Everything About Me is About You

Everything About Me is About You

I really don't know what to do. You left me all alone, and now, I feel so hollow. Do you remember every time I was this down, you always whispered those three words that I would never have thought you would say or feel? How I wish I could hear them from you again.

What about the time when we first declared our love for each other? Do you still remember that? We were doing our detention and Snape left us cleaning his potion storeroom without magic. I hope you still remember that. I really didn't know what to do when you leaned against me because the box that you were carrying was too heavy and you lost your balance. The most automatic thing was to catch you and I even helped you lift the box. Remember that? I can still feel your hands from the moment it brushed on mine. It was so soft and hot. And those green eyes of yours when we looked at each other. I can still see them every time I close my eyes. Savoring the moment. Our faces were getting hot and pink. I don't know about you, but my heart that time was beating so fast and so loud that I was afraid you heard it.

But then you looked away and I felt crushed because I thought you could love me like I loved you, but I was wrong. Because, all of a sudden, you did one thing that I could never do. You walked towards me and kissed me.

For those moments, I didn't know what I was thinking or doing but I knew that returning your kisses was the only important thing then. How I wish I could kiss you again!

But it's too late now, isn't it? You left me. You left me without saying goodbye. You didn't even give me a chance to say how much I love you and will always love you. You hurt me. You can't imagine the pain I'm feeling right now. No one has given me this kind of pain. And it's all your fault.

Did I tell you that all of my so-called friends are afraid to approach me now? They try to talk to me, but I can't. I can't tell them why I've been acting like this. They wouldn't understand. And besides, I have nothing to say, because I know if I say something, I'd just cry and run away from them, and that would be embarrassing. It hurts to talk about me, because everything about me is about you.

I sometimes think that I should follow you, so we can be together. I have no reason to go on. I already left my family for you; you left your friends for me. We were already planning where to live after we finished school, and we fought about what pet we should have. Remember that? But you loved me so much that you agreed that we would get a cat, instead of a dog. I already knew the breed of cat to get, but...

I'm in so much pain right now, but I feel so lifeless. Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to go on that stupid mission? I told you before you left that I have a bad feeling about it. I was right, wasn't I? And now, look what happened. You're gone. You left me all alone and I haven't been myself ever since.

The whole bloody world was chanting your name when you destroyed the Dark Lord. I thought I was going to explode. I couldn't breathe when Dumbledore announced that we had won, but we had lost you. The people, especially in your house, were cheering your name. I felt sick. They didn't love you as much as I loved you. They wouldn't be happy like that. They didn't care if you died for the sake of the world. Your house is so pathetic. Everyone is pathetic. They didn't feel sad about you leaving us, leaving me. I hate you for leaving me.

But I have decided. I can't deal with this pain anymore. Every breath that I take feels like I'm losing my soul. I can't eat, sleep, think, or anything that makes the world go round. I can't live without you. That's why I have to end my misery.

Harry, please don't hate me because I have decided to end my life. I can't even bear to be in my room, since your scent still lingers there like air. I also can't go to our favorite spot near the lake. I just... can't.

I need you, Harry. That is why I'm writing this. I want to be with you. I hope you'll understand why I decided to do this. Remember we promised each other that we'd forever love one another. I'm just keeping that promise.

I will see you soon, Harry. I love you.

Yours forever,
Draco