Foldermort and his (Apparently) Evil Green Minions

Foldermort and his (Apparently) Evil Green Minions

Part One: Folders Behaving Badly

Harry was walking down one of the many corridors at Hogwarts when his folder (ring binder) started making jumpy movements, opening and closing itself and clicking the rings.

"Stop that, you stupid thing." He said absentmindedly and shut it.

"What's that?" Ron asked, hearing Harry's little conversation with his folder.

"Oh, I was just telling my folder to shut up. It's playing up, you know." Harry said.

"Your folder?" Ron yelped, jumping away from Harry.

"Yes, my folder. What's the matter with that?" Harry said, still not realising the seriousness of the situation.

"THINK, Harry. Your folder is alive and all you can say is 'What's the matter with that?' You must be out of your mind!" Ron said, keeping a distance between them.

"It's only a folder, Ron. Not as bad as those books we had to get for Care of Magical Creatures." Harry said patiently, not aware that his folder had now jumped of his arms and was clacking to all the other folders around.

"But Harry," Ron said, pointing to the group of folders rapidly growing around Harry, "They're alive!"

"I don't see why not." Harry said calmly, "They, after all, have every right to live just as we do." He patted a folder which had just jumped into his arms.

"Don't be stupid!" Ron shouted, "Don't you know that folders were once part of You-Know-Who's great plan to rid the world of muggles and mudbloods?"

"Oh, really. I would have thought better of Voldemort. So lowly to use folders." Harry shrugged, and walked on to his next class.

Ron, still trying to keep a distance from Harry and the folders, followed cautiously. On the way, though, all the folders went back to whence they came, and Ron breathed easilier for the time being.

***

"Hey, you two!" Hermione called out as she slid down the banister to catch up with Harry and Ron, "Wait for me!". Harry and Ron looked at each other and walked on, as it was time for lunch and they were hungry.

"I can't help it if she wants to give me extension work!" Hermione shouted as she landed at the bottom of the staircase and started to give chase to the two boys.

"Finally." Hermione said, panting as she caught up with them, "Now, I have to show you something." She said as she took out her folder and flicked through it to find the right page. What she didn't notice was that her folder was actually moving of its own accord.

"Uh, Hermione, I don't think that's such a goo—" Ron said as her folder jumped out of her hands and bit him on the nose.

"Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry!" Hermione said as Harry's folder popped out from under his arm and started calling for all the other folders again.

"I don't think that apologies really matter at a time like this, slime." Draco said as he strolled in, a number of green folders following.

"What's it to you? You probably don't even know how to make one!" Hermione said as she fended off increasing folders snapping at her ankles.

"Ooh. I'm hurt. Ah! Ah! You got me right in the heart! Run away! Run away!" Draco said in a high-pitched voice that was not exactly false, and made mincing movements around the trio, now brandishing their wands and shooting spells at the folders.

A scraping noise came from one of the doorways. "I see you've directed them well. I never expected you to get them this fast, Draco." A deep voice issued from said doorway.

"I aim to please, Foldermort." Draco said as he bowed. The folders stopped attacking Harry, Ron and Hermione as Foldermort made a slight motion with his right hand.

"Why are you wearing such gaudy colours?" Foldermort said to the folders clustered around him. They made some clacking noises.

"What do you mean, the students covered you with this-this-this filth?" Foldermort spat in distaste as he pulled some holographic pink covering off a cowering folder.

"You should know better than to appear in front of your master like this." Draco chastised from some unknown position, close enough to be heard clearly, however.

"Don't tell my folders how to behave!" Foldermort boomed, "Although I'd say you're quite right." He added as an afterthought.

"Whatever you are, you aren't wanted here!" Harry snarled, finding his voice after watching the scene with amazement.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Foldermort shouted, cracking his staff on the stone floor.

"I'm Harry Potter, son of James Potter and heir to nothing in particular." Harry said, wondering where the words had come from.

"Oh, it's you, is it?" Foldermort said with an expression on his face that looked as though he had just tasted off milk.

"Yeah. It's me." Harry stuck his hands on his hips and tried to look as menacing as he could. After a few seconds, he realised that however menacing he may look in tight jeans, a black leather jacket and some silver chains, it just wasn't the same with some flimsy Hogwarts robes on. So he whispered a few words as he waved his wand over himself, and changed into something more suitable. "Ron, Hermione, do the same." He said as he walked up to Foldermort.

