Win Some, Lose More

CHAPTER THREE - The Tree of a Hundred Secrets, Conserved By Volunteers

No-one noticed until well into the next day that Malfoy had been duct taped to the wall with his mouth taped shut. When they removed it and saved him the trouble of ever having to shave again they realised it read in untidy scrawl 'for use in the event of virgin pillock sacrifice'.

Harry and the gang did realise, however, that all in all Snape was being about as useful as a one-legged man in a bum-kicking contest. Throughout the day he'd made no hint to explain why he'd called them there, although Harry secretly suspected that he'd weighed out their chances of death and made a choice based on the least overall loss. However the potions master didn't even seem to be trying to look for clues as to the beasts origin or location. But it was true though: if there was an overwhelming crisis, you could bet your broomstick moulded ass that the terrible trio would, by investigation, luck and bloody minded determination (which Snape grouped as 'accident'), save the day.

However, before the morning of Malfoy's release was the night before, which wouldn't have worked if it came afterwards. However, in the meantime Harry, Ron and Hermione went on a quick nightly patrol of the manor in search for anything more mysterious than Snape or more unusual than Julie. It seemed highly unlikely.

"I don't call that art," said Ron, as they examined the paintings on the drawing room walls.

"Really?" said Harry. "I thought the one with the dogs playing poker was a timeless classic."

"No, I agree with Ron," said Hermione. "It's simply a symbol. A strange and complicated symbol drawn with high technical precision but a mere symbol nonetheless."

"What's it a symbol of?" said Ron.

"Well it's always been my personal theory that the dogs represent - hey, don't fall asleep here! If you're going to ask a question !"

"Wassat?" said Ron.

"If you're going to ask a question !"

"No, not that. That sound?"

They listened. There was something, a kind of muttering and it was coming from

"The garden?" said Harry. "You don't think it could be our beast could it?"

"No, that sounds like a person to me," said Hermione.

"Wonderful. It's such a good thing that instead of a flesh rending beast of Satan we're given a psycho, who is no doubt armed with a chainsaw and seeks to tear our faces off and-"

"Honestly Ron! Whatever have you been watching?"

"Er, stuff?"

"Hmph."

They crept over to the French doors. It was Cornish pasties tonight, which kept away trolls, goblins and at least three types of golem. The trio looked out cautiously. There was no-one to be seen but there was a sound; the same muttering

"Are you sure it's not Snape or Julie?" said Ron.

"Well I'm pretty certain that it's not Snape," said Harry, "because I saw him upstairs just a minute ago and besides, he doesn't really mutter. As for Julie, I'm fairly certain that he's not going to venture far outside of his lace clad room any night soon."

"Well, let's check it out then. I suppose it's either that or face Snape, and if it is a burglar or something then at least we're armed with magic."

They nodded in agreement, and then Harry opened the door. The razor sharp whispers, finally without boundaries, hit them harder than the wind. But only by a little.

" no more of this there will be no change there must be the original there must be nothing new there must "

The trio looked at each other. Someone clearly had some issues.

They walked down the garden path, wands at the ready. They hardly needed any additional light; the full moon shone down with the power of a thousand torches.

The garden had obviously at one point been kept quite well. Julie had told them about how, after Jeeves died, the chef and gardener had left. Julie could get by without the former but clearly from the state of the place he couldn't handle both. The grass still retained a lot of the morning's dew, and soaked their trousers as they looked around, searching all of the hidden places.

Smithe Manor had been built on county ground ten miles from the nearest town. This gave it quite a large amount of room for a garden, which was bordered by an elaborate metal fence which was the only thing separating it from the untidy nature that surrounded it on all sides. Either way, there were a lot of trees, a lot of paths and a lot of places to hide.

"Well, I think that whoever it was he's probably gone by now," said Harry.

"Yeah, but still I'm a bit worried. But nonetheless there are no signs of anyone so I think we're probably safe," said Ron.

"No-one is safe," said a voice. "That is my secret!"

They yelped and instinctively stood back to back, until thought overrode it and each of them realised that if someone attacked the two behind then they'd be next.

They turned around. That was much better.

"Who's there?" asked Harry, despite himself. "Where are you?"

"I am here," said the voice. "That is my secret!"

"I thought your secret was that no-one was safe."

"It is, and I have many more. That is my secret!"

Harry followed the voice. It led to a gnarled old tree, slightly bigger than the rest, which looked like what Dumbledore would look like if he was a tree. It didn't have any piercing blue eyes as such, but Harry suspected that someone probably was watching him from the massive hollow in the trunk.

He pointed his wand at the tree and gave it a kick.

"Come out!" he commanded.

