Win Some, Lose More

CHAPTER SIX - Showdown At Smithe Manor, Admission At Five Pounds Per Person

Ten minutes later Harry was walking in a drunken daze through the hotel corridors but, oddly enough, he was still heading straight to Snape's room. Seeing what Smith actually did to people in the flesh, as it is said, was something enough to sober up anyone, which wasn't a good thing. Harry had tried to counteract it with a full mouthful of finest whisky, and had overshot the mark considerably.

It was terrible. Smith just put his had over her and she just, sort of, levitated towards it, and then the bits furthest from him started to turn to stone, and Harry had been to shocked to wonder why her clothes had turned to stone as well. Once he was done with Hermione he'd turned towards Harry.

Harry had had many excellent plans in his time, but none of which measured up to the sheer brilliance of kicking Smith in the nuts and running away as fast as he could without the top of his head falling off.

On his way to the rooms he caused as much noise as possible, hoping that the crowd of angry muggles would distract Smith. However, once he reached Snape's room he found that he was too late. He didn't have a clue how it was possible, but evidently he was.

Snape was flung against and up the wall. Upside-down at that. If it weren't for the seriousness of the matter Harry would have laughed his arse off.

"It's Smith," said Snape. "He's got the statues."

Whatever magic was holding him there vanished and he fell to the floor. Like Harry, he managed to pronounce four asterisks in italics.

"He's got Hermione!" said Harry. "We're the last bloody survivors!"

"Calm down Potter," said Snape. "We'll have to think about this logically. Smith has no doubt gone back to Smithe Manor. I'm certain that he expects us to follow him, because I have no idea whether or not the others are safe in his hands."

"I doubt it. He smiled!"

"You're pulling my leg? Do you know what I did to the last person who pulled my leg?"

"Yes, I've seen him on your trophy wall. But what are we going to do?"

"Follow him."

"Follow him?"

"Indeed. We have no choice. If we leave the others for any length of time then it will be too late, and I'm sorry to say that he's already flown off with Miss Granger, no doubt."

"And he's powerful enough to destroy us now?"

"I think it would be safe to say yes on that one."

* * * * *

"That's what I said. If only you'd told me about the muttering when you first heard it. Then perhaps we could've avoided this whole catastrophe."

"What? You're the one who didn't tell us anything!"

"I forgot about Smithe."

"Oh. Well what about everything else that you didn't tell us. 'Poor Jeeves, all we found was his head'. Thanks for telling us that it was stone."

"Well you didn't tell me about any of the other things you found out. And the reason why I brought Granger, Malfoy and Weasley here was because they tend to find things out. What's the point of my being here if you don't tell me anything?"

"My point exactly!"

There was an embarrassed silence. There are an awful lot in this story, aren't there?

"I'm sorry Professor," said Harry. "It's the whisky talking."

Snape ignored him.

"Hey come on! Don't give me the silent treatment!"

"You like Granger better than me, don't you?"

"Hey man, I-" Harry thought about what they were saying. "Of course I bloody like Hermione better than you! You're my potions master!"

"Oh. You're right. I suppose we'd better get after Smith then."

* * * * *

Once again the journey took twenty minutes, finding Smith in the maze of Smithe Manor would take a fair amount of work, but any statues idly lying around the place might just give the game away. They checked on the journey that Smith hadn't accidentally dropped anyone.

They touched down outside the front of the manor. There was another broom nearby. Smith had beaten them there.

They drew their wands dramatically and headed for the door, and then Harry said:

"Wait a minute. I think I'd better take the hidden tunnel. Smith probably won't be expecting it. Why can I remember Smith all the time now?"

Snape scratched his forehead.

"I don't really know. I've never considered it. But I suppose that with more victims he becomes more memorable. Now hurry up. I'll check the downstairs first."

Harry rushed to the hidden trapdoor and ran down the dark corridors. It took him longer than it would if he'd taken the direct route, but he was protected at least and he knew exactly where he'd end up when he came out the other end, and he arguably hoped that that was close to Smith.

* * * * *

Severus Snape threw himself flat against yet another wall and sidled along the dark corridor like some form of assassin. In truth it was just that he'd been watching too many commando movies during his visit.

Having completed the search of the ground floor he edged his way upstairs, holding his wand at the ready and pointing at all and any shadows that he didn't like. That was an awful lot of shadows.

When he reached the top of the stairs he hit the deck, elbowed his way towards the bathroom and opened the door cautiously. He got to his feet and entered, sweeping the area with his wand before he turned away

into the face of

"Smith!" he said. "I've found you."

Both comments left Smith entirely nonplussed. However, Snape did silently add in his head:

Or you've found me. This isn't going to be pleasant.

