Some Days I Wish I Were in Slytherin

Some Days I Wish I Were In Slytherin Ch. 6: Lessons

The room nestled under the eaves of the main building on the third floor of the Lotus Inn was small and comfortable. Its soothing twilight blue wall color complemented the bamboo shades and the battered black furniture. A long low bed with a soft mat for sleeping was on the floor, surrounded by bouquets of flowering branches in tall Chinese vases. A large window overlooked the street market below. Yesterday they had passed through the market on the way from the station. It was teeming with people at all hours; shopping or eating bowls of noodles. Men argued with each other, and women gossiped and plotted beneath the varicolored umbrellas which blocked the hot sun. Ginny had looked eagerly at everything. There were animal vendors selling any conceivable creature. In addition to the usual animals, she'd seen snakes, weasels, and even baby dragons. Merchants beckoned her to come and examine a staggering array of potions ingredients, elegant light weight robes, and fine jade carvings and jewelry. It was much like Diagon Alley, except the multicolored tents and extraordinary smells which filled the air were much more exotic in Ginny's eyes.

Tonight, however, she barely spared a glance out the window. She had just rushed into the room after a quick dinner and was frantically scattering robes and books in her wake as she flew around searching through her drawers, her trunk, and her writing table. Her red hair tousled around her face as she pulled a hand through it and looked anxiously around the room. Her eyes lit up and she snapped her fingers then pointed her wand at her sleeping mat. "Accio!"

A small battered black book zoomed out from under her pillow and landed in her waiting hands. Bedtime reading indeed; the book had given her nightmares that kept her awake half the night. She was already exhausted, what with the time change and all, and a long boring lecture at the end of the day hadn't helped. Snape must have been sniffing the wrong herbs when he'd picked that one. 'Advances in Bezoar Formation and Retrieval.' What was he thinking? Two hours of listening to that decrepit old wizard from the States drone on about proper rumen pH and feed additives for goats. Bloody, lousy potions master, she'd seen him skive off after the break and not come back for the second half. Her thoughts trailed off as she remembered why she had been rushing around. She shoved the book in her pocket and ran back out into the hall and down the steps to the second floor, only slowing down as she reached Snape's door. She paused, took a moment to straighten her robe and push her hair behind her ears, and then knocked. A loud bang inside was followed by a curse and the sound of frenzied shuffling.

"One moment," Snape shouted through the door.

Ginny waited impatiently, tapping the floor with the toe of her sandal. Typical male, hurry up and wait, what was he doing in there anyway, washing his hair? She leaned against the wall her eyes on the door. Thank the gods at least they weren't sharing. Flinching, she remembered the horror she had experienced upon arriving at the hotel and finding the travel witch had reserved only one room. She had been appalled at the time, but since their arrival she had noticed several grown men with younger (much younger) girls, or sometimes boys sharing a room. She didn't want to know what that was about and could only hope that they were family members. Thank Heaven Snape hadn't been keen on the idea either. A smile crossed her lips as she remembered the traumatized look on his face.

He had taken the diminutive wizard at the desk aside, and after a moment's conversation, the wizard turned to his appointment book with shaking hands and informed Ginny there was a last minute cancellation, and he had an extra room, "just perfect for a young lady."

Ginny still wished she'd been able to hear their conversation, but judging from the obsequiousness of the rest of the staff towards both of them, she had a feeling the word had been spread.

Her head snapped up as the door opened. Snape stood there watching her intently. "Well, are you going to stand out here all night? I do have other things I could be doing Miss Weasley."

Ginny kept her face neutral, stepped into the room, brushing by him as she passed, and dropped onto a low stool. "Thanks, I will have a seat, don't mind if I do. Is that leave in conditioner I smell?" She smiled sweetly, her brown eyes calculating as she took in his disheveled appearance and wet black hair.

Snape ignored the comment, closed the door and walked towards her. He slowly eased himself into a sitting position in the chair across from her. They stared at each other quietly for a moment, until Snape pulled out his wand and broke the silence.

"Clandesti Arcturis!" He swept his wand over his head in a wide circle and brought it down to a point just between them. A bright green light shot up and came down around them on all sides, forming a sparkling canopy overhead. He pocketed his wand and for the first time relaxed a little.

"Now we can speak freely Miss Weasley. Clandestus is a useful spell; I'll have you do it for the next lesson, if you can pick it up quickly enough. Now before we get started, why don't you take a moment and fill me in on your progress with Mr. Malfoy."

Ginny looked at him with curiosity. He seemed oddly agreeable. She wondered what he'd been up to before she arrived, but pushed it to the back of her mind as she began talking. When she got to the part about the letters he interrupted.

