Wardrobe Malfunction

AN: This story is dedicated to one of my betas, silvercrackle, who did an amazing job in helping me with my first novel-length story, still in progress. The plot bunny belongs to silvercrackle as well, but I did take a quote from one of coltongirl's plot bunnies. The quote is as follows:

"How'd that happen?"

"Well, I said, 'You're a wanker!' And he said, 'Detention!'"


Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story!

Wardrobe Malfunction

By Epoch Everlasting

Hermione laughed so hard she snorted in a very undignified, un-Hermione sort of way.

Harry James Potter, she decided, did not look good in a skirt.

Neither did Ronald Bilius Weasley.

A glance in the mirror told her that both she and Ginny looked just as bad in the oversized men's trousers and shirts they were currently wearing.

Seamus, Dean, and Neville were watching the four with keen interest. Well, Neville was. Dean and Seamus were currently rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing so hard.

Harry turned to Ron. "Why did we make that bet again?" he asked.

"Because we thought we were right," his friend deadpanned.

"Well honestly, who really would have suspected that Professor Snape would have actually shown up to teach Potions with bright pink hair?" said Hermione nonchalantly.

Ginny nodded in agreement. "I still want to know how the twins managed it," she said.

"Even Snape's not safe from those two," muttered Harry, smoothing down the front of Ginny's skirt.

He was currently wearing Ginny's school clothes, a knee length skirt, blouse, socks, and his own trainers (his feet were too big for Ginny's small shoes), for the day while Ron was dressed up in Hermione's school uniform.

"Luckily," said Hermione, "it's a Tuesday, which means we have to wear our robes. No one will see anything."

Harry still wasn't happy with the situation but that at least made it bearable.

Seamus gave the four cross-dressed teens a wicked grin.

"No one will find out..." started Seamus.

"...as long as you keep the robes on, that is," finished Dean.

oOoOoOo

Seamus and Dean were worse than the Weasley twins when the wanted to be, Harry decided.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. The sticking charm he had applied to his robes (in an effort to counteract the constant summoning charms of Dean and Seamus) forced the wool of Ginny's skirt flush against his bottom, creating a terrible itch. His thighs rubbed against each other whenever he walked, a new sensation for him, and it was all just terribly uncomfortable.

He had made it to his second class of the day without anyone finding out and he was becoming more and more confident that he could get through the day.

Unfortunately, his second class of the day was Potions.

With the Slytherins.

And Snape.

He knew without a doubt something was going to go wrong.

On the bright side, Snape's hair was now an ugly purplish color. It seemed he had tried to get the pink out of his hair and now the color was somewhere between the bright pink it had been and the natural inky black his hair normally was.

The Gryffindors in the class couldn't stop snickering at their professor while the Slytherins kept glaring at them for daring to laugh at the imposing, intimidating, evil Professor Snape.

Harry, like the other Gryffindors, was snickering behind his hand until Snape informed the class they would be working in pairs on a particularly difficult potion.

He was partnered with Malfoy, like usual.

Groaning, Harry moved to sit next to the Slytherin, walking a little funny as he tried to keep his legs from touching. Honestly, he didn't think he'd ever understand how girls could wear skirts everyday.

They began to brew their potion. Harry followed the instructions on the board. He wasn't even sure what the potion was supposed to do. It was called the Secret Elixir. Harry assumed it was some sort of truth potion. Next time, I'll actually do the reading, he thought bitterly to himself.

The room was uncomfortable hot. Chancing a glance over at Ron and Goyle, he noticed Ron was looking just as flushed and sweaty as he felt.

When the potions were all brewed, Snape instructed the students to each swallow a vial of their potion.

"Why?" asked Ron suspiciously.

"To see if you brewed it correctly, you idiot Gryffindor," growled Snape.

Shrugging, Harry swallowed his potion. With Malfoy as his partner, he wasn't too worried. Malfoy would never brew a wrong potion.

The heat he had been experiencing earlier was nothing compared to how he felt now. He thought he was going to suffocate it was so sweltering in the dungeons.

"Potter, Weasley, what are you hiding?"

Confused, Harry glanced over at Ron only to see him sweating profusely, his face a darker shade of red than his hair. He must be feeling the heat, too, thought Harry.

"Wha...?" gasped Harry.

"The Secret Elixir makes anyone hiding a secret uncomfortably hot. What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"I'd advise you spill the secret or the heat will not cease. You risk heat stroke," Snape said, smirking and relishing in his student's discomfort.

Harry shook his head vigorously.

Snape sighed. "You stupid idiot," he said and with a flick of his wrist, he summoned Harry and Ron's robes in a genuine gesture to cool down his students. "I doubt the Headmaster would want his precious...Potter, Weasely, what are you wearing?"