Smith had already raised his hand.

"Bugger," said Snape.

* * * * *

Harry exited the tunnel at the end of the long picture gallery of very constipated and very dead Smiths. He was on the top floor, and not too far from what was once Ginny's room. It was from there that he heard the muttering.

" no change there must be no "

He stuck his wand out in front of him and aimed at the door. Then he cautiously edged his way towards it, kicked open the door and avoided the very large lightning blot that threatened to turn his head into something like Snape's bacon.

And then there was the sound of clapping. Harry looked up into the impassive face of Smith.

Only Julius Smith was no longer so impassive. He was smiling that smile which, when added to his eerily average features, resulted in an expression so evil it would make Satan proud.

"Welcome," he said, "to Smith Manor. You're just in time to celebrate my inheritance, Harry Potter."

He gestured to the closed French doors. Delicately balanced on the sill of the balcony were the statues, all of them life size.

"I'm so pleased to have guests at this most important part of my long life," continued Smith. "I must say that that muttering works a treat. I never knew how gullible you light side fools could be. 'no change there must be no difference there must be' honestly, did you really think that that was real?"

"Hah! Never," lied Harry.

Smith laughed maniacally. He was very good at it, but still

"Voldemort could laugh maniacally better than you!" said Harry, really not knowing what else to say.

"Give me a break. I'm just a kid."

"So was Tom Riddle."

"Oh come off it. We all have our weak points."

He climbed off Ginny's bed and walked towards the double doors. He lifted the catch and opened them.

"Didn't think I could open doors did you?" he said. "When you thought I was just a monster. I stayed in here because Ron was a convenient target. I attracted you into the garden and made you open the back doors because I was curious as to your reaction. All this time I've been here, and I was using the hidden tunnel long before you found it."

"You were at Hogwarts when Jeeves was killed!" said Harry. "How did you do that?"

"That was nothing extraordinary. I just came here for a few hours on broom to 'set the stage' if you will. I knew that no-one would see that I was gone."

Harry shrugged. It was true.

"And when I made that fake statue of myself. That was too classic," Smith went on as he admired his handiwork on the sill. "I knew that you'd suspect me, and when I heard that you though it was me I hurried to cover up my tracks. It didn't work for long. Snape is too wise for that, even if he is an outrageous berk. Was."

Harry nodded. That was definitely tr - was?

Snape, in solid stone, was sitting on the sill with the others. Harry didn't think that it was a good thing that he'd been taken. After all, he seriously doubted if he was more powerful than the potions master had been.

Smith was ignoring him for now, and was still entranced by his craft of himself, until he gave it a little tap.

The fake smashed on the patio two high stories below.

"Clumsy me," he said. "Don't worry Potter, I'll be sure not to harm any of your friends without telling you first," he looked down. "Alas, poor Smithe, he shattered well. The old master's ghost was floating around about there," he pointed to an area of open air, "when I tore he essence out. It was most exhilarating."

"But why was he a ghost anyway. What happened to the ghosts of all your other victims?" said Harry, determined to get as many answers as he could before he met his maker. It wouldn't have comforted him to know that his maker was sitting somewhere behind a keyboard trying to write a fifth book.

"Ah, what a mystery. You see as my, er, counterpart, Julian Smithe was protected from my power. As for his father, he was dead already. I had to perform my trick twice. I had thought that Snape's artificial protection would provide the same aid. It appears I was wrong," and then he added, as though he could read Harry's mind. "I know, I know: why does the villain always explain everything at the end? All I can say is that it's traditional.

"Which is why I'm going to explain the following facts to cover up any plot holes caused by the careless author: you see I had hoped to finish off Smithe during the night, but when you came back into the house prematurely I just couldn't risk being found. Not before I was powerful enough to kill you. And then you found the tunnel, of course. What a stroke of brilliance on your part."

"Not really. It was an accident," said Harry.

"I know. And a brilliant accident it was too. I had to leave Weasley to cover up, some important matters left by your accident, and so I encountered Julie's ghost. I'd hoped to leave him around for a while, for entertainment purposes, but I couldn't let him go, so I turned him to stone and finished the job. And then I felt that it was right for a new player to enter the game."

"No, I'm sorry to say that Ron sucks. He couldn't catch a quaffle if it hit him in the face."

"I mean the game of life and death. Anyway, that more or less brings us up to date."

And with that he elbowed the old master's chef off the precipice.

Harry was too late to grab him but quick enough to see him hit rock bottom.

"You told me you wouldn't harm anyone without telling me!" he roared.

"I said I wouldn't harm your friends. Honestly, you've never met the man. Nor I believe, him."

