The Last Potter

The Last Potter

Chapter Two

November rain was lashing wildly against the tall windows of the hospital, the skies a turbulent and gloomy grey, clouds roiling overhead. There was no sign of the sun that had been so bright only days earlier.

It almost seemed that the bitter and grim weather was virtually reflecting the mood of the now-famous patient in room three-one-four, of St. Mungo´s.

The beige walls and dark wooden floor were the only things that prevented the room from appearing like a sterile cell, a single bed standing parallel to the windows with a bedside locker beside it, a chair against one wall and a table at the foot of the bed.

Lying on her side in the bed, her body curled tightly in on itself beneath the thick, heavy white sheets and cream blankets, Lily Potter hadn´t moved for hours, not even when the nurses had come in to give her breakfast.

The food had been left on the table, the nurses whispering nervously about how the woman in the bed had been the one to defeat Voldemort.

It was only a little while later, when they had come by to check on her and found the food untouched, that they were made acutely aware that their patient seemed to have disconnected herself from the world, closing herself away in her own safe little place.

Her right arm was curled up beneath her head, her long, red hair pulled back in a loose ponytail by the nurses. Her left hand was clenched around a wadded knot of the blankets, gripping it tightly under her chin.

Glassy, unseeing emerald-green eyes - blood-shot from hours of weeping - stared out of the windows at nothing, tears trickling silently down a face that was as white as the pillow it rested on.

The door opened for the umpteenth time, but she didn´t move.

Everyone had been trying to sneak a look in at her, the mighty vanquisher of the Dark Lord, from the cleaning staff to other patients in nearby wards, right up to the Minister of Magic.

Most who had peered in had assumed that they had gone to the wrong room, the still, broken figure in the bed not exactly what they had in mind for the new heroine of the wizarding world.

The latest visitor approached the bed, his footfalls quiet.

He had asked all the nurses about the patient, heard all the whispers about the state she was in, the silent vigil she seemed to be holding in her mind, the fact she wasn´t eating or moving or anything.

Pausing beside the bed, Severus Snape looked down at the grief-stricken witch.

He had, of course, heard the news through the grapevine. Whispers had abounded that Voldemort was gone, defeated by the Potters, celebrations starting almost as soon as the words had left the speaker´s mouths.

However, that was the words had also started to take new shape, as the truth was slowly unwound from the rumours already springing up.

There had been no to-the-death wizards duel in which James Potter had mopped the floor with the powerful Dark Lord. There hadn´t even been time for Potter to reach for his wand, by all accounts.

There had been no cunning trap set to capture He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as some rumours alleged, nor was there anyone there to help the Potters when they were most in need of aid, when they thought they were safe.

As facts became clearer, Snape had rushed to Dumbledore, hoping that what he was hearing had to be a mistake, that perhaps there were another family of Potters, who just chanced to have a baby son called Harry.

It had all proved true.

James Potter was dead, taken down with a single curse.

His son, Harry, at barely a year and a half old, had been less fortunate. Although it had left no physical trace on the body, he heard that the child had been placed under the cruciatus curse, in front of his helpless mother, before being slain.

Which lead to the mother, Lily, the broken woman lying in the bed before him now.

Given the knowledge that her husband had died, the forced to watch her infant son cursed and killed had to be the worst torment for anyone to go through, the sorrow-lined planes of her face a testament to it.

Most of the visitors hadn´t even come close to the bed and it´s occupant, but he was an old friend. He pulled a chair alongside the bed and slowly sat down, his dark eyes on the woman´s pale face. One bony hand hesitantly reached out and touched Lily´s.

Green eyes flickered, then slowly regained focus, turning towards him. Pale, cracked lips moved slightly, but it wasn´t clear if they were trying to form a smile or a frown.

"Severus," she whispered.

Nodding, Severus tried to find the energy and strength to give her one of his half-hearted smiles. "I-I-I heard, Lily," he muttered, withdrawing his hand quickly and knotting it with his other one, in his lap. "I-I doubt it will help, but I am sorry."

Those words, such simple, honest words seemed to strike her like a savage blow and Lily curled in on herself, pressing her fists against her forehead.

The dark-haired, dark-eyed young man flinched. He could see the skin of her brow rapidly starting to bruise beneath her hands. She was trying desperately to smother her sobs, ragged little gasps escaped her.

