Fractured Triangle

Sitting in the morning sunlight flooding through the bedroom window, Hermione´s fingertip traced down the boxes of her calendar, marking off the previous day and checking the homework she had due.

In the last few weeks, she had resorted to writing her homework dates down in her two different diaries, one for classes and one that was kept in her room, and her calendar, just to be absolutely certain that she wouldn´t forget to do it.

Again.

A rather unfortunate incident, involving a two-foot scroll for Potions, the distinct absence of said scroll on the day that it was due in and a cruel verbal assault from the Potions Professor had taught her the folly of being late with homework.

Somehow, though, she doubted that Snape had actually managed to reduce one of his eldest pupils to tears before.

Snape had been looming over her, staring at her in the same way that he had looked at her. His lip had curled and she had apologised, pleaded that he give her more time, that she would have it for the next day.

He had told her she was transpiring to be quite the disappointment at a time when she needed her wit most. Normally, she would have ignored him, worked on what she had to, but somehow, some way, he...

It was almost as if he were standing over her.

Not Snape.

Not a Professor.

His cold words, his chilling tone of voice, his...cruelty.

No teacher should ever have spoken to a pupil that way, she knew. He had behaved that way for years, but his sharp-tongued words had never affected her quite as badly as they had that day.

Tears had streamed down her face before she could stop them and she had bowed her head, hoping that he would not have noticed.

He had, of course.

Clearly uncertain about to behave around crying girls, he had immediately snorted and ordered her out of his classroom until she was ready to behave like the adult she was alleged to be.

Fortunately, he had kept her back after the rest of the class had left, so no one had seen her breakdown, although Lavender and Parvati had been waiting for her, keeping Harry and Ron at a distance with the power of their unified glares.

Frowning, she looked at her calendar.

That couldn´t be right.

Grabbing her quill, Hermione ran her finger down the page again, checking the lines filled with different pieces of homework, wondering if it was possible that she had missed a week or six somewhere.

"You coming down for breakfast, Hermione?" Lavender inquired from in front of the large, round mirror, on the other side of the room. She was brushing her long, sandy-coloured hair.

"Yes," Hermione replied distractedly. "Yes...just a minute..."

"What´s up?" Parvati asked from her bed, where she was sitting, hastily pulling on her socks and shoes.

Hermione looked around at them. "It...is it December already?"

"You mean us fighting over the only chocolate advent calendar in the room every morning for the last four days didn´t give it away?" Lavender grinned.

Hermione stared at her. "I thought you were fighting over a hairbrush."

"Well, yeah, we did that too," Parvati admitted, brushing her pleated skirt down as she stood up. "But that´s only every other morning. The chocolate from the calendar does take priority."

"For some reason, it doesn´t feel like much time has passed..."

"You have been a bit... distracted," Lavender said carefully. She put the brush down on the shelf beside the sink and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And you have had the Head Girl stuff to deal with."

"It just..." Hermione scrunched up her nose, trying to hide her confusion. "I keep thinking I´ve only been back a couple of weeks."

"Someone´s been living in a dream world," Parvati muttered, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

Hermione felt a wave of dizziness washing over her. Yes, she knew that she had been distracted and had been having trouble focussing, but to blindly work her way through nearly half a term.

"Have...have I been sleeping during the day...or blanking out in classes or anything like that?" Too much dreamless sleep potion. That had to be what was causing this blur in her consciousness.

"Sleeping...a little on a couple of days here and there," Lavender shrugged. "You´ve been so tired lately that even Harry and Ron didn´t want to disturb you when you were asleep and the Quidditch matches were on."

"Qu-quidditch? I missed it?" A hand rose to her forehead.

This was crazy.

"Your work has got a lot better, though. McGonagall hasn´t kept you back in class for another... chat since back in October," Parvati said reassuringly. "And you haven´t had any nightmares for a while."

All right, maybe it wasn´t so hard to believe how time had flown.

Looking back down at her calendar, she had to admit she had thrown herself into her duties as Head Girl, in order to distract herself from the memories, dealing with other peoples´ problems to block out her own.

Trust Harry and Ron to let her rest.

They had often popped up to her room, only to see her poring over towering piles of scrolls, some of them homework, some of the peeves of the pupils, which she had to deal with, and some of them props to be used as an excuse to avoid having to go to socialise with everyone watching her.