The gardener met his doom.

Harry grabbed Smith by his collar and pushed him unresistingly to the edge. The only thing that stopped Harry from pushing him over was that he never stopped smiling. It was more off-putting that the time Seamus Finnagan ate worms as part of a bet.

"So why did you wait so long to return," said Harry, eager now just to stop Smith from smiling.

"It was a shame for poor little Smithe. Expelled from school, his father dead, his evil twin walking around the place. And then there was the incident with the puppy. However, I wasn't too upset, until I found that I wasn't strong enough to kill Julie. So I went back to Hogwarts. No-one noticed me enough to wonder why I was back. I made sure of that. Snape considered it, but he knew he was no match for me! Bwahahaha!"

"Voldemort did it better."

"Blow you! But then one day I heard that Severus Snape was going to visit his esteemed friend again, and so I made my visit beforehand. Poor Jeeves, he too was on this balcony when I took him. And something bad happened. By the way Potter, I'm going to hurt your friends."

Harry was just quick enough to grab Ron before he fell. Harry could feel himself slipping, but he wouldn't let go for the world. Well, maybe for the - no! Not even for the world.

"And that's what happened," said Smith, "although in his case no-one caught him. And instead of the friendly visit Snape had planned he was called on urgent business. You can't imagine how pleased I was to hear that he was calling you here. Your essence will sustain me for a long time. Goodbye Hermione."

Harry let go of Ron with one hand and then quickly caught Hermione. Their heads knocked together, although there didn't appear to be any damage.

Harry on the other hand had received a lot of damage. He was holding on to the balcony rail with his legs only and he'd dislocated both shoulders. He could feel his body stretching under the tension of his load. If he was really lucky, he'd get out of this being able to look down at Crabbe and Goyle. If he wasn't, he'd get out of this as spaghetti.

"!" he said.

"I believe that," said Smith, "is by way of being the entire thing. And now please don't let me keep you. Please sit back and enjoy the celebrations. I choose Ginny!"

Ginny fell but oddly enough didn't hit the ground. Harry realised why. Clutching her leg with the slightest of ease was a hand, and that hand was attached to

"Professor Snape?" said Harry.

The potions master lifted Ginny over the edge again without any apparent strain. This would be worth some explanation and a half.

Then he walked to the other end of the death row and picked up himself, and proceeded to hit the bewildered Smith around the head with it.

There was a sickly splintering.

"I was most fortunate," said Snape, "to have had to foresight to make a simulacrum of myself. It's a shame it didn't last very long but then, neither did Smith."

Harry looked down and gasped. Smith's head was on backwards.

"I was also fortunate to find enough dead flies and splinters of teak to make a small dose of strength potion," Snape went on. "It won't last for very long, but I don't need it for long. Is there a problem?"

"Argle!"

"Give me those statues, boy!" said Snape, lifting them back with ease, followed by Harry. "Don't expect me to come to your aid every time something like this happens."

"Don't worry professor. I don't."

"With any luck that will be the last we see of Julius Smi-"

Snape fell to the ground because, much to Harry's horror, Smith had grabbed his ankle. He'd heard that you can't keep a good man down. That was something he'd really have to look into when he was back at Hogwarts.

The only problem was though, that he was afraid he'd have to go back to Hogwarts in a crate.

Smith leapt towards him with surprising accuracy for someone who could see his anus without a mirror. Then with another splintering noise he spun his head around so his mad grey eyes met with Harry's green ones. Harry would have fought back, but he couldn't seem to move his arms after the stress of his friends.

Snape, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen.

"You cannot defeat me with mere physical attacks!" he said, in the universal standard bad-guys tone. "You're essence is mine! This manor is mine!"

He raised his hand so it was over Harry's chest. Harry could feel bits of himself turning to stone. His head felt cloudy, as though someone was reaching into his brain to find out what happened if you pull this bit.

Smith was smiling again.

"Voldemort may have a better laugh than me, but at least I can kill you."

He laughed, as though to demonstrate the point.

Harry tried to force his arms into action, but it didn't work. They just didn't seem to want to move. And then a thought hit Harry; if it worked before

He brought his knee up.

Harry tried to limp away from the screaming Smith but it didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped. His shins were already stone, and it was only because of now fading adrenaline that he'd managed the attack in the first place.

"You're not meant to bloody do that!" screamed Smith. "You're meant to bloody die!"

"On the whole, given the choice " said Harry.

Smith leapt again, and the whole word turned to treacle.

That's a bad metaphor. If it really turned to treacle then anyone could fall off and there wouldn't be any damage done, thus avoiding the need for Harry to hold the twins after he dodged Smith's attack.

