The Unchosen One

The Unchosen One

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Well, at least I'm safe from Voldemort here. I guess that's something. Being ignored by the Dursleys is better than having a group of dark wizards trying to kill me. I just wish it wasn't so bloody boring. It does beat last summer, though. No dementors gliding down Magnolia Crescent yet anyway. I remember Sirius saying that he'd almost wish that he could go up against a couple of them and that a, "battle for my soul" would have been a welcome break from the monotony. Damn, I thought of Sirius again. Well, it was ten minutes this time. That beats my old record of eight. While I'm at it, I may as well think of the prophecy too. I wonder if I would have done things any differently if Hagrid would have told me when he picked me up that first time that I would one day either kill, or be killed. Probably not, I was too excited to go to let a little thing like death stop me.

Besides, if I had never gone to Hogwarts, I would have never met my two best friends. Ron's house is the only refuse I have, apart from Hogwarts. And Hermione...Well, that makes seven minutes since I thought about her, another all time high. I wish I could talk to Sirius about this. How am I supposed to know if the way I feel about her is any different than a normal boy-girl friendship? Is there even such a thing? I've known her for nearly six years now, maybe that's why my feelings have changed. Besides, she's with Krum at this very moment in Bulgaria. I'm happy for her; she certainly has earned some happiness. I know I made her life difficult enough for her last year. If that curse would have killed her in the Department of Mysteries, I don't think I could live with myself.

God

Why do you want to play with me?

Can't you see I'm tumbling down?

I'm like your favorite toy-boy

And I'm tired of being thrown around

It's hard to believe that I've only known Hermione for a few years. I remember that Ron and I thought she was rather full of herself when we first met her. In retrospect, we were just jealous that she knew so much more than we did. By the time she was petrified that next year, though, we both felt like we had lost a past of ourselves. And I would have never been able to save Sirius and Buckbeak that night if it hadn't been for her. She was the only one that believed that I hadn't put my name in the Goblet of Fire in fourth year. Even Ron turned on me on that one. And then this year I very nearly got her killed. She had been right all along, Voldemort was counting on me to walk right into his trap, and I even brought some of my friends with me. I never even apologized to you for that, but I guess it's too late now anyway.

I guess none of it really matters, though. Not when there's a prophecy that is going to direct my life anyway. How can I ever hope to have someone in my life, if I never know how long I'm going to live? How can I ever ask someone to take that risk? No, I can't, not now, not ever. It isn't fair, but I guess life isn't fair. I don't know what I'm worried about, though. After the Cho fiasco, I doubt any girl would want to date me anyway. I should just be content having Hermione as a friend, that's bad enough for her as it is. I could never let her get hurt again because of me. If I was strong enough, I'd shut myself away from them all, so that they could be protected from me, but I can't. I need them too much. I need her too much. I guess I'm just selfish.

You lead me through this life of complication and illusion

So you drop it in my lap and slap me back towards confusion

So I must decide whether to live or to die in this destiny

Tell me what would you say if at the end of the day

It was just you and me

I'm just so tired of being thought the hero all the time. Everyone seems to look at me like some kind of savior, but I'm not. I'm just as scared as they are. I think they all believe that I somehow know how to defeat Voldemort, and that I'm just bound to do it someday. How the hell do they know? The prophecy said that I would me the killer or the killed, so that means I could just as easily be the one to die. What if the happy ending to all of this doesn't happen? I could handle my own death, I'd be able to see my parents and Sirius again, but it would be the suffering of others that keeps me awake at night. That means I have to be the one to do it. Not Dumbledore, not the Aurors, me. I have to be the one to finally rid the world of the Dark Lord, and I have been since the day I was born.

I wish I could be a normal boy wizard, just for a little while. I wish I could just worry about studying for N.E.W.T.s, and about who would win next year's Quidditch Cup, and about what to do after graduation. I may not even be around for graduation. At least Ron hasn't thought about what he wants to do after Hogwarts either. I know the three of us have all talked about becoming Aurors, and that would be something we could all do together. I just hope that my feelings for Hermione make sense by then. Of course, by then she and Ron may be together. I know that Ron would like that.

Smile away the fears that always seem to try and run me around

You opened up the door then the floor came crumbling down

I only have one or two dreams left worth losing

But their unraveling traveling down the road to ruin

It wouldn't be so bad if you and Ron got together, at least you'd both still be together for me. I can't stand the thought of you taking up with Krum and leaving the country. What would I do without you? How can I ever hope to take on Voldemort and his minions without you and Ron both by my side? I wouldn't even be alive today without the two of you. I remember the Christmas holidays last year. I was wallowing in self pity, much like I am now, and you came back to Grimmauld Place to help me. You didn't have to, but you wanted to. The three of us were together again, and I knew that everything was going to be all right; just like it had been every time before.

But what about you and Ron? We aren't eleven anymore, and although it took him longer to notice that you were a girl than the rest of us, he's definitely noticed it now. I know he hasn't said anything directly to you about how his feelings yet, but he won't keep them bottled up forever. I've told myself that I'd be ok with that, but would I be? I've been with you as long as he has, and we've been through just as much together; even more, really. I don't want to think about this anymore. I'll deal with it when it comes, just like Hagrid said.

And the harder I try the more I slip and I slide

Through this fantasy

All by myself I need your help to persevere

The same conclusions always greet me at my door

So wouldn't it be nice to fade away

And maybe one day you will show me what went wrong

So how did I become

The unchosen one

I wonder what next year will bring. We'll have yet another new Defense teacher. I hope I'll be able to continue working with the DA; I've really come to enjoy that. Of course, that was your idea. I'll have to ask Dumbledore if he can lift my ban from Quidditch as well. First off, though, I hope that I hear from you or Ron about getting me the hell out of here. I know that you had promised to see me soon, but I didn't dare hope that it could be as soon as I wanted. Of course, if it had been as soon as I wanted, I would have never left you in the first place. Damn it, I really have to stop thinking about you. You're probably off having the time of your life with Viktor. I really hope you are because you really do deserve it. I guess I just wish I could be the one you're having fun with.

"Boy! Phone! Now!"

Ah, the delicate tones of Uncle Vernon. I sure will miss that when I leave here...or not. Who in the world would be calling me? It can't be Ron; Uncle Vernon would have hung up on him like he did last time. Maybe it's a member of the Order, checking to make sure I'm being a good boy and staying out of trouble. Yeah, like there's anything else I can do.

"Hello?"

Pause

"Hermione, is that you?"

So when the rain is just around the corner

Throw some sunshine down my way

And I'll hit you with a smile

All the while my worries melt away

So won't you show me a sign

As I continue to climb up this reality

All by myself I need your help to persevere

The same conclusions always greet me at my door

So wouldn't it be nice to fade away

And maybe one day you will show me what went wrong

So how did I become

The unchosen one