Fleur Delacour's Year of Living Dangerously

Further January

Day Three of Free Independence

Wednesday, January 19th, 2005

At breakfast

6:30 AM

6:30 - Have just now realized that not only am I commonly and constantly ridiculed, but I am absolutely friendless. Wish could find sweet tutor-boy (from like, three years ago) qui taught me to speak English better to help, but could not risk asking freckled younger sibling, friend of Harry Potter. Would die of shame as said younger freckled sibling laughed and walked away. Instead must suffer silently.

6:45 - Have decided that talk must be had with Professor Lupin.

haps am not meant to be in classes with Harry; would only distract me! Besides this point, must be good assistant in order to maintain job and keep parents from criticizing moi.

7:00 - Should take assistant job w/ Snape? Am too intimidated by such severe creepiness that will never say "so sexy" again? Peutêtre.

7:15 - Have decided must take job as assistant to... damn, what is his name? Further damn! 15 calories off for using American curse--wait, that's thirty--I've used it twice. DAMN!

7:30 - Must get used to concept of Snape as coworker. Must become... "Happy" about it.

The Perks of Working with Professor Snape

1) If there are five minutes left in the universe and I need someone to look down my shirt before the world explodes, I can always count on Professor Snape.

2) If there are five minutes left in the universe and I need someone to look up my skirt before the world explodes, we both know who we can count on.

3) If there are five minutes left in the universe and I need someone to defuse a ticking time-bomb on my chest--well then Professor Snape's just great to have around then, isn't he?

I hope Harry appreciates the sacrifices I am making for him... OH, RIGHT--HE DOESN'T KNOW. Why is this worth it again--Alors! Reason is in line of vision... must away...

8: 29 - Am now in hallway missing bits and pieces of History of Magic talking with Prof. Lupin... probably should put Food Journal/Pilates Journal/Love Journal/Personal Diary/Rant List away...

10:41 - HAD V. LONG TALK WITH LUPIN. Just thought that should be in all caps since was v. important. Conversation went much like this:

Lupin: Completely inutile small talk

Fleur: Completely inutile small talk

Lupin: Fleur--er, Ms. Delacour--I'm concerned about something.

Fleur: Quest-que c'est?

Fleur thinks: "STOP USING FRENCH YOU FAT, PERVERTED IDIOT."

Fleur then thinks: "You must not be so hard on yourself--you're not an idiot..."

Lupin: Excuse me?

Fleur: What are you concerned about?

Lupin: Well, as we both know, F--Mrs. Delacour, teacher-teacher relationships, while not prohibited are frowned upon in this school.

Fleur thinks: "What are you talking about, you mad old-- OHHHHHHHH."

Fleur: OH. Well... uh... OKAY. (Aren't I dazzlingly articulé?)

Lupin (in lower voice): I can't be with you, Fleur.

Fleur thinks: "Yeah... because you're like, what, TWENTY years older than me... and that would be like, what, THIRTY laws being broken... and you could spend like, what FORTY years in prison for CHILD MOLESTING!"

Fleur: Yah, Professor Lupin, I didn't mean to give you wrong impression the other day, but I'm not attracted to you. I'm just really into the vivid fantasy thing.

Lupin, looking suspicious: And who, may I ask, were you vividly fantasizing about?

Fleur thinks: UM, UM, UM, UM...

Fleur: Orlando Bloom from Pirates of the Caribbean. You wouldn't know him because he, unlike you, lives in America, and he, unlike you, is an actor, and he, unlike you, is who I was fantasizing about. So if you'll excuse me, I have to get to some insufferably boring class now, so you see why I have to hurry. BYE!

I cannot wait for the new DADA teacher to arrive--I do not wish to have to relive such moments over and over and over again every time I step into that classroom. And besides, Harry's so good at Defense Against the Dark Arts! I don't want the chance to see such sexiness at work ruined!

12 NOON - Am sitting outside now, during lunch, staring at snow. Am v. cold mais I'll survive--without breaking into random dancing and singing. Peut-être Ishould console myself by staring at adorable picture of gorgeous creature of light.

12:30 - Got in good long hour of staring at GCoL. And yes, he's still gorgeous. Am still bummed over the question: What to do? I am still v. down in the dumps over situation: am currently friendless!

NTS - acquire female friend with which to obsess over various things, such as:

Harry Potter and his sheer fabulousity.

