Shown Like the Sun

Chapter 9

It's a sad, sad situation

And it's getting more and more absurd....

--Elton John

***

Althea's stomach lurched forward and she grimaced--her entire justification of Prudence's adoption had been in vain. She had divulged to him painful details that she had suppressed for almost thirteen years; memories, which she had prayed would convince him that he could not reclaim Prudence. She had given him a photograph of mother and daughter at the happiest of moments--a photograph not tinged with the sadness of death and betrayal, but a photograph celebrating the arrival of a baby thought lost. It was never about Prudence. He wanted to make right every mistake he created--even those he imagined that he had made.

"No!" she forced herself to breathe--her eyes widened in fear. "No!"

Sirius outstretched his hand toward her and she vigorously shook her head. "Come with me, Althea," he offered, determined, his dull eyes looking into hers. "We can get her back. We can right this."

"You're mad!" she said with surprise. "I won't--you can't get her back!"

Sirius lowered his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do," he replied, and turned toward the doorway.

Althea gasped as he lifted his foot to take a step forward. "NO!" she shrieked and raised her wand; however, it was not her spell that struck Sirius.

At the same moment, Remus had stood and aimed his wand at Sirius' back. In a voice that drowned out her own, Remus' spell exploded from his wand, causing Sirius to jolt forward at its power. The spell manifested thin cords that snaked around Sirius' wrists and ankles, and as he struggled, the cords tightened around his limbs. Off-balance, Sirius fell backwards and his body crashed into the fallen door. Remus walked forward as Sirius--fighting with the restraints--rolled onto his side.

Sirius looked up at him and cast Remus a dark look. "Why--d'you--do--this--to--me?" he growled, continuing to struggle with the bindings.

"I said that I would stop you," he replied, looking down at his struggling friend. Remus looked over his shoulder at Althea. "I'd like to speak with him," he explained, pointing at Sirius who chewed at his wrist bindings, "privately, of course."

"He won't listen--"

"I'd like to speak with him, privately," Remus interrupted and his hardened expression insinuated that she could not argue.

Althea sniffed as she placed her wand in her sundress pocket. "Right," she murmured and stooped to pick up the box.

What could he say that would change Sirius' mind, she thought as she passed the writhing and growling Sirius. As she exited, she glanced at Sirius--who had rolled onto his stomach--and shook her head. There is nothing Remus could say to him to change his mind.

"Althea, you're a coward!" she heard Sirius shout as she entered the hallway.

Althea did not stop, but continued toward the library.

"If you loved me, if you loved our daughter, you'd let me find her!"

Althea caught her breath and rested her hand against the doorframe. "Damn it, Sirius, no," she murmured, resisting the temptation to rush into the solarium and hexing him into believing her.

Reluctantly releasing the doorframe, she shook her head as she entered the library. No, Remus would talk to him. Remus would talk to him and convince him in a way Althea never could. He should be angry with Remus as well, she thought, sitting on the floor against the far library wall--its other side, the solarium. He isn't, though. I don't understand it. Althea rested her head against the cool wall and waited for the conversation to begin. Please, don't cast a silencing charm, she thought, I want to hear this explanation.

"Remus, untie me.... What--what are you doing?"

"I won't talk to you from the floor. I'd at least like you to be comfortable for what I'm about to say."

Get on with it, Althea thought as she frowned. Put a gag on him or something, Remus.

"Mate--"

"I won't let you hurt Prudence--"

"Hurt her? She's my daughter!"

"She doesn't know that she's your daughter; therefore, you'd hurt her," Remus said sternly and Althea nodded. "Imagine if you showed up on her doorstep? Do you really believe you'd be able to introduce yourself and say that you're her father?"

"Why not? Harry--"

"You're her boggart."

"What?" Althea mouthed and Sirius asked in unison.

"You are her boggart--actually, many of the first-years were frightened of you," Remus explained and Althea raised an eyebrow at Remus' lie. "Do you want to frighten her?"

"My daughter is afraid of me?"

Althea thought she heard Remus murmur, "Yes."

"Afraid of me?" he repeated--his voice cracking. "My God, what have you done, Althea?"

"She--"

Sirius growled with frustration. "My daughter hates me!" he shouted and Althea covered her face with her hands. "My daughter hates me just as I hate my father! Are you happy, Althea? Are you?"

"Oh, God," she whispered, letting her hands slip from her face.