Severus reached out a hand to her, then pulled it back, self-hatred, consternation and guilt etched in equal measures on his face, as he came to his feet. "I-I shouldn´t have come," he stammered. "I-I..." Backing away, his eyes seemed to have locked onto her face, which was contorted with pain, grief and despair. "I-I´m sorry..." he whispered, like a mantra. "Merlin... I´m sorry..."

Little keening sobs were escaping her, her body rocking with the force of them. Her hands pushed up into her hair and twisting, pulling long strands free, the auburn mass spilling free from the constraints.

Severus Snape backed against a wall of the ward, his hands rhythmically clenching into fists by his sides, his own expression tight with horror at the sight of what had come to one of the people who had called him a `friend´ at school.

Had he had the ability, he would have wept for her.

He couldn´t say how long he stood there, plastered up against the wall, wondering what had convinced him to enter the hospital, let alone the room of the woman whom he had not spoken to since the day she had told him she would be marrying Potter.

All he knew was that he was still standing there, staring wildly at the sobbing woman on the bed, when the door opened again and two figures entered, the two people he knew he would have avoided at all costs.

"Lily!" Black cried out, running across the room and scrambling onto the bed beside her. He didn´t care what looked right and proper in civilised society, Black. Instead, he gathered the shaking, sobbing woman against his chest and clung to her. "It´s all right, Lils.. we´re here... Remus and me... we´re here..."

"And him," Lupin said quietly, without so much as looking at Snape.

The wolf always seemed to notice everything.

Blue eyes - bloodshot as Lily´s - rose and stared at him, the disgust and hatred there palpable. His lips curled back from his teeth, his expression ugly. "Well, well... thought you´d come and laugh at James´ passing, Snape?"

Severus stared at him in incomprehension.

Yes, he had truly hated James Potter for being so popular, so loved, so friendly, so likeable, so everything that he wasn´t, but he had never realised that he seemed callous enough to dance on the grave of someone he knew.

"Lily..." he replied, the only word he could think to form. It came out as a shaking and tremulous whisper. "She needed friends..."

"Friends who reduce her to this?" Black snapped bitterly. "Friends who just stand there while she cries her heart out? I don´t know what reality you qualify as a friend in, Snape, but it isn´t here."

Lupin approached the bed and touched his long-time friend´s shoulder, his voice placid and calming. "Sirius, getting angry isn´t going to help," he said softly. "It won´t bring them back and Lily did get on with him."

"He´s right," Severus managed to find the words that had eluded him. "I-I shouldn´t have come here..." With Lily safely being cared for by someone else, he didn´t have to remain. "I-I..."

Black opened his mouth to say something, but Lupin pre-empted it, his knuckles whitening as he squeezed Black´s shoulder in silent warning . "Just go for now, Snape," he suggested softly.

"Tell her..." Severus fell silent, looking away. What could he say that wouldn´t sound contrived or pointless? The muscles in his cheeks tightened and he grit his teeth together. "Take care of her," he finished, the words spat out in plosive bursts. "I won´t come again."

Stiffening his shoulders, he made his way to the door, his hand shaking fitfully as he turned the handle and pulled it open. With one more look back, he stepped out into the hall, pulling the door shut and pressing his eyes closed for a long moment.

The corridor was broad and deserted, windows letting in the dull daylight which was only brightened by the sterile white walls of the hospital. Rain was still pattering against the glass, occasionally rising to a thundering rattle as the gusts of wind lashed around the building.

The air in the small room had seemed so tight, compared to the rest of the hospital, even compared to the cool, airy hall he now stood in, the tension practically wrapping around his throat and strangling the life out of him.

Drawing a slow breath, he raised his hand to rub his forehead, his head aching.

A hand on his shoulder made him start and he glanced back to find Lupin behind him. "I said go," he said quietly, closing the door, leaving Black and Lily alone. "But I didn´t say go too far. You were right when you said Lily would need good friends and she will need you."

"I´m not exactly good friend material, Lupin," Severus responded, trying to draw all the cold dignity around him that he could muster. "I never was and never will be," He laughed, a strained, bitter sound. "I know Black was right when he observed that I barely even qualify for the title of `friend´, so don´t try and patronise me."

"I´m not patronising you, Snape," Lupin replied evenly. Slightly shorter than the dark man, the werewolf had to look up to meet Snape´s eyes. "You´re self-righteous, arrogant, infuriating, bad-tempered, bitter and various other things I don´t need to mention because you know I´m right."

Had it been any other person on any other day, Snape knew he would have been reaching for his wand, but today, he had seen too much emotion spent and just wanted to return to his home and ingest any potions that would let him spend the rest of... oh, perhaps a month, unconscious.

