Supposed To Be

Supposed To Be

By GracieInGreek

Ginny pushed her thumbs together and separated them, frowning down at her two hands clamped on the rickety old wooden table. The words were echo, echo, echoing in her head; they wouldn't leave her alone.

When a deep, morose voice from a few feet away spoke, her hands clutched each other tighter but she didn't look up.

"I'm sorry."

Ginny shook her head, glancing along the length of the table to stare at his hands, which were gripping and ungripping a completely full, otherwise untouched water goblet. "I just...wasn't expecting it. I thought coming here, banner flying and an honorable speech of my own all planned out would be enough to...I don't know. Put us back the way we were. So we could both have some fun again."

Harry sighed, and Ginny followed his fingers as he brought them up to pinch the bridge of his nose. ...It was unreal how old he'd become in the year they'd been apart. She'd seen her father make that same gesture many, many times. "I mean, we did have fun. That wasn't just some delusion, right, I didn't imagine that. We had fun together."

"Yeah, we did, Gin, but..." Harry's hand went up under his glasses to rub his tired eyes while Ginny bit her lips, but then it dropped onto the table again. "That's...about all we had, you know? I mean, those weeks with you were really great. I wasn't lying when I told you that it was like living a whole other life, but..." He looked so tired. He'd looked tired when she'd arrived, but not like this.

He had bags under his eyes and his back slumped forward from too much time bent over a desk or books, but he'd looked pretty happy, standing there in the small backyard with Ron and Hermione. Harry's arm was around her waist while they both laughed at Ron trying to tackle some spiky Muggle weeds that were growing around what looked to be a failing tomato plant. Hermione had some gardening gloves that she was trying to offer him, but he'd refused them in an attempt at rugged manliness. Ginny had wanted to laugh at first at her brother's antics, like Harry and Hermione were, but was stopped short. She stared, quick to notice both the said arm around the short girl's waist, Hermione's one free hand resting on the back of Harry's pale neck, fingers slightly lost in strands of his long hair, and even quicker to try to write it off. Then she'd announced herself as her stomach twisted, and Ron and Hermione looked at her in shock as Harry's face fell at the sight of her. She'd tried to write that off, too.

But now here they were, and it was written right in front of her in stolen glances she'd been forced to witness and god knew how many hugs and kisses they'd spared her. Still, she plowed on -maybe if she could just remind him of what it'd been like when Hermione wasn't the only girl in his life.

"But what? Come on, Harry," she said, rising out of her seat to wander over to his side of the table; she tried to imagine still exuding confidence through her walk even now, tried to pretend that she and every other living person including Harry was aware of her hair, long and like fire around her neck. Really, it had worked before.

But he wasn't looking at her hair. He was just looking at her face, an eyebrow raised, seeming slightly confused as she came to sit closer to him. She was quick to continue.

"You can't tell me you couldn't use some more fun in your life - I mean, look at you." She'd gestured to his face and he frowned, moving his chin away as she'd reached for it. She dropped her hand and backtracked.

"Look at the lot of you. All cooped up out here in no man's land, jumping from continent to continent just to be stuck in one of these godforsaken places for who-knows-how-long. You lot must be so bored and so sick of each other - you could do for a break, couldn't you? Here, mum and I have had an idea," she said, just talking faster and faster as he stared at her. She heard movement from the hallway and ignored it. She reached for his hand. "You and I'll go back to stay at the Burrow a little while, to, y'know, reconnect and spend some time together - and Ron and Hermione can stay here to hold down the fort, and you just know that they'll love the alone time together - you remember our last year, and we all know that Ron would kill for another chance to -"

"Stop it," he interrupted, taking his hand away and moving his chair away. Harry stared like he'd never seen her before. "Just...Ginny, I am in the fight of my life right now; I can't run away to go reconnect and have fun - the fact that all we ever did was have fun was one of the reasons our relationship ended." He shook his head. "And - God, I just got finished explaining to you about Hermione and me. That we're - that we've been - I mean...Ginny, what are you doing?" He'd gotten up, putting the chair between them. His face was somewhere between mad and shocked. There was some disbelief, like he couldn't believe it was her he was looking at.

Ginny licked her lips. The words were echoing in her head again.

Well. She'd come this far.

She stared back at him levelly, freckled fingers now gripping the jagged edge of that stupid old table. She tried to remember her hair, her mouth.

"Harry. That is not a girl you love. That is a girl...who you go to for help on your charms homework. Or get stuck with as a fourth for Quidditch. Or...well, cart around with you while looking for possessed objects, I suppose, but that is just never a girl you 'love.'" She even made the little finger quotations around the word 'love.' "Hell, even Ron knew that and God knows how long he went sniffing after her. Harry - listen to me, I like her too, okay? She's good to go to for a quick fix, she's good to have around when you can't figure out the answer to something, she's good for keeping your brother distracted while you and your boyfriend are off snogging, if you'll kindly remember, but she's...she's just not a girl who's good for -"

"Shut up."

