The Secret Admirer of Parvati Patil

The Secret Admirer of Parvati Patil

Chapter 3: The Party At Michael Corner's

June 23^rd

Dear...whoever you are.

I just want to say, you totally are so un-romantic. I mean, I'm a sap for poets. And you so completely cannot write a letter. Don't you know how to indent? Seriously, if you want to win a girl's heart, touch up on important matters!

From,

Parvati Patil

I sent my owl (it's actually Padma's...) out the window to deliver the message.

"I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
(so much more)
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?" I swung an arm out, singing to the music, acting like I was singing onstage. Har, I'm a retard.

"My wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ,
tourniquet,
my suicide!" I stopped. Does she sing about anything other then death or blood? Seriously, I think that every song she has is about that. I got on my computer. After checking AIM, I logged on to the Internet. I went to www.lyricsspot.com, (after checking out pictures of scantily clad men...Yum!), and looked up every single one of her song lyrics. Seriously, I think I only found one or two that did not involve dying or blood, or anything of that matter. God, I'm surprised she hasn't killed herself yet. I mean, with all those bloodsheddy songs and all...

Anyway, I am so excited! There is a big party at Michael Corner's house...and guess what? Padma is ga-rounded! (You know? I think that ga-rounded is my favorite word now that the perfect Miss Patil is gar-rounded.) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Happiness has befallen me! I can't wait for the party!! Everyone is going to be there. Hey, I bet Padma doesn't know that she isn't going to the party. I leave my room, and open Padma's door suavely.

"Hey Paddie!" I say in a singsong voice. She hates her kiddy name, Paddie.

She lifted her head off her pillow and looked at me with red eyes.

I sighed deeply, and went to sit on her bed next to her.

"What?" she asked irritably.

"Oh nothing...just wanted to ask how you are faring in this room..." She crossed her arms, not believing a word that came out of my mouth.

"Oh, and since you are new to grounding...let me just tell you, Mom and Dad don't give in to let you go anywhere. To the mall, to the pool, with your friends, at parties." I grinned devilishly as the reality took her. She fell back onto her pillow in renewed sobs. I took a deep breath of the sweet smell of a perfume-less Padma. Usually she is so heavily perfumed that I choke for a few minutes if I take a deep breath. But, since she hasn't been going to the mall to buy this really stinky (to me) stuff, perfume, I have been allowed to breathe! Oh yeah!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

June 24^th

"Hey, looking nice Padma!" Michael Corner greeted me at the door of his house. It was pretty obvious he was drunk or high or something, since his eyes seemed pretty unfocused.

"It's Parvati," I said shortly, and pushed past him, making his beer spill on the floor.

"Hey! Whatcha do that for Paddie?" he said.

"Oh, sorry!" I said in a fake voice, and when I turned I scowled. Then I went to go find Lavender. Who she was talking to: none other then Padma Patil. My eyes practically bugged out of my head when I saw Padma there, but my instant shock quickly turned into rage. I marched right up to my sister.

"Padma, what the hell are you doing here??" I hissed in Padma's ear, and smiled sweetly at Lavender as I dragged Padma away.

"Oh, just enjoying this wonderful party..." She slurred.

Greaaaaat. I'm at a party with an idiot drunk boy who thinks I'm the girl he stuck his cock up (I think), and now I've got a grounded-but-snuck-out drunken sister (the party has barely started. How did they all get drunk so fast?). How much better could life get? Seriously, I don't want you to answer that.

So, the drunken Padma allows me to drag her across the room, not really knowing where I'm going.

"Oh really..." I grumbled. Suddenly, I stood under a light bulb.

"Hey, I've got an idea!" I dragged her to the bathroom (no sexual things intended), and with a flick of my wand, switched our clothes and makeup.

"Har har!" I said triumphantly as I examined in the mirror, completely Padma.

I put a sleeping spell on Padma, and shoved her into a closet.

I could flirt with whomever I wanted to now, because that's what Padma did. In fact...

I walked up to Seamus Finnigan, who was right near Michael Corner. Then I *accidentally* bumped into Michael so he would notice me, and started talking about practically nothing to Seamus. This is how it went:

Parvati (Me...duh!): *bats eyelashes unnecessarily* Hi Seamus!

Seamus: *Never dreaming Padma Patil would talk to him...(I hate my sibling)...chokes on an ice cube...dork* Uh...hesssss...heeee.... ceeee...h.... e.... l...p...?

Parvati: Oh, let me help you! *Gives him the Heimlich and *accidentally* brushes his crotch in the action*

Seamus: *His ice cube hit Michael on the head, and Seamus blushes furiously* Uh, Padma?

Parvati: *seductively* Yes?

Michael: Break it up! Break it up!

Parvati: *decides to mess with both* Oh hiii Michael! I've been dying for you to come and talk to me! You are looking sooo sexy this evening!