In doing so, she allowed her gaze to drift to the open box, to a partially hidden photograph of the couple. Gingerly, she lifted the photograph from underneath the other mementos and brought it close to her to examine it. I had to, she thought as the young Sirius rested his head against the young Althea's enlarged abdomen. If we were separate, she had a chance. Look what happened to the Longbottoms, look what happened to me that night.... We weren't the only people tortured after Voldemort fell.

"My daughter believes I'm a murderer, Althea!" Sirius yelled as Althea's fingers tightened around the photograph. The young Sirius in the photograph immediately jerked his head back from the young Althea's abdomen and laughed as he massaged his cheek.

"She calls Althea, 'Professor,'" Remus replied shortly.

"She gave away our child!"

"She didn't exist for you before today!" Remus replied quickly, his voice louder.

Althea's eyes widened slightly. He never raises his voice, she thought as Sirius went silent.

"For twelve years, she's lived with the fact her daughter--your- daughter--calls another woman, 'mother.' Could you imagine what it must be like for Althea?" Remus questioned as the tears welled in her eyes.

It's hell, she thought, small tears trickling down her cheeks, to be that insignificant to someone so important. She knew she was useless, a bystander in Prudence's life. Professor Morrigan, the kindly schoolteacher that offers chocolate, is all I'll ever be, she thought, wiping her cheeks with the heel of her right hand.

"At Hogwarts, being that close to her daughter, and her daughter will only address her as Professor Morrigan? She won't even have the benefit of having her daughter take her class."

"It didn't have to be that way."

"No, it didn't, did it?" Remus remarked--his voice calm once more.

Althea straightened. What did he mean? With her wand, she tapped the wall and muttered an amplification charm.

"I wasn't ready," Sirius answered ruefully. "I regretted everything--Althea, the pregnancy--I didn't want to end up like James.... I should've left her--it was constantly on my mind--but I couldn't. She was so helpless--"

"What?" Althea mouthed angrily, sitting forward.

Oh, he is such, she thought and narrowed her eyes, he was hardly there! Right, I was a weak witch that needed an idiot like him to look after me. Bloody well done, Sirius, you were great help.

"--the Misfiring Magic and all. I felt as if it was my fault. I couldn't leave her then.... Not until Bermuda."

"Bermuda?" she mouthed, a sinking feeling manifested in her stomach.

I should've known, she thought, massaging her abdomen. Of course, he wouldn't leave me in England. He'd leave me in Bermuda where I couldn't leave. Althea slid lower against the wall--embarrassed at her awesome stupidity. He wanted me out of the way.... Why would I have ever thought differently?

"You were planning on leaving her here?" Remus asked knowingly.

"After Prudence's birth," Sirius replied and sniffed, "I'd convince Althea it would be best if I'd return and fight."

As if I'd let you leave, she thought, and looked at the photograph in her hand. She frowned as the young Althea stroked and kissed the young Sirius' cheek. You're a fantastic actor, Sirius. I actually believed you wanted us with you. Disgusted, she tossed the photograph inside the box.

"She'd be alone."

"She'd be safe."

"She would never agree to it."

"Right," she mouthed, folding her arms.

"How long would you plan to stay away?"

"I don't know.... Until it was over--"

"That could've been years," remarked Remus.

"I had to protect--"

"You might've died never knowing your daughter."

"I don't know her now!" Sirius shouted. "Althea took that from me!"

"You were ready to leave her twelve years ago--"

"Temporarily!" corrected Sirius--his voice higher. "I had to look after James. I had a responsibility to my godson."

Althea's body trembled with rage. We were always an afterthought to you, she thought, her eyes focused on the photograph of Prudence in her cot. A young Althea picked up Prudence and held her close, rocking and kissing her. James was always your first priority. She closed her eyes and inhaled deep breaths, forcing herself to remain seated in the library. You don't care about her, Sirius. You don't love her--you never knew her to love her like I do!

"What about your responsibility to Prudence?" Remus asked with astonishment and Althea opened her eyes. "You never exhibited the same devotion, the same affection, toward Althea and your child as you did to James and Lily's son."

"How dare you say that," Sirius replied coldly, "when Althea abandoned my daughter to some Muggle couple!"

Enough, she thought as she inhaled a deep breath and stood--her hand tightly clutching her wand--purple and gold sparks erupting from the wand tip. He deserves a nasty hex that will leave him reeling for days. Althea took large strides as she crossed the library and imagined particularly gruesome hexes she could inflict upon Sirius.

