Win Some, Lose More

CHAPTER FIVE - Whatever Happened To That-Bloke-Over-There-What's-His-Name

It was now midnight, and Harry really didn't know what to do about his discovery. However, it was a good thing that he was awake now because the first thought that hit him was - well, in truth it was that he was in the wrong room, and then that he'd have to change his pyjamas, and then that he was hungry. But eventually the thought hit him that if something had turned Malfoy to stone then he was probably in the same room as it. He made sure to fix that as fast as he could.

He ran back into his own room and shook Hermione awake. One of thirteen specialist blades appeared at his neck.

"Eeep!" he said.

"Oh, sorry Harry," said Hermione. "What time is - midnight! What the hell are you doing waking me up like this at this hour, Harry Potter?"

The blade reappeared.

"Er, would you like a glass of milk?"

"Oh yes please."

"And I think I need something too. Something which says '50%' on the side of the bottle."

They got their drinks from the abandoned bar. Harry explained about Malfoy. Hermione decided that milk was not enough.

"This is terrible. I never considered " she said.

"I know," agreed Harry.

"I mean, how could they possibly call this quality whisky?"

"What? I mean 'what?'. Haven't you been listing to what I've been saying?"

"You don't think I'm drinking this for my health do you?"

"I shut the door. With any luck I've locked it in there with Malfoy. After all, it didn't seem to be so eager to get out of Ginny's room after it attacked her."

"But what could it be, Harry? I mean the we were sure that we weren't being followed here so unless it was invisible we couldn't have been followed. And I had thought of that and tried a little enchantment I learned the other week."

"I hope you did it right. I couldn't get the hang of the see invisible objects spell."

"Well I'm sure. I tried it once by covering a table with your invisibility cloak and it worked. So ruling out that we have no-one to blame. I think we can safely rule out Malfoy, and it isn't you or I, and I'm fairly certain Snape would never do such a thing. Who else is there?"

"Bugger!" said Harry.

"Excuse me?"

"Smith! It has to be Smith! Have you noticed how he didn't seem upset at his uncle's demise, and hasn't seemed shocked or surprised at all?"

"No."

"Well, that's to be expected, but what I thought was that maybe he was the culprit."

"Who?"

"Who what?"

"You know: Smith," said Hermione. "I don't know. Memory like a sieve."

"I think that we'd better hurry. I'm fairly certain Smith can open a door. I don't think I can remember him ever doing it, but I'm fairly certain he can."

They bounded back upstairs and opened Malfoy's door. They flourished their wands in the darkness, and then Hermione said:

"Who are we looking for again?"

There was a pause.

"Smith!" cried Harry. "Come on out. I know you're in here somewhere."

There was no response. Harry inspected the other bed. There was no-one in it.

"ER, Harry?" said Hermione.

"Yes?" said Harry.

"I'm fairly certain that we're wrong. I have a hunch that Smith didn't do it this time."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Well, he's over here, and he doesn't quite look his usual self "

She was right. Smith was now also a stone statue, although his face wasn't in quite such an agonising expression. This would have attracted too much attention.

It was strange actually. Now that he was a block of granite he was far more noticeable and Harry could actually remember that he was there. Perhaps actually he could just remember that there was a statue of Smith, but that was enough. He was actually noticing things about him, like how he was so much more colourful as a slab of grey rock.

"I was so certain that it was him," said Harry. "When I thought it I was so happy. I thought I'd solved the mystery."

"What was your evidence?" said Hermione.

"He was always by every attack, except, now that I think about it, when Jeeves and Julie were taken. And he couldn't have possibly been around to have caused Julie's father's ghost's disappearance. There's no way."

"No way now, but who does that leave?"

Harry shook his head.

"I refuse to believe that after all of that it would be Snape. Somehow I'd like it to be, but I really don't think he'd do something like that."

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"I've just thought, should we be in here, what with one thing and another."

They returned back to their room and closed the door behind them as fast as they could.

"I still don't think that it could be Snape," continued Harry.

"Well then it must be something impervious to my see invisible creatures spell," said Hermione vainly, "which adds to my discomfort. Worse still we haven't actually found out anything new all this time. All we've done is caused the whole lot of us to turn to stone. If we can't get them back this will seriously warp my young mind and I might end up with a s-stutter or something."

"Very amusing," said Harry.

"Well I can't just let it haunt me. I've got to talk about it."

