Nothing Left

A man stumbles down the road, torn apart with grief and fury. A man with murder in his heart. It is the only thing that keeps his mind clear. Kill. Kill the rat, the fucking traitor who destroyed it all.

This furious thought makes him walk faster until he is nearly running, though it fails to erase the memories of earlier.

"Take my motorbike, Hagrid, I won't need it anymore."

Hagrid looks at him, startled at his sudden change of heart. He opens his mouth to ask why he suddenly abandons his attempts to persuade Hagrid to give him Harry, but decides not to.

"Can I just-" he begins, his voice trembling. It takes Hagrid a moment to understand, but then he carefully lays the baby in Sirius's arms, who simply stares at his godson, unable to speak as he realizes this boy is everything that is left of James Potter and Lily Evans. For a moment, he presses his lips to Harry's face, then he hands him back to Hagrid, his arms shaking violently.

"See you, Sirius," Hagrid says gruffly, giving him a pat on the shoulder that nearly makes him fall to the ground.

He watches as Hagrid mounts the huge motorcycle with Harry on his arm, watches until the motorcycle is not recognizable anymore against the dark sky. Then he turns to the small cottage. The top floor has been blown apart and there's nothing left of the front door except splinters of wood, but otherwise there doesn't seem to be any damage. He pushes the gate open, walks up the garden path and enters the house. He swallows. James is lying on the hall floor, his glasses askew, his hazel eyes wide and void of expression. Sirius drops to his knees.

"James, I didn't want that-" Sirius can't remember when he last cried, but now he cries as he pours out his heart to his best friend who can't hear him. After what seems like an eternity, he stands up and wonders how his legs manage to support him. He slowly ascends the stairs, sobs racking his body as he heads for Harry's room.

And there she lies. Her auburn locks a stark contrast to her face, white as a sheet, and her extraordinarily green eyes lifeless. But she is still beautiful, even in death. He drops on the floor next to her, closing her eyes with his hand just as he has done with James's.

"Merlin, Lily-forgive me, oh please, forgive me-"

He picks her up, carries her downstairs and lays her down where she belongs: next to James. It is his only comfort that they are united in death, because he could never possible imagine one without the other.

"He's going to pay," Sirius says. "I swear to God, he's going to pay."

And now he's really running, heading to Peter's flat, the cold hatred overpowering all his other feelings. The front door bursts open, and Sirius runs up the stairs to Peter's flat, the door is blasted away even before he raises his wand-he is so fucking furious that he can't control his magic anymore.

Peter looks up in alarm, a cloak in one and a pair of shoes in the other hand. His expression becomes fearful as he sees that it's Sirius.

"Been packing, Peter?" Sirius said, surprised at his strangely calm voice. "I understand... you betrayed your friends and your master is gone... nobody to hide behind left."

Peter acts faster than Sirius thought; a flash of light and Sirius slams into the wall, blood dripping down his face. A wave of dizziness overcomes him, but he chases after Peter anyway, nearly toppling down the stairs because everything is blurred. He corners Peter at the end of the street.

"It's over, Peter," he says, pointing his wand directly at the rat's heart. "You're going to pay for what you did."

"You know what," Peter replies, sneering, "I don't think so." Then he screams, "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you-"

And suddenly there's a gigantic explosion, Sirius is blasted backwards, he can hear people screaming; he opens his eyes and sees a huge crater in the street, dead bodies, blood, terrified Muggles-

"Peter! Come back, you coward!" He looks around fervently and sees the rat disappear in a sewer. "You fucking bastard!" He pushes himself up into a standing position and starts laughing. "Me, betraying Lily and James?"

And Sirius stands there and laughs at the sheer impossibility of this thought. He laughs as he is led away by Minstrymen, laughs as they haul him off to Azkaban, laughs as he thinks of James and Lily, for it is unbelievable that they are dead, so unreal.

"He's mad," one of the Ministrymen says. "Completely and utterly mad."

And then Sirius thinks of Harry, his godson who is being brought to Petunia at this very moment. Lily's older sister who is so bitter and resentful towards the Wizarding World. The laugh gets stuck in his throat, he puts his head in his hands and starts crying so hard he can barely breathe. The Ministrymen exchange glances, and they can see in each other's eyes that they all think the same.

But Sirius doesn't react, he simply cries, because he has just realized that he has lost everything he had. Maybe he is mad, but there is nothing left to stay sane for.