I Made It

    I lay here darkness closing in on me. The pieces of my heart lay next to my head glittering dully in the last rays of the light. I see them of course I do, but I refuse to touch them. They would bring back memories, the horrible memories. Here they come flooding back, the way he smells, the way he looks at me, the way he tried to explain, the way he stepped on my heart when he left. I grabbed my head screamed, get out. I don’t need him I tell myself. I can live, I will get over this. I get to my knees. I will overcome this. I pull myself up and lean against the wall, shaking I try to stand…I fall. Why can’t I do this? Why didn’t anyone warn me? I darkness has now surrounded me. Why isn’t anyone here?

    I look back and wonder how this happened. I was so sure of myself and what I was doing. I remember when it started. The way he hugged me and told me I meant everything to him. And I believed him. I felt the tears form. I was so happy I thought nothing could go wrong. Here they come. Then I found out the rumors were true. I saw it with my own eyes. Down my cheek. He tried to explain. He said it didn’t mean anything. Traveling down my lips. I didn’t believe him of course. He was a liar. Falling to the floor. Then he was gone.

    I look into the darkness. I can’t see the pieces, but I know they’re there. Calling to me.

-Just try they say. We can heal.

-No I can’t I won’t.

-But your letting him win they say. I don’t care let him win, let him feel special. He deserves it.

-No he doesn’t. What did you ever d to him?

They were starting to make sense. He doesn’t deserve to live while I lay here. I’ll show him.

~No! a voice hissed from somewhere off to my right.

~Why wouldn’t I?

~You don’t want to hurt him do you?

~Yes I do. I have to!

I tried to sit up, but something held me back. What was it? Then I realized it was still in me, but how? How could I still, dare I say love him?

~Because in reality you know you want to crawl back to him and kiss him like you used to.

~No I screamed pounding the floor.

~Yes it’s true admit it

~No I won’t it’s not true. I pushed the voice out refused to listen to it. I grabbed at the pieces of my heart that lay shattered next to me. It burned. I bit my lip. I will do this. I had them all. Slowly I tried, blindly, to put them back together. My hands are shaking. I drop the pieces. Tears rolling down my cheeks I search the cold dark floor. My scorched hands moving frantically. I find them.

~Stop you can’t do this. I hear the voice again. Think about it you’ll regret this in the end.

-You have to do this, it’s what he deserves.

I ignore them. I don’t have to listen to either of them I tell myself. Finally it’s done the pieces are back together, but they are weak. They wouldn’t last. Then I see it off in the shadows. The shimmering blue light off in the distance. I must reach it. I grab the wall and slowly make my way towards it. Only a little ways off. I can make it. I’m there, but I become suspicious. I hesitate for a moment. Should I do it. Yes. I touch it and feel renewed. It flows through me. It strengthens me.

    I’m ready I tell myself I can do this. It runs through my blood. This is my shield. Nothing can break me now. I stand on my own, but then I see it. His face. Smiling at me with such innocence and caring. I melt, my shield gone. I won’t let that stop me. I will make it. Again I touch the blue light and feel my shield reappear, stronger. I stand again, and slowly begin to walk. But he’s stronger, I feel him softly touch my cheek. And yet again my shield melts. He will not win. Once again I touch the shimmering hope. I can now walk. I’m still shaky, but I will not let him break me again. He can no longer do what he wishes with my feelings. No more will I tolerate it.

    The darkness begins to fade. I step out into the light to see him standing there. His green eyes sparkling. Smiling his innocent smile.

-Give him what he deserves

~No ignore him

I push the voices away. They don’t matter.

He doesn’t know how long it took me to get here. To be able to look him in the eyes and not be able to collapse. It took so long and it hurt, but I’m strong. I have made it.

Hello Harry is my simple reply before I walk away. Smiling I walk away. I made it.