Shown Like the Sun

Chapter 4

I've got to make a play

To make my lover stay

So what would an angel say

The devil wants to know...

--Fiona Apple

***

Althea frowned as she entered the kitchen. "Isn't it a bit early?" she remarked, folding her arms as she approached the table.

A beam of early afternoon sun illuminated Sirius' dark hair as he sat--with an empty expression on his face--at the kitchen table. His hair uncombed and his clothes unchanged from the night before, his right hand grasped a bottle of her family's rum while his left hand dangled at his side. Before him was a solitary candle--the flame extinguished--the melted wax pooled and solidified onto her table.

"It's only noon," she replied, pointing to the clock on the wall.

Sirius--his eyelids half open--looked at the clock, scratched his unshaven jaw, and shrugged. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long sip as he looked at Althea.

"You haven't prepared lunch, have you?" she asked, looking toward the kitchen counter.

"This is lunch," he muttered and took a gulp from the bottle. He placed the bottle on the table and slouched in his chair.

"Here," she offered, holding out her hand for the bottle, "I'll take that and I'll prepare some lunch for us."

Sirius slid the bottle away from Althea. "Liquid lunch for me, thanks," he replied and smiled humorlessly. "Why do you care?" he asked and took another sip. "Afraid I'll drink all your precious family rum?"

"No," she replied and attempted to grab the bottle from him.

He jerked the bottle away from her--droplets of rum splashing onto his wrinkled shirt.

"Sirius, you have it all over you--"

"So?" he snorted and smiled bitterly as he lifted the bottle to his lips. "As if you care, really," he remarked and took another gulp. "You're only worried I'll be sick on your lovely floor.... How old is it? One hundred--two hundred years old?"

"I do care," she replied awkwardly and felt her face flush slightly. "It isn't healthy."

Sirius laughed a short, but loud, bark-like laugh. "Always a Healer, aren't you?" he replied, smirking. "Hold on," he continued, leaning forward and resting his elbows against the table, "Moony told me you're a professor now--Muggle Studies, right?"

Althea nodded.

"Is it true," he began slowly--a small crease developing between his eyebrows, "that Muggles are better at shagging?"

Althea groaned and gingerly rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "Really, Sirius, this isn't--"

"You're the closest thing to a Muggle girl that I've shagged and--"

"Shut it!" she insisted, resting her palms against the table.

"You're no fun," he muttered, folding his arms.

"You're acting like a drunken idiot," she replied and quickly reached for the bottle.

Sirius clutched the bottle to his chest. "Go ahead, further break my heart."

"You shouldn't drink to soothe your problems."

"Ha!" he laughed, slamming his hand against the table. "What do you know about my problems?"

Althea lifted her hands off the table in disbelief. "What do you think I did after everything that happened?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "I wanted to drink myself to death.... Please, give me the bottle."

"No."

"I don't want you to become an alcoholic," she replied sternly, holding out her hand. "Now, please, give me the bottle."

"When did you start to act so self-righteous...you're like your Gran," he remarked and smiled as Althea frowned.

"Gran is a better woman than I'll ever be," she replied quickly and nodded for him to give her the bottle.

Sirius laughed an exaggerated bark-like laugh as if he knew something she did not.

Althea sighed from aggravation. "Give me the bottle, or I'll transfigure you into a toad."

"An empty threat," he laughed and defiantly took a quick gulp of rum. "You couldn't transfigure a teacup."

"Fine," she said curtly and turned on her heel to take a teacup from the dresser.

She placed the teacup on the table and Sirius eyed it with mild amusement as Althea took out her wand. She tapped wand against the teacup rim and the teacup transformed into a small, brown toad. The two watched the toad hop along the table, and before it hopped off the table, she tapped the toad's back and it transformed into the teacup. Sirius frowned as he slid the bottle toward her.

"I mastered that when I was twelve," she said, pouring the rest of the rum from the bottle into the sink.

"I was eight," he replied smugly and Althea rolled her eyes as she placed the empty bottle on the counter.

"Would you like me to cast a Sobering Charm for you?" she asked and Sirius nodded.

