Secrets Untold

Lily woke the next morning with a headache. She thought about casting a simple spell to make the pain vanish, but she felt particularly Muggle just then and let the throbbing continue. Besides, she carried a punctured pride and that was something that no spell could mend quickly.

She grabbed her wand from her bedside table and waved it just slightly enough so that her bed made itself. As she proceeded to pull on her clothes and class robes, she wondered if she should send an owl to her home. Petunia, of course, would have no delight in seeing another "horrid creature," but she knew her parents would like to have a letter. Her dad was as interested in witches and wizardry as Arthur Weasley, an employee she had met on a class field trip to the Ministry of Magic a few months ago, was in Muggles. And her mum, she remembered, had never been more pleased than when Lily had been appointed Prefect. (Petunia had been absolutely nightmarish.)

She was still shocked at the dramatic decrease in authority. She was confident, however, that Dumbledore knew what needed to be done, and it wasn't concrete that point-rights would be forever banned from prefects. It was just doubtful that it would come back before the end of her seventh year.

Sighing, Lily brushed her hair and put it up in its customary half-ponytail. Life would go on, she mused, just with more chaos than even McGonagall could detect. Whether anyone thought so or not, she damn well had made the school better, simply by being fair.

Or, as Sirius Black, would say, a goody-goody.

The sad thing about Sirius was that, as clever as he was, he truly thought she didn't know any of the put-downs he seemed to always whip at her. He was a nice boy, she supposed, but he was insensitive and nearly as conceited as James Potter.

James, she remembered, rolling her eyes. She immediately decided to skip breakfast. Just his presence was enough to make her forget her appetite. His ego disgusted her and he was constant competition in test scores. But what infuriated Lily the most was that she always seemed to be proud of him when he did something admirable. If she were in her usual behavior, she would shrug off all of his Quidditch triumphs, his homework scores (which were impeccable even in potions, in which he, like her, had a B+) and his volunteer work in Hogsmeade, which she'd heard about from Clarissa, since her friend had been working at Honeydukes over the summer.

No, she wouldn't praise any of that, even mentally. But, Lily thought worriedly, it was only two and a half months until seventh year. Things were...changing.

She entered the Charms classroom early enough that not even Professor Flitwick, a teacher who had only been at Hogwarts for five years, would be in. Double Charms with the Slytherins; the joys of Tuesday mornings. She muttered a casual "Lumos" and the lights flooded on. Her heart thudded in her chest when she saw the dark figure in the back of the room. Her shoulder bag dropped to the floor in surprise.

"Snape," she breathed, eyes wide.

Snape regarded the glittering green with a sneer. "So, the icy Evans can experience fear."

"Fear of you?" Shaking her head, she bent over to retrieve her bag. "Don't bother flattering yourself." She had been caught off-guard, since there was usually no one else in the room.

"I've no need to, nor to impress you." He had to tell himself that he did not admire the fall of hair on her shoulders. "Not everyone feels like they should compare with you, Evans."

Lily sat down and gave him only a sidelong glance, "That's good, then, isn't it? As there's no way you can."

Rage met with something else as Snape leaned back in his seat. "Just like all Gryffindors, I see. When you talk like that, you're just like that damned Potter."

Her control was dangerously close to snapping, as she was tired, annoyed, and had an empty stomach. "That's mightily bold of you to say, Snape, as I could say the same about yourself."

"Funny, and Slytherins are known for being cunning." Even saying so, his eyes narrowed at the disgusting comparison.

"Yes, well, if you did have any cunning--" Lily cut herself off as the door opened and Remus Lupin entered, dark circles under his eyes and hair ragged.

He didn't even seem to notice the two of them until he sat down in his seat directly in front of his fellow Gryffindor prefect. "Oh, I see I'm not alone. Snape," he said coolly.

"Lupin," Snape returned, his lip curling. "Bad night?"

"You could say that," he snapped. "All right, Lily?"

