in Draco's arms, he couldn't figure out how he had gotten there.

"I don't want to fight this any longer, Harry," Draco whispered against his ear.

Harry managed to collect his brain cells long enough to mutter, "Then don't."

"But I don't want this to happen because of some dumb potion. I want you to know that I'm doing this because I want to. Because I want you. That's why I told you no before."

Harry pulled away, struggling to form just one more coherent thought before he went all to pieces. "So, you're sure this is you talking, and not just the potion?"

"Oh, I'm sure it's me. Though the potion is helping quite a bit. It's rather effective, you know." He pressed his hips against Harry's thigh, and Harry figured out just how the potion was 'helping.'

"Alright then," Harry murmured, tipping his head back and exposing his throat to Draco's curious mouth. "'S good enough for me."

He was on the ground before he knew what was happening, bits of straw pricking him through his thin robes. But none of that mattered, because Draco was on top of him and - holy god - he was writhing and squirming like a snake, trying to get closer to Harry than was humanly possible.

Harry moaned, arching up as Draco deftly began undoing the buttons of his robes and then his shirt. Harry did the same to Draco, fumbling a bit more, until they were able to press their fevered flesh against one another. Shivering deliciously, they continued their exploration, heedless of everything around them.

Draco pressed harder, and Harry clawed against him, barely able to breathe as stars danced in front of his vision. He vaguely heard Draco chanting his name, like a prayer, and then...

Delsol's loud whinny startled them back to reality. Sirens began to sound, loud and wailing, as the two boys leapt to their and began to hurriedly button their robes.

And just in time, too, as Hagrid burst through the door of the paddock, eyes wild and excited.

"It's time! Oh, I knew it'd be soon!" Hagrid ran to the unicorns and dropped to his knees beside them. Glancing up, he finally noticed Harry and Draco, panting and flushed beside him.

"And what do ya think you two're doin' out here?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Erm... we thought we'd just come out here, and... and..." Draco trailed off, looking at Harry helplessly.

"And see the unicorns again." Harry finished, hoping Hagrid wouldn't question them.

He didn't.

"Well, it's a good thing yer here, I reckon," he said, gesturing towards Laluna. "It's time fer the little'un to come, and o' course I won' be able to touch her, should anythin' go wrong." Hagrid flushed slightly, and Harry determinedly did not think about the implications of that statement.

He glanced quickly at Draco, and knew they were both thinking the same thing - if Hagrid hadn't come in just when he did, they wouldn't be able to touch her either.

"Now, Harry, if ye'll just go on up there and pat her head, see, maybe you can keep 'er calm."

Harry did as he was told, keeping a wary eye on Delsol, who was nuzzling protectively against his mate's neck.

"Alright then, Malfoy, if ye'll just head on down tuh the other end, you can keep an eye on things down there."

Draco looked askance at the half-giant. "You want me to do what?"

"Just watch what's goin' on down there and let me know. This is Laluna's first baby, and there could be complications."

Draco wrinkled his nose in distaste, but moved to obey Hagrid. He crouched down beside the unicorn's nether regions and took a swift peek.

"Oh, gross!" he cried, looking away and slapping a hand over his eyes. "Harry Potter, how do you get me into these things?"

Harry laughed, but then returned to his task when Laluna gave a cry of pain. Her stomach rose and fell erratically, and Harry stroked her soft mane, whispering soothing words to her.

"Okay, Draco," Hagrid said. "I need ya tuh tell me what ya see."

"Erm... alright." Draco took a breath and glanced down again, cringing slightly. "I see... a lot of blood. And more blood. And... I don't know what that is. Oh wait! Wait, I think I see... a hoof. Yes that definitely looks like a hoof."

Draco looked up, pleased, but Hagrid was frowning worriedly. "It's breech then, as I feared. Alright Draco, Laluna's gonna need yer help with this. Yer gonna have tuh help her get the baby out."

"What?"

"Harry, you go down there and help too. I'm gonna get Professor Snape - he has some potions that may help." Hagrid disappeared, and Harry moved to crouch beside Draco, who was looking distraught. Taking a peek of his own, he had to admit that it wasn't the prettiest sight.

"Well, what now?" he asked Draco, who was looking paler than usual.

"I dunno. We're supposed to help her get it out, right? Should we just... um... tug it?" Draco didn't look happy at the prospect.

"I don't know... seems like that would hurt, doesn't it?"

"And you think that doesn't?" Draco said, pointing.