Michael: *puffs out chest proudly* I know. I've also been thinking I've been looking incredibly bootylicious tonight, don't you think?

Parvati: *Thinks: Ok, Padma had sex with a dude who is so totally gay??*

Seamus: Uhm...

Parvati: *flutters eyelashes* Oh hi Seamus! I forgot you were there! You know you look positively delicious when you're bemused! *Winks*

Seamus: Uhhhh...

Parvati: *pinches his "delicious" rump*

Michael: *pouts* Hey! I thought I was bootylicious!

Parvati: You are! It's just, Seamus is just sooo delicious, don't you think? Especially this hot little ass! *Turns Seamus around and grabs a fistful of tight rumpalicious booty*

Michael: Actually, I think your ass is looking positively delicious tonight, Padma.

Parvati: *flirtatiously* You want to try it out to know for sure?

Seamus: Hey!

Parvati: *innocently* Yes?

Seamus: *Hauls off and slugs Michael*

Michael: What the h- *falls to the floor*

Seamus: *breathing heavily*

Parvati: *squealing* Is he hurt? Is he hurt??

Seamus: Hem-hem.

Parvati: *turns to Seamus and throws her arms around him* Oh Seamus, my hero! He was sooo hitting on me! You saved me from molestation! Or rape! Or something!

Seamus: Excuse me? *Looks like she is a retard...which she is* You were just hitting on him! You were inviting him to your delicious ass!

Parvati: *perks up* You think it is too?

Seamus: *Exasperatedly* I don't know what I'm thinking except that you are a

stupid whore, and-and-what is it?

Parvati: *crying silently* How could you say this to me?? After all we've been through! I saved your life, you ungrateful bastard!

Seamus: And when I "saved" you from "molestation and rape" you asked, 'Is he hurt? Is he hurt?' for the one who would be doing the "molestation and rape"! You're a despicable wench!

Parvati: *Icily* Fine. *Turns to walk away* *But then turns back and gets in his face* But you know what? When I said, 'Is he hurt? Is he hurt?' I meant it for you, you idiot! *Stomps off*

Seamus: *calls after* Wait, I-!

Parvati: I'm leaving!

Seamus: *follows her outside* I'm sorry, I jumped to conclusions, I-

*He didn't have to talk to long because then I got up close to him*

Parvati: *whispers moaningly* I know what you're thinking...*French kisses him passionately*

And so we went into the backyard into the bushes and were...umm..."busy" for the next few hours.

A few hours later:

Seamus was pretty surprised to learn that Padma was a virgin. I was too. He got real upset about it, too. But it was worth it. Boo, Padma's had sex, what, 3 or 4 times already in her life (Probably...)? And I'm her age (Duh, I'm her twin!), and still a virgin am I! Not fair, says you, and I agree, says I. Well actually, me and Harry went out for about 2 weeks and we tried, (In the words of Yoda: There is no try. There is only do or do not.), it out together, and we were pretty far into but for one reason we stopped. His...umm...let us say "wand" was too frikin big! Seriously, there was no pleasure like there usually is during the "process" because his wand probably wouldn't have fit in my mouth! Seriously. (Not that we tried...)

So I stay a good girl but get in trouble for stupid things while Padma the wonder-gal whore sleeps around and is Mummy and Daddy's princess. Right.

Well, the good news is, Padma has been grounded for the rest of the summer for sneaking out during her grounding, and for drinking and getting drunk. And for having a boyfriend that drinks and got drunk. Seriously, my parents are so strict on drinking that, (I am too, I don't like beer, it tasted sooo nasty, ((Except for this really sugary sweet German kind that's really expensive.)), and even if I did like it, I wouldn't get drunk cause it ruins your brain, (((I think))), and you throw up. Seriously, just for something that tastes good ((((which it doesn't!)))), you're going to ruin your life (((((Possibly)))))? Not me. And Padma is supposed to be the good one.), they punish her for what her boyfriend does! Not that I'm complaining about her getting in trouble for it, its just that, would I get in trouble for a boyfriend who drank? Probably, but is it their business how they ruin their lives? Anyway, is it possible to get cabin fever, (Or, in her case, bedroom fever), from staying in her room all day in night? Seriously, you would act as if she had to stay in that room. Like she was a prisoner of the room, not the house. Haha. She'll probably end up killing herself...oh the happiness.

@#)$&^^*(#*%&*(^&@%($*%&^)(&%*(#@$^@*&

Decided to write again ...I just can't make up my mind! Oh well, HE sent me another letter:

I am so sorry for my non-poetry. Next letter I will poeticize (Is that a word?). But right now, I just want to come to your house and sweep you off your feet! What do you have to say to that, hmm?

Love,

YSA

I wrote back:

I'm nailing myself to the floor.

And on that note, I think I shall end this entry. (1,806, new record!)