"I'm fine." She evaded both boys' eyes and took out her books. "Sincerely, you don't look well, Remus." If there was a Marauder she could tolerate, it was Remus Lupin. She continued to hope that his influence would better James and Sirius. "Are you ill?"

"I was sick last night. But I'll be fine by noon today; it's happened before, many times." Lupin sent a warning glare to Snape that awaked skepticism in Lily. "Anyway...how are you doing? You didn't seem fine yesterday either."

"I really was," she objected. "I was...unused to a certain turn of events."

"Evans, you were distraught," Remus said bluntly.

"Oh," Snape crooned coldly, "did Evans cry?"

"Shut up, you," Remus said, dismissing him casually. "Well then, you're okay now, Lily." He paused, grinning. "Stand and salute, Snape, your captain's here."

Lucius had indeed come in, a large group of Slytherins behind him with Gryffindors mingled in beyond that. As always, the two Houses separated to different sides of the room. Malfoy took his seat beside Snape as Nicole sat with Lily, and James joined Lupin. Sides were taken among sides.

The minutes before class began like normal, with the usual despairing moans from Pettigrew over his nearly non-existent comprehension, and the traditional jibes between Sirius and Lucius.

But this time James turned around and faced her. "You weren't at breakfast," he commented.

"Noticed, did you?" she asked, trying to look as bored as possible.

"Should I have not?"

"I can't think of any reason why you should."

James winced. Damn, that girl could cut him. "Are you sick?"

"James, I'm a girl. I wasn't hungry." She waved him off with a flick of her hand and didn't see his eyes dim.

"You're lying, Evans."

"Leave her be, James," said Lupin.

"Fine." Disgruntled, James whirled around in his seat. "Can't be the least bit concerned about the great Prefect Evans." The truth was, he was jealous of Remus, had been since fifth year when Remus had been picked to serve as their class's prefect with Lily. He got to be close to her, and he suspected they were even on some sort of level of friendship. He knew that they greatly respected each other.

Respect. Hadn't Nicole been wrong? She had to be. Who could ever not respect Evans? Merely looking at her made James sit a little straighter. Although, he had to admit to himself, that also came from his hell-sent attraction for the redhead.

That was when he saw Lucius. Flitwick had started speaking while he'd been thinking of Lily, so the class was relatively quiet, with the exception of a few girls whispering in the back. Many were plainly listening to the lesson on making one's voice volume to amplify without shouting. But Malfoy was anything but attentive to Professor Flitwick. His eyes, instead of being on the board, were discreetly sealed to Lily's face, occasionally sliding to more private areas.

Anger bubbled up inside of him before he could think to check it, and he had to dig his own fingernails into his palms so that he didn't lunge at Malfoy. Before long, blood trickled onto his robe.

How dare that gruesome coward stare at her that way? As though she was any other of his bloody conquests in the women portion of Hogwarts? He looked at Narcissa that way, even at Andromeda that way (though the good Black girl told him off every single time), but he could not, would not, look at Lily that way.

Lily did not notice his stare or, it seemed, even him. Sitting behind Lucius, Narcissa didn't seem to notice either, or if she did, she made no move to distract her boyfriend - or, better term, lover. She was, James thought, submissive - just like Lucius wanted her to be, no doubt about that.

Fuming silently, James forced himself to pay attention to Flitwick as he stood on his mountain of books so he could write on the board. Because he somehow succeeded in absorbing at least some of the information, he didn't realize that the only other person who sensed the predatory feelings coming from Malfoy was Snape, who kept flicking glances at his best friend.

"There now, Severus," Lucius murmured to the greasy-haired boy. "Look at her. Look at her, and tell me you would resist Evans."

Snape's eyebrows lowered as he glared at Malfoy. "With every fiber of me, Lucius."

"Ah. You would try, my friend, you would try very hard. But you'd never do it; I know you. What do you think it is about her? Is it her no-nonsense persona? Is it how she always seemed to be superior to everyone in this school?" He shrugged. "Maybe it's darker. Perhaps it's that she's a Muggle, and I wish to see her suffer. Because I do, even now."