Even though Parvati and Lavender insisted no one was watching her, she couldn´t help feeling like everyone knew everything and that they were all staring at her as if she were some kind of animal in a zoo.

Shaking her head, she closed the calendar over. She could sort out the dates and times later.

Now, though, she had to worry about Potions first thing and sending a belated letter to her parents to let them know that she would be coming home in the last week of December.

Only two and a half more short weeks of classes and she would be safe with her parents, in a nice, normal, safe house with her mummy and daddy to look after her, far out of the sight of... him.

The thought of them made her smile.

It would be odd being back in a room of her own, without Parvati and Lavender there to watch over her, but having her parents around would be worth it.

Although, she added mentally as she got to her feet and picked up her satchel, she would have to collect several bottles of dreamless sleep potion from Madam Pomfrey some way or another, just in case.

After all, she didn´t want her parents getting upset, especially over Christmas.

"We ready?" she asked.

"If you are, oh mighty and all-powerful Head Girl!" Lavender replied with a mock bow, which earned her a half-scowl from Hermione, who was trying very hard not to laugh.

Honestly, the two girls she now lived with were probably the battiest creatures in the world and she wondered what her year would have been like if she hadn´t had both of them to lean on.

Parvati was snickering behind a hand. "And she´s meant to be the oldest," she said dryly, shaking her head, as they made their way to the portrait door. "I´d say she´s closer to mental age of a toddler."

"And thank you for noticing," said Lavender, grinning.

***

Exiting the Potions classroom, Hermione inhaled a lungful of fresh air. The dungeon classroom had been clammy and claustrophobic, the fumes sapping what air there was, leaving all the pupils sweating and breathless.

"Thank goodness that´s over," she commented to Harry. He was on her left and was polishing the lenses of his glasses frantically. He nodded, then held up his glasses to the light, but they were still blurred.

"What was in those fumes?" he said, shaking his head and scrubbing the lenses of his glasses on the front of his robes again.

"Pure essence of Snape?" suggested Ron, giving them both a small suggestion of a grin. "Greasy enough, isn´t it?"

Hermione couldn´t help smiling in response, which made his grin widen.

Ever since the incident in her bedroom, Ron had been rather careful around her. He had only touched her, if she had touched him first and he hadn´t tried to push her into anything, which she was grateful for.

She had often caught him watching her, as well, gazing at her in a way that made her flush to the tips of her ears.

Strangely, though, his longing gaze didn´t make her feel as uncomfortable as it had only a few weeks earlier. It was an...affectionate kind of look, not the kind of look she had expected she would receive.

Mind you, she had pondered, when you expected to be looked at like dirt, affection hadn´t been high on your list of emotions to expect from your boyfriend.

Just that morning, at breakfast, she had made the epic-sized baby-step and taken his hand, albeit briefly. The smile that came to his face could have lit up the whole Great Hall, the melancholy, concerned look on his face vanishing in that instant.

"Are we waiting for your guards?" Harry inquired, jerking his head back into the classroom, where Lavender and Parvati were bewailing the damage that the potions class had inflicted on their precious hair-dos.

Hermione couldn´t help chuckling.

The boys had taken some time to get used to the two fashion-conscious girls trailing her everywhere, usually armed with notebooks so they actually looked the part of `secretaries´, but now they were used to them.

While nowhere near as close as their little triad, Parvati and Lavender had actually become an extended part of their group and the boys had been surprised at how well they actually hit it off with the girls, when they talked to them.

"It would only be fair, wouldn´t it?" Ron replied, stepping aside to let a few pupils out of the door. He shook his head in the direction of the pair. "I don´t know how we put up with them."

"More like how they put up with you, Weasel."

Hermione´s chest tightened at the casual drawling voice of Malfoy Junior just behind her. Drawing a breath through her nostrils, her teeth clenching together, she felt her hands curl into shaking fists.

While nowhere near as intimidating as the father´s voice, it had the same pitch and sound to it.

Since they had got back to school, she - along with her friends - had managed to avoid him, lingering behind or hurrying ahead of him, not even giving him a chance to launch his verbal arsenal at her.