"I will blast him out of the solarium and off this bloody island!" she whispered heatedly as she reached the door.

"How can you say that?" Remus asked harshly. "Althea was devoted to your daughter...even after we told her of what you had done."

Althea stopped and looked through the doorway into the hall. He hasn't given up, she thought and lowered her wand.

"Did you forget, Moony? I'm not on Prudence's birth certificate!"

"It was done for her protection," Remus explained quickly. "She didn't have a choice...we didn't give her a choice, actually. Anyone remotely connected to you was questioned and suspicion followed them for a long time."

"Come of it."

"It's true, Sirius.... I remember, when I visited Althea after she returned from Relief Healing. I found her drunk, sobbing, on the cottage floor--"

Bloody hell, I had forgotten about that, she thought, covering her mouth with her hand as Remus described the event. Upon returning from Transylvania, to gain some former remnant of her life back, Althea applied for a position at St. Mungo's in the Artefact Accidents department. Energized at the positive feedback during the interview and the interviewer's visible appreciation at Althea's Relief Healing, Althea believed (with ample encouragement from the interviewer) that her position as Assistant Healer-in-Charge in Artefact Accidents would be secure. However, upon her interview with the panel of Healers-in-Charge, the Healer-in-Charge for Magical Bugs vividly remembered that Sirius escorted Althea home on numerous occasions...and sometimes greeted her with a kiss. Unable to deny such allegations, her application was tossed into the dustbin and she was told that St. Mungo's was looking for a Healer in Creature-Induced Injuries instead.

Althea uncovered her mouth. I lost Afina shortly after that, she thought as she walked toward the wall. She sat, brought her knees to her chest, and rested her forehead against her folded arms. I wanted to drink myself to death.

"I had escorted her home! Death Eaters killed or captured Healers!"

"She saw you kiss her," Remus replied solemnly.

"I didn't want anything to happen to her!"

"Do you think it mattered to that Healer-in-Charge? To her, you were the second in command to Voldemort, snogging a former St. Mungo's Healer. Don't laugh...people readily believed that you were Dark--the propaganda put forth by the Ministry was overwhelming."

"Damn.... She could've worked at other hospitals."

"She couldn't have worked at another hospital. It would require a reference and the Healers-in-Charge weren't apt to give it."

"Midwifery--"

"Oh right, Sirius," Althea muttered sarcastically.

"She couldn't have children and she lost her only daughter," Remus said with a small amount of condescension. "She would never return to Midwifery...it would be too painful."

"She didn't have to work," Sirius replied. "She had loads of money."

"That's not the point, Sirius. She loved the Healing Arts and Midwifery. It was taken from her--just like Prudence, just like you--"

"Are you blaming me?" Sirius asked defensively. "Althea and now, you?"

"No, I'm blaming the circumstances," he explained. "Look, you had no control over being sent to Azkaban--"

Yes, he did, Althea thought darkly, looking ahead of her. He could've been the Secret Keeper. Lily and James would be alive, no exploded street, and no dead Muggles. I'd still have Prudence; although, I doubt she'd see her father. It was a thought that periodically surfaced, and no matter how much she fought to suppress it, it licked at her insides--Sirius' choice killed Lily and James. It reminded her that his pride mattered most. He was so sure, she thought and shook her head. Why had he been so reckless with the lives he supposedly loved above mine?

"Don't you see, Sirius," Remus implored, "Althea didn't rid herself of Prudence willingly. On the contrary, she fought to get her back."

Althea straightened. She had never spoken of the incident and only relived it as her most horrible memory at Azkaban. It was the only memory I could keep, she thought, frowning. I could never speak it, but he has to know.

"How?"

"They had to forcefully take Prudence from her.... I had to restrain her, but she broke free and chased after the car."

"She got her back then?"

"Oh no, no. That night," he replied and sighed sadly. "She stole Prudence from the Parkers--Gran helped."

"Gran?" Sirius asked, shocked. "Althea's Gran? Hardly. It's my daughter, remember?"

"She did," Remus replied resolutely. "She orchestrated Althea's escape to America.... They were on the run for a month--"

"How'd they discover her then?"