Snape gripped his quill tighter. "Lucius."

"She's so virginal," he muttered, ignoring him. "So obedient. I wonder just how obedient?"

"Lucius!" hissed Snape, loud enough now that heads turned and Flitwick paused in his lecture.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Malfoy? Mr. Snape?" Flitwick's silver brow was raised expectantly.

Lucius smiled, his eyes never leaving Snape's as he silently taunted the other Slytherin boy. "Of course not, Professor." He lifted his quill. "Could you repeat that point about not clearing your throat?"

---

"I despise him."

"That's not news," Sirius pointed out at the end of the day. He was praising the weekend gods that it was Friday. "So do the rest of us."

"No, I really, really hate him." James jerked his bag higher on his shoulder in an almost violent move.

"Are we talking about Malfoy or Snape?" asked Sirius.

"Both of them in general," said James, "but Malfoy in particular today. He has his bloody whores, doesn't he? And they're all Purebloods, so--"

"Hold up, what are you getting on about exactly?" Sirius looked at him strangely as they sat down on the hill that led to the lake. "Isn't this nonspecific Malfoy-loathing?"

"Not this time. He was looking at Evans." Still pissed off, James started plucking at the grass.

"Oh, come off it, James. Lucius has eyes, doesn't--Ohhhh," Sirius ended. "Like that. Are you sure, James? Girls with Muggle-blood aren't on Malfoy's To-Do list. Maybe he was looking at someone else, like Yasmina Patil."

"He was looking at Evans," James repeated in a hiss. His brain was rapidly working out the crude incantation for a spell that would turn Malfoy's dick to the size of a lipstick tube, if it weren't that already.

Sirius sighed and leaned back on the grass. "My telling you to give her up isn't going to have any effect, as usual, so I'll just say this; I know Evans well enough to tell you she isn't one to gallivant off with Malfoy. She dislikes him almost as much as we do."

"Almost," noted James. "It's her damn kindness that keeps her from totally hating him."

"Yeah. Poor luck." For lack of anything else to do, he pulled out his wand and made little smoke signals in the air. "Hey, you're gonna frown at the world all night, aren't you?"

James grunted, "Yes."

"Damn it. Fine, well, you're coming with me tonight. The elves are making plum tarts for dessert and I want to get some to--"

"Don't you ever get tired of it, Sirius?"

Sirius scowled, puzzled. "What? Get tired of what?"

"Us. The way we act, like pathetic little boys with nothing better to do with our lives than cause trouble." James ran both his hands through his hair, more of a habit now than actually trying to impress anybody. "And it's just us mainly now, too. Remus got over it when he became a prefect, and Peter's always been too afraid to not go with us."

Insulted, Sirius sat up. "What the bloody hell are you talking about, James? You've always been just as much of a prat as me. If I might remind you, we met when we were trying to detach the same chandelier on the first day of school."

"So why couldn't we have been afraid of the teachers like everyone else? Even Malfoy was scared stiff."

"We were afraid, you nit, and we were showing off to hide it!" Sirius closed his gray eyes and slowly counted to five. "What's wrong with you? Maybe this is Evans' influence."

"Or maybe," said James lowly, "I've decided to grow up. We're graduating next year!"

"And we agreed to have fun and go out with a bang," Sirius told him. "Besides, it's Malfoy's own banging that's put you on edge. I've just told you, Lily Evans doesn't go for trash like Malfoy! Hell, she doesn't go for anyone!"

James hesitated, then shook his head. "I'm sorry we've argued, Sirius." He stood up and Sirius tilted back his head to watch the evening light reflect off of his friend's glasses. "But I'm not sorry for telling you that I think it's time we stopped pulling the Marauders routine."

Sirius looked down and stared at his lap. "You have the right to say what you want, I guess."

"I've got Quidditch practice. Goodwin's got some idea about us being able to play in the dark in case one of our games actually goes on that long next year." James picked up his bag and started to walk away, then turned. "Thanks for listening to me fret about Evans again, mate."