Michael-the-Cyber-Boyfriend and whether or not his fabulousity is nearly as amazing as the fabulousity of the aforesaid Harry Potter.

Which class to actually choose!

Professor Greasy--no, that's Snape, and his utter disgustingness.

Prof. Flit and his niceness yet supreme oldness.

Such Lustifications.

All the weight I need to lose now.

Why on earth Halcius Pottotius, medieval wizarding champion, chose Harmonia Granker to be his fair lady instead of much more pleasant Flora Delicatessen!

How to be a good little assistant and not call your students sexy.

What to do when you call your students sexy.

HOLY SHISA IN A BUCKET! Have just discovered Harry--dear lord--he's wearing LEATHER! It's like yummy-ness multiplied by sexiness multiplied by--oh, that slimy Herm-own-ninny leech is next to him.

If I yak, do I get diet points?

1:45 - Am sorely missing my iPod. Wish to God that I could have the "My Faves" playlist back. Would be rocking to "Mr. Brightside" right now.

Jealousy, turning saints into sea...

You know, when I was young, mostly French, and totally uneducated, I used to think they were saying: "Jealousy, turning sex into disease." But now I am 19, and--

I AM SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN--SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE!

Sorry, had little American spaz-out there.

2:23 - Is much awkwardness between Monsieur Lupin et moi. Am beginning to think have offended him by not being sexually attracted to him...

2:26 - But it's totally not my fault that I'm not sexually attracted to him! God, you'd think guys would be more accepting of the fact that NOT EVERYONE wants to lie down and bear their children!

2:31 - I mean, he's a perfectly nice guy. And if the world as we knew it ended right now due to global warming or George Bush being president of the USA or something and the human race was completely wiped out except for a few people and I needed to procreate with someone to maintain the existence of humanity and I had a choice between the only men in the world: Snape and Lupin, I'd totally bear Professor Lupin's children. But, seriously, if Harry or Michael or Orlando Bloom were out there I'd bail on him.

And have wild, mad sex with Orlando Bloom.

2: 37 - Or maybe Harry.

2: 46 - No, definitely Orlando.

2:51 - But MICHAEL!

3:02 - Oooh--Harry just walked by in his Quidditch robes. It's so Harry.

5:57 - Watched POC again. Just realized is one of dumb movies where Orlando Bloom does not take off his shirt nearly enough to satisfy me. Where is the internet when you need it?

8:23 - Have found interesting room that was not there yesterday or the day before ca. Hmmm... interestingly is only room that has the ability to show me POC. May not be as good as DVD original, mais it is good enough, and seems rather holographic. Before was reduced to casting the Inform Me spells Renée used to pass every History exam there ever was. Seeing the live action battles pop out of Chapter Thirteen does tend to make things a go faster.

Oh the joy of Informare!

9:01 - Should sleep? Can't. Must. Will.

10:34 - I lied.

12 MIDNIGHT - I lie quite a bit, I'm afraid.

12: 30 AM - I am so seriously going to go to slee...

Day Four of Free Independence

Thursday, January 20th, 2005

In Transfiguration

7:45 AM

7:45 - Am v. sleepy and v. unwilling to admit this is completely my fault. Will instead wallow in den...

WAKE UP, FLEUR.

As I was saying: I will instead wallow in denial.

I am very upset that no one in this blasted castle drinks coffee. What kind of stupid castle doesn't have any f--doesn't have any coffee? (Close one there, Fleur!) I'm too sleepy to cast an energizing spell on myself right now. Am very much in Transfiguration maintenant, which is proving to be an O. K. class. Harry is not nearly as excellent in cette class as he is in all his others, mais I do get to stare at him when he has his sweet confused look on.

8:11 - Am still in Trans. Have managed v. well to stay awake. Seems as if pale, blonde-haired oddity is everywhere--Draco. See? I have learned his name.

8:20 - Am feeling more fat than usual. I hate skinny people.

8:25 - No, SERIOUSLY. Skinny people should be put to death.

8:29 - I really love his hair. Harry's hair. I mean, it's so "Yeah, I rolled out of bed this morning, because this class means so little to me; what means something to me is the fate of the world, and though I've saved it like a bazillion times, I still have to drop in to make sure it's all right. Oh gee, pondering the fate of the world makes me all sweaty. I think I'll take my shirt off." And you know: hair that says that much is v. chaud.

9:13 - I'm beginning to feel sleepy again. It's HOM, and that always makes me sleepy. I'm sure Professor Binns is an excellent teacher, but...

