The War of the Sexes

Ginny wasn’t sure how it started. One moment they were all sitting in the Common Room, talking about nothing in particular- even Harry was wearing an animated expression on his face (which was very surprising, since his habitual expression was one of apathy ever since Sirius’ death)- when suddenly they were in a blazing row.

I don’t think there is any need to enlighten people as to the identity of ‘they’. ‘They’, were none other than Ron and Hermione.

“So what you’re basically trying to say is that, girls are weaker than boys, totally dependent on boys and have no backbone, is that it?” screamed Hermione.

“No, of course not!” said Ron. “All I said was, girls need somebody strong to look after them and-”

“Of course we don’t! In fact, it’s the other way around. Where will you and Harry be if I wasn’t there to copy notes from, or to prepare timetables, or to prevent you two from getting into trouble?”

“Hey!” Harry cut in. “We use our brains too, you know!”

He went unheeded.

“We copy notes from you because we don’t listen in class while you do, and you are our best friend. I’m sure if we had-”

“That’s exactly the point! You boys don’t listen and pick on my brains. And I’m a girl, remember? Now, who is dependent on whom?”

“It isn’t as if you haven’t taken help from us at all,” retorted Ron. “Anyway, I wasn’t talking about you specifically. When I meant girls, I meant them in general.”

“So you think we can’t stand on our own two feet, do you?” asked Lavender sharply.

“You think boys are stronger than us girls, and we are as fragile as porcelain, do you?” put in Parvati.

Ron blinked at this sudden attack. Arguing with Hermione he could handle, but put in a furious Lavender and Parvati and he was just like a spider in front of a road-roller.

“I wouldn’t go that far as to comparing you with porcelain, but basically you have got the point correct,” said Seamus, unexpectedly coming into Ron’s rescue. “After all you aren’t termed the weaker sex for nothing.”

There were gasps and expressions of outrage on all the girls’ faces.

“The term ‘weaker’ sex was coined by a person with an incredibly low I.Q. and with an abnormally huge ego, which could only have been a male,” spat Hermione.

“You tell them!” said Lavender.

“Hey!” protested Harry.

“There must have been a reason why they termed your sex as the weaker one, mustn’t there?” asked Seamus. “Haven’t you heard of Knights in Shining Armours and Damsels in Distress? It was always a man who had to save the lady. The lady did nothing but faint at the sight of monsters.”

“Those are just stories, Seamus,” said Lavender, who had often imagined herself as a Damsel in Distress and Seamus as her Knight in Shining Armour.

“But stories have a basis on fact, don’t they?” asked Dean. “Right from the Stone Age it is the male who has to protect the female.”

“Well, we aren’t living in the Stone Age, are we?” asked Hermione. “This is the 21st century and the girls of this century are a far cry from those of the previous periods.”

“So you try to pretend. But when the time comes, we will see whether you stand on your two feet or come rushing to us,” said Seamus with a superior smirk.

Ginny was strongly reminded of Draco at that moment.

“Well, how about having a contest and seeing who is stronger?” asked Parvati.

“We wouldn’t want to be accused of breaking your delicate bones,” said Seamus.

“There is also such a thing as mental strength, Seamus,” reminded Hermione.

“Brain is better than brawn,” quoted Ginny.

“Brain and brawn together is better than having only brains,” said Dean.

“We’ll see who has both,” said Ginny. “Are you guys game?”

“We are ready for anything you girls dish out,” declared Dean.

“What are the rules?”

“Well, I thought we could have five rounds – two decided by the girls and two by the boys and the last one by the judge,” said Ginny glancing at the other girls.
They nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Who is going to be the judge?” asked Ron, opening his mouth after a long time.

“We could ask either Professor McGonagall or Dumbledore or both. One representing each sex,” replied Hermione.

Harry imagined asking Professor McGonagall to judge a contest between the boys and girls and shuddered. She might not view this in a kind light. He imagined what she would say-

“What nonsense is this! A contest between boys and girls? What for?”

“You see, it’s like this, Professor,” Hermione would begin. “The boys accused us of being the weaker sex and said that we always needed them to protect us. We want to prove them wrong and show them that we are in fact the stronger sex – both physically and mentally. So we decided to have this contest. We wanted fair, impartial judges and thought of asking you and Professor Dumbledore…”

~*~*~*~*~

“…I won’t sanction such a thing,” said McGonagall firmly. “Contest between boys and girls indeed! I have never heard anything more silly or frivolous!Don’t you realize that it is very important, now, to stand united? If we start fighting amongst ourselves it will only be a matter of time before-”

“Minerva,” came a voice and all of them turned to the fireplace where they saw Dumbledore’s head in the flames.

Lavender screamed and moved towards Seamus, who just rolled his eyes. “And these are the type of girls we have to contest against,” he muttered derisively to Dean.

“As easy as eating a pie,” said Dean.

Lavender glowered at them and moved away.

“I’ll be with you in a minute, Professor,” said McGonagall turning to the Gryfindors. “Now, all of you-”

She was once again interrupted by Dumbledore. “Just a minute, Minerva. I couldn’t help but hear what was being said.” He twinkled at the students. “I don’t think there is any harm in allowing them to carry on with their contest. In fact, it might provide a refreshing break.”

McGonagall was dumbfounded. “But Professor, do you know what kind of contest it is?”

“Yes, Minerva,” replied Dumbledore composedly. “As long as there is a healthy competition, it won’t do any harm. In fact this contest might just bring them closer. Trust me.” The last sentence was not heard by the Gryfindors.

McGonagall looked undecided for a moment, but then shrugged her shoulders and nodded. “But if I get the least indication that this contest is affecting your studies, I will withdraw my consent immediately!” she warned.

The students nodded. “Thank you, Professor!” said Hermione. She turned to Dumbledore. “Professor, will you be the other judge?”

Dumbledore nodded assent.

“Now off you go to your classes!”

~*~*~*~*~

“Well, that’s settled!” said Hermione happily, once outside.

“So, what is the first round?” asked Ron.

“We haven’t had time to decide yet,” said Ginny.

“We’ll tell you at breakfast tomorrow,” put in Parvati.

“There is still a last chance for you to draw back from a contest which will result only in humiliation and loss of dignity for you,” said Seamus.

“Yeah, we won’t let you win just because you are girls. Don’t except any chivalry from us!” warned Ron.

“I’ve never expected any chivalry from you Ron, and never will!” said Hermione, her eyes smoldering. “You are nothing but an MCP!” She turned towards the other girls. “Come on. We have wasted enough time on them.”

They all walked off to their dormitories without a backward glance.

“What’s an MCP?” asked Ron, staring blankly at Hermione’s retreating back.

“Male Chauvinist Pig.”