"Probably pity," the voice continued. "Or maybe it´s because you three pitiful cases make them look good. Especially you, Granger," Flinching as a pair of hands came to rest on her hips and a cool breath hissed in her ear, Hermione felt a burning in her stomach that was far too familiar.

All she had to do was step away.

Ignore him and step away.

But...

Like his father, there was a but...

His voice...so like...his.

"Bushy-headed, beaver-toothed..." His voice sank down lower and she pressed her eyes shut as his insidious voice whispered for only her. "Probably shagging every one of those brain-dead Gryffindors to even get a little bit of attention."

"Stop it..."

"Let go of her, Malfoy."

Harry.

"Don´t want to share your toy, Potter?"

Malfoy´s voice was ice on her skin. She tried to move. Her body refused to respond.

"I´ll break your bloody neck!"

Ron!

"What, Weasel?" Malfoy chuckled. "Jealous that I can touch your...oh, what is that awfully quaint term? Oh, yes, your girlfriend and she doesn´t run away from me and throw up?"

"Let go of me!" Hermione half-sobbed, jerking free. She whipped round to face him, backing away.

"You didn´t seem very keen to fight me off, Granger. Wanted to try something high class did you?" Malfoy smirked and she stumbled. She could feel sick heat rising in her face, her head pounding with the dizziness that was crashing in on her.

"I´m going to kill you!" Ron yelled furiously, struggling against Seamus and Dean, while Harry gathered Hermione back, away from Malfoy. "How dare you! How dare you, you stinking son of..."

His words were cut off by the sound of a feminine hand connecting - hard - with Draco Malfoy´s smirking face.

Lavender Brown was staring savagely at him, her lips peeled back from her teeth in an unmistakeable snarl of anger.

"What the..."

Before he could finish what he was about to say, Lavender had reversed the blow, backhanding Malfoy sharply across the other cheek, leaving glaring red patches on Malfoy´s pale face.

Crabbe, Goyle and the other Slytherins just stared.

This wasn´t what they had been used to dealing with.

Neither were the Gryffindors for that matter. Every single one of them was staring at the slender, delicate-looking girl in astonishment.

Ron had sagged in Seamus and Dean´s grip, the boys barely holding him. Harry, towering over Hermione, had his arms wrapped around her protectively and she clung to him. Parvati was standing in the door of the class, her hands pressed against her mouth, while Neville whimpered just beside her, watching between his fingers.

Lavender, though, didn´t notice or seem to care.

Grabbing the front of Malfoy´s robes in her fists, she steered him forcefully back, until he slammed back against one of the dark stone columns that lined the wall. By the torchlight, her eyes flashed frighteningly.

Draco Malfoy´s face had bleached, leaving the red handprints on his cheeks glowing like beacons, panic in his eyes.

Hermione was suddenly very glad the sandy-haired witch was on her side.

"Never," Lavender snarled, giving him a savage shake, then slamming him against the column again. "And I mean never, ever speak against Hermione Granger or any of our companions again, or I swear by all my ancestors that - Pureblood or not - I´ll rip your goddamned balls off and feed them to you!"

"You can´t threa..."

Another slap was landed, a deafening crack in the strangely silent hall.

"Don´t you even think about trying to tell me what I can and can´t do, Draco Tiberius Malfoy!" she spat angrily, a finger pointing at him, the long nail barely a centimetre from the tip of his nose. "My line are of older blood than yours! I am your elder by four months and thus, I have right of speech, by kin-blood, age and honour! I am taking that right and telling you to stay away from her! You know I have every right to say this and you know what my parents and their kin will do to you, should you break this edict!"

Hermione was watching with bated breath and she was certain that she wasn´t the only one. None of the Gryffindors had ever heard Lavender mention anything of the Ancient Pureblood traditions.

She had mentioned she was pureblood and her family was probably of about the same standing as the Malfoy name in the wizarding world, but - because most of the Gryffindors weren´t - it had rarely been a subject of in-depth conversation.

Glancing at Ron, Hermione could see he was half-envious, half-delighted. She knew that he would want to be the one to both land the blows and the insults, but with his family being where they were, he could do neither.

Malfoy´s mouth opened and shut several times, but no sound - except an oddly strangled squeak - came out. Apparently, judging by the half-panicked, half-startled look on his face, the blood edict was not something that was taken lightly.

