Dealing With the Consequences

Leaving

Her neck ached as she woke up and noticed that she was no longer sitting in the armchair in the living room, but was lying down in Sirius' bed, covered with a big blue quilt. The room was silent and dark and it made Ginny feel a bit uncomfortable, so she got out of the bed, jumped into her slippers and made her way to the door.

The lights in the kitchen were turned on and she could hear voices from inside the room. When she opened the door the light dazzled her, but as her eyes got used to the brightness of the room she saw Sirius sitting at the table together with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Hermione let out a shriek and jumped to her feet, nearly knocking Ginny to the floor when she gave her a big hug. Although surprised by the sight of the three of them, Ginny grinned and returned Hermione's hug. She then softly removed herself from her grasp and went over to greet Ron and Harry. After giving them both a kiss she took a seat next to Sirius and eyed the people in front of her.

"Bloody hell, you all look like you've been starving for days. Pale and unhealthy, all three of you. Didn't you get anything to eat?" she remarked and rose to walk over to the sink where she started making them some sandwiches. She was unaware of the fact that she had just sounded like Molly Weasley, but the others had noticed and now exchanged amused looks.

"We didn't really have time to eat, Gin," said Ron after a while, sounding a bit like Percy. "I mean, we had other, more important, things to do."

"Oh, and do any of you care to tell me about these 'important' things?"

"Sorry, Gin, can't do that. Strictly confidential," Hermione said, looking a bit shamefaced.

"Didn't think so either," mumbled Ginny, while feeling her temper rise for a moment.

She ogled at Sirius from the corner of her eye and suddenly felt childish. He had wrinkled his forehead, an inscrutable expression shadowing his eyes. She immediately tried to sooth her anger, not wanting him to notice her sudden change of mood.

She placed the sandwiches she had fixed on the table and sat down next to Sirius again. Although he hadn't said anything since she had entered the kitchen, she could tell that something was wrong.

"Are you alright, Sirius?" asked Ginny, and put a comforting hand on his arm.

As he stiffened under her touch, she quickly pulled her hand away and looked at him worriedly, her eyes full of unspoken questions.

"Yes, I'm fine," he muttered, sounding perfectly normal, but still Ginny couldn't get rid of the unpleasant feeling running down her spine, "But I think it's time for me to go upstairs and get some sleep," he added, rising and walking towards the kitchen door.

"Yes, you're probably right. I think I need some sleep as well," said Ginny, intending to rise as well.

"No, you have to stay here and talk with your friends. It would be rude to leave them here alone," he said, looking at the three people who until then had silently watched their discussion.

"Oh, don't you mind us. You two can go and get your sleep. We know where we can find beds in this house," said Hermione, eyeing the two of them curiously.

"Alright, thanks Hermione!" Ginny said and quickly followed Sirius, who already had climbed the stairs and was walking towards his bedroom.

As he was about to enter and lock the door behind himself, Ginny grabbed his wrist and forced him to turn around and look at her.

"Sirius, what the bloody hell's the matter with you? Why are you acting so strange?"

He removed her fingers from his arm and looked at her coolly, his face showing no expression whatsoever.

"I thought you'd be clever enough to understand that there would just be that one night, Ginevra. No feelings involved, no one getting hurt. Did you really think that we would continue this little game?" he said, his voice sounding firm and unyielding.

Ginny froze and her eyes widened in shock, as she understood what he was saying.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about? A game? Is that all it was to you? A bloody game? Didn't you feel anything at all last night?"

Ginny felt a great lump forming in her throat and she noticed herself sounding high-pitched and almost hysterical. Immediately she took a deep breath to calm down and regretted it at once as she felt the tears prickle in her eyes. Ginny heard him laugh. It sounded so unnatural, hard and cruel, not at all like the warm, hearty laugh that she knew so well.

"Oh, of course I felt something. And I'm quite sure you felt it too," she heard him say knowingly, and with every word he spoke, she felt more and more disgusted and hopeless.

"But except for that, there was nothing. You're just a child, and you behave like one too. Besides, what did you expect? That I'd declare my love for you and we'd live happily ever after? Wake up Ginevra, this isn't a fairytale."

She looked at him, dumbstruck, feeling her heart shatter into little pieces and her nails cutting into the flesh of her palms. He was right. What had she expected? Although she felt like she was going to break down any minute she straightened up and looked at him, putting a mask of indifference on her face.

"I'm sorry for my childish behaviour, Mr Black, and I'm sorry if I gave you the impression of feeling more for you than I do. I never said that I wanted your love, and I didn't expect you to want mine either. But don't worry; I won't bother you ever again."

With that she spun around, leaving him standing on the doorstep. As he heard her door slam shut, he walked into his own room and locked the door. Ginny neither saw the painful expression in his eyes nor the single, bittersweet tear rolling down his cheek.

"I did it for you," he whispered tiredly.

The following days were like hell to Ginny. She avoided Sirius as much as possible, but every time their paths crossed, she felt her heart sting painfully and couldn't help the tears from forming in her eyes. It was hard to hide everything from Hermione, because she worried about Ginny and couldn't help but notice that something was bothering her friend. Ginny looked pale and didn't eat much. Her hair looked greasy and didn't have the same volume and shine as it used to have.

Three weeks passed by like this with Ginny walking around in a kind of trance. It was then she started to notice that something was wrong with her. Every morning she had to bend over the toilet seat and vomit, and she hadn't got her period either. Surely it could've been because she felt stressed and ate less then usual, but Ginny knew that that wasn't the case. She knew the symptoms of pregnancy quite well since she had seen them on Hermione, and she was almost positive that there was a child growing inside of her.

Telling Hermione about everything was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, but when she was done explaining it was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Ginny saw only one way out of this, and that was by leaving, because she desperately wanted to keep Sirius' child, and she knew that he didn't want it. He didn't want her, so she figured he wouldn't want a child with her either. If she told him though he'd probably ask her to marry him, out of responsibility, and that was something she wouldn't even consider doing. Never would she marry someone who didn't love her. Even if she loved him so much it hurt.

So now she was standing in her room, her bag packed, ready to leave Grimmauld Place. She had decided to go to Elgin, a town in the northwest of Scotland where one of her friends from school owned a little apartment. Nervously she walked up and down in the room, for she couldn't allow herself to make any mistakes. Hermione was the only one who knew about her leaving and she'd prefer to keep it that way.

At one o'clock she gathered her things and started walking down the stairs. Everybody in the house was fast asleep and she tried to be as quiet as possible. When she finally stepped out into the cold, fresh air, she took a deep breath and turned around to take a last look at the big, dark house. She cast a quick glance at the window where Sirius had his bedroom, and saw that the curtains had moved. But as no lights were turned on in the room she couldn't see if anyone was standing there or not.

With her trunk in one hand and her wand in the other, she moved with quick, determined steps down the street, not looking back.