Ginny jumped, her chair falling behind her as she landed on her feet. His face was contorted with anger for the first time, and he was taking another step back from her. His tone had been sharp, and...displeased.

"You know nothing about Hermione's worth, and you can't - you cannot just come here, expect me to revert right back to last year and throw away everything I've managed to keep hold of, and start lecturing me on what I can and cannot love. I can and do love Hermione - a fact that your brother knows, and that your family will know - and I cannot, and do not, love you. You are not the type of girl one loves, Ginny. You're a fling, a good story, a temporary vacation, a snog in the Astronomy Tower, but you're not what a person -"

Harry never got to finish his tirade, which Ginny expected he'd waited a good, long time to say to her, for she at that moment had turned on her heel, aware of her pink face starting to go purple and her ears turning the color of her hair and tears clinging to her eyelashes and her hand slamming through the kitchen door...and then something stopping her. Two soft, slightly long arms reaching out to grab her and then wrapping themselves around her before she could think or get away.

"I'm so sorry, Ginny," the voice behind the arms seemed to say, making Ginny tense up.

Hermione hugged her, squeezing like she did all those times Ginny came sobbing to her up until she'd turned 15, crying and carrying on about Harry not noticing her and being so in love with him and wanting his attention. Hermione held on tighter, just like she did back then, when Ginny tried to get away.

"He didn't mean it - he greatly loved his time with you, he told me so, we could all see it -- he's just changed now, he's under a lot of stress, we all are - he didn't, would never mean to hurt you." Loved. There was that word again. Face pressed into Hermione's hair, she remembered the explanation Harry'd given when she'd arrived only thirty minutes before.

Love. Love. Love love love love love. I love her, you see, Ginny - I don't quite know when it happened, but I've never...I don't know. She's just done so much for me. I've gotten to know her all over again, it seems like...and since she and Ron decided some months ago that they were better off as friends, he didn't have any complaints, so...it just sort of happened. I've never felt like this before, but when she told me she loved me, it just felt...well, right, so we just -- I'm sorry you had to find out like this, Ginny, we were gonna tell your family but Ron thought that, 'cause of the break up that blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm really sorry, Gin. Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. Love love love love love.

Ginny squeezed her eyes shut, trying harder to get away - this wasn't how this was supposed to go. When her mother had sent her here, they'd all known what was supposed to happen. Make up with Harry, take him back home, leave Ron and Hermione alone, much snogging would ensue on both sides, and they'd all live happily ever after. ...That had been the plan. Ginny had not prepared herself for Hermione deciding to switch roles - and be horribly nice after Ginny'd just spent the better part of five minutes trying to talk Harry out of her. That was it, she had to get out. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I know how much you care about him, Ginny!" Hermione called after her, once Ginny'd finally gotten out of her grasp and started for the front door. "We all really do, I promise. Things just...changed. I love him Ginny, I really do - I'm just sorry you had to find out this way, we were going to tell your family later, I swear. Everything will be fine."

That made Ginny stop halfway to the door, her back still turned to Hermione. Her fingers tensed and her jaw tightened and she blazed, "Everything will not be fine!" She stomped her foot. "You - you ruined it! You - this was not how this was supposed to be!"

There was a pause, punctuated only by Ginny's panting breath, her face very hot. Then, finally, a new voice spoke.

"...Says who?"

That made Ginny whirl back around. There, in the doorway leading in from one of the bedrooms was Ron. He was leaning on the wall, frowning at her, while Harry appeared at Hermione's side, and they both moved closer to him while automatically putting their arms around each other, Harry encircling her waist, Hermione's hand on the back of his neck. Ginny looked back at her brother - he didn't even bat an eyelash. It was as if the three of them, standing together like that, with the wrong two of them touching like a couple, was the most normal thing in the world. It made Ginny feel like the ground was being pulled out from under her feet.

She couldn't watch this. She couldn't handle it, it was too much - she turned herself back around, and marched out the door.

As she walked, she wasn't thinking about her hair, her mouth. She left the door open behind her as she nearly started to run up the walk, and all she could think was, this is wrong. This isn't right. This isn't how it was supposed to be.

Hermione was meant to go with Ron. She was supposed to go with Harry. They were all supposed to fit together, the pieces sliding in perfectly to form one big group - one big, happy family.

...The three of them seemed to make themselves work, each of them finding their place in the new, earth-shattering thing they'd decided to create. ...The three of them managed to, still, somehow, all fit together.

Where did that leave her?

This was not the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to get older and pretty, get his attention, and they were supposed to make room for her. The way it was, she just...didn't fit.

She sighed as she arrived at her Apparation spot, hands pressed over her face and wand forgotten in her pocket for the moment. There she was again, just like it'd been all her life.

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. They were all supposed to get older, and there was supposed to be a place for her, with her hair and her mouth and her walk.

But instead, there was just the trio. Two of them closer then they were ever meant to be, but the one still managing to find his place among them.

But there was no place for Ginny, just the trio. Just like it had always, always been.

Despite what was supposed to happen, she still didn't fit.