Lavender released his robes, the expression on her face one of arrogance. Turning away from him, she didn´t even look around as he edged past her and stalked away down the corridors, scowling.

"Wow..."

Dean nodded at Seamus´ comment. "Seconded!"

Lavender´s lips shifted into the smile she was more familiar for. "Well, I couldn´t let him pick on a fellow-Gryff like that, could I?" she said, looking at Hermione, who felt a surge of relief and gratitude so powerful she couldn´t even form words. "Don´t worry about that twit, Hermione. He won´t bother you again."

Leaning back against Harry´s chest, his arms still securely wrapped around her, she nodded. "Thanks, Lavender," she whispered, pushing her hair back from her face, her cheeks still burning.

"All right, Hermione?" Harry asked, raising a hand to help her brush the loose hair back from her damp cheeks, her fingers shaking too wildly to catch every strand.

The sick feeling was calming once again, although her stomach still felt like it was tangled in knots, and the heat that had rushed through her veins at Malfoy´s touch was washed away by Harry´s calming embrace.

"I´m all right," she croaked, swallowing hard.

"Hermione," Ron´s raw voice spoke beside them. She looked at him, a watery smile making it´s way onto her lips. Had her legs felt less jelly-like, she knew she would have thrown herself into his arms and hugged him for trying to take on Malfoy.

"Ron...you...thank you..."

He wasn´t smiling anymore.

His eyes moved over her body and to Harry´s arms that were still around her.

"I see what´s been going on around here," he said quietly, shaking Dean and Seamus off him. He glanced past Hermione at Harry´s face, then met her eyes. The expression in his eyes made her start: anger, betrayal, hurt and despair. "You...you don´t want me touching you...but him...it´s all right for him to touch you..."

Oh God.

No!

No, he couldn´t think that!

"Ron..." Trying to make herself move, Hermione´s legs felt like lead and she shook her head desperately. "No, Ron...we´re friends...nothing more..."

"She´s right, Ron! We´re just friends!" Harry added quickly, lowering his arms and letting his hands rest on her shoulders, to help her remain upright. "You know I´ve never been interested in Hermione that way!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione noticed Lavender and Parvati herding the rest of the house away quickly.

"Then explain something," Ron exclaimed, a tense note in his voice. "How is it that you´re allowed to touch her and every time I do, she pulls away, or runs away, or has something else to do?"

Hermione´s shaking hand came up to her face. The sick feeling had returned tenfold and she shook her head, swallowing down waves of bile, her eyes brimming with tears of pain and disbelief.

"How do you think I could do that to you, Ron?" she whispered, staring at him. "Do you honestly think I would cheat on you with our best friend? Do you really think that little of me?"

It came out baldly, but it had to be said.

"Who is it that´s touching you right now, Hermione?" he asked quietly. His hands were balling into fists and beating rhythmically against the side of his thighs and the muscle in his cheek tightened. "Scuse me," he spat tightly. "I´ll leave the two of you alone now."

"Ron!" Both of them called out, as their red-haired friend turned and stormed away towards the staircase that lead up from the dungeon.

Releasing her shoulders, Harry took a few steps away from her. "I´ll..."

"Talk to him," Hermione agreed sadly, already knowing that even Harry would be unlikely to say anything to appease Ron and his famed temper. "He...he won´t listen to me when he´s like this and you...you´re his best friend."

"If all else fails, I´ll let him hit me," Harry replied.

"I hope it doesn´t come to that," she muttered in response. Leaning back against the cold wall, she pressed her eyes shut as she heard Harry running up the stone steps, drawing slow steadying breaths.

Just when one particular problem had been take out of the way, now this...

Running a hand wearily over her face, which felt a lot colder than it should have, she bent and picked her bag up from the floor and pulled it onto her shoulder, her back aching from the weight of the contents.

Only one class down, a blood-feud initiated, two best friends split up.

It looked like it was going to be a good day.

***

Things had not improved by the time the evening meal arrived.

Ron ignored her when she came into the hall, flanked by Lavender and Parvati, both of whom shot a concerned look at her. They were worried about her reaction, she knew, but she couldn´t react anymore.

She simply didn´t have the energy for it.

Sitting down at the table at the only available spaces, almost opposite him, she kept her head down. Picking at the food, she could feel her eyes burning, darting glances at him from beneath her lashes.