Sirius grunted out a farewell as James went on down to the Quidditch field. When he was gone, he went to go back to the castle. He wasn't mad at his best friend. He'd never been angry with James for more than a few days. But Lily Evans was the Gryffindor Seeker's downfall, and both of them knew it.

"Sirius!"

Sirius turned on the staircase and saw Andromeda racing up just as it started to move. "Oh, bloody hell," she declared. "Sorry, I've kept you."

"You haven't," he corrected her. "In fact, I could use some company."

Andromeda grinned. "Me too. I need some cheering up. I just got harassed by Narcissa and Bellatrix again."

"Narc and Bella-drip never bothered you before," Sirius observed.

"Oh, not that. Just that I missed when I tried to make their gums swell up." Andromeda grinned when he laughed. "What's your problem, then? Usually you have at least one out of three scheming boys with you, plotting your next rebellion."

"Well, actually..." Like Lily had thought earlier, Sirius mentally concurred that things were changing. "I wanted to ask you. Do you find us - and honestly, I mean James and me, not Remus and Peter - do you find us, ah...monotonous?"

"Big word," Andromeda joked. "What do you mean? That you're boring?"

"No, not really. Just sort of immature," Sirius emphasized. God, he sounded like a bloody girl. Pass the toenail polish, thank you.

Andromeda tilted her head and studied her cousin. Sirius had always been boastful, something to accompany the arrogant dark looks that made him so popular at Hogwarts. "Why, no. I can't really say I do, not about you and James Potter. Why else would girls be swarming you?" She nodded over his shoulder and Sirius turned his head to see a small pack of Hufflepuff misses giggling at his back from an adjacent staircase.

Sighing, Sirius led her up to the second floor. "That's just it; they think we're daring, like Gryffindors are supposed to be. Perhaps we're just stupid and not really brave at all."

"You're not simply referring to your late-night kitchen runs," Andromeda stated with the renown wisdom that Ravenclaws were known for. "So what are you saying, Sirius? Are you and James starting to see things differently?"

"Actually, no." Irritated, Sirius was just now realizing that he agreed with James. "We both think this. That it's time we started behaving like the fully-trained wizards our records will say we are. 'Course, he thinks it's only him. I was too busy being an ass to tell him I think so too."

"Ah." Curious, and more than a little surprised by this abrupt change of mind in Sirius Black, Andromeda smiled. "I decided that last year. And don't give me that look; I'm a girl. I grow up faster than you." With a laugh, she threw her arms around Sirius and hugged him. Sirius shook his head.

"You'll never change," he muttered. "Good thing I don't want you to."

"Indeed. Listen, Sirius." Andromeda met his gray eyes with her own, tossing her hair back to look at him directly. "Whoever you become, I will know that you're a good person. Even if we grow out of touch, whenever I think about my cousin Sirius I'm going to think of a strong and honest person who's more brave than he now knows."

Sirius gave her the smile that put tears in the girls' eyes. Andromeda received it with a roll of her own eyes. "That's fine. But you forgot to add one thing."

"Oh?" his cousin said as he pulled away and began to walk to the Gryffindor wing. "And what would that be, ten years or so from now?"

Sirius laughed, totally recovered from his argument with James. "That I'm the most dashing and the most mischievous boy Hogwarts ever had!"

---

"Your focus is totally off, Potter!"

James halted his broom and shot a glare at his Quidditch captain, while rubbing his arm. "Why do you say that, Goodwin?"

Daniel Goodwin scowled. "Because when you normally never get hit, you just took your third strike from the bludger."

"Maybe Laskowski isn't doing his job," suggested James, and Daniel frowned.

"Damn you, Potter, don't pull your shit on me today. We've got the last match of the year with Ravenclaw in half a week, and if you don't find our bloody snitch before they outdo us with the four-hundred points they gutted us with last season, I'm going to personally blind your already-useless eyes." Daniel shook a fist to emphasize his words.

