Trapped

PROLOGUE

He stood there, next to the old ruins, his boots stained with mud, flowers in his hand.

*FLASHBACK*

"Look, the girl you love is crying in there, and it's because of you!"

*FLASHBACK*

"Listen, I'm..."

"I don't care!"

"Please, just let me explain..."

"NO! I've had enough of you! Go away!"

"But-"

"I have a wand in my hand, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

*FLASHBACK*

"Hermione, NOOOOOO!"

~~

He shook his head, as if to drive the memories away. The flowers fell from his hand to the mud.

He held his head up high and without another look started walking away.

"One ticket to London."

"That'll be seventeen Sickles. Thank you sir."

He sat in the compartment, feeling the leather seat.

*FLASHBACK*

"Are you really Harry Potter? "

Harry pulled back his bangs to show the lightning scar. Ron stared.

" So that's where You-Know-Who-?"

"Yes," said Harry, " but I can't remember it."

*FLASHBACK*

"Oh, cheer up Harry!"

"It's O.K, I'm just thinking about the holidays."

"Harry, you've got to come and stay with us."

*FLASHBACK*

"Trying not to think about it, are we? Trying to pretend it hasn't happened?"

"Get out."

"You've picked the losing side, Potter. I told you not to hang around with riff-raff like this!"

~~

He shook his head again, concentrating on the wild scenery, as the train slithered between the mountains.

*FLASHBACK*

"That's what we're gonna call you now, aren't we? Prefect Hermione."

"Well, that's not much of a shock, is it?"

"Stop it you two!"

"Just promise me one thing, don't polish your badge as much as Percy used to. That's just plain scary. And a bit disturbing at times."

~~

He dozed off, his head filled with disturbing dreams: voices and sights, all blurred into one horrible nightmare. The worst thing was that it was real.

When he woke up, face filled with the cold sweat he was so used to, his saw the scenery changing from wild flora to an urban one.

*FLASHBACK*

"We better change into our robes now."

*FLASHBACK*

"I advise you to put that away. What if the Muggles notice you?"

"Hermione, for once in your life, relax. Look at Harry!"

"Yeah, look at me! Like people won't notice me, carrying a big trunk and an owl."

~~

He got off the train and hesitated before the stone barrier.

*FLASHBACK*

"Why can't we get through?"

"I dunno-"

"We're going to miss the train. I don't understand why the gateway's sealed itself."

~~

He leaned casually against the barrier and quickly passed to the Muggle world.

After walking a bit he entered a little dark pub. Heads turned as the door creaked open. He could see the look of terror and worry that set on the peoples' faces automatically. It didn't quite go away, but he didn't seem to mind.

He went outside, his mind shut on the memories he tried so hard to shove away, his walk zombie-like, for he really was a zombie since then.

Walking among people everyday, but feeling as different as one can be.

Sleeping, but not being alert or tired.

Eating, but never feeling full or hungry.

Listening to the radio, but never taking any pleasure from it.

Caught up in a web of illusions, which were so painfully real, if only because they actually happened.

Now he knew what a person who was kissed by a Dementor felt, without actually being kissed by it.

He tapped a few bricks, and saw the alley he knew for so long appear before his eyes.

As he went by the shops, not really thinking of them, a new wave of memories flooded through him.

*FLASHBACK*

"Where did you come out?"

"Knockturn Alley."

"Brilliant!"

*FLASHBACK*

"Harry! HARRY!"

"Finally! We went to the Leaky Cauldron, but they said you'd left, and we went to Flourish and Blotts, and Madam Malkin's and..."

"I got all my school stuff last week."

"Did you really blow up your aunt?"

"I didn't mean to. I just-lost control."

"It's not funny, Ron."

*FLASHBACK*

"Wow, this sixth year stuff seems really difficult."

"I wonder what we're going to study next year..."

"It's so just like you Hermione, worrying about a year from now. Who knows what will happen!"

~~

He couldn't take it anymore.

He was trapped in a vicious circle of inner tortures that just kept repeating itself.

Why wouldn't it all stop? Why couldn't he let go?

Why wouldn't they just go away?!

He couldn't live like this. This wasn't life he was living. It just had to stop.

He finally made up his mind. It was his happiest thought in ages.

There was only one way in which he could let go.

Forever.

*FLASHBACK*

"I can teach you how to brew fame, bottle glory, even stop death."

END OF PROLOGUE

PART I

It's not like he had something to live for.

He had a humble house. Poor, really.

He didn't have any company.

His voice was hoarse from not speaking to anyone for so long.

He was pale.

He forgot what it was like to smile and laugh."

He was full of loath and hatred towards the world.

He stopped at the store in Knockturn Alley that sold not-so-normal ingredients.

Then he went to his house, right to the darkest corner of it.

He pulled out his old, rusty cauldron that was full of dust.

*FLASHBACK*

"It's two bat wings and one salamander tail."

"And you suppose that I want to get it right? Croak in the middle of Potions?"

"At least you won't have to do your homework."

"That's not funny!"

"Yes it is."

"Maybe we could give this to Malfoy as cold and black pumpkin juice. Think he'll notice the difference?"

~~

Their voices were still ringing in his ears like it was yesterday.

Lucky he listened to Hermione, for once.

"Two bat wings, one salamander tail," He chanted under his breath, again and again, only mildly surprised by his cold, dry voice.

Finally, the potion was ready. He poured it into a cup. That should be quite enough.

He raised the cup to his lips. Suddenly, he stopped.

If there was a feeling stronger then the want to stop living, it was the need for revenge. Why shouldn't they suffer, seeing death? Why shouldn't they be left with a horrible memory, taunting them to their last day, like him?