Lupin was still staring intently at him, though, and talking.

"In Sirius´ opinion - and I´m undecided about whether he was right or wrong - you didn´t deserve her attention and looking at your attitude now, I don´t know why she bothered, but Lily liked you and with everything that has just happened, she´s going to need the people she cared for around her."

Turning away, Severus felt his throat tighten. "You saw what my presence did to her," he whispered bitterly. "Do you think I wish to spend the rest of my life inducing nervous breakdowns in Potter´s widow. Now, if you don´t mind..."

He started to walk away, but thin hands grabbed him by the shoulders, whipped him round, slamming him against the opposite wall of the corridor. The anger in the wolf´s eyes was surprising.

"You listen to me, you obnoxious, odious, self-pitying son of a bitch," he snarled, pale eyes flashing dangerously. "While I may not like you, I would strongly suggest that you find some semblance of a spine in this wretched body of yours and deal with whatever it is that is that makes you feel that you have to avoid her, because if she asks for you and you´re not damn well ready to see her, I swear that I´ll hunt you down and hurt you."

Black eyes stared down into pale blue-grey. "You have no idea what you´re talking about, Lupin," he hissed, savagely pushing the wolf´s hands off his robes. "I-I have my reasons for staying away."

"So do I," Lupin growled. "One of my best friends is dead along with his one-year-old son, both of them betrayed by another one of my best friends, who everyone trusted even more than me. I was the only one who didn´t have a damn clue what was going on and now, I have to be faced with the fact that what I thought was real isn´t and three people that I cared about are gone forever. Every damn time I look at Lily´s face, I´m going to remember them! You think I´m going to turn my back on her, just because it reminds me of what I´ve lost?"

"It... it´s not the same, Lupin," Severus pressed his right palm to his forehead, his headache increasing by the second. "You don´t understand what I have to deal with... what I know..."

"No," Lupin agreed. "You´re right about that. All I know is that all that´s left for us to do is pick up the pieces of the woman who we all knew as Lily Evans and it´s going to take as many hands as possible to put her back together again."

"Lupin, I can´t do it..."

"Can´t do what, Snape?" the wolf retorted angrily. "Care about someone apart from yourself for even five minutes? Care about someone who does actually - against everyone else´s better judgement - like you?"

Pressing the heels of his hands against his temples, Severus drew shaking breaths between his teeth, leaning back against the wall. "You don´t realise the danger you could be putting her in by asking me to remain, Lupin..."

"So tell me! Explain it! We need your help, Snape, and if you don´t..."

"Lupin..."

"Explain, Snape!"

"I..."

Lupin grabbed him by the front of his robes and, with a strength that seemed beyond his thin form, pulled Snape´s face close, his voice a growl. "Explain. Now."

Despairing eyes stared wildly at the wolf. "I was a Death Eater," Snape whispered. Lupin recoiled, his face twisting into the disgust that was more familiar on Black's features. "I'll go," Severus added, stepping back. "She... she doesn't need to know."

Lupin's grip on the front of his robes didn't loosen, though, and he was jerked forward again.

"If you were one of them," The way Lupin spat the word, slicked with venom, made Snape feel even more ashamed of his associations. "Then how are you here? Why are you here? Why would you risk capture?" Snape couldn't meet the wolf's eyes, his hands clenching. The sinews in his fists tightened to breaking-point. "You care about her, don't you?"

Glittering eyes slowly rose. "She was my friend before she ever knew you and your compatriots, Lupin. Why would that change just because she married into the family that lead to her ruin?" Severus said, his voice trembling. "I might have hated Potter, but that was because I knew what it would mean if she bore a child of that family´s line... the results of which you are seeing now."

Lupin stared at him intently, as if his eyes could dig right into Snape's soul, making the dark man twist uncomfortably. "There's more to this, Snape," he said quietly. "You weren't just one of them were you...? That's why you're still... that's why Dumbledore's been looking out for you... you were helping...weren't you?"

With a savage push, Severus pulled himself free of Lupin's grip. "I did what I could," he said, his voice shaking. His fingertips pressed agonisingly against his temple, his other hand gesturing Lupin back. "I tried to keep one step ahead of them, to find out... so I could warn her... but it still wasn't enough... I-I couldn't help them... and I can't face that! Knowing that I could have been the one to save them... but now, she's left... like that... and I could have stopped it!" Swinging around the face Lupin, his face was contorted in anger. "If she knew... I can't hurt her more. She's lost enough..."

"You tried..."