James lifted his eyes to the starry sky. "Then in return, can I shut down your already-malfunctioned brain?"

"Get off my field!" Daniel shouted, causing Laskowski and the other Gryffindor players to wince. "And if you come back here tomorrow with your mouth, I'll...I'll..." He couldn't really think of what he'd do to his star seeker.

"Fine, whatever," James said, sparing his captain the embarrassment. He couldn't care less, really. Angrily he descended and stomped back up the hill to the school, storming inside.

As soon as he fumed into the Gryffindor common room, he decided to sleep in there. Sirius was never asleep before ten, and he didn't want to face him. He wasn't angry with him anymore, and there was tea down here anyway. He slapped his book bag onto the coffee table and prepared to snatch out his Astronomy homework when he saw Lily.

She was curled up in the armchair closest to the fire, her head on the armrest. James winced, knowing from experience just what kind of cramps one could get from sleeping that way. He stood to wake her and stopped.

The color from the fire flashed onto her flaming hair like the reflection of well-cut rubies. It set an altogether different fire flaring in his stomach, and James instantly wished for water with which to douse it. It pulsed, achingly.

Unlike Lucius, he and Sirius had some morals, and neither of them had ever tried to get their hands on a girl - not seriously, anyway. And while James had to admit he had always wondered what it would feel like to touch Lily, her hair or her skin, he'd never truly considered touching her.

He wondered now.

Pushing the sudden arousal down, James set a hand on her shoulder, forcing himself to keep it as light as possible. Lily was a moderately light sleeper and she stirred quickly. When her eyes opened, he saw two cool emeralds to counter the heat of the rubies.

"James," she murmured, undoubtedly still half-asleep. "Weren't you at practice?"

"'Till just now," he affirmed. She looked so tired. "It's nearly ten-thirty, Evans. Why are you still down here?"

"I'm a prefect," she murmured, the words lightly slurred from her partial dream-state. "Have to make sure...everyone comes in. You wouldn't, if I let you."

James took her arm and helped her to her feet, which put the two of them in surprisingly close proximity. "If you'd let me, I would come in," he murmured, surprising himself.

"Hn." Lily let her forehead fall onto his shoulder. "Sometimes, I want..."

James waited for her to say something. "Want what?" When she didn't reply, he grinned. There was something so very comic about Lily Evans falling asleep on his shoulder, of all people. Immediately pranks popped into his mind, but he remembered what he'd said to Sirius earlier and instead set his hands firmly on Lily's shoulders and pushed her up. "Evans," he said loudly.

Lily's eyes widened and she looked as though she was seeing him for the first time. "Potter," she exclaimed softly, taking a step back. "Dear God, you startled me."

"So it seems." Deliberately, James stepped away from her now that he knew she could use her legs. Being too close to her made it hard for him to think correctly. "It's late. Everyone will come back, I promise. They're... Well, they're better than me."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, not in disapproval, but in appraisal. "Are you all right, Potter?"

James folded his arms. He decided on impulse to speak to her honestly. "No, Evans. I'm not."

"Do you need the infirmary?"

He smiled jokingly. "Worried about me?"

"Hardly." She smiled back with a challenge in her eyes. "Worried about my House's Quidditch team. Who wants to lose to Ravenclaw?"

"Who indeed," he replied. "Well, I don't need the infirmary, but you could do a favor to make me feel better." A brief flash of irritation curled into his chest.

Lily's eyebrows arched. "Favors" to James Potter could range from innocent to far less than that. "What do you think that should be, Potter?"

"Simple, Evans." James felt the same challenge and wanted to go up against it. Fighting off his own emotions, he leaned in towards her until all he could see was her eyes. "Get the hell out of my head."

With that, he picked up his broomstick, spun on his heel and walked up to the boys' dormitories, leaving Lily stunned and confused in the common room by herself. She did nothing more than stand and stare at the fire for another ten minutes before the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team filtered in.

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