He climbed down the old, dusty stairs, not even thinking about locking the door.

He went into the crowded street of Diagon Alley. This was it. He never felt happier. And if he did, it was driven away by the painful memories, hidden in a distant corner of his mind.

He drew the cup to his lips. He could almost feel the drops; he could almost hear the rushing of his brain. He could just see himself falling down, as cold as the earth beneath him.

He remembered a song he once heard: "Free...wanna be free...gotta be free..."

He'll be free. Free forever.

He almost smiled.

One drop. Two drops. It didn't feel so bad. Time to finish the whole thing. It felt so good; no more nightmares, no more disturbing dreams. Just peace. Eternal peace. Freedom. But then...

"Ron! RON!!!!!!!!!" ecstatic yelling was heard. Ron thought he would faint, his cup dropping to the floor and breaking into millions of small pieces with a loud clatter, like his heart did once.

It was...him.

He didn't really believe it was he.

His long-lost friend was soon squashing him, Ron's hands hanging limply by his sides.

"H.... Harry." he finally managed to squeeze out. Harry finally let go.

"Your voice sounds strange, really hoarse. You remind me of Sirius."

"It's just a cold."

Harry noticed the broken cup at their feet. "Sorry for that. Let me buy you another one."

"No." Ron looked at the face of his beaming friend. How can he be so happy? Harry just couldn't control his happiness; not noticing that Ron wasn't even smiling.

"How have you been doing, old mate? It's been 3 years, right?" Harry dragged him to the ice cream parlour insisted on buying both of them drinks.

"So, What have you been doing, Ron?" Harry asked, still smiling, as he took a big sip from his drink.

"Nothing much. You?"

"I've joined the..." Harry's face became more serious as he lowered his voice, "The Order of the Phoenix. But it's top secret. We're doing great things, Ron. Great things."

"That means that Dumbledore is still alive?"

"You almost sound disappointed." Harry pulled a face.

"No, I'm not, just wondering. He's not as young as he used to be."

Harry laughed. "He was never young when we met him. Now he's 160, and still thriving. Everyone else is also alright. Sirius and Lupin, Hagrid, and all of them. They're all O.K., luckily."

"Hmmm." Ron felt a rush of anger towards Harry. There's someone who is not O.K.

Who wasn't O.K. for four years.

"So how's it going with the girls? You're 21 now, I bet you're a heartbreaker."

Ron's eyes widened dangerously. How could he?! Did he really forget?

Harry looked bewildered for a moment. "W...what did I say? Do you...OH! Do you...you know...swing the other way?"

"What?! No!" How could he not remember? Ron thought numbly, how could he?

"Guess you just haven't found the right one. I know, that's me too. The lone rider."

"Lonelier than you can imagine," Ron said, lowering his gaze, trying to push the memories away.

"So...what are you doing for a living?"

"Nothing. Nothing. Just a cashier at Owl Emporium."

"Listen," Harry lowered his voice once again, "if you want to...you can join the Order. We can always use someone like you. You were pretty good back then."

"She was the best... she was always the best," Ron mumbled, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Ron?" Harry looked worriedly at his friend, "Are you O.K.?"

Ron looked at Harry, enraged, "Don't you-" he was cut off by the sound of wings, followed by a white owl that landed on the table the two friends were sitting at.

"Hedwig!" Harry said happily, "Look, it's Ron! Remember him?" Hedwig clicked her beak impatiently and stuck out her leg. There was a bit of parchment attached to it.

Harry opened it and quickly scanned the lines. "Let's go," Harry said, leaving the money for the drinks on the table, "they need me down there."

They went to the restrooms that were inside the parlour, Harry walking quickly with Hedwig on his shoulder, Ron following him. As they entered the restrooms, Harry turned to Ron, "Check if anybody's there."

"Coast is clear."

Harry turned to the third sink from the left and started whispering something.

"Harry!" Ron jumped backwards, "Don't! It's Parseltongue!"

Harry smiled, "If it worked one time, it'll work again. I'll go in first, you go after me."

He slid himself into the hole that was once a sink, Ron after him, having terrible memories.

The fall reminded him of his Hogwarts days. It wasn't as long as in their second year. Ron felt the cold pipe, shivering slightly. After about a minute or so later, he fell on something soft.

He jumped away quickly, bringing back memories from their first year. She was the only one who knew that the nice cozy plant was Devil's Snare.

*FLASHBACK*

"That's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight!"

~~

"Ron! Ron! Why are you just standing there? Let's go!" Harry's voice shook him. With a quick glance on what turned out to be a great pile of moss, Ron followed Harry through the long halls; torches illuminating their silhouettes; their steps thundering on the stone floor. Hedwig flew in front of them, as if trying to show the way, though Harry probably already knew it.

Ron felt his skin harden. It was chilly down there. Water dripped in some corners.

"You really want to tell me that your Head Quarters is under a loo? Not really my definition of comfortable."

He saw Harry's back shake as he laughed. "Ron, you didn't change a bit."

"You have no idea how wrong you are," Ron muttered to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Suddenly, Harry stopped and turned to the left wall, where a picture of beautiful lady dressed in white hung in a handsome oak frame. Ron's mouth opened in amazement, because Harry did something that made Ron want to hospitalise him. He tickled the wall.

Ron was going to say something, but as his mouth opened, a part of the wall squiggled. It looked like it sneezed, and an ancient wooden doorknob sprang out.

Harry giggled, looking at Ron's astonished face. "Hey, Dumbledore is the leader of this thing!"

Harry opened the door and said proudly, "Welcome, to the main chamber of the Order of the Phoenix!"