9:24 - Whoosh! Had a little nap there! Mr. Binns, extraordinarily, just turned around and asked me if I would like to sit in the back of the room in order to see the maps of overtaken giant territory better. I didn't think he moved at all; is v. extraordinary to see.

I shall go forth and sit in the back of the room, next to one of the students. Maybe the movement will wake me up.

10:32 - I can't stop embarrassing myself! I fell asleep again, but this time it was plus, plus mauvais! Do you want to know what happened? Do you even want to know? I fell asleep on Neville Longbottom's shoulder. And I was there for twenty minutes. I woke up to snickers and "Hey, Neville, can I change seats with you?" That was Draco Malfoy, of course.

Professor Binns, of course, didn't even seem to notice. I saw Her-Sliminess say something to Harry and then Harry looked at me and then looked back at her and kept walking. In all teen movies of the American sort this means she said something about me. What did she say about me? Shall die of curiosity.

11:05 - Oh dear much--I have to sit in on Potions now. I haven't told anyone which class I'm sitting in on yet. I'm so v. fickle, but have accepted such.

11:15 - Prof. Snappy-Snape-Snifflekins (I had to say it, I'm sorry,) is being extra-slimy today. He was v. much:

"Hello... Fleur... it is very... nice... to... see you."

Of course what this sounded like was: "Hello, my future sex kitten, it is very sexually stimulating to check you out." Which explains all those pauses.

I swear to G, if Snape's hair weren't so greasy, I'd think Draco Malfoy was his son.

GASP.

12 NOON - Am still without friends! Why am I so impopulaire here? I don't feel like wallowing much now though; have decided that should just be glad am surviving. After all, have not had Diet Coke in 4 days. I had stuffed 14 cans into my suitcase, but all of them went flat the instant I unpacked.

80 galleons it was the castle's fault.

Damn magic.

3:05 - I have placed Michael's picture on nightstand. Is laughing, but not hysterically laughing in a fake way, mais is sweet good-natured laughing, as if he is laughing at une farce très intelligent. He has such a beautiful smile!

Oh my: I am a crazy fan girl, aren't I? Honestly, it isn't as bad a case of Crazy Fan-Girlishness as the kind I harbor for Harry, mais it is pretty Fan-Girlish. Mon dieu, Fleur--this kind of behavior must stop.

3:15 - Spent last ten minutes going through this book. Have used Harry's name 30 times in just 4 days--that's an average use of 7.5 times per day. I am becoming a crazed fan-girl!

It's almost like becoming my sister, except I don't think I'm a vicious tarte.

Yet.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Covers eyes and hides under bed).

Day Five of Free Independence

Friday, January 21st, 2005

At breakfast (again)

6:36 AM

6:36 - I am vowing not to look at Harry. It's too dangerous. What if, by looking at him, I am slowly becoming filled avec crazy fan-girlishness? I have it on good authority that Harry hates fan-girls! And besides that, the instant I am a fan girl, the closer I am to becoming my sister, which is WORSE than becoming a vicious tarte--it's the same thing--BUT MORE.

The Stressful Job of Being Both a Vicious Tarte and My Sister

By Fleur Delacour

1) Aforesaid VT must spend gross amounts of time being vicious (no, duh) to her siblings.

2) VT must spend oodles of time checking to make sure that skirt is hiked up proper amount and also that shirt is properly unbuttoned.

3) VT must remember to always, always break promises and do the nasty with any: boyfriends, future boyfriends, brothers, cousins, best friends, teachers, uncles, fathers, and some pets.

4) VT must steal one's stuff, borrow without asking, and return with germs, tire tracks, or scorch marks.

5) VT must spend much time not eating, which takes up so much time that she almost doesn't have time to insult you.

6) VT must spend the due amount of time: fixing hair, plucking eyebrows, ruining your razor with her hairy legs, weighing herself, making you feel fat, and inflating her push-up bra.

7) VT must also, without fail, always mention your bad habits to your parents and toast your failures at dinner parties à la "Dan" from One Tree Hill.

8) VT must constantly make fun of One Tree Hill.

9) VT must hack into your email, open your snail mail, maim your owls, and find your secret notes.

10) Above all, VT must do whatever she can to get whatever she wants, and do whoever she has to in the process.

Isn't my sister a real... peach?