And then, in a blink of an eye, Smith was hanging over the edge. It was a foolish leap, and now he was suffering because of it. It served the bastard right.

Harry let go of the twins, who'd been knocked when Smith hit the edge. He looked down at his arms.

Well, he thought, that's that sorted.

"Help me!" said Smith.

"Ah," said Harry. "This is the classic bit in the story when the villain takes advantage of the hero's good nature and righteousness only to turn against him after his own life is saved?"

"You've been reading, haven't you?"

"I try."

Then, not because it was expected but because it was right, he stuck out a hand.

"Thankyou," said Smith. "But I fancy doing something different today "

He forced one hand up at Harry, the other arm bulging as it strained to keep him up. Once again Harry felt himself turning to stone, but he wasn't about to let it happen. Perhaps it was his past encounters with Voldemort which let him fight back, but right now he really couldn't give a-

He grabbed Smith's hand with the one he'd extended for him, and something curious, well, more curious that beforehand, started to happen.

Smith, like Harry, slowly began to turn to stone!

Smith, on the other hand, had one slight problem. Unlike Harry, who was on a platform designed to take the wait of many people, and unlike the other victims, who had far less force per area, Smith was making an impression on the edge like a pushpin, which perfectly illustrates the aforesaid point made about force per area.

The section of the rail that he was holding finally snapped, and he fell out of Harry's grasp onto the stone patio below.

Most of him shattered, the rest

Smith looked up at Harry and said a bad word. Then with all the force he could muster he lifted the remaining mass of his body up by his hands and then, collapsed.

Harry didn't exactly look like he was going anywhere either. About two thirds of his body were now made of stone. He wondered how he was surviving with a stone intestine, but before he found the answer there was a flash of rainbow coloured light from Smith

and a flash of grey light from the victims

and all the stone turned to flesh

and out came Snape, holding something in his hand

"To think that I forgot," he said. "His source of power! With it he was immortal. I recall I said about this."

The remaining victims stared at him. Julie was now one man again, alive and alive; the twins awoke with a shock when they found themselves quite so, well, attached; Ron and Ginny looked at each other in surprise; Hermione got out her penknife again and started looking around for Smith; Malfoy quickly tried to hide Mr Snuggles; the old master's butler, a man called Jeeves by the way, started to complain about how no-one had cleaned the bloody patio.

"What was his source of power?" said Harry.

"See for yourself," said Snape. Harry stared. It was so bloody obvious now.

* * * * *

Ten miles away in the village churchyard, Jeeves the Younger's stone head turned to flesh. This was of no comfort to the butler whatsoever.

* * * * *

"At the end of the portrait gallery," muttered Harry. "On one side Julie, on the other side Smith and no-one would know if he just covered up his tracks."

"I saw it on my way here," said Snape. "He never knew you took the tunnel this time, so he didn't think to go back and turn the wall around."

"But why didn't he hide it properly, or make a slightly less obvious source of power? Or one that you couldn't tear in half?" asked Ron.

"For the sake of plot," said Snape.

"Well I must say that that was an adventure I could have done without," said Julie. "But at least I'm alive again, which is more that I can say for those poor chaps down there."

No-one looked at those poor chaps down there.

"Well then Julie," said Snape. "It appears that I have solved this little dilemma of yours-"

"Hey!"

"With help. In copious amounts. Yes, alright Potter. I'll give you the bloody credit."

"What about me?" said Malfoy, who'd done practically nothing. "You can't possibly give all the credit to Gryffindor. And after all I-"

"Malfoy, if I give Slytherin fifty points as well, will you shut up?"

"Yes Professor."

"There's still one thing I don't understand," said Hermione. These things are meant to be said after the villain's been defeated. "Why did you put out all that black pudding and stuff when you knew it was your evil twin, Julie?"

"Oh that," said Julie. "I do that all the time anyway. It helps me get to sleep."

"Well there's something I don't understand," said Ginny. "If he's your evil twin then why is he so much younger than you?"

"That's a powerful magic that he used to get back into Hogwarts. He spent a long time trying to master every possible spell. Apparently it didn't work."

"There's just one more thing that I don't understand," said Malfoy. "Is there some sort of great being that watches over us or is that just a dream of humanity?"

"Ah," said Julie. "That's an interesting philosophical concept. You see I personally believe that "

And from that day on Harry Potter and Severus Snape were no closer than ever before and still hated each other with a passion, but at least now Snape could devote all his hatred to Harry now that he didn't have the distraction of Smith.

The En - hold on there! We're not done. There's still the entertaining tale of what happened next

END OF ACT SIX, THE NAME OF A TOWN IN KENT APPARENTLY.