Ron was staring blindly down at his plate with none of the anger she expected. His expression was one of misery and hurt, as he toyed with his fork and pushed bits of food around his plate.

Looking three seats along, separated from Ron by the other three boys, Hermione could see Harry, also eating in silence. One side of his face was slightly swollen and he looked like he would have a black eye by morning.

A surge of pain ran through her.

This was all her fault.

If only she had been able to act more normally, Ron and Harry would still have been best friends and neither of them would have suspected anything or fallen out over a nonexistent affair.

She had to do something.

Had to explain.

Had to stop them from ruining the best friendship any two people had.

Even if it meant that they knew...

Swallowing hard, despite the feeling of a tight fist clenching around her gut as she fully saw the pain etched in Ron´s features, she forced herself to speak, her voice shaking. "R-Ron..."

His plate was pushed away savagely, knocking over Neville´s goblet and splattering pumpkin juice all over Hermione, as he jerked to his feet. "I´m feeling a bit sick," he growled with a dark look down at her. "Think I need some fresh air. There´s a nasty smell here."

The disgust, hate, misery, pain, anger and dozens of other emotions that filled Ron´s dark eyes hit her like a slap to the face and she gasped, recoiling.

Ron didn´t direct those emotions at her.

He didn´t.

It...he...

Ron cared for her. Ron didn´t hate her...

Or he had cared for her...

Turning, he stalked out of the Great Hall, leaving Hermione shaking in shock, her sticky, trembling hands touching her stained shirt in disbelief, her eyes brimming over with tears. "Oh God..." she whispered, lifting her face from her shirt, hot tears sliding down her pale cheeks. "He...he hates me..."

"No..." Lavender said vehemently, although it still lacked conviction. "He...he´s just a bit confused..."

"No," Hermione replied in a quaking voice, burying her face in her hands. "His eyes... he hates me."

There was a clatter of cutlery being slammed down and Hermione forced herself to look up, hoping and praying that maybe Ron had returned and that the disgust and distaste she had seen in his eyes was...had never happened.

Harry was standing up, his face contorted in anger.

No...no more anger...please...no more...

I didn´t want this to happen...

Please...

Let them forget...let everyone forget...

"I´m going to knock some sense into that bloody idiot," Harry said.

"No! Harry, please!"

Green eyes were only one pair of many that stared at her in confusion. Damn them all! Let them stare! She wouldn´t have Ron hurt more just because she was stupid enough to be assaulted by Malfoy.

"Don´t hurt him, please. Talk to him..." she implored, her eyes stinging. "He...he doesn´t understand..."

"He doesn´t understand see we´re friends?" Harry snapped, his eyes flashing, though the anger - she knew - was directed at Ron, not her. "Hermione, look what he did when we `talked´ earlier!" He gestured to his face, the bruises on his jaw and the swelling around his left eye. "You think he´ll let me talk and actually listen to me?"

Hermione´s eyes locked with his and she actually saw him flinch. "Harry, please," she whispered. Even though the thought of it made her heart thunder in her ears and her hands shake, she knew they had to understand to stop this silly fight. "We...we all need to talk, all right? Tell him that...tell him to come to my rooms with you...we...we need to talk."

Harry nodded. "I´ll do what I can."

She managed a weak smile, as she stood up too. "Thank you," she said simply, as he hurried out of the hall. Looking at Lavender and Parvati imploringly, she couldn´t help feeling a strange sense of relief as they got up and joined her, leaving the hall.

Almost every was on them, watching them leave, no doubt wondering what had caused both Ron and Harry to depart before them.

Hermione found she didn´t care what they thought.

"You all right, Hermione?" Parvati asked as soon as they were out of the doors.

Shaking her head, she didn´t trust herself to reply, tears burning down her face.

"Hey now!" Lavender quickly looped an arm around Hermione´s shoulder, warm and reassuring. "You´re doing great, Hermione, and now...if Harry can drag that gingery git in, everything´ll be all right. They´ll look after you as well as us."

"Y-you think so?" Hermione whispered hopelessly, scrubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand.

Lavender nodded. "Positive."

A weak smile reached Hermione´s lips and, while she was practically convinced that Lavender was lying through her teeth, it was a reassurance she needed. "I´d better get cleaned up then."

