The Only Thing Wrong

Odd how it happened, you know. When he dumped me it was right out of the blue. I had to pretend I had seen it coming, because that's what people expect from me. I'm smart, intellectual, and well balanced. So of course I saw it coming right? Not quite-Hell, I don't even think he saw it coming. But there it is all the same.

I'd had a crush on him for two years when he asked me out. It was the beginning of 7^th year, really early on. Summer was still in the air, and he invited me to walk around the lake with him. I agreed, of course, and proceeded to tease him, saying that he only wanted to go so he could flirt with the giant squid. Secretly I was just praying that he wouldn't go on and on about some girl. Well he did, but it turns out that girl was me. I was in paradise.

We were the model couple, did you know? Oh yes, everyone wanted a love like ours. We went on romantic Hogsmeade dates, and he'd plan these little picnics even in the middle of winter! I remember sitting out under a tree with no leaves in late fall, freezing my arse off but being perfectly content. A lot of people expect me to talk about how the relationship wasn't as great as it looked. They almost want me to say it was all a façade, so they can get some closure about why we broke up. Honestly, the world cares almost as much as I do! The problem is that it was as good as it looked. It was perfect.

I really thought he was the great love of my life. I really did. I can't tell anyone this, but I just don't understand it. He was so sweet to me, so romantic. Maybe it was too much pressure. Maybe he secretly felt I was a nag. I don't know. I really don't. All I know is we spent this beautiful amazing year dating, then on the last day of school he took me down to the lake, and broke it off. Ironic, huh? Right in the same spot where we got together.

So like I've said I pretended to know it was going to happen, and I shrugged it off. He asked if I was upset with him. I told him I wasn't, just a little sad. At the time I was just a little sad.... well more than a little, but anyway it wasn't until later that I was mad. As soon as I had spent the first two weeks of summer holiday crying, I got angry. I ripped up every picture I had of him, which I regret deeply now. In the end, I forgave him. I forgave him, but I didn't forget him.

A family that loves me

More friends than I can count

Got that job I always wanted

Nothing to complain about

I know I've got so much going

Still I've got so much gone

It's been five years since then. Life's treated me wonderfully, as anyone who knows me can testify, and even some people who don't. I'm written about in most magazines for my work in the research field for magical medicine. That's the job I've always wanted, and it's just as good as I imagined. I know at school I was a bit of a.... bookworm...but I've become a lot more sociable since. I have a lot of friends, which suits me well, since I don't have my two best friends anymore.

I saw Ron the other day. It was a bit awkward. It was right out of nowhere. I was running late to get to the clinic, but I decided to stop in to get coffee. Would you believe that there I am getting my latte and I look over and Ron's staring up at me. Yes, that's Ron for you. He was sitting there at a little table with one of his confused faces on looking at me with unbelieving eyes. I couldn't help but laugh. He hasn't changed much, and yet he has. He's grown up a lot, but retained a lot of his looks...I will give him credit for being a handsome young man. Personality wise, he's matured a lot.

I ended up calling in to say I'd be late and sitting to talk for just a few minutes. An hour later I left feeling wonderful. It really is a shame we haven't kept in touch. He's a great bloke, and a marvelous friend. I was so happy when we fit right back together like old times. He's an Auror now. I can't get over it. I know he wanted to be, but I'll admit I chalked it up to teenage dreams. However, from what I gather he's a smashing good one. Good for him. He deserves that success. Oh, and he's engaged! I'm invited he says...he even wants me to be part of the ceremony.

Now, hours later, I reflect on his happiness and am disgusted at my jealousy. I'm not usually the jealous type, but I can't help it. I used to imagine that I'd be the first of us to walk down the aisle. Well, I guess I would've been tied actually since I thought I would marry...Oh, even now I get depressed. Why can't I get over him?

The only thing wrong in my life

Are the arms that don't hold me

Through the long lonely nights

The only thing wrong with my life

Is you're not in it baby

I've been sick this past week, and I keep thinking of all the work I'll need to make up. But even worse than that I started to think about how he used to take care of me when I was sick in bed. He'd bring me trays of hot soup or hot tea. He'd also bring me bouquets of flowers. I always thought it was the sweetest when he brought me my homework. No, no, not because I'm so studious-even I'm not that pathetic. I liked it because it showed how he knew me so well, and would do even that to make me happy.