"I failed, Lupin. I don't want her to hate me for that."

There was a long silence.

"She won't," Lupin finally said. Severus couldn't withhold a sort of disbelief. "Snape, you did what you could. No one could have known that... that Peter would be the one to betray all of us."

"Peter? You mean Pettigrew was the one...?" Lupin nodded, his mouth tightening into a thin line. Snape looked away, his head spinning. Pettigrew... the small, harmless and useless one had been the one to bring this hell down around his friend. "Merlin... I didn't think he would be able..."

"None of us did, so you can't blame yourself for what happened," the wolf interrupted quietly.

Black eyes, dark with anger, rose from the floor, Severus' nostrils flaring. The muscles in his cheeks drew tight, painful. His fingertips were biting sharply into his palms. "I'll kill him," his voice was rasping as he hissed the words. "I'll rip his damned throat out with my bare hands."

Pale eyes met his evenly. "It's too late for that," Lupin said, his voice expressionless, although there was a flicker of grief on his features.

"You...?"

"I said it's too late," Lupin replied in a way that suggested that the subject be dropped immediately.

Severus nodded, recognising the combination of hate, grief and mourning in Lupin's features. "I'm sorry," he said.

"So am I." Although he couldn't say what possessed him to do so, Severus raised a hand and squeezed Lupin's thin shoulder, a faint look of gratitude crossing the wolf's weary face. "You'll come back?"

Reluctantly, the dark-haired man slowly nodded. "You're right, Lupin," he said. "Lily is going to need her friends to aid her and while I'm not certain that I qualify, she did call me a friend once and I hope she still will."

"One thing, Severus," It was the first time the wolf had used his name and Severus was astonished to realise that he didn't feel the compulsion to correct the werewolf. "If you do return, you know that you are going to have to tolerate Sirius and I more than you already do, for her sake. Especially Sirius." Snape felt his lip curve darkly. "And," Lupin continued. "You could call us by our forenames."

"I think that might be pushing it a little, Lupin," Severus replied hollowly. "I would require more time to do that."

"As long as you don't attempt to hex Sirius when you're in the same room as him," Lupin spread his hands affably. "I suppose we can take it one step at a time. As long as I have your word that you won't just abandon her."

"And leave her to suffer the mind-numbing companionship of you and Black alone? Perish the thought."

A weary half-smile crossed Lupin's lips. "Well, there is always that," he said, extending a hand, which Snape looked at warily. Hesitantly, the darker man grasped the wolf's hand and shook it. "We'll see you soon, Severus," Lupin said, his eyes boring into black.

Nodding once, curtly, Snape disengaged his hand, turned and walked away.

***

Inside the ward, Sirius was still rocking the sobbing Lily. Her fingers bit through his shirt and leaving bruises on his skin, but he didn´t care about that, one hand stroking through her hair, the other spread on her back as he held her close to him.

"S´alright, Lils, s´alright..." he whispered softly. "We´re here... we´ll be all right... I know it... we´ll be all right..."

"I-I-I-I don´t w-w-want it to be all right," her voice, broken and harsh from weeping reached him. "I-I just w-want t-to have them back..." She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, a shudder running through her body. "I want them back..."

Pressing his eyes shut, Sirius rested his cheek against the top of her head. "I know, Lils," he whispered sadly. "I want them back to..."

"But they´re... they´re gone... aren´t they? They won´t come back... not ever..." Her face rose from his shoulder, damp and red. The tragic expression in her puffy eyes made his heart break. "They´ve left me..."

Bringing his hand around in front of her face, he pushed strands of tear-moistened hair back from her flushed cheeks. "Us, Lils," he replied softly, his own tears welling up again. "They left us... you, me, Moony... they left all of us..."

Lily lowered her head, sinking down against his chest. Drawing her knees up to her chest again, her shaking hands pulled blankets up in front of her sternum. Rocking, she pressed her chin and lips against her fist, fresh tears burning down her face.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered after a long silence. "I... everything is bad... I... what am we going to do?"

"We´ll get by, Lils, I promise," Sirius caught one of her cold, trembling hands and squeezed it gently. "You, me, Remus..."

Green eyes looked up at him. "But what about the baby?"

Sirius was sure the bottom had dropped out of his stomach, his eyes and mouth both opening wide in shock. "B-baby? What do you mean baby? You... are you...?" Lily nodded. "Bloody hell..."

"I-I-I thought Dumbledore would have told you..."

"No... no, he didn´t mention anything..."