"Makeover?" Parvati inquired with false brightness.

"I was definitely thinking less of the pumpkin-juice chic," Lavender added, her arm still round Hermione´s shoulder as they walked towards the grand staircase which lead up to the dormitories.

"Just clean clothes are good for me," Hermione said quietly. "I just want to be able to talk to them without glowing orange."

"We have trained her well," Parvati said with a wise nod. "Orange is the colour of not-appropriateness. You have learned well, our young guinea pig."

"Apprentice," Lavender interrupted.

"That´s what I meant," Parvati agreed quickly.

Hermione couldn´t help smiling a little. "You two really are odd," she decided. They beamed at her for the commendation.

***

"I don´t get it!"

"Where are they?"

Parvati and Lavender were pacing the room, apparently torn between going on a quick search for Ron and Harry, or staying with Hermione until the two boys decided to show face.

Hermione didn´t need to be asked where they were.

She knew exactly.

Sitting in her window seat, her knees pulled up to her chest, Hermione stared out into the grounds, tears silently spilling down her face. It hurt, hurt so very much to see what she was seeing, knowing it was her fault.

On the grass of the lawn, in the gathering twilight, she could see her friends.

Harry had been shouting at Ron, then Ron turned around and yelled back. Then, they had started to hit each other and she had tried to turn away, but something had fixed her eyes on the sight of their friendship crumbling.

It was that same something that rendered her incapable of fighting Malfoy when he spoke or of telling anyone what was wrong or of even moving back towards some sense of normalcy.

It was the cruel part of her consciousness, which thrilled in causing her pain, forcing her to acknowledge that what she was seeing was her fault. Harry was to lose his best friend because of her. Ron was to lose his best friend because of her.

It would have been easier, she told herself, her throat burning, if she had never accepted her place at Hogwarts. It would have been so much easier for all of them. If she had not come, they would not be fighting as they were now.

Maybe she sobbed aloud.

She wasn´t sure, but something drew the attention of her two roommates.

They were both leaning over her shoulder and were in time to see Professors Sprout and McGonagall rushing down - across the grass - to separate the fighting boys with their wands.

"Oh..." Parvati said dumbly. "There they are."

Ron and Harry both looked like they were still raring to rip strips out of one another, despite the wands of the teachers being trained on them. The two teachers directed them back up, towards the school.

"I knew he wouldn´t listen," Hermione said dully, picking up her calendar, which was lying on the desk beside the window.

She felt drained. Emotionally, mentally and physically.

Not only was she going to tell them, but she wanted to...

There was more that needed to be spoken about.

Maybe the fact that they were fighting was meant to be some kind of suggestion that she wasn´t meant to tell them at all, she mused. Maybe it was meant to stay between her, Lavender and Parvati.

"They...they´ll be okay, Hermione," Lavender said in what was meant to be a confident tone, although she sounded sceptical. "This is Ron and Harry we´re talking about. They...they´ve fought before and ended up all right afterwards..."

"Not like this," Hermione said quietly, lowering her knees and crossing her legs, her hands resting limply in her lap, as she let her eyes roam the dates on the sheet in front of her, her brow wrinkling.

Those dates...

There...there was something very wrong about the dates that had passed.

Parvati squeezed her shoulder. "At least they´re going to be made to talk now," she said comfortingly. "The Professors´ll make them discuss it rationally...or at least as rationally as boys can."

Hermione barely registered the words, her fingers trailing over the pages of her calendar, as something struck her. Something that really didn´t need to strike her, in any way shape or form.

There!

That was what was wrong about her calendar and diaries.

Something she had missed.

"She´s right," Lavender agreed. "It can´t get any worse."

The smile on Hermione´s lips was glassy as she looked up from the sheets in her lap. It looked like it would crack at any moment, her eyes haunted. "I wouldn´t bet on that," she said, then laughed a strange, strangled laugh.

It felt like a thousand tiny hands were gripping the inside of her throat, stopping the sound from being as light as she wanted.

"Hermione?" Lavender sat down in the window-seat, lifting Hermione´s face. The Head Girl stared back at her, wondering if it would be so stupid just to hurl herself sideways and out of the tower window.

It would be over quickly.

Wind whipping through her hair, against her skin, flying...flying without a broom...