"Ouch!" said the voice. "That hurt."

"Is that a secret?"

"No."

There was a pause. Harry just realised something.

"Was that you?" he said. "No," said the tree, "it was alien invaders from the planet Zorg."

"That's not very funny."

"I didn't get much of an opportunity to be funny. That is my secret!"

"Fancy that," said Hermione, "a talking tree. And all this time I thought this was a muggle house."

"Oh no," said the tree. "Master Smithe is a powerful wizard, sort of. He was expelled during his seventh year at Hogwarts. That is my secret!"

"Just how many secrets do you have?" said Ron suspiciously.

"I have a hundred secrets, for I am the Tree of a Hundred Secrets, conserved by volunteers. That is my secret!"

"It's certainly not very secret if you go around telling people," said Hermione.

"I don't go around."

"Good point."

"It all started one day a thousand years ago, when I was just an acorn. I could have been a normal tree, you know. I could have had a normal life. Nothing extreme, five thousand years would have been enough. But no some geezer who couldn't keep a secret had to tell somebody, so he dug a hole and told the hole the secret, and then buried it so that no-one would find it. And then the plonker went and piled me in with all the dirt and I grew up knowing his secret."

"What was it?" said Harry.

"He was having an affair with a fair young woman already engaged to another man. He said he'd have to kill the man so he could marry the woman. That is my secret!"

"Then what happened?"

"Well I sprouted, and another man found out that I knew a secret, but he couldn't find out what it was, so he cast a spell on me so I could tell him. Stuff it, I says. It's a secret. I've got a secret too, he says. Why don't we swap? Why not, I says. So it turned out that he was the woman's fiancée, and he was going to beat the bastards brains out with a rusty iron bar. That is my secret!"

"I think we get the point," said Hermione.

"Anyway," continued the tree, "Seven hundred years later they started to build the manor, and the workers discovered that I could talk and had secrets, so I traded them for other secrets, only they didn't stay very secret for very long because I told everyone. I am in fact now the possessor of seven hundred and fifty-three secrets. That is my secret!"

"You're despicable."

"That's no secret. Anyway, it stands that no-one is safe. That is my secret!"

"But what do you mean?" said Harry.

"Ah, that's a secret."

"So?" exclaimed Ron. "How has that ever stopped you before?"

"But before it just came up in honest conversation. If you actually ask me then I won't tell without each of you giving me a secret in return."

"Well then," said Harry slyly, "it's really a shame that you won't tell us why no-one is safe, but while we're on that note perhaps we could find it out from someone else, how no-one is safe."

He nudged Ron in the ribs.

"Oh yeah," he said. "Since the secret about how no-one is safe never comes up in normal conversation and everything."

"Well I certainly don't think-" began Hermione, but then the tree interrupted.

"You're all mad," it said. "That's hardly discreet is it? I mean come on. You'll each have to give me a secret. And no lying, I can tell a lie."

The three of them shifted uneasily. This wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Well," began Ron after the long pause, "The other day Fred and George told me that they thought "

He explained the event at length. Harry and Hermione blushed.

"Blimey!" said Harry.

"Well, that explains a few things," said Hermione.

"Okay then," said Harry, now that it was his turn. "Let's see," he blushed. "Well, I did think about it as a laugh, you know."

"As a laugh?"

"Well I wasn't going to. I mean not that you're not I mean-"

Hermione went to slap him, but stopped half way through while she considered the idea very carefully.

"Well Hermione," said Ron, trying to get off the subject, "it's your turn. This should be interesting."

She blushed again. "I can't say, I mean, well, not in front of you two!" she cried.

"Well then, tell the tree," said Ron, "but I've still got a lot of secrets going and I'm not afraid to spend a little "

"Oh okay. Well, this might come as a bit of a shock, but, well " she swallowed, "I got ninety five percent in our last transfiguration test!"

This didn't meet the shock she'd expected.

"That's pretty good," said Harry.

"But I-"

"Mind you though I was kind of hoping it would be something amusing."

She gave up.

"Well," she said to the tree. "We've told you our secrets, now tell us yours."

The tree snored.

"Oi, you!" said Ron, giving it a kick.

"Wha'? Wassat?"

"I said," repeated Hermione, "'We've told you our secrets, now-'"

"You did?"

"Yes!" everyone said.

"Oh. Were they any good?"

They repeated their secrets. This time Hermione had made up her mind fully and was still being restrained by Ron when the tree said:

"Very well. Your secrets are safe with me for a while. I shall tell you why no-one is safe. And it's not because they told me their secrets. I can see you're thinking about it.

"Anyway, many years ago when Master Smithe inherited the Manor, much to his father's distress, he was visited by Severus Snape."