"Ah, so that was what was in the package." He nodded thoughtfully. "I have some idea what this is about. I encountered his grandfather one night in the dining car, and he was questioning me about you. I let on I wasn't entirely thrilled to have a Weasley on the trip with me, but that at least you had more potential than your insufferable brothers." He gave her a sly look as he said this, but continued when she didn't react. "I believe, no, I know he told Draco to get close to you. Seems you were right about them not suspecting you of anything. So far you've handled yourself well. It's good practice for you, and Malfoy will be a worthwhile contact for you to have in the future. Just be careful it doesn't go too far ... yet. Keep on as you have been, so far it seems he doesn't suspect a thing." He sneered a little bit. "He's just like his father; his ego is so great he could never imagine a woman not swooning over him. I think you may be a challenge for him, but be careful, I don't want you to put yourself in any danger at this point."

Ginny narrowed her eyes and smiled. "Don't worry Professor, I know my limits. And I can take care of myself."

Snape looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. "Yes, I'm sure you can, but use caution all the same. Are you going to see him again?"

"I received a letter this morning. He wants to go see the Forbidden City on Saturday and do some shopping."

"Very good." His expression regained some of its usual distance as he pulled out his wand. "Now we will begin your lessons. Tonight we will go over some basic charms and hexes. I want to see what you are familiar with and what needs work. Then I want to show you some meditation techniques that will help you control your thoughts. This is essential if you want to master Occulumency, as well as be able to fight the Unforgivables. You have read the first two books?"

"Yes Professor, but I did have a question about them. The only bit of advice it gave about the killing curse was, "Try to avoid this one if at all possible," as if we didn't know that already, but it mentioned something about fighting Cruciatus. I didn't think that was possible, I thought the only unforgivable you could fight was Imperius."

"It is not a generally well known fact, and only certain personalities can fight it. It will remain to be seen if you are one of them." He gave her a cruel smile that made her insides turn and said, "But that lesson won't be for some time, unless you are in a hurry?" He looked at her and raised one eyebrow. "No, I thought not, now on to the Charms."

The next hour was spent on various charms and hexes, Snape making little checkmarks in a notebook as they proceeded. Ginny was just wrapping up a nice little confusion charm which had temporarily caused Snape to believe his robes had turned pink and his hair blonde, when they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Snape ended the charm with a wave of his wand and also disrupted the secrecy ward with a muttered "Finite Incantatum."

He handed Ginny a stack of papers and a quill and went to the door; for all purposes they appeared to be dictating potions. Snape opened the door revealing a small Asian witch wearing a black robe with bright red trim.

"Good evening Severus," she said in heavily accented English.

"Ah. Mei Ying. So pleased you can join us. Allow me to introduce my assistant. This is Miss Ginny Weasley."

Ginny rose to greet the small witch who bowed slightly to her. Ginny bowed back and shook the woman's outstretched hand. The witch held her hand for longer than normal, while gazing at her astutely. She looked at Snape and smiled.

"I think she'll do well Severus. She has focus, I can see that." She turned to Ginny. "You may call me Ying, child. I am here to help your master teach you how to cultivate your inner mind. We will begin now. Severus, you may go, give us an hour to start."

Snape nodded at the witch, his face showing a modicum of respect. "Of course, Ying, I am honored you would take my pupil as your own."

The witch waved him away with her hand and drew Ginny further into the room, both of them ignoring Snape who unobtrusively withdrew. Ying pulled her hair back into a bun and sank onto a soft rug near the window gesturing Ginny to sit across from her.

"First I will tell you of the Zhiney and the Ihagtong, and then we will work on your Gom, your meditation."

*******************

Ginny sat on the rug cross legged, her hands resting in her lap. Eyes closed, she tried to clear her mind, to reach a state where it was clear and still. Ying had said this would be the first step. Later, she could practice meditating on a particular thought, to reflect upon and analyze it in order to penetrate its true nature. Unfortunately, thoughts kept flashing in and out of her mind breaking her concentration. Lectures, her parents, Snape, the book about the Unforgivable Curses, Draco. Her mind stopped, Draco. When she thought of him, all the other thoughts seemed to fade out. Ying had told her this could happen. Often a certain thought would present itself to the exclusion of all others, trying to block the mind until it was acknowledged. She tried to accept the thought of Draco and release it, but it kept coming back.

As if aware of her struggles, she heard Ying's voice. "Try to focus only on your breathing for now. In, out, feel how the air flows through your body and circulates back into the world."

Ginny concentrated only on her breath, felt it leave her and come back in, and slowly her mind became clear and she felt at peace. She opened her eyes and looked at Ying, who was still sitting in the same position.

"Well done," said the witch. "I think you were doing better at the end, yes? That will be enough for today. Soon you will be able to clear your mind of all thoughts and focus on one thought or idea at a time. That is how you will achieve control and also clarity and perception. This is not the first time you have done this is it?"