Althea rested her wand tip on the top of his head and muttered the charm. Sirius' demeanor quickly changed and he blinked rapidly as the charm coursed through his body.

"Thank you," he said, smoothing out his hair. "Oh, I look awful," he remarked, looking at his clothes. He sniffed his shirt and sneered. "I smell awful too."

Althea sat across from him and rested her chin against her fist. "Did you really master that spell at eight?" she asked, incredulously narrowing her eyes at him.

Sirius nodded as he leaned back in his chair. "I nicked my father's spare wand and transfigured the teacup to entertain Regulus," he explained and smiled. "It hopped away and we spent the entire afternoon attempting to catch it.... We never did.... Well, until my mother discovered it as she took tea with Mrs. Lestrange."

"I bet that was a laugh," she replied as she imagined the two women screaming over a toad hopping about a tea set.

"It was...until my idiot brother told her it was me," he replied, and screwed his eyes up at his hair, blowing it out of his eyes.

"He was only seven--"

"He knew exactly what he was doing when he told her," he interrupted--his expression grim. "Always the dutiful son."

"Oh," she murmured, leaning back in her chair.

She tapped her fingers against the table as Sirius grimly looked to the sink. He scratched the back of his head and sighed heavily before returning his gaze to her. He'll end up like me, she thought, forcing herself to smile--a weak smile at best. He'll end up drunk and broken.... He's thinking about it already...thinking about another bottle.

"Right," she breathed as she stood, "would you like a piece of cake?"

"If it's too early for drink, then it's too early for cake."

Althea waved her hand dismissively and she uncovered the half-eaten chocolate cake. "Nonsense," she replied, cutting him a very large piece of cake. "I eat at least one piece of cake a day."

"I've noticed," he murmured and Althea quickly turned to face him. "I didn't mean that!" he replied, holding up his hands in front of him. "I meant, when I see you, you have a piece of cake.... Oh bloody hell, that sounded horrible as well."

"It did," she replied, sliding her piece onto a plate, "but I understood what you meant." She licked the frosting from her thumb and smiled. "I do enjoy chocolate cake."

Althea placed plate and utensils before him and sat across from him, taking a bite of her own piece of cake. Sirius shrugged and took a bite of cake. Althea fought a smile as Sirius' demeanor transformed to a more jovial, relaxed state. I'd rather have him fat than drunk, she thought as Sirius greedily ate his piece of cake. She had to admit, as his time at her home continued, his handsome features were slowly returning; however, he would never be as handsome as he once was--it was not possible after all those years in Azkaban. In spite of this, his voice was similar (the smooth tone was replaced by a rough timbre, but the richness of his voice was still there), and his hair--the thick black locks casually fell into his eyes as he sat, his head bent, eating cake. Althea resisted the urge to reach across the table and smooth it behind his ears.

"I want you to eat at least one piece of chocolate cake a day," she said, placing her fork on her plate. "I also recommend a Cheering Charm as well--it'll remove all that fog that's in your head," she continued, leaning back in her chair. "There's a very effective new Cheering Charm.... I could teach it to you, if you'd like."

Sirius swallowed a large bite of cake. "What do you know about what's in my head?"

Althea shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I read about it in Infusion--the journal of the British Healing Society," she replied uneasily. "The new Cheering Charm is brilliant for this sort of thing."

As if I could really tell him why I know what is in his head, she thought, sitting up straight. 'Yes, Sirius, I understand completely because I was there too.... Remember, Kelly Derry? That was me, Sirius.' He'd never forgive me, I know it. Sirius raised an eyebrow as he studied her. Althea nervously bit her bottom lip as a smirk played across his lips.

"So," he began, placing his fork on the empty plate, "today you're talking to me. What for?"

"I need to find Remus," she replied, blatantly ignoring his question, as she picked up her plate and stood. "Where is he?"

She wanted to talk with Remus, to disclose that she heard their conversation; she wanted to know if what he spoke the evening before was true--he had moved on and to a younger and possibly prettier woman. Althea wondered if something transpired between Sirius and Remus--they were inseparable since her arrival. They must have fought, she thought, tapping her fingers against the plate. They've been inseparable since I've returned here.