"Ah!" said Harry.

"No, not like that. You see Master Smithe's father decided to stay around for a while and keep an eye on Severus Snape. A very clever man he was, might I add (that's my secret). And then something happened, and the old master was never seen again! That is my secret!"

"Well, what happened to him?"

"Ah that's a secret," and then it hurriedly added, when it saw their faces. "But it turned out that it wasn't simply peculiar to the old master, but to everyone in the house. Just after that the old chef was found turned to stone, and then the butler. Within a few days all of the old master's servants had become statues, and only Master Smithe remained. That is my secret!"

"-your secret," chanted Ron. "I don't suppose you have another one where you know why?"

"I'm afraid not. However, should you find out could you please tell me, and in return I'll relate to you an amusing story about Master Smithe when he was a boy who was given a puppy."

"Well thanks a lot," said Harry. "At least we have something. But this time we're not dealing with people turning to stone. Jeeves the butler was decapitated gruesomely."

"Is that a secret?" asked the tree.

"Not really."

"Oh."

"Well bye then," said Harry, when he was sure the tree wasn't going to tell him anything else. "It's a good thing we found you. We thought all that muttering could've been some kind of villain."

"I wasn't muttering," said the tree.

"But if you weren't then-" began Hermione, and then she realised that they'd left the door open. The others had clearly had the same thought because they started running back towards the house.

"I don't know," the tree shouted behind them. "Have a nice day!"

They reached the manor and looked around. There didn't seem to be anyone around and there'd been no sign of anyone entering, though they'd probably made it so easy that there wasn't going to be any chance of evidence.

"Malfoy," said Ron, "have you seen any suspicious characters around?"

"Mmff," said Malfoy, shaking his head furiously.

"Well then everything's alright. If anyone came through the doors Malfoy would've seen them," said Ron as he closed the doors.

"Mmff, mmff. Mmff."

"Certainly."

"We'll have to be a lot more careful in future," said Harry. "That was too close."

"Well I suppose we should all go to bed," said Ron. "We can give the matter some thought tomorrow. I'd like to know who was doing all that muttering though "

* * * * *

Julie's guests sat waiting for a while at breakfast the other morning. Julie was late down and he was the only one who knew how to cook. That is to say that when Snape got tired of waiting and fried up some bacon he became very angry when no-one dared eat.

"Taste it!" he ordered.

They tried it, a little bit at a time. After ten minutes it became apparent no-one was going to die, so they ate quickly in silence. Snape asked them about what they'd found, but they thought better of telling him about the mutterings. The Tree of a Hundred Secrets sat on Harry's tongue the whole time, right next to a burnt crunchy bit, but he felt that he shouldn't say about anything until later.

As punishment Snape made Harry and Ron do the washing up. The others lingered for a while, trying to get them to tell them what they'd found.

"Julie!" called Snape. "What's taking you so long?"

"I'll be down in a minute!" replied Julie reassuringly.

The trio avoided telling the others about the night, although they appeared to realise that they'd had to have found something. The only problem was that Harry didn't know if they had found anything.

And then the unexpected happened.

Again.

Julie walked into the kitchen and yawned a little. He was still wearing his pyjamas.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "I had a terrible nightmare and I stayed up for hours. I fell back to sleep a couple of times this morning and then I found that I couldn't seem to get on any of my trousers, so I thought I'd wait until I - why are you all looking at me like that?"

His guests had gone silent and pale. He looked down.

"Oh bugger," he said. "Can't a chap go to sleep without fear of waking up dead anymore?"

Julie had officially joined the dead, the only major club that failed to circulate a monthly newsletter. His usually pink clothing was now a wispy white. His black hair and bathrobe now appeared to be covered with a large bucket of whitewash.

"Oh there you are Julie," said Snape, walking in. "I was beginning to think that - what the **** happened to you?"

"You see, now that I come to think about it I can't actually remember," said Julie, as though death didn't bother him. "But it does explain why I'm so tired. They say death is a sleep, and someone woke me up in the middle of it."

"Your nightmare," said Harry, once he'd forced his brain into operation. "What happened in it?"

"Well I recall that it started pleasantly with a romantic episode with-"

"We don't want to hear it!" said everyone. "Well I must say! Anyway, eventually I started to, well, just feel really uncomfortable and cold. And I felt like I was falling and that's it."

"To the bedroom!" cried Snape dramatically.

The group got to their feet, and then considered the statement.

"To inspect the body!" cried Snape dramatically.

There still appeared to be some uncertainty.

"Well I'm going," continued Snape, and with that he exited the kitchen and bounded up the stairs.

