Shown Like the Sun

Chapter 19

On her milk white neck,

The Devil's Mark....

--Type O Negative

***

"It looks sort of like a Hinkypunk," Althea said, squinting at the large, oddly shaped cloud.

Sirius let out a small laugh underneath her as he stroked the top of her head. "They all look like Puffskeins to me," he replied and Althea heard his stomach gurgle into her right ear.

Sirius lifted himself onto his elbows, which caused Althea to frown. She was very comfortable with her head rested against his stomach.

"You'd think they'd tire by now," he remarked. "They have to be hungry."

"You're always hungry."

Sirius groaned, throwing his head back, and Althea fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"They won't miss a sandwich," he pleaded quietly, gently poking her shoulder. "Just a sandwich."

Althea sighed disappointedly as she sat up. Sirius' mild pangs of hunger interrupted her pleasant cuddle. You'll eat all the sandwiches before they'll tire, she thought, crawling toward the pale brown basket. She opened the basket and looked at the neatly arranged sandwiches. She frowned slightly--smelling the assortment of meats and cheeses created a small groan in her stomach. Maybe I should call them back, she thought as Sirius crawled next to her.

"Right," she sighed. "What do you want?"

His face eager, he asked, "How many kinds do you have?"

Althea shrugged, "Go ahead and look."

Sirius peered into the basket and let out a noise of happy surprise. He quickly shuffled through the carefully wrapped sandwiches. There will be lettuce and salmon salad leaking out the bottom before he's done, I just know it, she thought as Sirius picked up a sandwich, sniffed it, frowned, and returned it to the basket.

"Oh," he said, his eyes widening, "chicken salad."

"I'm glad you approve," she said, partially unwrapping a turkey sandwich.

Sirius took a rather large bite of his sandwich as he looked out at the ocean. He swallowed hard, brought the sandwich to his lips, but thought better of it. He frowned thoughtfully as he rested his hand that held his sandwich against his bent knee.

"We should have another one."

"Sandwich?" she said, peeling the crust from the bread. "You haven't finished your first."

"No, a child."

Althea's stomach felt heavy. She rewrapped her sandwich. Why would he bring this up now, she questioned, unceremoniously tossing the sandwich back in the basket. It's her first holiday with us...let's enjoy this.

"Look at her, so happy with Afina," he said, pointing with his half eaten sandwich. "She could be happy with a brother or sister."

Althea observed Prudence, now about to start her fifth year, wading in the surf. From that distance, it would have been very difficult to distinguish between the mother and daughter at that age. Prudence grinned as she threw herself backwards into an oncoming wave. She was content, Althea could not argue otherwise, and she did admire Afina--almost to the point of worship.

"She has Afina," she said as Prudence wiped the wet, thick black ringlets from her face. "They've been inseparable."

Prudence noticed her audience and waved happily at the couple. Althea raised her hand and produced a timid wave. Prudence threw her head back in laughter and received a face full of saltwater from Afina at which Sirius let out a bark-like laugh.

"Sirius, you know the difficulty I've had," she added, not taking her eyes off Prudence as she splashed Afina in retaliation. "I've tried so many things--counter-curses, potions, charms...nothing has worked. I'm unable to carry a child to term.... I don't want to go through that heartache again."

"You've tried--"

"Yes," she said, turning her head to face him. "A few times...and we don't bother with anything--"

"It would be sort of embarrassing, wouldn't it?" he remarked and wrinkled his nose. "Parents have a baby when you're so old. Have to explain, 'Well, he was in Azkaban'--"

"Sirius, be reasonable," she laughed, her voice slightly strained.

"Parents name you Prudence," he continued, an impish smile playing upon his lips, "reckon it's some misplaced joke."

"It was your idea."

"And it was fantastic," he said, and cupped her face in his hands. "Althea, my love, don't worry," he whispered soothingly, his hands drifting toward her neck. "It will come right."

Althea gasped as she felt his cool hands tighten around her neck....

Althea's eyes snapped open as Sirius--who hovered over her--tightened his bony fingers around her neck, growling incoherently. Instinctively, she started to thrash about--the dread and panic filled her--as she fought to gasp for a small breath.

"S--" her lips moved as she clawed at his hands.

Althea continued to struggle underneath him--her hands and arms flailing against his, but he refused to let go--his grip seemed to tighten. He's not waking up, she thought, horrified, as she attempted to knock him into the headboard. Sirius remained, snarling. Her wand, teetering on the edge of the nightstand, caught her eye--she just might be able to reach it. Althea desperately lunged at her nightstand as the sharp pains increased in her chest. Her elbow painfully extended, her fingers frantically slapped against the wood, feeling for the handle of her wand. Her fingers grasped the smooth wood handle, and as the dizzy, floating sensation encompassed her body, she pointed her wand at Sirius and thought, INFLIGO! A ball of blue light erupted from her wand and hit Sirius' chest--the force of the curse sent Sirius, now awake and his eyes wide, over the end of the bed. Althea swiftly sat up and leaned forward, endeavoring to breathe more than high-pitched gasps.