Sirius sighed disappointedly and frowned. "Out there," he replied, pointing over his shoulder. "Went for a walk."

"Right, thanks," she replied as she placed her plate in the sink.

"No problem, Althea," he murmured as she walked toward the door. "No problem."

As Althea walked along the dirt and grass-covered path, she wondered why--all of a sudden--she would talk to Sirius. Because you care for him, she thought as she stooped to pick a small purple wildflower. Placing it in her hair, she continued on her walk. Because you love him and it would hurt you more if he became you.... He deserves to be happy...but happy with you? She spent the night, awake on her bed, listening to the distant voices of Sirius and Remus discussing what had transpired in the conversations of the early evening. Their discussion replayed in her mind as she carefully made her way across a rocky part of the path.

"Moony, she thinks that I don't love her.... How can I prove to her that I do?"

"Time.... She's not a girl anymore--she's a woman--flowers and love letters won't work."

"I reckon so."

"She feels betrayed. She didn't know you'd be here."

"Right, it was your idea, though."

"I stand by it too.... It's guilt disguised as false pride, that's all."

"She'll come round, then?"

"Eventually."

"Mate, is it true about...you know...that she can't have children?"

"Unfortunately, so."

"Terrible...the poor girl. What wizard would want her?"

"Sirius--"

"It's true, Moony. Don't tell me differently...."

Fresh tears fell from Althea's eyes, blinding her as she made her way along the rocky path. Wiping her eyes, she slipped and fell against the rocks. The palms of her hands burned and stung as she wiped the small pieces of gravel and dust from them. He pities me, she thought as she stood. Sirius pities me.

"Did you lie to her?"

"No, I didn't lie...well, not really. I mean, I would've liked to have another child with her--maybe a son, you know--but that would be years away.... Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I what?"

"Why didn't you date her or marry her or something?"

"We're just good friends...nothing more."

Althea laughed bitterly as she wiped her eyes. Good friends...is that what we were? Oh, Remus, good friends never do what we did.... You shouldn't cry for him anymore, she thought and loudly sniffed back her tears. Do you think Remus cries over you? No, he never cries.

"There's something different about her."

"Different?"

"Yeah...but I'm not sure what. I reckon it's the hair--shorter...no.... She's keeping something from me, I know it."

"You have been gone for twelve years. She continued with her life."

"No, you don't know Althea like I do. It's keeping her from me...."

"Of course, I am," she murmured as she continued to walk. "I could never tell you the truth...about everything."

"It's guilt. I reckon she feels responsible in some way."

"Dumbledore gave evidence against me, Moony. I don't blame her--"

"Tell her, then."

Althea's stomach tightened as she spotted Remus as he sat--his back to her--at the edge of the field overlooking shore. Remus heard her footsteps and turned, smiling, as he chewed on a piece of grass. Althea smiled weakly as she sat next to him--the soft, warm grass felt comforting against her skin. She inhaled deeply, the earthy, sweet smell of the grass warmed by the intense sun.

"A gentleman farmer," she remarked and Remus winked, continuing to hold the piece of grass between his teeth. "How long have you had that in your mouth?"

Remus took the piece of grass from his mouth and tossed it to his side. "I picked it just before I heard you," he explained and smiled to himself, resting on his elbows. "I would enjoy a farm, though.... Remus Lupin, gentleman farmer."

Althea grinned mischievously as she lay next to him, looking up at the deep blue sky. "You could have the cottage, you know," she offered, noticing a small, fluffy, white cloud. "It hasn't been occupied in years."

"No, thank you," he replied, picking up a blade of grass and twirling it in his fingers. "I wouldn't enjoy the constant threat of Gran."

"I let her know that," she replied, pulling the blade of grass from his fingers, "when I must tell her the dreadful news that nothing transpired between us at Hogwarts."

Remus halfheartedly attempted to retrieve the lost blade. "Something did transpire," he replied and sighed, "but it couldn't continue."

A strong breeze blew a few strands of Althea's hair into her face as she was about to speak. A strand caught in her mouth and she sat up, making a face as she sought to free it from her tongue.