Slowly lowering her legs, Lily took his hand - which was trembling as much as hers was - and pressed it against the normally-flat expanse of her belly, letting him feel a soft swell that he wouldn´t have noticed.

"We... we were going to tell everyone soon," she said, her hand covering his as she looked up at him. "A-a- party... we were going to have a party... a s-special one... to tell everyone... and it was..." Her shaking hands covered her face as she started sobbing again. "It was g-g-going to b-be g-g-great..."

Wrapping his arms around her again, her body settled between his thighs as he held her, Sirius let her cry, her arms tightening around her neck as she shuddered with the violence of her grief.

His blue eyes rose from Lily´s bowed head as the door of the room squealed open again, allowing Remus to enter, an exhausted look on his drawn face. He ran a hand through his sandy hair, approaching the bed.

"Lily and James had some news they wanted to share with us," Sirius said quietly.

"Oh?"

Nodding, Sirius murmured, "Number two was on the way."

"Number..." A stunned look crossed Remus´ face. "Oh, Lily..."

Slowly lowering her hands from her face, she looked at him. "D-don´t say you´re sorry," she pleaded. "I-I-I´ve had so many people saying it... it doesn´t mean anything anymore... it doesn´t bring them back..."

Sitting carefully down on the edge of the bed, Remus offered her one of his thin hands, which she took immediately, trying to smile, but her lips refused to respond to her wishes.

"Do you want us to get in touch with anyone for you, Lily?" he asked softly, stroking her knuckles with his thumb. "If you want anything, you know you just have to ask. We´ll take care of everything for you..."

Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Lily swallowed hard and nodded. "I-I need to see the girls..." she said. "They... all of them need to know..."

"Which ones? Hogwarts or..."

"B-both," Lily replied in a shaking voice. "Can... can you bring them here?"

"We´ll get everyone we can, Lils," Sirius answered for Remus. "What about... you know... the arrangements?"

Rubbing her nose, her eyes still bubbling with tears, Lily sniffed hard. "P-Professor Dumbledore said he would... he´s taking care of things... that side of things... and the house... he´s taking care of the house..."

"You´re not staying there?"

"I-I can´t... n-not after what happened... can I?" She looked from one to the other in hopeless question.

"You know either of us would have you at our flats in a heartbeat..."

Remus nodded. "Although," he added. "I think it might be safer for all of us if we try and find somewhere bigger... a werewolf, a lunatic and a pregnant woman in a one-room flat might be a bit difficult..."

"Y-you don´t mind?"

"Of course not," Remus said, squeezing her fingers again. "What are friends for?"

Lily managed to find a watery smile. "Thank you," she mumbled, then looked up at Sirius before hesitantly asking, "Wh-where did Severus go?"

Sirius visibly tensed, Remus flashing a wary, warning look at him. "He isn´t used to people being emotional, Lily," Remus was the one to answer. "He thought he had upset you and that it might be better if he left for the time being."

"But he... he will come back... won´t he?" The desperate tone in her voice was that of someone who has lost almost everything and fears that what little she has is about to be wrenched from her grasp.

"He will," Sirius replied, much to Remus´ surprise, determination marked on Sirius´ face. "I´ll drag him back by his hair, if I have to. If you want the greasy git here, I´m not going to argue."

"E-even though you don´t like him?"

Sirius gave her a weary half-smile. "Lily, you said that you want your mates around you and if the manky bastard is one of them, even if I can´t stand the sight of him, I´ll get him here for you."

Lily laid her head against his shoulder, exhaling a sigh. "Thank you, Sirius," she whispered gratefully. "I... I need you... everyone... to get along... just for a little while... just until I-I can get myself sorted out..."

"We´ll do what we can, Lils," Sirius answered, kissing the top of her head. "I told Prongs that if anything ever happened, I´d look after you for him and I´m not about to break that promise now, just because of a stuck-up ponce who can´t wash his hair."

"You better not call him that," Lily said, laughing reedily. It was forced, but it wasn´t fresh tears, which both men saw as a tiny step forward.

"Oh, I didn´t," Sirius replied candidly. "That was Prongs´ favourite name for him."

Lily shook her head, a melancholy smile on her lips. "He was as bad as you are," she said with a soft sigh of reminiscence.

"Actually," Remus added with a slight grin. "There was a reason that Prongs was the ring-leader, Lily."

Her voice still a little drawn, she inquired. "More looks, charm, charisma, talent... do I need to go on?"

"You forgot one thing," Sirius said gravely.

"And what would that be?" Lily asked.

"A hopelessly deluded wife."