"I'm not sure, really.... I'm not sure of the details--"

I am, Althea thought, massaging her upper arms. She tightly shut her eyes in attempt to force herself to keep from remembering, but it was useless. In a secluded hollow, in a cottage decorated for Christmas, Althea quietly sat, nursing Prudence. The only sound came from the Wizard Wireless, which filled the cottage with American Wizarding Christmas Carols. The warmth of the fire and the soothing carols soon lulled mother and child to peaceful sleep; however, furious knocking at the door interrupted the peaceful sleep. Never having visitors, a frightened Althea refused to answer the door and prayed the unwanted visitor would leave. It did not matter, as Dumbledore burst through her front door--the snow swirling around his billowing cloak--with the Parkers behind him. Althea refused to give up Prudence, and in a last effort, she escaped through the back door and into the snowy night. If only I had continued, she thought as she remembered that she lost sensation in her feet as she attempted to climb large snowdrifts. I could've made it to that house on the hill.... I was almost there--I could see the smoke from the chimney and the lights inside.

"It was decided that it would be best if she left England," Remus continued to explain. "She joined the Foreign Relief Healer Program."

"Where were you, Moony?" Sirius asked sharply.

"What?"

"Where were you?" Sirius asked with increased insistence. "Why didn't you help her?"

Althea stopped massaging her upper arms and sat very still, waiting for Remus' response. Why hadn't he helped her? I had always assumed that he didn't know, she thought, furrowing her eyebrows. Or that it was a full moon...was it?

"Dumbledore--"

"Dumbledore?" Sirius growled and Althea felt a small appreciation for his anger. "You'd listen to Dumbledore before Althea?"

"No one listens to me," Althea murmured halfheartedly.

"It's not that simple--"

"Yes, it is!" exclaimed Sirius. "Where is your loyalty to Althea?"

"It's not that simple, Sirius," Remus insisted. "Let me explain--"

"You only cared for yourself!" Sirius accused. "What did you tell her this time?"

"I don't understand--"

Althea's eyes widened. "Oh bloody hell," she breathed and covered her face with her hands.

"Come of it," Sirius laughed, "how could I not know? Some have seen her naked more recently than others? This past school year, right?"

"It's not important," he replied. "We're--"

Sirius' laughter drowned out the rest of Remus' reply. "I dare you to tell her that! 'Sorry, Althea, I shagged you for the hell of it...a bit of fun, really,'" he replied and sighed deeply. "I'd hate to witness that hex."

I'll hex you, she thought angrily, roughly grabbing the box and standing. I'm very surprised he didn't follow with, 'Knowing her, Moony, she already had half the invitations addressed and the china pattern.' God, why did I ever fall in love with two idiots? I'm a joke to them! I'm bloody surprised they aren't swapping stories!

"I'm not a fucking joke!" she whispered heatedly as she took great strides across the library floor. "If they want stories, I'll tell them!"

She had enough. Sirius had hijacked the conversation, and to Althea, Remus was incapable of reclamation. He is incapable of understanding, and if he did, it wouldn't be because of me, she thought as she entered the hallway. Althea's eyes soon recognized the distinct, bright rays of the sun cascading out of the solarium and into the darkened hallway.

"I can't compete with your memory," she heard Remus say as she entered the doorway. "No man can."

Althea scanned the devastation in her solarium. Dirt, shards of pottery, and plants covered her floor. Sirius sat, still bound, next to Remus on the couch underneath the windows.

"You ended it because I came back?" Sirius asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"No," he answered, shaking his head. "I ended it because I didn't want Althea dragged into the scandal of having a werewolf as a boyfriend."

Sirius sat back, and smirking, studied Remus. "Right," he replied, "the ex-convict is a brilliant choice."

"I chose neither," Althea said, stepping over the fallen door.

The two men turned their heads in Althea's direction. Althea bit her lip.

"Listening this entire time?" Sirius remarked as he eyed Althea with condescension. "You've always had that nasty habit of lurking about."

Althea did not respond as she walked toward the two.

"Well?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"Here, look," Althea demanded, thrusting the box into Sirius' chest. "Maybe you'll understand then."

"I can't really hold this, can I?"

Remus sighed and tapped his wand against Sirius' shoulder. The bindings around his wrists and ankles loosened, fell to the floor, and disappeared.

"Thanks, Moony," he said, taking hold of the box. He looked inside and sighed. "Look, the daughter she kept from me.... Wait, I forgot, she isn't mine."

"Shut it," she snapped.