She had never been able to really master a broom. Not really. Would it be so much harder to fly without one?

Especially if she were flying straight downwards?

Then peace.

Would it be so bad?

Turning, she looked down towards the ground far below, so distant.

Would it hurt?

"Hermione?" Parvati´s voice rang in her ears and she felt someone shake her. Tilting her head, she looked around at them, a pair of blue and a pair of amber eyes staring at her with a combination of fear and concern. "Hermione, what is it?"

She blinked, shaking herself. "What?"

"What´s wrong?"

She shrugged blandly.

It was nothing really.

The window and the leap to the ground seemed far more important right now.

"Hermione," Lavender repeated. "What´s wrong?"

She smiled blankly at them. It felt like the muscles in her cheeks shattered with the effort of performing the expression that had become so unfamiliar of late.

"Lavender, could you open the window?"

"Window...what?"

Hermione´s smile was fixed and agonising. It was all she could to stop herself from breaking down. "Can you open the window for me, please? I want to throw myself out of it so I don´t have to deal with this anymore."

"Hermione!"

"What?" she demanded, her voice as shrill as theirs.

"You´re strong! You don´t need to do that!" Parvati exclaimed.

Lavender nodded. "You...Hermione, you´ve been doing so well!"

"I´ve just realised that I haven´t had any periods since we got back to school this term." Hermione´s voice cut across their protests like a knife, both falling silent, staring at her in shock. The smile that was fixed on her face wavered. "I-I didn´t realise how much time has passed. Didn´t care. And now...now, it´s December...four months since... since it...it happened...and I didn´t even think... so, if you don´t mind..." Her voice shook as she spoke, reaching for the window latch. "I would rather like to jump out the window now, before I change my mind..."

"NO!"

"You can´t!" Lavender grabbed her wrist, giving her a shake. "Hermione, listen to me! You don´t need to do this!"

Slumping against the cool glass, Hermione closed her eyes, the pane fogging against her temple. "I know," she said quietly. She felt strangely calm now that it was said. Strangely... distanced. "I just want to forget it happened. Why can´t it be that simple? I get past the nightmares... the touch thing...and then all this..."

"Do you know if you are...you know...?"

Hermione shook her head. "I liked the window idea better than finding out," she said quietly, looking down at her hands, which were cold and pale.

"We...we should do a test...to make sure..." Parvati said. "Hermione, promise you won´t do anything stupid..."

Opening her burning eyes, painful from forcing back tears, Hermione looked up at Parvati. "And being pregnant by one of the Dark Lord´s chief minions wouldn´t be classed stupid enough?"

"Hermione..." The distress in the exotic girl´s voice was palpable and Hermione felt a twinge of guilt.

"Sorry, Parvati," she muttered, squeezing Parvati´s hand. Lowering her head, unable to quash the stinging warmth in her eyes any longer, she pressed a chilly hand to her brow. "I... it..." A choked sob escaped her. "Bad day...very bad day..."

Both of the girls enveloped her in their arms as she wept.

***

The three young witches were gathered in Hermione´s specially-granted muggle-style bathroom, that was connected to their room by a hidden doorway. It was fairly small and comfortable with a bathtub along one wall and toilet and sink on the other.

An empty cauldron stood by the sink, emptied and rinsed by Parvati, while Lavender conducted the test.

Wizard pregnancy tests were so much...cleaner than muggle ones, involving a single strand of hair dropped into a specially brewed potion. Hermione had given them a hair and said nothing, awaiting the prognosis.

"But he...he wouldn´t let that happen...he can´t be that stupid...I mean, I know Draco isn´t the brightest candle on the birthday cake, but...but would his father really be that dim?" Parvati said, shaking her head, as they waited for the substance to change colour. "It would prove he had done it..."

Lavender was staring mutely at the test in the bottle in her hand in shock. "No...he wouldn´t let it happen..." she echoed, the colour draining from her face, as she raised her eyes. "Merlin... surely even he couldn´t be that bloody stupid..."

Hermione, kneeling on the floor and leaning against the side of the bath, lifted her face. "What is it?" she asked.

"Vetus sanguis. O-old blood," Lavender replied, her voice shaking. She watched the potion in the narrow bottle change colour from clear to deep blue. "Shit..." Hurling the test bottle into the sink with a rattling smash, she knelt and gathered Hermione in her arms, hugging the brown-haired witch tightly. "That bloody bastard..."

