Coeur Pur

As he silently followed Dumbledore up to his office, Sirius felt awkward and nauseous, and there appeared to be a lump of nervousness growing inside his stomach. He dared only watch his own feet as they moved up the spiral stair case to the Headmaster's office.

"He knows," Sirius thought. "He's found out that I'm an Animagi and now he's going to expel me. Not good, not good!"

Dumbledore held up the door to his office and let Sirius enter first. As Sirius raised his head and looked into the room, he got a small chock from what he saw. At first, it took a moment or two before he realised that his mother and father were staring back at him, but once he had grasped the situation he made a U-turn and headed for the door. But it was closed and Dumbledore was standing in front of it, blocking it with his tall body and smiling gently.

"You have visitors," he said shortly.

"Sirius, oh, Sirius!" said his mother and sprinted up to him, trying to embrace him with tears falling from her pale and wrinkled face.

"Get off me!" Sirius yelled, as he pushed her away so hard she almost fell to the floor.

"I told you he wouldn't like it," said a familiar voice from the left of the room.

Sirius spun around and saw his brother, leaning against a book case and looking mildly interested in the situation. Regulus watched his older brother with superior eyes and every trace of remorse Sirius had seen in his face the last time the two of them had spoken was gone.

"Sir," Sirius said, turning to Dumbledore, "I'd like to leave now, so if you could just -"

"I'm not stepping aside, Mr. Black. Please, do have a seat."

"Please, I don't think you quite understand the circumstances," Sirius said, trying hard not to raise his voice.

"On the contrary, I believe I understand them perfectly," Dumbledore replied, throwing a glistening gaze at Regulus. "Your parents have agreed that if you sit down and talk to them, then the decision is completely yours whether or not you want to remain with the Potter's or if you are willing to once more call no. 12 Grimmauld Place your home. Will you agree to these conditions?"

Sirius looked hard and long into Dumbledore's light blue eyes. He wanted to say that nothing in this world could ever persuade him to sit down and talk to his family, but as Dumbledore gazed kindly into his dark eyes, he couldn't find it in him to say those words aloud. Instead, he said, "Fine. But if they argue or try to convince me I'm wrong, I'll leave. And I'll never agree to meet them again."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Does that sound OK?" he asked Sirius' parents, who both nodded and sat down at Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore showed Sirius to his own chair behind the desk and pulled it out for him, but Regulus remained where he was.

"Do you wish for me to leave?" Dumbledore asked politely.

"No. No, you can stay," Sirius answered and Dumbledore pulled a chair from thin air with his wand and then sat down.

For a moment, the five of them sat in silence, watching each other. Sirius' mother was still on the verge of crying; you could see where the last tears had fallen on her cheeks. His father, on the other hand, wore a grim face and was staring angrily at his oldest son. Dumbledore was leaning his chin in his hands, looking dreamily at Sirius, probably waiting for him to begin. Regulus and Sirius were both watching the floor.

"I'm not coming home. Nothing you can say will change my mind."

"But, son..." began Mrs. Black, sounding uncertain whether she was aloud to speak. "W- why... what have we ever... Why did you leave? Sure, we've had our differences, but... why?"

Sirius slowly turned his gaze at her and she looked away, quickly as if he had burned her.

"'Differences'? That's what you tell yourselves to sleep well at night? I left because I hate my family and because my family hates me. Neither of you ever approved of the way I am, you have always tried to turn me in to something I'm not, by whatever means necessary. We haven't had any 'differences', but we've had fights and wars and - and -"

Sirius broke off and sighed, then continued, "I can't remember one single time that I've ever felt welcome in that house. Nor can I recall any time I've ever felt that we were a loving and happy family. The only feelings I remember having as a child was disappointment, resentment, anger and bitterness. Hate. Those are the things I've learned from you. Now, look at me and tell me that's not wrong up."

A small wrinkle appeared between Mr. Black's eyebrows and tears started to fill up Mrs. Black's eyes.

"I - we... we had no idea -"

"Yes, you did, because I told you a hundred times! All those times I tried to talk to you and acctually imagined that you would listen, that's what I was telling you - that I hated living with you guys. If you could only see all the horrible things you've done and the way you've treated me throughout the years, you would understand. But just as all the other 'proud pure bloods', neither of you could ever see nor admit to your own flaws. All I ever heard was how important it is to stay true to your roots, or how we were so lucky to be of good family. But what about love? What about caring about those who are near you? Isn't that important? Do you only care about title, about blood and rumours? What about people and their qualities, doesn't that matter at all to you?"

Telling from Mr. Black's facial expression, it didn't matter to him. It seemed to be biting his tongue quite hard.

Sirius found it surprising that he had no urge to raise his voice as he spoke, and that the words seemed to flow out of his mouth as a waterfall. He'd been carrying these feelings inside of him for so long and it felt good to be able to say them to his parent's faces. His mother looked at him with sincere sorrow in her eyes.

"If that's the way you feel, then perhaps it is best you stay with your friend," said Mr. Black in a cold, steady voice. As he did, Mrs. Black's mouth flew open and she stared at him with horror.

"What - are - what are you saying?" she exclaimed.

"The boy obviously thinks we've treated him wrong in some way and I think it's quite clear that he won't come home. I think it's for the best."

"But - I -"

"I never thought I'd say this, but, father, you're right. And you just made it quite clear that you don't want me to come home. So that's that. I'm off then."

Sirius was halfway out of his chair when Dumbledore stopped him with his arm.

"Regulus, what do you think? Do you want Sirius to come home?"

Everybody's eyes turned suddenly at Regulus, who had been so silent they had almost forgotten he was in the room. He seemed uncomfortable by the question and began to toss and turn a bit on the spot.

"Um, I -"

He saw the way his father was now looking at him, but he could also see the heavy tears in his mother's eyes. The four of them were silent as they awaited his answer.

"I - If, if Sirius doesn't want to come home, I guess it's best if he stays with his friend. But, I mean, we are a family and the natural thing would be if we all lived together."

"This coming from the person who said that no one would care if I die?" Sirius spat out.

"Regulus! Did you say that?" Mrs. Black yelled.

"I didn't mean -"

"Are we done here?" Sirius said and suddenly stood up. He started walking towards the door.

"No, son, wait! Please, I'll do whatever you want!" Mrs. Black said as she flew up from her chair.

Sirius stopped for a moment, then turned to her and said, "Then don't do the same thing to Regulus that you did to me. This is your chance to change." Then he turned and went through the door.

"Sirius, no!" Mrs. Black sobbed.

As he went down the spiral stair case, Sirius heard his mother yell, "This is your fault, why did you say that?!" and when he heard his father reply, "Why would you want a child like that?" he snorted and walked through the corridor back to his dormitory.

Halfway there, he heard steps behind him and stopped. He recognized the light walk and the sound of the heels hitting the stone floor. He sighed, and then turned to face the gently smiling man, who was peering at him over his glasses.