The Oddest of Couples

"Good morning, darling!"

It was seven o´clock in the morning and the sun had barely risen over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but many people were already awake and preparing for the day.

Or attempting to come to consciousness, whichever was considered easiest.

In the bowels of the school, the merry, trilling and frighteningly lively voice had the unpleasant effect of waking anything in it´s path that wasn´t awake already, by happily chattering amiably about anything or nothing.

Or, in the case of Severus Snape, by singing at full voice in the shower in the Potions Professor´s private quarters.

He had shuffled out of the bedroom, pulling on warm dressing robes to stave off the chill of the dungeon, wondering if it was to want to strangle his lover for waking so bloody early every morning.

The door from the shower had swung open and said lover had flounced into the room where the Potions Professor was still in the process of waking, hair hanging in damp ringlets around a beaming face.

The morning light was slitting in through the windows of the room, which were high in the wall, casting a golden glow over the room, except the spot where Snape was, steeped in shadows and practically concealed by the high back of his chair.

Scowling, Severus Snape rustled the newspaper, seated by the fireplace in his living quarters, a cup of hot, strong black coffee on the small table by his arm. "Do you have to be so bloody cheerful?" he demanded.

"When it´s a day as wonderful as today? Of course!"

"And what´s so wonderful about it?"

"The sun is shining, the birds are chirping! Everything is bright and clear and perfect and look!" A thick book with `Gilderoy Lockhart´ emblazoned on the front, complete with a grinning picture, was held up. "I have a gift for you!"

Snape arched an eyebrow. "You know where you can stick that," he replied, then added as an afterthought. "Dear."

"I knew you´d like it!"

"I like it," Snape said so sourly that no one but his lover would know he was being anything but deadly serious. "As much as I like accidentally ingesting a dose of dark figweed poison."

"You like it that much?"

Grunting a response, he turned back to the page. "I have six already. Just because you love them..."

"And can you blame me?" his lover laughed, the genuinely jovial sound warming the gloomy room that had been Snape´s for so many years. Blue eyes looked down at the mock-modest picture of Lockhart. "My goodness, but he is a good-looking devil, isn´t he?"

"Hmm," Snape glowered more pointedly at a page in the paper.

A dazzling smile was sent his way, which only succeeded in making the potions Professor glare more darkly. "Oh, come on, grumpy!" His lover practically bounced across the room and sat down on the arm of his chair. "Don´t tell me you don´t adore a dose of Gilderoy in the morning!"

Black eyes rose over the newspaper. "Remove your buttocks from the arm of my chair," he said, quiet threat in his voice.

"I always forget how grumpy you are without your caffeine fix," Snape sighed as his lover stood up, but the sigh was immediately smothered by a futile cry of protest, when the newspaper was whipped out of his hands and he found his lap and arms full. Large blue eyes batted at him. "Better?"

"I was reading that," he replied, his eyes hooded as he let his gaze sweep across his lover´s youthful features. A pout was directed at him. "Oh, don´t pull that ridiculous face. You know I can´t abide it."

"And yet you prefer reading that rubbish to dealing with your one and only?"

"I really must find out where you´re getting all these absurd notions about you being my one true love from," he sighed. "Its ridiculous, you know. Everyone is aware of the fact that I´m a bitter old bastard who will never be loved by anyone with half a brain cell and you...well, you are impossible, although I´m quite certain the half-brain-cell assessment is rather appropriate in this case."

"Impossible and dim, but a rather good lover, unless I´m sorely mistaken."

"Ah, yes, there is that minor detail..."

It was strange, really, their relationship.

After all, in their public facade, Snape still appeared to hate absolutely everyone and that didn´t stop, even for his lover.

And yet, after one night, a rather impressive fist-fight and a little too much firewhisky, Snape had woken up in the same bed as the one who now shared his chambers.

He couldn´t entirely remember how it had all happened, which was probably due to the rather copious amounts of firewhisky he had ingested. However, it meant he was in a physical relationship for the first time in years and it was far too good for him to bother giving up, no matter how obtuse it was.

"So, may I have the newspaper back, or do I have to hex you?"

Lazy blue eyes gleamed at him speculatively, a half-smirk on the perfect pink lips. "Sev, why do you want the paper, when we could be doing so many more interesting things?"

Snape smirked, lazily raising a hand to comb his fingers leisurely through the damp strands of his lover´s hair. "I do believe there was an article on the book signing on page three..."

"There is?" The paper rustled wildly, then there was a moment silence. "My, that is a very good photograph, isn´t it?"

"You are quite ridiculous, you know."

Blue eyes gazed at him from beneath long-lashed lids. "Oh, admit it, Severus, you would have ignored me if I were any other way."

"Yes, that is probably true," he admitted. "Mind you, I probably would have kept ignoring you if we hadn´t gotten very drunk together and then ended up shagging in my room."

There was another merry laugh and his lover wriggled against him. "Although, I´m still not entirely convinced that you don´t want to gut me and use my intestines for potions, as I´m obviously so much better at it than you."

"Follow that train of thought a moment longer," Snape interceded calmly. "And I may take your suggestion into serious consideration...and would you be kind enough to extricate yourself from my lap? I would rather like my circulation back."

"Sometimes I don´t know why I bother with you," his lover sighed, sliding back onto the floor.

"I really don´t know the answer to that one," Snape admitted wryly. "I must admit I would expect you to be taking advantage of all those charming witches who hurl themselves at you."

"Ah, yes, but what would be the challenge there, my dear Severus?"

Snape arched an eyebrow. "I am a challenge?"

"Well, I did think you were, Severus," the cheerful tone in his lover´s voice was no longer as jovial as it usually was. "Until you start thinking a little too hard about the dynamics of our relationship."

Snape came to his feet, puzzled. It wasn´t a nice sensation. "What do you mean by that? All we do is shag, then return to our positions in the school, you as a prancing fool and I as the Potions Master. It´s as simple as that."

"Ah yes, but you always try and work out why I would take you, instead of all those charming witches, Severus. It was amusing the first four times, but," Baby-blue eyes that were cooler than Snape could recall turned to him. "It does get a little annoying, when you insist on having the same conversation every morning."

Snape was truly baffled.

"Same conversation? Lockhart, you imbecile, what are you talking about?"

"Of course," Gilderoy´s smile was far from the broad smile that he had flashed Snape earlier. "You wouldn´t remember. You don´t even recall how we ended up here that first night. What I had to do to get in. How could you?"

The Potions Professor stared at him, groping desperately through his memories. He... he couldn´t find anything that related to his nights spent with Gilderoy Lockhart, aside from the sex.

Was he going insane or...?

A wand was directed at him and it suddenly made sense.

"Unfortunately, Severus," Gilderoy smiled a thin-lipped, cold smile. "Since I enjoy our physical relationship far too much to give it up, I´m afraid that I will simply have to... I suppose the term would be to change your mind."

Snape´s hand slipped to the deep pocket of his robes for his wand.

"Ah, yes, Severus, you´ll find your wand on the fireplace, darling," the mocking tone in the blond wizard´s voice was actually quite frightening. "I learned not to allow you to arm yourself from the dueling club. You just forget that I always make sure you are unarmed."

"Lockhart," Snape started angrily.

Gilderoy gave him a chilling smile. "Don´t worry, Severus, you won´t remember a thing," he said, then whispered. "Obliviate!"