"What does it mean?" Parvati asked for both of them, her own family only three-generations of witched and wizards.

Lavender´s voice was barely comprehensible. "Pureblood witches...they can´t be forced to get pregnant. Their bodies let them get pregnant when they´re ready, willing and able. Malfoy...he...he must have believed that muggles are the same...he didn´t know it could work if he...he force...oh Merlin, Hermione, I´m sorry."

"So I am...pregnant?" Hermione felt strangely numb, as if she were watching herself ask the question. It wasn´t her anymore. Someone else was controlling her body and she was sitting there as an observer.

The sandy-haired witch nodded, still hugging her.

Oh.

I´m pregnant.

I´m pregnant with Lucius Malfoy´s baby.

Tears gathered rapidly in her eyes, burning painfully, although she couldn´t even feel them trickling down her cheeks. Her face felt like it was made of stone. It couldn´t move. Or wouldn´t move.

Her hands lay limply in her lap and she was vaguely aware of Lavender´s fingers stroking through her hair and whispering things that were probably quite reassuring and comforting to her.

Parvati´s arms were added to the embrace and she, too, was whispering.

She couldn´t hear them, though.

Nothing seemed to matter.

Her whole body seemed to have just...closed down.

She was pregnant.

She, Hermione Granger, former top of the class student and Head Girl of Hogwarts with the potential for great things in the wizarding and muggle worlds, was pregnant because of a sadistic bastard who had decided to play with her.

One of her hands slid up to her belly, pushing her jumper up and she touched her soft stomach with her fingertips.

There was a baby in there.

A real, living baby.

A Malfoy baby.

A child spawned by the worst night of her life and a testament and memory to it.

Her vision blurred and she felt her lungs constrict painfully, her breathing escaping in shallow gasps.

Swaying unsteadily, she pushed Lavender and Parvati away from her, scrambling - half on her knees, half staggering - towards the toilet, a surge of bile pouring out of her mouth.

Hacking and choking, she started to sob violently, her long hair hanging around her face, her fingers tightening on the seat of the toilet until her knuckles and fingertips were white.

Hands pulled her hair back and she felt Lavender´s arm around her shoulder again, as she sagged back sitting on her heels.

"Why?" she demanded savagely, her voice raw. Sobbing, she crossed her arms over her chest, rocking back and forward rhythmically, her body shuddering with the violence of her tears. "Why me? Why the hell did he choose me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why does it seem fair for everyone to bloody well pick me?"

Lavender´s hand on her shoulder squeezed and Hermione folded, pressing the heels of both hands against her forehead, tears surging down her pale face.

"I dunno why, Herm," she whispered, the bitter anger in her voice a strange comfort to Hermione, as she opened her arms and letting Hermione burrow into her embrace, sobbing bitterly. "I wish I did, so I could go and kill the whole lot of ´em."

Parvati rubbed her back. "Are...what are you going to do?" she asked hesitantly.

Hermione shook her head. She didn´t want to think about it. She didn´t want to face it. Acknowledge it. Admit it. Even to herself.

This was all wrong. All wrong.

She was meant to get high grades and finish school with a flourish and prove that muggleborns were as good as purebloods.

She wasn´t meant to be left pregnant by some sadistic bastard.

"I-I-I..." She heard the words slipping past her lips and shuddered in partial relief. "I think we...we should tell someone...in the morning...Professor McGonagall...someone who can help..."

She felt Lavender nodding against the top of her head. "Yeah," she heard the sandy-haired girl say. "Yeah, we´ll do that, Herm...we´ll get this all sorted out...we´ll look after you, right?"

"Both of us," Parvati agreed.

But, once more, Hermione found herself wondering about how bad it would be to just open the window of their room and slide out...falling into peace, away from the shame, the dirtiness, the disgust...

Or...

Her hand spread on her stomach.

Make it all go away.

Nodding, tears still rolling down her face, she dug her fingertips into her stomach.

It had to go. It had to.

Everything.

It would be gone and forgotten.

That would be best for everyone.

For now, though, she would let Parvati and Lavender hug her and let her cry the shame and hate out until there was nothing left.

Nothing.