"Look," said Harry, trying to be comforting, "we'll wait until breakfast time. There should be enough people around by then, and until now the whatever's only attacked people who are on their own. And the twins, but they don't count. We'll tell Snape about Malfoy and Smith, and perhaps he can hide them before the muggles find out."

"And then?"

"And then we go back to Hogwarts. I'm sure that even if the creature follows us then someone will be able to get rid of it. We've dealt with worse."

"And if it doesn't follow us? I'm ashamed of you Harry Potter! Even hinting that we should leave all these innocent people with a, a, thingamabob."

"A thingamabob?"

"You heard me!"

* * * * *

The night toiled on, slowed down by the survivors' inability to get to sleep until exhaustion overcame them. Another one of Sod's many First Laws was that time never flew when you wanted it to and always when you didn't.

They were too exhausted to wake up at any normal time, until at about half past nine when there was a loud hammering at the door.

"Wake up!" called Snape. "Wake up you slackers!"

Harry blinked into the zone between sleep and wake where everything is so clear and simple, and then found that that wasn't the most comfortable position to be in given recent events. He jerked awake, suddenly realising that he had forgotten all of the answers by waking up, and then realising that Hermione had drifted across the room and miraculously appeared snuggled up next to him, he leapt to the door and opened it.

"Professor!" he said, "It's Malfoy!"

He showed Snape the other room, and had explained how he'd thought it may've been Smith, and how they found Smith on the floor. The potions master took all of this into consideration, and then examined the statues.

"There's nothing unusual about Draco," he said matter-of-factly. "Well, he'd made of impure igneous rock, but that's not what I meant. Mr. Smith on the other hand, is a fake."

"A what?" said Harry.

"A fake."

"That's what I thought you said."

"Yes, and you were right. It's a fake. This isn't the real, ER, who are we talking about?"

"Smith, Professor. I find it helps if you think about the statue."

"Hmm. Well it seems that this is a fake, made very craftily by powerful magic. However, you can tell that it is a replica of Smith's pose when he made it. His feet, for example, are completely level, showing that he was standing at the time."

"But that means that Smith is still around somewhere!"

Snape nodded.

"Hermione!" exclaimed Harry.

He darted back into his own room. Thankfully Hermione was still alive and well, or alive at least. Harry considered there was something altogether not right about that girl's mind.

He shook her awake. The blade reappeared.

"Good morning Sunshine," said Harry nervously.

"Oh, it's you," she said. She noticed Snape at the door, which wasn't the nicest thing to wake up to, unlike Kellogg's Corn Flakes. "Is there something wrong?"

"It's Smith," said Snape. "He is in fact the culprit responsible. Potter, I'll go and hide the statues from any muggle cleaners and when I come back I think it would be best if you explain everything."

It took Snape about a minute before he returned, carrying another ball containing Smith's fake and Draco, as well as their luggage, which he dumped in the corner.

"Well?" he said.

"You first," said Harry.

"Are you arguing with me, Mr. Potter?"

"No Professor."

"Good."

Harry explained everything, from the black pudding to the muttering, to the Tree of a Hundred Secrets

"Really?" said Snape. "And what did you tell it in return?"

"ER, I once cheated in a test?" chanced Harry.

"Five points from Gryffindor. Carry on."

to how they'd come to suspect Smith. Snape listened intently and then smiled. On Snape this is a bad thing.

He was going to tell them. At last we'll find out, thought Harry. Five bloody chapters and only now are we finding out!

"Quite so. I have known that it was Smith for a long time," he said. "However he is very elusive, as I'm sure you've found out. While at Hogwarts he was harmless, as his power is directly linked to Smithe Manor. However I spent a long time preparing for the day when I'd have to face him, although I forgot why I was doing it several times."

"You knew all along and you didn't do anything about it?" said Hermione.

"I forgot. Still, it's not that simple. There's something in that house that must be destroyed to defeat him. I've spent a long time trying to work it out, which wasn't helped by the fact that I kept forgetting that he existed."

"How does he do that?"

"Memory charms of course. He radiates them. A product of his dark genesis. You see Julie was expelled from Hogwarts in his seventh year when due to a magical accident he was split in two. No-one was sure which half was more dangerous, so they were both expelled and cast away from Hogwarts. No-one could have imagined that he'd turn into that thingamabob."

"Thingamabob?" said Harry.

"I told you," said Hermione.

"I'm sorry to have had to lie," (Harry doubted it) "but I thought that you would have been able to figure it out for yourselves. You usually do. Except of course for you, Potter. You're here for another reason."