Ron basically changed into the same kind of stuff as Harry was wearing, but Hermione-whoa! She changed into some tight black vinyl pants and halter neck top, and with the little mask and long red fingernails, ended up looking like a cross between Catwoman and transvestite Zorro.

"Nice girl you've got there, Harry." Foldermort said, looking over Hermione.

"Don't you dare!" Hermione said as she flew towards him in a flurry of teased hair and fingernails.

"This really isn't necessary, Herm-" Foldermort ground out as she knocked him over and proceeded to strangle him.

"Hermione, it's lunch time and the teachers will be around any minute now, so don't you...?" Ron said, trailing off when Harry joined in the fray. "What the heck, might as well." Ron said as he jumped on top of the lot of them, fighting off the folders who had now come back into action.

Meanwhile, Draco watched from his perch in the rafters, enjoying the spot of entertainment Foldermort had brought with him.

***

Harry, Hermione and Ron were in the Gryffindor common room, talking about their little adventure with Foldermort and his green minions. They had taken the liberty of skipping Potions.

"So what exactly happened when you tackled Foldermort?" Harry asked Hermione, still stalking about furiously in her Zorrowoman costume.

"I don't know! He just sort of disappeared once I closed off his windpipe." Hermione said, digging holes in the cork flooring with her stilettos.

"More like turned into a folder." Ron said gloomily, nursing a small glass of Butterbeer with something stronger added to it and a red nose.

"Actually, now that you mention it." Hermione said as she paused mid-stalk and tapped her chin thoughtfully with a blood red fingernail, "Yes. He did turn into a folder. I wonder why?"

"Perhaps because he was called Foldermort." Harry said exasperatedly.

"Yes, yes. I know the connection. It's just that Foldermort and Draco Malfoy. What's with that?" Hermione resumed her pacing.

"You'll wear a track in the carpet. Stop it, Hermione." Ron said from his fireside chair.

"The carpet doesn't matter. Foldermort does." Hermione retorted.

"Who knows? Perhaps this is all a hallucination brought on by not eating lunch." Harry said as his stomach grumbled.

"Perhaps. How 'bout some choccie frogs?" Ron said, brightening.

"I'm in." was Hermione's reply, and Harry just nodded.

"Mmm. First food I've had since morning tea." Ron said as he bit into a chocolate frog.

"Morning tea? Since when did we get morning tea?" Harry said.

"Uh, I sneaked it out of breakfast and ate between classes." Ron said sheepishly.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" Hermione said through a mouthful of chocolate.

They continued eating in peace, not caring about the classes they missed or what was going to happen because of their truancy.

***

"What exactly are you doing?" Snape's voice echoed around the high ceilings. Draco, still half-asleep, paid no attention to it. "Draco, I demand you to tell me what you are doing asleep in the rafters." Snape asked again.

"What?" Draco said sleepily. He rolled over, a big mistake. "Ahh!" he screamed as he fell off the beam he was previously lying on, and onto the cold, hard, floor. A sickening crunch could be heard as he touched down.

"You Malfoys will never learn, will you?" McGonagall said, walking in as she heard the noise.

"Learn what?" Draco said as he tried to sit up, but couldn't, on account of quite a few broken bones. He paled significantly from the pain, although he was already chalk white.

"Your father did exactly the same thing when he was here." McGonagall replied, a smile playing around the corners of her mouth.

"To get back to the point, what were you doing up there the whole afternoon?" Snape said impatiently.

"The whole afternoon?" Draco said slowly.

"Yes. You missed potions." Snape told Draco.

"What time is it now?" Draco frantically looked around for his watch, and saw that it was still attached to his wrist, but his wrist was some way away from where it was supposed to be.

"That is of no consequence. What were you doing up there?" McGonagall said sharply, losing all of her former humour.

"I was watching Potter, Weasley and Granger fighting..." Draco trailed off as he fainted.

"Well, Severus. We shall have to get to the bottom of this one." McGonagall said, faintly amused. "Let's take him up to the infirmary first."

So Snape and McGonagall took the indisposed Draco up to the infirmary, to be fixed up by Madam Pomfrey.