Hungry Like The Wolf

Hungry Like The Wolf - One Step Closer

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance

Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before...

Linkin Park, "One Step Closer"

Remus shuffled down the hallway, wearily balancing his armful of belongings as he headed toward the apartment that he had rented. Thanks to Hogwarts, he had quite a bit stashed away, more money than he'd ever had in his life really. But what else did one expect for taking a job that most considered cursed?

He shifted some of the things, his tattered briefcase and empty glass tank. He carefully set down his belongings and unlocked the door, then gathered them back up in his arms and stepped over the threshold.

Floating candles were already lit, dimly illuminating the room. The only pieces of furniture in the vacant room were an old, over-stuffed couch and a rickety coffee table, but he rarely lived in a place that had furniture, so it was a real treat.

He headed toward the bedroom, which turned out to be one of the nicest Remus had seen since his days at Hogwarts long ago. The four poster bed even had curtains around it, and although they horribly clashed with the rest of the room, he could care less.

He slid off his robe and hung it on a bent nail on the wall. He paused when he started unbuttoning his shirt. Something had caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He sighed, but smirked. "You know, I don't think you studied Animagus transfiguration to spy on me undressing, Padfoot."

The large black dog emerged from the shadows, thenmelted into the familiar form of Sirius Black. He grinned mischievously. "Evening, Moony."

"Want a drink?" Remus offered.

"Sure," he gladly accepted.

The two remaining Marauders left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. Remus pulled out two bottles. "I had a feeling you'd drop by eventually, so I picked up some of this." He handed one to Sirius and sat down next to him on the couch.

"Butterbeer," Sirius smiled. "Just like old times."

"Almost," Remus sighed, rubbing his temples.

For a long moment neither friend spoke, just enjoying the silence, and each other's company.

After taking a particularly long swig from his butterbeer, Sirius spoke. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it really has been," Remus said. "Thirteen years."

"Thirteen years too long."

"Not even Azkaban could keep you, Padfoot," Remus said. "Some where deep inside I think I knew you were innocent. I knew that you would never betray James like that. But who would believe a werewolf?" He gave a forced laugh.

"I can't believe Peter- PETER of all people- betrayed James. Betrayed us," Sirius snarled. "He is going to pay dearly for what he did. He took James and Lily away from us forever, then condemned me to twelve years in that hell hole-" Sirius visibly shuddered, the memory of twelve years in Azkaban was obviously something he could live without.

Remus nodded his understanding, putting a comforting hand on Sirius's shoulder. He let his friend continue. "If only I was their secret-keeper. I would have taken their location to the grave. But I insisted on Peter.." His voice trailed off, and Remus knew he was choked up again.

"Sirius, you can't keep blaming yourself for their deaths," Remus said softly. "All the 'what ifs' and 'maybes' will drive you insane. Peter betrayed all of us; not you. I know you would easily trade your life for theirs, I would have done the same thing in a heart beat. What we need to think about now is how to make things right again. We need to clear your name and prove that Peter was responsible for those deaths of those twelve Mugglesand James and Lily. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

Sirius's black eyes locked onto Remus's warm brown ones. "I realize that, Remus, I do..." He had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. "But why can't I believe it?" He suddenly collapsed against him, burying his face into Remus's chest.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius as thirteen years of unreleased grief wracked his body. He never realized it before, but Sirius had never had time to mourn his friends' deaths. Remushad thirteen years to grieve. Sirius had twelve years of losing and regaining his mind, and a hidden vengeance.

Remus stroked Sirius's hair gently, comforting him as best he could as Sirius released over a decade of unshed tears.

Finally Sirius's sobs subsided, and he slowly looked up to Remus. "Thank you, Moony." It was simply said in a hoarse whisper.

Remus instinctively wiped the remaining tears away with the pads of his fingers. "Anytime," he said softly. Their gaze locked again.

The thirteen years apart had been a personal hell for both men, even more than Azkaban. More than two friends, two brothers, two Marauders, two lovers- their bond was unique, something only Remus and Sirius shared. Brought together by events they could never bring themselves to speak of, the bond they formed during their years at Hogwarts was something that even thirteen years apart had not tarnished or weakened, because werewolves mated for life.

"Remus," Sirius rested his head on Remus's shoulder. "You don't look so good."

"Neither do you." Long black hair that should never be matted was getting caught in his fingers.

"I did this to you." A bond that could never be broken,wasn't that what he'd been warned? "What if I hadn't escaped, Moony? Would your death be on my head too?"

"Maybe." He shifted a little. "You need a bath. Right now."

"But I'm comfy." Sirius nestled closer to Remus.

"I'll come with you."

Sirius quickly got to his feet. "Lead the way."
-----
Remus dunked Sirius's head under the warm water. "You take rotten care of yourself, Padfoot."

"I know." He rested against the warming porcelain. "But then, I wouldn't be in your bath tub."

"You have bath tub privileges from now on." Remuscombed *something* out of Sirius's hair. He didn´t want to know what.

"Is the bath tub all I get?"

It wasn't an unexpected question, but one he'd wanted more time to think about. He paused, rubbing in shampoo. 'It's not like you can find someone else if you say no.'

"Moony?" Sirius was unnerved by his silence.

"No, the tub's not all you get." He picked up a bucket and poured water over Sirius's head.

"So I get the kitchen too?" It was his joking tone that Remus had missed so much.

"We used to have a lot of fun in the kitchen." Sirius's eyes flashed open. "You're right, Paddy. Azkaban was hard on me too. Especially during the full moon. The wolf, he lost his entire pack, not to mention his mate."

Now that was a word he hadn't heard in a long time. Their last year together had been filled with suspicion and distrust. The only time all could be forgotten was during the full moon, and those few moments weren't enough to stop their drifting. "I'm sorry."

"You're not listening to me. Not. Your. Fault. Peter's. Remember?"

"I know." He sounded so tired, Remuscouldn't help himself. "I just-" Sirius's next sentence was cut off by a kiss. "Remus?"

"Dry off and come to bed." He set a towel next to the tub before leaving the room.

It was a very confused escaped convict that climbed out of the bath. Sirius did know one thing though. That one kiss had done more to warm his Azkaban-iced soul than the hot water ever could.
-----
"I can feel you out there, you know. Full moon is only a few days away." Remus's voice startled him. Sirius had been standing outside the bed curtains, still trying to figure out what was going on. "We're both tired, Padfoot, and I promised the government I wouldn't bite."

"That joke is older than Harry," Sirius opened the curtains enough to get into bed. "Are we just pretending the past decade or so never happened?"

"For tonight we are." Remus was on 'his' side of the bed. "We can deal in the morning."

"Sounds good to me." He let Remus kiss him again, returning it this time.

Stretching out next to him, Sirius asked, "Do you remember whose turn it is?"

"I think," Remus rolled over, pinning Sirius to the bed. "It should be mine."

The look in Remus's eyes was feral, almost *hungry*. His eyes fell on the calendar. February 21st. Lupreciahad just been last week, and the full moon coming up. I will not be afraid of Moony. I will not be afraid of Moony.'

The ties on the pants Remus had left him were quickly untied. "I've missed you, Paddy." It was whispered against his flesh, accompanied by a lick. "We've missed you."

Sirius didn't miss the collective pronoun. The wolf was awake, and it had his scent. "Not as much as I've missed you. Those cells... I wouldn't wish it on anyone short of Voldemort in them."

"Shh." Remuspressed a finger to Sirius's lips. "No shop talk."

To Remus, it was perfect.

The next morning he woke up with actual hope for the future.

He also woke up alone.

End Of Part One