7:45 - During Care of Magical Creatures, while I was staring with rapt attention at a demiguise, wondering how many seconds it was until it disappeared again, Poussière, my ever-faithful owl, nearly pecked me to death. I was horrified to see what she had tied to her leg--clearly my sister's stationery.

I swear à Mon Dieu that she has frickafracking eyes in the back of her head! Why else would she owl me, right after I was thinking about her? I tell you, my sister is a force to be reckoned with.

Of course, I knew this was her stationery, because you can smell the skasty (skanky-nasty) perfume she sprays all over it from six miles away. It reads:

My dearest sister, Fleur,

How are things at Hogwash? I was shocked to learn that Mummy and Daddy made you go back to that dreadful place, but then again, Fleur, you know how you are with money--I suppose they figured they just couldn't trust you with it anymore. America must have taken you over. And, well, honestly, Fleur, you can't think that none of us knew about your American cyber-boyfriend, because we ALL knew, Fleur. All of us, even Gabrielle, and she never absorbs anything. So you can't have hoped to hide it from us.

Miss you terribly--your room looks so odd without you in it. It completely freaked me out having to walk through it once a month (that's right, Mummy and Daddy still make me visit them once a month, though I'm begging for just birthdays, funerals, and Christmas) and see you not there. So I had it renovated--that dumb wall-paper, we tore it down and painted your walls jet black, and tossed those icky books of yours about calligraphy and crap like that--excuse my English!--and then we added, get this, a canopy bed! So I've moved in there in all--it's great, but it still smells like that perfume you used to wear in 6th year! I know--it's hilarious, right! I've tried everything, but I can't get that nasty stench off! I can't believe you went around smelling like that Fleur--I'm so embarrassed for you.

Oh, pfft, Gabby wants to say hello to you, so there. God, she's still so dumb-looking--didn't you think she was dumb-looking?--you should have warned me. I came back here and I was like, "WHOAH, when did my sis get so dumb-looking?" Seriously, it's embarrassing, how did you ever go out in public beside her? I mean, I know she makes you look better and, well, that's what counts for you, but still... I'd die.

Oh, and some guy named Jacques floo'd us the day after you left. He's like in love with you! I mean, it's so sad: he's like in love with you! It's hilarious, right! He was like asking how you were and crap and asking me to tell you he floo'd and that he's sorry for some crap and I was like, "This is so sad, some guy is like in love with Fleur!"

But, no offense, Fleur, but the fact that you let guys just randomly have your address so they can floo you, is like really slutty. I mean, I know you can't help it and all, but still: you shouldn't go around being slutty like that! I mean, you're my sister and all, but I'd die if I had a really slutty sister.

All my love plus more,

Renée

Can you believe my sister? She used the word "I" 22 times in 27 sentences about... er... herself. It's at least a relief to know that some things never change--she's still trying to avoid seeing les parents at all costs, and she's still taking my stuff. And she poses some really good questions--

I wonder what it's like to have a really slutty sister?

10:32 - I wonder what could have possibly prompted my sister to even bother owling me. She hardly did any amount of the boasting she usually does--she didn't make any "ickle fickle flat-chested Fleur" comments. ("Oh, hee-hee, Fleur--remember what I used to call you back when you were in 4th year?") What is she up to?

11:49 - I know that I shall spend the rest of the day drowning in Random Reveries about my childhood, and all thanks to Renée. Even in another country she's ruining things! Elle est impossible!

12:15 - Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to continue through the rest of the day with that letter in my pocket (where else was I to put it during Care of Magical Creatures?), burning a hole through my robes. Ugh, I must smell like skank. Les Feux d'Enfer!

2:06 - I'm not even going to bother with the mundane occurrences in my mundane classes. I won't tell you what outfit Harry was wearing today. I'm not going to tell you about Professor Snape's odd innuendo of the day. I'm not even going to tell you the obscenities of Draco Malfoy, uttered during History of Magic. I'm going to comfort myself by stuffing my face and thinking about Orlando Bloom!

4:55 - I think I'll go to sleep very early today (I've been un-caffeinated for 5 days--yay team!). Yawn, yawn, yawn, waking up at six o'clock every day is breaking down my nervous system, and if I don't sleep soon, I'll die. DIE.

AAC:

Name: Fleur Delacour (if you don't know this, you're slower than the growth of Draco Malfoy's mustache).

Height: five foot seven.

Weight: x + 1 (that's a ½ pound lost!)

