Harry Potter and the Pretty Sorcerer's Balls

Chapter Seven - The Sorting Hat

The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face and Harry's first thought was that this was someone who wore her britches too tight and was not to be crossed.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you Hagrid. I will take them from here."

She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big you could have fitted the whole of the Dursleys' house in it.

They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Harry could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right - the rest of the school must already be here - but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing - much to Harry's delight, as he was next to Ron and Neville - rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, you will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slythering. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honour. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves as much as you can while you are waiting.

"I shall return when we are ready for you, please wait quietly." And with that, she left the chamber. Harry fanned himself frantically with his hands.

"However do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

Harry's heart fluttered madly, much worse than the first time he had seen the neighbour boy two doors down take his shirt off while mowing the lawn. What in heavens would they have to do?

Then something happened that took the worry from his mind. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to each other. No one had prepared Harry for this! He put his hand to his forehead and swooned.

"I say, what is the matter with that boy?" A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had noticed Harry draped over Ron's arms.

"Er," Ron said, "I don't think he's ever seen a ghost before."

Harry recovered his legs and had relinquished Ron's arm by the time Professor McGonagall returned. The students formed a line at Professor McGonagall's word and followed her into the Great Hall.

It was magnificent. Harry had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands of candles which were floating in mid-air over four long tables where the rest of the students were seated. Harry squealed numerous times, at each delightful new sight. A four-legged stool stood in front of the first years, with a patched and frayed and extremely dirty hat resting on top. The hat twitched and a rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth - and like a girl in a cat suit ready for her big break - it broke into song.

Harry listened rapturously, and jumped up and down, clapping wildly when the hat was done. If the hat was to be believed, they need only try it on to be sorted into their house.

The Sorting began though Harry's attention had wavered from the festivities to the students sitting at the four tables. His let out a small yelp when his eyes caught a glimmer of red. The winsome Weasley twins and the older Weasley boy were all at the same table. Harry turned back to the Sorting Ceremony just in time to hear 'Brown, Lavender' become the first new Gryffindor - the table the twins were at went wild. That's what Harry wanted to be, a Gryffindor.

He continued to scope out the other houses, the loyal Hufflepuffs certainly had a number of nice looking very muscly boys, while the intellectual Ravenclaws seemed to be a bit slimmer and subdued. The Slytherin table was filled with a mixture of Draco like pretty boys and Crabbe and Goyle brutes. Harry shivered both Crabbe and Goyle had now been sorted into Slytherin, and Harry certainly didn't want to share a dorm room with either of them - heaven forbid, both!

The hat soon proclaimed the large toothed muggle girl Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor - Ron groaned behind him. Certainly he wanted to be sorted into his brothers house as well.

Neville became a Gryffindor, and soon after, Draco became a Slytherin. Both seemed extremely pleased with themselves.

"Potter, Harry!" Harry squealed, then pranced his way over to the stool. Gossiping whispers broke out all over the hall, as everyone seemed to crane their necks or stand to get a look at him.

Harry gave the crowd an exaggerated wink - the twins catcalled - and his most adorable grin, before the hat dropped over his eyes.

"Hmm," said a small voice in his ear. "Interesting, very interesting. Loyal, very loyal - but you're not the most hard-working by choice, are you?"

Harry giggled and shook his head.

"A great mind though, yes, very clever, but you wouldn't be happy ... Hmm ... what's this? There's more than a bit of cunning in you, and ambition, definitely a good helping of that, Slytherin would suit you well. And what else? Courage, yes, there's a fair bit of that in here too - what's that? Just put you with the Weasley twins? I remember them - they tried to trick me, they did. Yes, if you want to be put with them then you certainly are brave indeed. Yes, the place for you is GRYFFINDOR!"

Harry heard the hat shout the last word to the whole hall. He threw the hat into the air like a graduation cap - caught deftly by Professor McGonagall - and skipped merrily to the Gryffindor table. He was so delighted to be put with the twins that he barely noticed that he was getting the loudest cheer yet. Percy the Prefect shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled "Way to go, Harry!" and did an 'after the goal' American football dance.

He glanced up at the High Table now. At the end nearest his sat Hagrid, who caught his eye and gave him a thumbs up. Harry waved back.

Ron was sorted second to last. Harry crossed his fingers and waved them at his new friend, while much of the Gryffindor table seemed to hold a collective breath. A second later, the hat proclaimed him a "GRYFFINDOR!" and the table whooped with delight. The twins resumed their dance and many others at the table chanted along with them "Six down, one to go!" and Ron collapsed with relief into the chair next to Harry.