The laughter Snape had induced with his hair from the Gryffindors was nothing compared to what Harry experienced from the Slytherins (and to be fair, most of the Gryffindors too).

Though, Harry had to admit, he did feel much cooler now.

Malfoy had fallen down he was laughing so hard. Harry resisted the urge to kick him.

Ron had bypassed a blushing red. He was purple. Harry wondered if he was even breathing.

"Not having much experience with the opposite sex, I can understand you not recognizing a skirt when you see one, Professor," said Hermione calmly. Harry choked on his tongue, having never heard Hermione speak that way to a teacher. Snape turned purple. He was actually beginning to resemble Ron. Hermione just shrugged.

Harry wondered why the potion didn't work on her.

Seamus and Dean were also rolling on the floor, clutching their sides as they howled with laughter.

Harry actually did kick them.

"OW!" they both yelled, now clutching their sides for a completely different reason.

Harry felt his mood lift considerably.

"Ms. Granger, how dare you!" howled Snape furiously.

"But Professor, I only answered your question to the best of my ability," protested Hermione. "Isn't that what a student is supposed to do?"

"You insulted me!"

Hermione shook her head. "No, sir. I merely stated an observation that most students believe to be the truth."

Silence.

Even the Slytherins stopped laughing.

Dumbly, Ron said something under his breath too low for Harry to pick up, but Snape apparently heard it just fine. His face darkened even more, to a point Harry feared it might actually match the color of his normal hair color.

"DETENTION, WEASLEY!"

oOoOoOo

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all seated at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Harry and Ron were without their robes, Snape having not given them back. Ron was still blushing but Harry had become used to the stares that he'd been receiving from passing students. They were recounting their tale of their adventure in Potions class to the Weasley twins. When Hermione mentioned Ron getting a detention, Fred asked, "How'd that happen?"

"Well, I said, 'You're a wanker!' And he said, 'Detention!'"


Both twins started laughing.

"He was so mad at me he completely forgot about Hermione's remark about him not recognizing a skirt when he saw one."

"He'll remember and give me a detention next class, don't worry," said Hermione.

"What came over you anyway?" asked Harry.

"I don't what it was, but it was bloody brilliant!" exclaimed Ron. "You should really do it more often."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know what happened. I've never done anything like that before. It was exciting, though," she said, smiling evilly.

Harry and Ron grinned back at her.

"Another question, Hermione. Why didn't the Secret Potion affect you?" asked Harry.

"Easy. I wasn't ashamed of my secret. Everyone has secrets, but the potion only works on those you're trying to hide. Didn't you do the reading?"

Harry and Ron shook their heads.

"Well, if you had, you would have known how to avoid the embarrassment and no one but us and Dean and Seamus would have known what you were wearing."

"Luckily," said Ginny, coming up from behind Ron and sitting down next to him, "the day's almost done and we only have to wear these clothes for a few more hours."

Harry moaned in anticipation making Hermione and Ginny burst out laughing.

"It can't be that bad," muttered Ginny.

Harry and Ron exchanged looks before announcing, in unison, "Oh yes it can!"

oOoOoOo

Harry kicked off Ginny's skirt, not even bothering to pick it up off the floor, and pulled on his nice, comfy, flannel pajamas. Never before could he remember them feeling so good to wear. Next to him, Ron was already sprawled out on his bed, also wearing his pajamas, a blissful grin spread across his face.

"I've never been so happy to have the day end," remarked Ron. Harry nodded his agreement.

Neither one of them saw Dean and Seamus grin wickedly at each other. But they did notice when those sinister looks turned on them.

"What?" asked Ron, refusing to acknowledge the slight shiver that ran up his spine.

"Well, you see, we paid little Colin Creevey ten Galleons to do us a favor," said Seamus slowly.

"What?" asked Harry, feeling the blood drain from his face.

"Oh, nothing big. Just to take a few pictures," said Dean, shrugging.

"Just a few," reassured Seamus.

"How few is a few?" asked Ron warily.

Dean and Seamus looked thoughtful for a moment before Dean said, "Roughly fifty or so."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Harry and Ron.

"But then we paid him another five Galleons to do us a second favor," said Dean.

Harry knew they were done for. He wished they floor would swallow them whole. He wished the floor of Hogwarts would crack and he would fall into the black depths. He wished Voldemort would walk through the door and Avada Ked...well, maybe not that.

"What favor?" squeaked Ron.

"Just to send them, from an anonymous source, to Witch Weekly and the Daily Prophet."

Dean and Seamus didn't even have time to turn around before they were tackled by two very furious Gryffindors.