Everyone looked at Julie.

It wasn't that they weren't used to ghosts, obviously. It's just that you never really considered Nearly-Headless Nick or Moaning Myrtle to have been alive in the first place, although with afterthought they had to concede that they had to have been. Nonetheless it stood that to really feel comfortable with a ghost you'd have to have not seen them around beforehand.

"Wait for me!" said Ginny, who ran after Snape.

"I really don't think you want to see that, Ginny," said George, who ran after her, quickly followed by Fred.

"Well if they're going, I'm going," said Ron, who scurried after his brothers.

"Come on Hermione," said Harry, following Ron close behind.

Hermione followed. Malfoy hesitated, and then joined the rest of them in their cross manor marathon.

The kitchen fell silent, and then:

"I say! Wait for me!" said Julie.

* * * * *

They all gathered outside Julie's door waiting for someone to open it. No-one was going to try it. Snape and Julie were already in there, and had been silent for some minutes.

"I'm not going to open it!" said Fred. "You open it if you're so curious!"

"Don't be such a wuss!" said George. "You open it!"

"You open it!"

"You open it!"

"For goodness sake guys!" said Ron. "I'll bloody open it!"

Ron reached out for the handle, and then tried to fake an old Quidditch injury.

"But Ron," said Harry. "You don't play Quidditch"

"Well I, ER, not since my injury, of course. Otherwise I'd be on the team."

"Yeah right," said Malfoy.

"Open it," said Hermione.

Ron opened the door a crack and poked in his head to make sure he didn't have to look at anything unpleasant for long. When he retracted it his face was green. The contrast was just too much to bear.

"Well, are his intestines paved across the ceiling?" asked Harry.

"No," said Ron.

"Is his head somewhere other than on his shoulders?" asked Ginny.

"I don't think so "

"What happened?" asked Malfoy.

Ron swung open the door. What they saw was, debatably, worse than seeing Julie with the top of his head off.

Lying on the bed, immortalised for all time in a pose radiating agony, was a stone statue of Julie. His back was arched back heavily, and the students could but wonder why this was so.

"Oh my god," said Harry. "Just like the - I mean, ER, nothing. Nothing at all."

"What happened," repeated Malfoy, more curious than shocked.

"The same thing that happened once upon a time when I inherited this manor," said Julie.

Harry had hoped it didn't have to come to this, but he asked anyway.

"Where are they now?"

"Aha!" said Snape, so suddenly that Ginny fainted. "I thought you'd discovered something."

"Yes. We found the Tree of a Thousand Secrets last night. It told us-" Harry paused. He was going to say that it told them everything, but it hadn't, "-stuff," he finished.

"The others are down in the cellar. Except for Jeeves," said Julie. "We put what we found his stone bits in the churchyard."

"He was stone?" said Ron.

"Yes. Didn't you know?"

"See that Potter?" said Snape. "That's what we're up against."

"What have you done to hep then?" said Ron under his breath, and then immediately regretted it.

"I have done a great deal of research into the matter. I remember when all of this happened before, and I have now lowered the selection of possible creatures responsible down to five. However, it always appears that each attack disproves one of them. I had narrowed it down to medusas before poor Julie was attacked, and now it appears that I was wrong. Medusas don't cause that arching of the back. I suppose I'll just have to wait until more evidence presents itself."

Panic flooded the room greater than ever before. There was no-way that any of them were going to stay around to see what happened next. It's at these points that one really thinks, and Harry's mind wandered back to the other night, and the constant muttering

' no more of this there will be no change there must be the original there must be nothing new there must '

What did it mean? Why could Harry remember it so well? Was it magic?

It took about an hour to drag the lifeless body of Julie downstairs. Julie's ghost apologised consistently for the trouble.

After a few minutes there was no-one in the cellars but Harry and Malfoy, who were inspecting the, for want of a better word, corpses with horror and interest respectively. Then, when Harry was sure no-one was around, especially Snape, he pinned Malfoy hard against the wall.

"What are you-" Draco protested.

"You said no-one walked past! You told me you didn't see anyone last night!" hissed Harry.

"I didn't. I swear," said Malfoy levelly.

"I've been waiting for this kind of thing to happen for a long time, Malfoy. I knew you were no good-"

"No-one passed me, Potter. I'm not stupid enough to let someone who could do that creep in without a fight, and I'd make sure there was one. Eventually. What happened last night anyway?"

Harry released him and explained everything.

"How strange," said Malfoy. "I don't suppose you've considered "

Harry nodded. The though had crossed him:

Voldemort!

Just for the record, he was wrong.

END OF ACT THREE, WITH THAT BLOODY TREE