Ginny shook her head nervously. "Not exactly, but never like this. For a long time I've had to control my emotions, to hold certain ... thoughts away from me. I would try to focus on nothing instead. Just picture my mind emptying so I wouldn't think of ..." She broke off and looked away from the witch. Professor Snape had just come back into the room, looking slightly impatient.

"Goodness, look at the time!" exclaimed the witch. "Two hours. You should have come in earlier, Severus."

"Not at all, Ying," he responded. "Miss Weasley wouldn't have been as comfortable in my presence as she was in yours, and I ran into some acquaintances downstairs who kept me occupied."

Ying gathered up her wand and her cloak. "I must be going. I'll see you next week, Ginny. Now remember what I told you, try to meditate for an hour every morning. Soon it will get easier." She turned to Snape. "I have to go finish my bird's nest soup. You are coming for dinner Saturday, aren't you Severus? Humphrey does so want to see you. Will you be bringing your student?"

Snape threw Ying a dark look. "I will be coming alone. Miss Weasley has other plans." He went over to his desk and started sifting though some papers.

Ginny walked Ying down to the lobby and out into the street. "Thank you Ying. You've been wonderful. I'll take time to practice every day."

"You do that child. And listen to me, respect your master. He is a wise man and can teach you much, especially in the ways of the mind. You can trust him; he will always do what he thinks best, but remember, always trust yourself the most. What is best for others may not always be best for you. Follow your heart child. It will always know more than the mind, for it is our spirit at its most honest and insightful, without the restrictions our intellect places on us. That is the goal of mediation, for your heart and mind to reach a place where they both see clearly and reach a higher realization beyond this world." She placed her hand on Ginny's cheek, smiled, and walked away, disappearing into the evening mist.

Ginny slowly walked back into the Inn and up the stairs, thinking about the meaning behind what Ying had said. Trust Snape, but trust yourself more. The door to Snape's room was ajar, and she entered quietly. He was sitting at his desk lost in thought. She raised her wand.

"Clandesti Arcturis!"

Snape startled and turned around, a cold expression on his face. "Would you please give me some warning next time, Miss Weasley? Did your parents teach you no manners?"

"Obviously not as well as yours did," she answered.

Snape motioned irritably. "Don't try it Weasley. I hope your lesson went well, as tomorrow night I'm going to attempt to teach you Occulumency. It would be wise to practice the mediation before that, a clear, focused mind is the most important requirement."

Ginny looked at him quizzically as a thought formed in her mind. "Professor, I don't remember Harry ever mentioning anything about meditation. Did you try that with him?"

Snape's eyes turned dark at the mention. "I don't believe that is any of your business. Now if you'll excuse me -"

"You never taught him did you?" Ginny interrupted. "You had him try to resist thought probing without even teaching him how to empty his mind, how to focus. No wonder he couldn't do it. How could you? If he wouldn't have been having those visions none of this would ever have happened. Sirius Black would still be alive ..."

Snape grabbed her by the wrist hard. "Control your tongue, Weasley. As I said before, that is not any business of yours, and I will not discuss it with you. Now get out." He pushed her towards the door, his face dangerous. "I will see you tomorrow. Do not be late."

Ginny struggled out of his grasp and started to open her mouth, but Snape stopped her. "Oh and by the way, Miss Weasley, there has been a change of plans. We will leave Occulumency for next week. I think tomorrow I will instruct you on you resisting the Cruciatus curse. Don't worry. I'm sure a little spell like that won't be difficult for a witch of your magnitude." He gave her a vicious smile, broke the secrecy ward with a flick of his wand, and shut the door in her face.

Ginny turned away, her face white, but not before she heard the sounds of glass breaking.

*************

Snape snapped the lock on the door and turned around his hands shaking. He could have killed her, right there, right then. He aimed his wand at the row of vases on the floor, and with a muttered curse they flew up into the air and smashed against the wall. The sound of the shattering glass broke him out of his rage. His knees gave way, and he slid onto the floor, ignoring the glass cutting deep into the palms of his hands. She was right, it was his fault. He'd tried to avoid that thought all this time, but it had always been there at the back of his mind. His stupid pride had misled him again; he was so intent on proving that insufferable Potter to be a failure, he'd forgotten the real reason Dumbledore had wanted the lessons in the first place. If he hadn't antagonized him, if he'd taken the time to really teach him, this wouldn't have happened. Black would still be alive. Oh he hated them, hated them all, so arrogant, so superior, so prideful, but he wasn't any better than they were. In trying to humiliate James's son, he had become the worse person, had always been the worse person, and no matter how much he tried to redeem himself it would never be enough. He would always owe them something. Lily, James, Sirius, even Remus. He had blood debt to them all now. He looked at his bloody hands and absently wiped them on his robes. Blood on his hands, always, and it would never go away. No matter how much he washed them, the red would always rise to the surface. He stumbled up and collapsed onto the bed, burying his face in the covers, willing sleep to come and, for a short time, take away the pain and guilt.