"He's immune," said Hermione. "His encounters with you-know-who have left him impervious to Smith's stone touch.

Snape was impressed.

"When the bloody hell did you figure that out?" said Harry.

"Why do you think I'm sleeping over here?"

Harry looked at his feet.

"After all," continued Hermione, "I decided that being closer to you would cause some sort of natural protection. It's logic really."

"Precisely," said Snape. "And I too am immune. Well, not immune. With every victim Smith takes he grows stronger, and by now he may just be strong enough. Maybe."

"Eeep!"

Hermione smacked his head with a pillow.

"Don't be such a wuss!"

"Fine! You go out and save the day then!" said Harry.

"Who? ER, me?"

"No. Your mum."

"No need to be like that!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Shut up!" said Snape. "We can save the victims if we destroy the source of Smith's power, although it's nothing a simple soft charm won't fix. It's a shame that I don't know it. We'll just have to return to Hogwarts and come back again later."

"Bugger that," said Hermione.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no way. I don't think finding volunteers for your next expedition is going to be very easy."

"But Smith is here now, and is still close enough to be powerful. If we don't stop him soon then there's no hope."

They nodded. They really hated Snape sometimes.

Well, more often than sometimes.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, far away, at least far away from the hotel, and even further away from Smithe Manor, but not so far away from Hogwarts, because it was Hogwarts, another riot was starting.

Some of the Gryffindors and Slytherins had chained themselves up against the school gates, though no-one was sure why. No-one was going in and no-one was going out anyway, and after all they'd done it in such a way that you could still open them afterwards, if you just put in a bit more effort.

The rest of them were swarming around Professor McGonagall's office, but only because they didn't know where Dumbledore's was. But this was of no consequence since he was in there anyway.

"This isn't a good sign Minerva," he said, once again proving his ability to state the painfully obvious. "Some of them are armed with porcupines."

Professor McGonagall nodded and then pulled out her wand from her desk. It was in a long felt box, and inscribed upon it were the words: 'PW37 .8mm. For use in emergencies'.

"If anyone has any really good ideas then speak now or forever hold your pieces in a plastic bag," she said. "Anyone?"

Professor Flitwick raised a cautious hand. McGonagall got very, very dangerous in these situations, and she was a riot control SWAT team all in herself.

"Yes, Flitwick?" she snapped.

The tiny professor fumbled for the words.

"Speak up man!"

"Can I go to the bathroom, miss?" he said.

There was a silence. A lot of the other assembled teachers had fought their way through the angry students and had ended up battered and dishevelled but at least in the safety of an office. Right now they'd give their degrees in advanced spell casting just to be with the rioters. Professor Sprout looked out the window, one of the Slytherins had stolen a urinal and was trying to climb over the walls with his booty.

"Sprout!" said Professor McGonagall. "What did I just say?"

"Mhmhmmmhmhm?" mumbled the Herbology teacher.

"Right, that's ten points down!"

"You can't do that, Minerva," said Dumbledore levelly. "We're teachers."

"Oh. Right."

"Who'd have thought that Dick would have such an effect "

"Yeah!" said Professor Trelawney."And where is he now? Can anyone point him out?"

"He's upstairs in his room cowering in terror," said McGonagall. "Bloody wuss."

"I'm scared!" said Hagrid, who was meant to be their heavy backup.

"Well there's only one thing for it," said Professor McGonagall. "We'll have to go out there and talk some sense into them."

There was another silence.

"What makes you think that'll work?" asked Professor Sprout.

"We're their teachers. We're always right!"

For a moment the others doubted that that was true, but only for a second. Even teachers have to have some pride. Otherwise you ended up with a teachers' union.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" said Flitwick.

The door opened. Two dozen wands, bottles, lead bars, porcupines and - the teachers wondered where they came from - throwing axes were raised.

Hagrid stepped through.

Two dozen pairs of underwear were soiled.

"Headmaster Dumbledore would like ter speak wi' yer," he said.

The old man appeared next to him.

"Thank you Hagrid," he said. "Now, who's in charge here?"

"This is a riot!" said one of the Slytherins. "No-one's meant to be-"

"That would be me," said Seamus Finnigan hurriedly. "We have demands! Isn't that right Dean?" he shouted out the window.

"Yeah!" yelled Dean from somewhere on the gates.

"And what are your demands?" said McGonagall.

"We want Dick Ed out!" said Seamus.

"We want longer weekends!" said the Slytherin.

"We want less porridge at breakfast!"

"We want more meat at dinner!"