The Sorting Hat and stool were soon taken away and Harry finally looked down at this table setting, he was awed by the glittering golden plates and goblets.

In the centre of the High Table, from a large gold chair, Albus Dumbledore got to his feet. Harry recognised him at once from the card he'd got out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. The Headmaster's silver hair was the only thing in the whole hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.

"Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddmen! Tweak!

"Thank you!"

He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry understood now, how it was that this man had sent him to spend ten years at the Dursleys - greatest wizard of our time or not, he was certainly at least a little bit mad.

"Potatoes, Harry?" Percy asked, pushing a dish toward him.

Harry's mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were now piled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat - Dudley himself would have fainted dead away with anticipation. Harry piled his plate with a bit of everything.

"That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Harry dig into his rump roast.

"Aah!" Harry jumped, again surprised by the ghost's presence. "I mean, aah, I see, you can't eat, then?"

"I haven't eaten for nearly four hundred years," said the ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it. I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

"I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you - you're Nearly Headless Nick!"

"Nearly Headless? How can you be nearly headless?" a sandy haired boy named Seamus Finnigan asked.

Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as if their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted. He seized his left ear and seemed about to pull before he stopped suddenly and looked at Harry who promptly covered his eyes with his hands.

He opened his eyes in time to catch Sir Nicky's pleased expression at the stunned looks on the faces around him.

When everyone had eaten their fill, the remains of the food faded from the plates, leaving them as sparking clean as before. A moment later a multitude of delectable desserts appeared in their place.

As Harry helped himself to a pastry spilling over with cream, talk turned to their families. Seamus was a muggle/witch mix, and Dean Thomas to the surprise of many at the table, was muggle born. Harry noticed that his teeth were perfect, and sparkled nicely against his dark skin. Neville had been raised by his 'Gran' and told stories of how his obviously deranged Uncle Algie kept bringing him to the brink of death in an attempt to squeeze some magic out of him.

Hermione was telling anyone who would listen about how she had already memorised the first year texts, and was hoping they would jump into the lessons right away. She finally managed to engage Percy in a discussion of first year Transfiguration class.

At last, the puddings too disappeared and the Headmaster got to his feet again. The hall fell silent and he made a few start of term notices. Harry couldn't help but giggle at his warning against the Forbidden Forest. The Headmaster finished up the notices with the mention of an off limits corridor before announcing with glee that they would now sing the school song. He gave his wand a flick and a long golden ribbon flew out of it. It rose high above the tables and twisted itself into words. Everyone was to sing to their favourite tune.

Harry sang to the beat of the muggle song Funky Town, while the twins finished last singing a slow funeral march. The Headmaster conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest.

"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great hall and up the marble staircase. Tired and full of food, the prance in Harry's step was somewhat subdued. He giggled and waved tiredly at the portraits lining the corridors, which whispered and pointed as they passed. They walked for what seemed like ever and Harry had kissed two portraits and a suit of armour by the time they came to a sudden halt.

A bundle of walking sticks was floating in mid-air ahead of them and as Percy took a step towards them they started throwing themselves at him.

"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A Poltergeist." Harry shrieked. "Peeves -" Percy raised his voice, "- show yourself."

A loud, rude sound, like Uncle Vernon in the bathroom after a pot of chili, answered.

"Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?" Percy threatened. The Bloody Baron was the Slythering ghost, and quite frightening indeed.

There was a pop and a little man with wicked dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks. He reminded Harry of the creepy older man who bagged groceries in the market that smiled at him funny every time Harry was sent to pick up odds and ends alone. Neville shivered and inched closer to Harry, who had shivered as well and inched towards Ron.

"Ooooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!" He swooped suddenly at them, they all ducked.

"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.

Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. Harry was smoothing out Neville's hair as they heard the poltergeist zooming away, rattling suits of armour as he passed.

"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."

At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.

"Password?" she asked.

"Caput Draconis," answered Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it - Harry and Ron giving Neville a boost - and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room.

Percy directed the boys and girls to their respective dormitories - they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red velvet curtains.

"How indulgent!" Harry exclaimed. Their trunks had already been brought up. The five boys, Dean, Harry, Neville, Ron, and Seamus, pulled on their pyjamas, "don't worry boys, I might sneak a peek but I promise not to stare!" and fell into bed.