Hair: Blonde (but Renée's is blonder)

Eyes: Blue (but Renée's are bluer)

Lust Situation: DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO LUST AMIDST MY TURMOIL?

Cyber-boyfriend: Still hot; still American; still trapped!

Favorite Class SF: When will this not be Charms?

Least SF: Is now Divination--there never was a more pointless class. Harry's not even doing it.

Pilates Minutes: 0.5 if yoga-breathing counts.

Orlie-thinking Minutes: 149 (I WAS SAD.)

Jude-thinking Minutes: 105 (HELLO! I WAS SAD!)

HP-thinking Minutes: 118 (STOP JUDGING ME!)

HG glares: 17

Odd Slytherin, Draco Malfoy winks: 37

Overall Lust to Love Ratio: 1 to 10 (still lusting after Harry in the lustiest way possible, but am beginning to fall in love with Michael's soul... Can't wait to actually meet him. With my luck, his soul will suck.)

Philosophical Question of Day: Can souls suck?

Day Six of Free Independence

Saturday, January 22nd, 2005

Sitting in the snow

4:56 AM

4:56 AM - It is so too early to be sitting outside, on the ground. Of course, I left my Rules of Fleur Handbook in my room, so I couldn't check the notes and exceptions on Section 73-B: Being Outside at Ungodly Hours in Ungodly Weather.

It's a Saturday. I have been waiting for a Saturday for a million and a half years. Excuse me.

5:14 - I'm sorry, but it was absolutely necessary that I frolic aimlessly in the snow. Now that I have done that, I may return to whatever it was I was doing--I was--

5:20 - Poussière has gone stark raving mad! And she's got another letter. It doesn't reek of skank ho, so it's not my sister, but who on earth could it be?

Appears to be Jacques, latest English tutor--am pasting letter here:

Dear Fleur,

Did you survive America and come out in one piece? I gathered from your sister that you had a delightful time, and I had the hardest time finding you, but your soeur sans--but Renée, I mean, finally told me you were at Hogwarts. Sorry I didn't owl you sooner But Hogwarts!--More English! If you ever need help, feel free to Floo me. I'm still at the same old place in Lyons.

I missed you, Fleur.

Plus d'amour,

Jacques

Jacques is like the ultra-best English tutor ever. No seriously, I adore him. He's 19, fluent in like 16 languages, and adorable! Sure, it's kind of odd that Gabrielle's kind of obsessed with him, but that's okay. If I didn't have such abnormally high standards that only include ridiculously sexy movie stars, Harry Potter, and American web surfers, then I'd probably be obsessed with him too. Which would suck because I'd spend 14 hours a week telepathically yelling at him to take his shirt off.

Which I don't, because I have abnormally high standards which only include ridiculously sexy movie stars, Harry Potter, and American web surfers--not that Gabrielle has low standards. And she's not "dumb-looking" either. My sister is the craziest bird--I have no frickafracking clue where on earth she got the impression that Gabrielle is "dumb-looking."

Ah well, my sister is an idiot with no standards, so what's the point in even discussing her?

Cha! That's what I thought!

6:57 - Am eating breakfast. And of course this means I get to tell you what:

Toast (with butter--don't kill me!)

Hot chocolate

Another one of those forbidden Nutri-grain bars--sweet fruity-licious salvation!

More liquid diet-y-liciousness.

8:34 - You cannot know such boredom as I know now. It is death to be this bored. I'm not quite sure what I'm learning, and I don't know if Professor Trelawney is quite sure what she's teaching. Everyone in the class seems to either be asleep or fascinated, but the only people fascinated are Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown.

I've nothing to do; I'll make a list.

The 9 Hottest Names Ever

(And Draco is not one of them!)

By Fleur Delacour

1) Harry--no duh, did you think I wouldn't put his name here? At number one? Well, if you did you're dumber than the "Slow Children at Play" sign I saw on the way to King's Cross. Have the London officials never read Eats, Shoots and Leaves? Do they not know the importance of commas? Do they not see how some children wouldn't like being called SLOW? I shall write them a very long and impassioned letter about... anyhoo, back to the list.

2) Michael. I'm sure in some cases there will be a squicky Michael who disgusts one. But overall, it's a very hot name. Michael--Michael as in Michael Vartan who plays "Michael Vaughn" on Alias and is so hot that all his clothes are in severe danger of melting off at any time, which I have no problem with whatsoever. Michael as in Michael qui n'ya pas de last name! Yah, whatever. The hotness lives on.

