Strange Days

Strange Days - Veronica (Ronnie) Weasley (1)

Now, Dad, Mum, let me speak. I think I can imagine, more or less, the way you felt when the news was broken to you. You, Dad... you looked incredulous for a couple of seconds, and then took on the grave face, your "there's some heavy responsibility to be shouldered" face, and tried to comfort Mum. [You know, Dad, sometimes you look a lot more like Percy than one would expect. More than I'm altogether comfortable with.] You, Mum, probably burst into tears and could do nothing for a few minutes. [It seems that mothers and restraint don't go together. I wonder, if I ever become a mother, will I be so tossed about by my own temper as she is?] You both ended up saying that the most important thing was to reassure me that I was always your child and that you loved me, no matter what. But if I did not bring up the subject, you were going to perform prodigies of tact and pretend it did not exist.

There is no need for that, you know. For any of that. I know the sort of persons you are; I know that you wouldn't even think of not loving me for any reason; I know that you are always behind me. You don't have to reassure me. I know that, whatever bad happens, I can always come home.

But really, it's not as bad as that. I think I can say it now... ever since Ginny was nearly murdered, I had made up my mind that I was probably going to die in the war. I could see it close up, you see. The other children at Hogwarts could pretend - or even really not know - the reality of what was going on, but I had been right up against it, I had been there with Harry and Hermione, and I knew that this was Hell on Earth, with you-know-who as chief devil, and that sooner or later someone was going to have to suffer for it. I guess what sealed it was Cedric's death: if a poor slob... actually, poor Cedric was anything but a slob... I mean, a completely innocent character, could get killed like that merely because that filth... that loathsome odious thing... thought he was in the way... anyone could. Well I felt I was in the volunteer class. I felt that if something happened to me, at least I'd gone into it with my eyes open; that perhaps it might draw trouble away from Harry, or from some other prospective victim who had done nothing to deserve it. If I got it instead of someone else, I knew what I'd volunteered for; and if by any chance I was lucky enough to save Harry, I'd have saved the one person who really could put an end to him.

So yeah, for the last five years, I've basically been a walking dead man - date of execution left blank for the moment. I couldn't tell you that, could I? It would have broken your heart, and, besides, you would have tried to dissuade me. So now it's over and I'm alive. Given the risks I've been running, that's more than I deserve. You see what I mean? From walking dead man to walking live girl. That's something, isn't it? Mum, don't cry...

What I'm sorry about is that I failed to keep the monster from the others... the kids who had nothing to do with it. The whole school has been struck, and for no other reason than that he wanted to distract Dumbledore for a few minutes. Can you believe it? The lives of six hundred kids ruined maybe for good, only so he could get a few minutes' advantage over Dumbledore. I don't think I've ever hated him so much as the first moment I realized what had happened.

Yes, and kill the three Ministry directors who knew the charm. I know, Dad. But... look, I don't want to sound heartless or anything, but they were adults, and ministry leaders, and they knew they were at war. Yes, it's still sick to murder them just for convenience. But to ruin the lives of six hundred kids! Kids, dad! And all for a few minutes of advantage!

I'm glad he's dead. I only wish I could have killed him. I wish I'd got my hands on his throat. Oh, Merlin, I'm so glad he's dead.

If I could have killed him myself, I would not have minded getting killed. Honestly, that's my only disappointment. I only saw his corpse. I spat on it, but it wasn't the same thing.

I hope his soul in Hell can feel how much he's hated.

I don't know what I will do now. You see... as I said... I had not really expected to survive the war. That is why I volunteered to be the last to be disenchanted. I'm alive, and that is already enough ... Besides, there were those poor kids who were literally going hysterical. Some of them would have lost their minds, if they hadn't had some sort of hope. So now Dumbledore has already disenchanted Jo Skidelsky and is well on the way with Bill Singe. It's not just that these two would probably have killed themselves if Dumbledore had not proceeded to enchant them immediately, but to see that he finally made it with Jo and is on his way with Bill is giving hope to so many others. They've seen Jo back to being a girl... they know it can be done.

I think, actually, what I would like to be is a Healer. I would like to help Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey with all the other kids; and also to give them strength, make them feel that it's not the end of the world. I can do that at least, can't I?

And to be honest, I'm curious about being a girl. I've teased them so often, without having any idea what being one is like. Ginny can help me. Why are you giggling, Gin? Did I say something funny?

Well, Mum, Dad, there is one thing we have to be clear about. Dumbledore is old, and tired. The last seven years have taken a lot out of him, more than anyone imagines. Harry and I have seen him when he is on his own, when he does not have to show strength for everyone else's benefit, and we both felt that he is on his way to... I mean, he's had it. And now, he's committed to disenchanting hundreds of sex-change spell victims. I would not be surprised if he doesn't make it to the end. Already he has had to turn over the post of Head to Professor McGonagall. That is, there's a good chance that I... and the guys who volunteered to be disenchanted last, like me... will stay as we are. I don't want Dumbledore to die, but he seems to feel that it has to happen at some point, and meanwhile he still wants to help as many kids as he can. Yeah, I know, that's to be expected from him. But it's still not going to do him any good.

He is having a secret class, teaching what he knows of the sex-change spell to Professor MacGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, Hermione, Remus Lupin, a couple of kids from Ravenclaw, and five guys from the Ministry. He does not want it to be lost when he is gone. I thought for a second of joining it, but I'm not really good enough. Anyway, it will take them all years to get it right. McGonagall, I gather, has the advantage, because she is an Animagus... she already knows about radical change.

Yes, Ginny, I know you've always wanted a sister. Remember that "Veronica" may not be there for ever. Or perhaps I will find being a woman comfortable. Who knows?

Get lemons make lemonade? Why not? Besides, have you ever seen how smelly lemons get if they are just left there to rot?