"Althea? Oh my God, what happened?" Sirius said quickly as he leapt onto the bed.

Althea, gagging and coughing, violently pushed him away.

"Althea--my love--please," he said, his voice panicked. "What happened?"

Althea slowly sat up and turned herself to face him. Sirius' eyes drifted from her face to her neck. She allowed his timid hand to sweep the curtain of black curls over her shoulder, and he caught his breath. Sirius quickly retracted his hand and covered his mouth--his face a mixture of horror and anguish.

"You were having a nightmare," she said hoarsely and swallowed painfully.

Sirius brought his knees to his chest and covered his face with his trembling hands.

"And I woke up--"

"My God, Althea, I'm so sorry," he said, his voice heavy. He sat up--his eyes bright with tears. "I'd never--God!" he growled and ran his fingers vigorously through his hair.

"It's Azkaban," she said quietly, her expression grave. "After Azkaban, I had violent dreams...very vivid, very violent dreams."

I didn't have anyone to strangle, though, she thought as she remembered the times she would wake up panting on the floor next to her bed--the urge for vengeance still lingering. The nightmares were the remnants of Azkaban. The dreams of Azkaban were so vivid one would have difficulty discerning the dream state from reality during the time spent in that hellish prison. When the prison sentence ceased, the dreams continued and it was not uncommon for an ex-convict to react as Sirius had done. Althea blinked as she remembered the dreams of murdering Sirius or Sirius attempting to murder her--the violence, the sex, and the layers of true memories blended into sick perversion. She pointed her wand at Sirius' temple and muttered a Cheering Charm. Sirius' expression remained grim.

Sirius rubbed the side of his unshaven face. "I can't sleep with you. I can't share a bed with you," he said, staring at the large space of bed between them. "What if I don't wake up? What if you don't wake up? I'd--God!"

Althea nodded. "It might be best," she said, "for now, at least."

Sirius leaned back and rested his head on the bedpost as he studied Althea. "This is the one moment I wish Gran would've heard us."

Althea sat back against the headboard and clutched the down pillow to her chest. "No more Silencing Charms."

Sirius nodded and sighed. "I reckon I should sleep with Buckbeak."

Althea vigorously shook her head. "No, I want you to be comfortable," she said and pulled a loose feather from the pillow. "The carriage house isn't the place for you--"

"I'm not sleeping here," he said, jabbing the bed with his index finger. "I'm not sleeping in this room."

"I wouldn't suggest it," she replied, her fingers stroking her pillow. "The solarium or the library--even the map room--"

"I could sleepwalk--"

"I'll take your wand away and lock the door," she said and hesitated before she added, "and give you a sleeping potion."

Sirius frowned.

"One that would place you in a deep enough sleep--"

Sirius shook his head.

"It would be good for you," she said and found herself leaning forward. She placed the pillow to her side as she crawled toward him. "Only temporary, my love."

"I don't want to become addicted--"

"Poppy juice is not an additive to this sleeping potion," she said and reached for his hand. "I would never give you that sleeping potion," she continued in earnest and tenderly squeezed his hand. "Never."

"My love, I--"

"I spent a year in Alexandria in recovery after Azkaban," she explained and let go of his hand. "You haven't had that luxury."

Sirius winced as he looked upon Althea's neck. "Let me heal that, will you?"

Althea touched her neck and flinched at the painful tenderness. "I'll take care of it." She started to stand.

Sirius grabbed her arm, but quickly let go. "Please, let me."

Althea returned to the bed. "You're awful at Healing Charms," she said and promptly realized her usual teasing remark was not the most appropriate. "Sorry."

Sirius shrugged hollowly.

Althea slipped her hand under his pillow and pulled out his wand. "Eviresco," she said, handing him his wand.

Sirius sniffed and held the tip of his wand to her neck. "Eviresco," he muttered sadly and Althea felt an agreeably warm sensation caressing her neck.

"Thank you," she said as she touched her healed neck.

"Yeah," he whispered and rested the back of his head against the bedpost. Sirius closed his eyes. "When did it get better?"

Althea furrowed her eyebrows. "Oh," she murmured. "I didn't have much of a choice. Gran didn't give me a choice," she explained and gently bit her bottom lip. "I still feel it--some days more than others. I felt it more this last school year. Dementors at the Quidditch match and I had to lie to a group of Hufflepuffs that my vomiting was due to rancid Butterbeer."

Sirius pulled a face.

"Indeed," she sighed and looked upon Sirius thoughtfully. "What were you dreaming about?"

Sirius opened his eyes. "Oh," he murmured, frowning deeply, "Peter...and Azkaban."