"True. Alright then. Well, you take hold, and when I see the other hoof, I'll start pulling too."

"Why do I have touch it first?" Draco whined.

"Because it was your idea! Now just do it."

Draco straightened his shoulders and set his mouth in a line of grim determination. Pushing up the sleeves of his robe, he bent over and moved Laluna's hind leg as gently as possible, praying he wouldn't get kicked. He got hold of the hoof, which was rather slippery, and began to tug. Laluna made several short, sharp grunting noises, but Draco gritted his teeth and kept pulling. Harry continued speaking quietly to her, telling her everything would be alright.

Finally, after endless moments the other hoof appeared. Harry leant over and grasped it firmly. "Okay," he said to Draco, "on the count of three, we pull. Sorry Laluna, this is going to hurt like hell."

Draco clenched his teeth and nodded to let Harry know he was ready.

"One... two.... three!" Together, they pulled firmly, and half of the baby unicorn's body came out. Laluna cried out in pain, and Delsol made a low noise, almost like a growl.

"Sorry girl," Harry whispered, rubbing her hind quarters gently. "You're almost there. One more good pull and we'll have it out of there."

He looked at Draco. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Okay, one more time then. One... two... three!"

This time Laluna's cry was muffled by another one. The baby unicorn, covered in blood and other substances Harry didn't want to contemplate, had cleared its lungs and was braying louder than a donkey. Shrugging off his robe, Harry wrapped the baby in it and carried him to Laluna's belly. The tiny creature nosed around for a moment before finding what it was looking for and suckling happily.

Harry watched the whole business with mingled awe, queasiness, and joy. Draco moved to sit beside him, and Harry leaned back into the strong warmth.

"You did well, Dr. Potter," Draco murmured against his ear.

Harry chuckled. "So did you, Dr. Malfoy."

"Hmm... perhaps we should become vets and open our own practice. Of course we'd have to remain virgins if we expect to help sick unicorns."

They had no time for speculation however, as Hagrid arrived with Professor Snape. Snape had Draco administer several healing and pain potions to Laluna (as well as a calming potion for Delsol) while Hagrid cooed and clucked over the baby. Even Snape seemed to be less of an evil git as he watched the baby snuggle up between its mother and father and fall asleep. And of course, Harry promised himself that he would never, ever think about the reason why Snape was unable to touch the unicorns.

*** Fast forward two hours ***

Harry curled up on Draco's bed like he was always meant to be there. Both of them were too exhausted to attend dinner in the Great Hall after their busy afternoon, so Harry had asked Dobby to bring them some sandwiches and pumpkin juice.

After both boys had stuffed themselves, Draco came to sit beside Harry, nudging close enough so that their arms were just barely touching.

"I think the potion's worn off," he said.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I had absolutely no desire to shag either Snape or Hagrid tonight," he said, relief evident in his voice.

"Thank god for that," Harry muttered, leaning a bit closer. "So does that mean... well... do you still want... me?"

Draco shifted swiftly so the he was straddling Harry's lap. "What do you think?"

"Well," Harry said, pretending to contemplate, "either you've forgotten to remove your wand from your robe pocket, or the answer is yes."

"The answer is yes," Draco said against Harry's lips. "Yes, yes, yes, yes...."

"Mmph," was all Harry said, but it seemed to be enough of an agreement to Draco.

When he finally pulled away, Draco was wearing a completely disgusted look.

"What?" Harry asked, worried he'd done something wrong.

"I was just thinking, I'm so glad you're a man."

Harry laughed. "Okay... any particular reason?"

"Well," Draco said, wriggling against him, "there are several. But what I mean is, I'm glad I'll never have to go through anything like today again."

"Was it really that bad?" Harry was only teasing, but Draco looked serious for a moment.

"No, not really. I mean, it was sort of beautiful, in that whole 'miracle of life' way. But then, I don't really go in for all that shit."

"Oh no, of course not," Harry said, grinning. "You would never."

"And don't you go telling anyone I got all soppy either! You've got enough punishment coming for that whole potion prank."

Harry waggled his eyebrows. "Sounds intriguing."

Draco sighed. "Seriously though, I don't think I ever want to see another unicorn again as long as I live."

"Well," said Harry, pushing Draco back against the pillows, "I can't promise that. But I can promise that you'll never have to touch one ever again."

And Harry, being an honorable boy and always true to his word, proceeded to fulfill that promise. Over and over. And over. And over....

*** Fast forward to ***

The End.