"What? I'm only stating the truth," he said as he picked up a photograph of Prudence in her cot and casually glanced at it. "What lengths you went to, right?" he added and looked into her eyes.

Althea took a deep breath and clenched her fists at her sides. "I'm not a joke."

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

I'm tired of this, she thought--the anger and resentment bubbling inside her at Sirius' demeanor. It's over.

"I'm not important," she said, looking from Sirius to Remus. "I was important enough for the both of you shag, wasn't I?" she remarked as Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Didn't you ever wonder how you compared?" she asked, unclenching her fists. "I know Sirius has," she continued, looking Sirius in the eyes, "he has to be the best at everything."

"Althea--"

"Shut it, Remus," she interrupted coolly, folding her arms. "Of course, you're used to keeping your mouth closed, aren't you?" she asked, her lips upturning into a wicked smile. "I've never met a man so appalled at the idea of going down on a woman. Have you, Sirius?" she remarked, unfolding her arms and resting them on her hips. "You're wondering what I'm about to say about you, aren't you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius swallowed as he defiantly stared at Althea.

Althea sighed as she screwed her eyes up in thought. "What perversion could I pick?" she wondered aloud as she looked at the ceiling. "Muggle and the Wizard...Death Eater and the sacrificial virgin--you know, they didn't do that sort of thing (as if you cared)...Hogwarts detention--we really could have loads of fun with that one now," she explained and lowered her face to look at Sirius.

"Are you done? He already knew that," Sirius replied and nodded toward Remus. "I couldn't keep me mouth shut."

Althea resisted the urge to blast him through the solarium windows.

"Do you even realize how much I loved you?" she asked, letting her hands drop to her sides.

She searched Sirius' face for some response, but he only exhibited boredom. How she despised that look!

She ran her fingers through her hair. "Of course not," she murmured, frowning as she looked toward her sketchbook on the other couch. Her eyes returned to Sirius and she sighed ruefully. "You took me for granted, Sirius. You were hardly there, and when you were there...." Althea shook her head as she let out a quiet, bitter laugh. She narrowed her eyes knowingly as she asked, "It was never as serious for you as it was for me. Was it?"

Sirius did not reply.

Sirius' silence ignited her. She was not afraid of what he would think of her anymore. She had nothing to lose for it was already lost. She felt slightly giddy.

"I was there...safe...you didn't have to work at it," she explained, looking at the photograph of the couple celebrating the news of Althea's pregnancy. "Always so bloody willing, wasn't I?"

"You know that's not--"

"It is true," she interrupted, looking into Sirius' eyes. "I was always there to tend to your wounds, to listen, to make love to you." Althea closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "I've gone through my adult life hating myself," she explained, opening her eyes and letting her arm fall heavily to her side, "thinking I'm a horrible person, unable to have a normal relationship with a man for fear he'd know my past. Know that I loved you."

"You shouldn't--"

"For heaven's sake, Sirius, I'm the bloody Muggle Studies professor!" she interrupted with exasperation. "I couldn't get a job at St. Mungo's because some Healer remembered me climbing on the back of your motorbike--"

"Remus told me," he said solemnly, furrowing his eyebrows. "He also said that you attempted to get Prudence back."

"Of course," she murmured sardonically, "because you'd never believe me if I had said it.... You've never listened to me."

"What?" he asked, bemused.

"Of course not," she muttered bitterly and sniffed. "Now you understand why I had to, don't you?"

Sirius rubbed the side of his face as he looked from the box to her. "I don't know," he replied and sighed. "I have to think, Althea, right?"

"Why would you believe Remus before you would believe me?" she asked, motioning toward Remus.

Sirius did not respond.

Althea slapped her hand against her thigh. "I can't do this anymore.... I'm through," she murmured, shaking her head. "Think without me, Sirius," she added and turned on her heel to walk away.

"Althea!" Sirius said as she heard his deliberate footsteps behind her. "Althea, wait," he pleaded, placing his hands on her upper arms.

Althea turned to face Sirius. "She wears the ring you gave me on my sixteenth birthday," she said and Sirius' face softened. "I've never seen her without it."

"She does?" he asked, his lips curving into a small, appreciative smile.

Althea nodded. "What will it take, Sirius?" she asked, looking into his eyes--his eyes showing no reply, only the haunted look of Azkaban.

Sirius sniffed as he looked above her head. "I don't know."

Althea gently removed his hands from her upper arms. "You've never loved me as much as I've loved you," she said sadly.