After I got over my happy nostalgia I moved into my self-pity stage. One, which I hate above all. Self-pity, a pathetic excuse for attention I always say. Yet there I lay, replaying in my head over and over the speech he made when he dumped me. Gah. I hate that term, dumped. It sounds so harsh. I prefer something like 'we ended it' or 'broke it off'. Dump just sounds so cruel, like your trash that needs to be disposed of. So I suppose I'll get up again tomorrow and try to move on. Five years and I can't get over the goodbye at the train station.

I ought to simply move on

And shrug off your goodbye

But it's hard to see the future

Through these tears in my eyes

The sun never shined so brightly

But one cloud blokes out the light

He kissed me. We were filing out of the compartment (yes I still sat with him the very day he broke up with me) and he grabbed my arm, to hold me back. I watched as everyone else left, and felt the nervous butterflies in my stomach start to flutter around. I had been avoiding eye contact, and conversation with him throughout the whole train ride, and now I was forced to be alone in the same place with him. And obviously he had something to say. All I wanted to do was run, but I was glued to the spot.

"I just wanted to see if we were...ok?" He said cautiously. I hated myself for looking up because then I got caught in his eyes. I felt myself slipping into the beautiful oblivion. I forced myself back. Somehow I managed to spit out "I'm fine." all though I tried to lace it with as much malice as I could, which isn't much for a girl like me.

This is the part were he kisses me. I remember freezing up. This wasn't the same boy kissing me now, as it had been before. He didn't hold back, but I could feel this intense desperateness in his kiss. As though I was the only thing holding him together, keeping him form coming undone. I just don't understand! I didn't then, and I don't now. Maybe it was just a moment of insanity, but it felt like he wanted me still. If so, then why for heavens sake did he dump me? I just don't get it!

I broke the kiss then. I wanted to give him what he needed, but for once I had to consider me. It just wasn't fair. For the first time, I felt he was taking advantage of me. He hurt me, and then showed me so much love. The confusion hurt, and when I got off the train we were still broken up, so I tried to forget it. Oh, but I didn't.

My world was close to perfection

'Til the day you said good-bye

Another spring comes, and in the breeze I can feel his kisses. Ron's wedding was a few days ago. I got myself all worked up, preparing exactly what I'd say when I talked to him. I even had these daft faint hopes that something would happen between us. Well he wasn't even there. Actually, that's not quite true. I could've sworn I saw a flash of deep black standing in the very back of the hall, and right after the service I saw the door swing shut. I try to tell myself other wise, but I know it was him. Somehow I know.

The only thing wrong in my life

Are the arms that don't hold me

Through the long lonely nights

The only thing wrong with my life

Is you're not in it baby

I'm on vacation in France for the summer. It reminds me so much of my summer before third year. Of course then I was preoccupied with learning all the historical facts about everything here. Now I'm more concerned with my tan and how much relaxation I can fit into each day. I have grown up too...I still think learning and being serious about work is important, but since 7^th year I've realized there's a lot more to life.

So far this week I've been wandering around relaxing at beautiful resorts, and seeing the beautiful countryside. I'm getting a lot of needed rest and catching up on being a girl. I've been hitting the spas, and laying out on the beaches in bikinis.

Today I was strolling threw this darling park. It's as charming as any single place can get. It's so romantic that I only wish I had someone to share it with. The breeze was lovely and the sun was bright in the sky. I'd packed a lunch, so I found a nice little bench to settle down on. You'll never believe what I found lying there. Hogwarts, A History! Mind you, this is no muggle town! I just hope whoever left it was smart enough to put an anti-muggle charm on it, so it couldn't be understood by muggles. Then again, if someone was clumsy enough to leave that lying around I have to doubt it.

I know it wasn't mine but I couldn't help but start reading it. Some things don't change, and that being a favorite book of mine is one of them. I sighed putting it back down, when an idea struck me. If this person had any smarts, their name should be in the cover. I opened started to open the book again when a man came running hastily up to the bench.

"Oh good! You found my book!" He was out of breath, but I'd know that voice anywhere. I couldn't bring myself to look up so instead I looked down. And there it was. His name was in the cover after all.

Harry Potter.

And then I smiled.