3) Dean. I know you think I'm talking about that random Dean Blah-Blah who actually exists in the realm of Hogwarts, but I'm not. Really. I don't think he's impossibly hot or something. REALLY! I can feel you not believing me and it hurts. Actually, you sick nonbelievers, I was referring to that impossible hotness that is Dean from Gilmore Girls. He knows he's hot. He tempts me with his hotness. He knows I like it--he thinks it's funny. It's so sick and sadistic the way he's constantly playing with my desire. Yah, I love him anyway.

4) Henry. Don't go telling me that Henry is just Harry, because it's not. I've never seen how you get Harry from Henry, but Henry is such a good name. You know, there are names that are good names and there are names that are bad names. I mean, think about it this way: for a name to be a hot name, it has to be a good whispering name, a good talking name, and a good screaming name. A really good screaming name.

5) Will. I mean, come on, it's a very hot name. Whisper it: Will... Say it: Will... Don't scream it just yet. It rolls off the tongue and it reminds me of Orlando Bloom in tight leather pants! Also, there is "Will Tippin" from "Alias," who--while not nearly as hot as his costar, Michael Vartan--is no slouch either. Will--you love it, don't deny it.

6) Leo. It's such a wonderful name don't you think? Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo. Maybe I'm only obsessed with this name because I spent about a month watching old episodes of "All My Children" on SoapNet. And besides, Josh Duhamel is hot.

7) Jonathan. I'm getting very sick of having to actually explain the hotness of these names; should such hotness be obvious? If you don't see the sheer hotness of this name, then you... shouldn't be reading this right now. Who are you? Are you my sister? Are you using the third eye you think nobody knows about to spy on me? If you are... well... DON'T!

8) Jack. This is the perfect example of a triple-threat--you can say it, you can whisper it, and you can scream it. Good screaming names are increasingly hard to find these days. If you've ever watched Titanic then you can see what a great screaming name this is... I'm going to stop now...

9) Mark; it's simple and sexy. OK, I just have a thing for monosyllabic names.

Oh, no; I don't want to come around and pick up tea leaves! I hate Professor Trelawney from the depths of my soul! May she never have a boyfriend named Michael or Harry!

9:21 - You cannot know my boredom. Wait, have I told you that already? Oh: "You cannot know such boredom as I know now." Well, you couldn't then and you still can't now--I'm bored out of my mind.

What kind of très fou monstrosity made me have Divination and History of Magic back-to-back?

10:57 - Another letter in Care of Magical Creatures! Of course, this one reeks of skank ho, so I can already tell it's my sister. I just can't see the owl yet.

11:43 - Well, the good news: it wasn't Renée--it was Gabrielle, who was just borrowing the stationery. The bad news: now I have 2 letters that reek of tarte!

I'm not even going to read it, for touching it may spread the diseased perfume farther.

12:12 - I had to read it; I couldn't contain my curiosity! Here's what it said:

Dear Fleur,

I have missed you greatly since you left for Hogwarts! This must be a very short letter, but I wished to warn you that

Well, that's interesting. The entire lower half of the letter is covered in black ink, making it completely illegible. Hm, wonder what that could mean.

2:45 - Today has been so excruciatingly long and tedious. Wish to die v. much, but must wait until after Pirates of the Caribbean 2 comes out.

4:45 -

AAC:

Name: Fleur Delacour

Height: five foot seven.

Weight: x (Ok, now I'm back to my normal state of fatness)

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Blue

Lust Situation: Well, you see... OK, fine. I lusted a bunch today--ya happy?

Cyber-boyfriend: I want him so badly it hurts!

Favorite Class SF: I'm not even going to tell you this time--you know!

Least SF: Snape? Lupin? (Still not having sex with him!) Trelawney? I have no freaking clue, don't ask me that!

Pilates Minutes: um... I did a bunch of stomach sucking? Does that count?

Orlie-thinking Minutes: Cha, I love him--203

Jude-thinking Minutes: 140 (getting less hot)

HP-thinking Minutes: 167 (I don't see enough of him at all!)

HG glares: 23 (she hates me!)

Odd Slytherin, Draco Malfoy winks: 60 (he lusts me!)

Overall Lust to Love Ratio: 73 to 5

Philosophical Question of Day: If your sister can see you at all times--does that mean you can always see your sister?

God, I hope not.