"We want to see what's inside the girls' bathroom, really!"

"We want to go to Hawaii and drink coconut milk!"

"Is that all?" said Dumbledore.

"ER," said Seamus, "we did have a list. What happened to the list? Have you got the list Dean?"

"No!"

"Who had the bloody list? Crabbe? Goyle?"

"ER, we was hungry and-" began Crabbe. "Never mind. Yes that's it."

"I believe we can meet the first demand quite satisfactorily," said Dumbledore.

"What? The one about the girls' bathroom?" said the Gryffindor who'd suggested it.

"The one about Professor Edwards."

"Oh."

"Now please go back to your dormitories, or else we'll be forced to use force," said Professor McGonagall, rubbing her PW37 .8mm threateningly.

"Yer heard the professors," said Hagrid. "Move along there. An' I don' wanna see you makin' trouble around here again, y'hear?"

"Can I go to the bathroom now?"

"We'll send someone to detach your colleagues from the gates later this afternoon," said Dumbledore. "Also, if you would be so kind as to return any pillaged materials and porcupines Also, if anybody finds one of the urinals from the second floor of the east wing we'd thank you if you would return it. Thank you for your patience."

The gang dispersed. They'd have to remind their peers elsewhere in the school to stop beating up the Hufflepuffs.

"Well that wasn't too bad," said Professor McGonagall. "You can all go now," she told the professors and Hagrid.

"Can I please go to the bathroom now?"

She retreated back into her office. Dumbledore lingered around a bit. No-one had ever asked him why he always did this.

"I certainly hope that Severus will return soon," he said. "Perhaps if I send him an owl "

"Perhaps," said Professor McGonagall, "but he hasn't really seen Julie in a long time, and I very much doubt it. This is official business after all."

"True, true. Who was it he was after?"

"I don't know."

"Know what?"

"I can't remember."

"It was Smith!"

"What was?"

"I can't remember."

"Anyway," said Professor McGonagall, "I think perhaps we should just leave things as they are for now. If there's another riot then we'll have to cancel potions. It's a shame really."

"Nonetheless, I think we shall have to wait for Severus."

Professor McGonagall nodded.

"Can I go-"

"Yes!"

* * * * *

Night came. This wasn't at all surprising.

Harry wasn't asleep. His arm was, because Hermione was laying on it. She seemed to have put on a little weight.

" there must be no change all things must remain there must be no "

Harry leapt out of bed, or at least did when he managed to get Hermione off him. This was the first time he'd heard the muttering since the affair with the tree. He was determined to find out what Smith meant.

He considered waking Hermione, but thought otherwise. If he was just careful then no-one was getting in.

He closed the door behind him and looked around. He quickly checked Snape's room. He was still made of flesh, which was reassuring. Slightly.

He turned back to his own room. The door was ajar. He feared the worst and dived in.

"Hermione!" he yelped, but she was still alive. On the other hand Smith may have been lurking in any corner. He felt it best if he woke her up.

"Put the penknife away," he whispered. "Listen, Smith's about somewhere. We need to get out of here."

"Smith? What do you mean he's-"

"Probably in here. Now calm down and follow me."

They crept down to the bar again. Harry was certain that if they could at least see behind each other then they'd be safe. Hermione was not so sure.

"Harry," she said, "I'm not so sure. I really think Smith's going to strike soon."

"Not with me here. Remember my immunity," said Harry.

"Yeah, but that's probably void. Now there's something I need to tell you. Something I've wanted to say for a long time but I never had the courage to say. I need to tell you before I die."

"Hey, you're not going to die."

"No, listen. This is important. I, I - I only got eighty-seven percent in that transfiguration test!"

There was silence.

"That's it?" "What do you mean that's it. I open my soul to you and that's what I get, 'that's it'? You unbelievable-"

"Calm down," said Harry. "I've got a confession too: I copied your answers in that test."

"You what?"

"The one's about retromantic equations."

"Oh, that's alright. Those were the ones I got wrong."

"Oh. That's a shame I - oh, hello Smith."

Harry's brow furrowed. He was sure there was something important he was forgetting about Smith.

"Hello Smith," said Hermione, also with the quivering voice that suggested she was forgetting something important, a rare condition for her. "You didn't hear all of that, did you?"

Smith smiled; it was like seeing a fish smile. The next thing you expected was hell to freeze over, but it already had.

"Why are you grinning like that?" said Hermione nervously.

* * * * *

END OF ACT FIVE, ER, OH BUGGER.