The War of the Sexes

“So, what’s the first round going to be?” asked Ron, the next morning at breakfast.

“Well we thought we’d allow you to decide the first round,” said Hermione.

“Couldn’t come up with anything, eh?” asked Ron smirking.

“No, we thought we’d be chivalrous and say gents first, ladies second,” said Ginny.

“But we haven’t decided-” began Ron, but was cut off by Seamus.

“Oh yes we have, Ron,” Seamus beckoned to him and the other boys. “Give us a moment girls.”

“How about challenging them to a game of Quidditch?” asked Seamus, once they were all gathered around. “We know that none of them know anything about it except Ginny. As for us, we have Harry and Ron, and Dean and I play it in our spare time, so we know the basics. Neville can be the beater.”

“But we need seven people for a team,” said Harry. “We have only five.”

“No problem.” Seamus snapped his finger. Colin and Dennis came rushing over. “You know all about the contest between boys and girls, right?”

They nodded eagerly.

“The first round is going to be a Quidditch match. How are your Quidditch skills?”

“I have been practicing all summer to be a Chaser, and Dennis here wants to be a Beater,” said Colin enthusiastically.

“Good, that’s settled then.”

“How the hell are we going to beat them in Quidditch, of all sports?” wailed Lavender.

“Relax, Lavender,” said Ginny. “They’ve given us a week’s time. There isn’t much to it. I’ll teach you.”

“But I can’t even get on a broom!” moaned Hermione.

“Neither can I!” This was from Parvati.

Ginny looked at them helplessly. She knew that it was practically impossible to learn Quidditch in a week – even Harry didn’t master it in such a short time – and the learners in question hadn’t even got over their fear of flying…

“And there are only four of us. Don’t we need seven in a Quidditch team?” asked Lavender.

“I can get three more girls from my form,” said Ginny. “They heard about the fight yesterday and were extremely piqued that they weren’t on the scene. I’m sure they’ll jump at the chance of putting the guys in their places.”

“How about their Quidditch skills?” asked Hermione.

“They’ve been practicing all summer to be Chasers as Katie, Alicia and Angelina are leaving this year.”

“Ok, that takes care of the Chasers. Ginny, you can be the Seeker. You were pretty good last year. Lavender, Parvati and I can practice being Beaters and Keeper and see who is best at what,” said Hermione briskly.

Lavender and Parvati groaned. “I get air sick!” wailed Lavender. “And I’m a victim of vertigo!” cried Parvati.

“Do you want to forfeit the match to the guys?” asked Ginny. “Imagine the look on Dean’s and Seamus’ faces when-”

“Ok, Ok. We’ll do it,” said Parvati with the look of a martyr.

“Just get on the brooms girls, they don’t bite.”

Hermione, Lavender and Parvati directed a basilisk glare at Natalie Marchfield. She was a petite blonde and bore more than a passing resemblance to Fleur Delacour. She was an expert flyer, and despised the senior girls’ fear.

They (Ginny, Natalie, Claire and Yvon) had been trying in vain for the past half an hour to persuade the seniors to get on their brooms. Hermione, Lavender and Parvati looked at the brooms as if they would turn in to snakes and bite them.

“Look,” said Ginny sternly. “I could get permission for us to practice in the Quidditch pitch only for two hours. You’ve already wasted half an hour. The Gryffindor team will be arriving next to practice and you know what will happen if the guys see that you haven’t even learnt to mount your brooms.”

This statement worked where all their previous pleadings, assurances and cajoling did not. None of the girls wanted to be humiliated by their ‘boyfriends’.

“Now just relax and remove all the tension from your body,” said Claire. “Close your eyes and revel in the sheer joy of flying.”

“Hey! I don’t feel nervous at all!” said Lavender “Yeah!” agreed Parvati enthusiastically. “It feels no different from being on the ground.”

“That’s because you are on the ground,” said Natalie dryly.

Ginny caught Claire’s eyes and sighed. It was going to be a long day.

“Ok, girls. Tomorrow is the Day. The day that the boys will always remember with shame and mortification as the day on which they were routed by the girls!”

“Hear, hear!” shouted Lavender and Parvati in unison.

“But remember, we are by no means perfect,” warned Ginny. “Hermione and Parvati, you two have to remember not to look down once you’re up there. Lavender, as goal-keeper, you should be a little quicker. Seamus, Dean and either Colin or Dennis will be the Chasers. I’m not sure of their abilities, but it does no good to under-estimate the opponent.”

The other girls nodded.

“Let’s have a last practice before calling it a day,” said Ginny mounting her broom.

After 45 minutes –

“Lavender, let’s see a last save from you and then we turn in,” said Ginny.

Lavender nodded and flew towards the goal-posts. Natalie took her position and threw the Quaffle. Lavender sped towards it, but the Quaffle went sailing through.

“Goal!” came a shout from below.

“Lavender, don’t look down!” shouted Ginny, but it was too late. Lavender looked down and saw Seamus and the rest of the guys. She also observed that they looked like as if she was watching them from a height of 100 feet. She screamed, lost control of the broom and went spiraling down.