Althea nodded. She heard Afina's sleepy, shuffling footsteps as she walked by the bedroom door. Gran would soon wonder why Althea was not at breakfast. I'll take a lecture, she thought, reclining upon the bed. She looked up at Sirius, who remained motionless, his eyes looking ahead of him.

Althea loosely hugged the pillow underneath her head. "I'd dream about the water that constantly dripped in the corner of my cell," she said and Sirius' expression did not change. "And that woman who'd just howl at night--at least I thought it was nighttime."

"She died a little after you left," he said, his eyes dimming. "So many," he murmured, the lines deepening upon his face.

Althea's stomach tightened as Sirius inhaled to speak. The room, illuminated by the morning sun was unnaturally cold. She pulled the soft white sheet over her bare shoulders. She listened intently and without judgment as Sirius, with great hesitation, gave an unprovoked telling of his time in Azkaban. He needs someone to listen, she thought, as Sirius quietly recounted that he remembered every prisoner he encountered. I had Sister Margaret...Remus, he tried but he had his own demons...and Afina still believes I spent the year in rehab in Malibu. Althea felt a small, giddy sensation as she realized she was the one--the one Sirius implicitly trusted to tell to his years in Azkaban. I'm the one he needs most of all, she thought as Sirius swallowed hard. He's never been this open with me.... I, alone, understand. Her eyes widened slightly in response to his frankness as Sirius talked more freely of his time. He was the sentinel for countless prisoners driven to insanity and despair.

"The new prisoner driven to madness and eventual death," he said bitterly. "Held at the Minister's pleasure."

Althea nodded. "Nothing pleasing about it," she whispered.

Sirius nodded solemnly. "Over and over and over, I saw that damned cycle. The same anger, the same terror, the tears, the screams, and then, the quiet," he contined darkly, and paused--he inhaled a ragged breath. "They all went quiet in the end."

Althea remembered the quiet. As the dementors brought the meals to the cell, the fear and despair one felt at their presence only increased. Meals soon became an untouched bowl at the cell bars. In time, one did not venture toward the cell bars and would stay with his back against the slime-covered, cold stone walls of the cell. It was not unheard for dead prisoners to be found curled up in the farthest corners of the cell in one last attempt to escape.

"In time, I knew just a little before the dementors knew someone had given up," he said and looked to his hands. "I hate to admit it, but it was a game with me. Sick, right?"

"No," she answered quietly and sat up.

Sirius remained still and did not acknowledge that she had moved closer to him.

"It isn't sick, Sirius. You spent twelve years in a place so horrific that the everyday witch or wizard can't begin to imagine what it was like," she said, taking his hand. "Day after day, living every hellish nightmare over--and, my love--we were in a bloody war."

"We were."

"I relived my mother's death everyday," she continued and tenderly squeezed his hand, "and I heard you relive finding James' body."

Sirius tightly shut his eyes and roughly wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I know," he muttered and sniffed. "I should be dead."

Althea let out a mournful sigh. She reached forward and stroked the few strands of smooth black hair away from his somber face. "Why didn't you--"

"Die?" he croaked and opened his eyes. "I couldn't face James. I couldn't--" Sirius covered his face as he shook with grief.

Althea murmured soothing sounds as she gently coaxed his hands away from his face. Her eyes, too, had welled with tears as she looked upon his tear-stained, grief-stricken face. Althea raised her wand and floated a handkerchief into his hands. Sirius nodded thanks as he wiped his eyes.

"James could never hate you," she said, resting her palms against his thighs. "Does Harry hate you?"

Sirius shook his head.

Althea took the handkerchief from him, folded it, and dabbed the tears from his chin. "You didn't betray them, my love," she said softly. "You did what you thought was right...as did James and Lily, don't forget that."

"Because I--"

Althea took Sirius by the shoulders. "You didn't deserve Azkaban," she said, her gaze unwavering. "I know that you believe you deserved Azkaban because you survived. None of us would've wanted that for you, I know it."

Sirius refused to look at Althea. His eyes drifted toward her ceiling.

"My love, I live with the guilt that I let you rot there," she said, stroking his bare shoulders. "I, the mother of your child, should've seen through the ridiculousness of it and fought for you. God! I know the truth and I can't bear to think that you spent one day let alone twelve years there!"

"You don't understand--"

"You thought I was dead, right?"

"Yes, I was told--I saw the cottage--"

"And what did we do last night," she asked, leaning forward--her face within inches of his, "that required not one but two Silencing Charms?"

Sirius' lips twitched into a weak smile. "It was your birthday," he muttered.

"True," she said, her fingertips stroking the nape of his neck. "But I know everything and I love you. I want to be with you."

Sirius, furrowing his brow, rested his forehead against hers. "My love, I--"

"I love you," she repeated earnestly. "What else is there?"

Sirius paused and whispered, "Nothing."