Hungry Like The Wolf

Hungry Like The Wolf - One Step Closer

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again

By myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in...

Linkin Park, "By Myself"

May, one month after `One Step Closer´

The full moon rose, and the wolf was angry. He paced back and forth, pausing only to snarl or gnaw on his tail. He was too frustrated and upset to care that he was making a tremendous amount of noise.

All the wolf knew was that it's mate was gone. Moony stopped pacing and released another dark, anguished howl.
-----
Remus woke up the next afternoon in worse shape than he'd been in the night before. He did not recall what Moony had done, but he couldn't really care less. He bitterly glanced at the calendar. It had been the third full moon since he'd first awakened alone.

'Just like before.' Remus retrieved his robes and wand then proceeded to chant a few healing charms. He normally would have winced at the deep gashes on his arms and legs, but he was too numb inside to care about his physical condition. The wolf still cried inside him. They were both so lonely, so betrayed. And this betrayal was so much worse than the one more than a decade before. At least Remus had been expecting that one.

He'd suspected Sirius a long time before the Ministry had. His normally open lover had become so secretive, so closed off. Looking back, it was their lack of trust for each other that had started this whole fiasco. They'd both been so sure the other was working for Voldemort, they went weeks without even a touch. Then, it looked like Lily and James had escaped, and if they'd trusted Sirius he could too. They'd made love for the first time in what felt like forever, and then he'd woken alone. He'd awakened to a nightmare.

Three of his best friends dead, the other blamed for their murders. A dozen Muggles slain where they stood, his lover in Azkaban. It had nearly killed Remus. His next change was as bad as it had ever been, before today, worse than the first time. The wolf had grieved for the stag and the rat, and howled for it's mate before tearing itself apart.

The wolf still cried for Padfoot, but Remus didn't have any tears left for Sirius. He'd thought that when Sirius showed up on his doorstep, they'd been given a second chance at love. He wouldn't make that mistake again.
-----
Something was nagging at Sirius. 'Did I forget something?' He just couldn´t put his finger on it. 'Well, anything I forgot must not be that important...' It was the same feeling he'd been having for months now. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn´t shake the suspicious feeling in his head, YOU FORGOT.

Sirius scratched his matted hair. At least his last visit with Harry had gone well. He'd missed that boy something terrible all these years. But something... he had forgotten something. But what? He turned to watch Buckbeak pawing at the ground restlessly. Sirius got up and went over to his hippogriff companion. "I wish you could tell me, Buckbeak." He sighed. "Want to get some air? Maybe it'll help us both."

Buckbeak seemed to approve and so Sirius led him out of their temporary shelter and into the cool air of the night. Sirius patted the hippogriff's muscled side, and was about to hop onto the trustworthy beast's back when he saw it.

The full moon, glowing like an orb shaped specter against a starless sky. "Remus..." He spoke the name softly, cherishing the word.

Off in the distance came the spine-tingling howl of a wolf. It made him think of Remus all the more. 'I wonder if Moony-'

And Sirius suddenly knew what he'd forgotten that morning he'd fled his lover's flat in a panic. All he'd been thinking of was his godson. Harry, Harry had needed him. He'd meant to owl, but things had happened so fast. He'd literally dropped everything and ran, ran without telling Remusgoodbye, without so much as a note.

Cursing himself, Sirius hopped onto Buckbeak'sback, and flew as fast as they could go in the direction of Remus' flat, praying he would understand, and forgive his absent minded love.
-----
Something was banging loudly from across the room. Remusopened his eyes, or rather, squinted painfully in the direction of the noise. "Go away! Just let me lay here and suffer in peace." Remus was long used to the scratchy quiet voice that escaped his bloody lips. The knocking wouldn't stop though, and now it was adding to his migraine.

Somehow, he managed to lift himself up, wincing as he jarred all the welts and gashes on his body. He limped over to the door, rubbing the unkept beard on his face, the result of months of not caring what he looked like. He wondered what shape Sirius was in, and then thought bitterly, 'I hope he looks much worse than I do.'

The wolf, still awake inside of him, snarled. Moony blamed him for Padfoot leaving. Every full moon proved that point with abundant clarity. He combed his hair with his fingers, but it was pointless. Sighing, he spoke louder this time. "Go away!"

The knocking stopped, but only for a moment. Remushalf swayed, half stumbled, and clutched at the doorknob for support. So weak... a normal man would have needed a transfusion after loosing this much blood. But, as everyone so often reminded him, he wasn't a normal man.

The knocking began again, steady and almost rhythmic. "Fine, fine. I'll buy your damned product." He muttered to himself as he flung open the door. He froze, his heart skipping a beat.

Sirius stood there, looking just as he had, if not better, than the night he had disappeared. Sirius seemed to look relieved, but at the same time shocked at his friend's condition. "Moony." He looked terrible. The change, it hadn't been that rough in years.

Remus just stared at him for a minute. "You don't get to call me that anymore." Then he slammed the door shut, and sank to the floor. Blessed unconsciousness.

End Of Part Two