"Bloody hell, do I hate when that happens," she muttered as she let the strand of hair drop onto the grass. She sneered at the strand and turned toward Remus who was smiling at her situation. "Anyway, is it true...about what you said last night? About Melania?"

Remus nodded and her stomach tightened. He has moved on, she thought, furrowing her eyebrows. As if he would spend his evenings crying for you! You're absolutely ridiculous, Althea! What did you do, not even a week later? You slept with that twenty-two year old...and look at you! You don't even remember his last name.

Althea frowned thoughtfully as she slightly tilted her head to the side. "Is she very pretty? Prettier than me?" she asked and Remus frowned.

"No, Althea, no one is prettier than you," he answered blankly.

"That is an outrageous lie," she replied and laughed awkwardly, lightly. "Really, I'd rather you be with a pretty girl--"

"Woman--"

"--Girl than an ugly one," she continued, stroking the tops of the blades of grass between them. "I want you to be happy.... Is she...pretty, though?"

"Yes, and she's not a girl," he replied with a small smile. "She's not twenty-two."

Althea shrugged her shoulders. "I was upset."

"I was upset too," he replied softly, taking hold of her hands. "Oh, Althea, it would never have worked anyway. You would tire of me and--"

"I wouldn't--"

"You would," he continued steadfastly, looking into her eyes. "You would be absolutely bored by me. You'd fall asleep during another lecture I would ask you to attend, you would decide you had enough, and you would find a more exciting man."

"I find you very exciting," she replied, taking her hands from his, "and I don't find you the least bit tiring." She smiled a slow, impish grin. "On the contrary, I find you..." she paused for a moment, her grin broadening, "satisfying."

Remus fought to maintain a disapproving look, but his smiling eyes betrayed him.

Althea leisurely stroked her fingertips across the blades of grass. "Melania will be a very lucky girl--"

"Woman," he reminded, his lips twitching into a smile.

Althea sighed deeply with feigned boredom as she quickly retracted her hand from the grass. "Anyway, you're forgetting about our pledge."

"What pledge?"

"The pledge we made on my thirtieth birthday," she replied, the small mischievous smile returning her face. "If we're not married by forty, we marry."

Remus laughed--a true laugh. "That isn't something to hope for," he replied and smiled wryly. "I only remember making that pledge because you were so distraught on turning thirty. 'Oh, Remus, I'm thirty. I'm so old. What will become of me? I'll become McGonagall. Oh, Remus, don't let that happen! Don't let me become McGonagall!'" he continued and did his best impersonation of a weepy Althea.

Althea fought to keep from snickering. "I suppose my dream of little adopted Lupins running about won't come true, then," she replied and Remus' expression turned dark. "What?"

Remus took a folded Daily Prophet from his pocket. "Here," he said sadly, handing it to her, "read it."

Althea unfolded the Daily Prophet and frowned as she read the article. They won't allow werewolves to hold jobs in which they might come in contact with children--an expansion of the legislation passed last year, she thought, her eyes widening as she felt enormous rage as she finished the article. What is Remus supposed to do?

"That bitch," she breathed, crumpling the paper in her hands. "This is why you weren't at breakfast, wasn't it?"

Remus nodded. "She's more than a bitch, Althea," he replied, taking the crumpled paper from her. "I have to leave soon...I have to find work."

"I understand."

Remus sighed bitterly as he shoved the paper in his pocket. "I wish I didn't have to leave," he replied, looking out to sea.

Althea sat close to Remus and rested the side of her face against his shoulder. "You enjoy having your best friend back, don't you?"

"I do," he sighed, bringing his knees to his chest. "He's better now--well, he still has his mad moments...a bit confused sometimes as well."

"I caught him drinking today. He was still wearing the clothes from the day before," she explained, linking her arm with his. "I don't want happened to me, happen to him."

"You do care about him," he whispered and Althea felt him laugh. "Don't even protest," he continued as she lifted her head. "You do care for him."

Althea opened her mouth, but instead, frowned.

"Why are you wasting your time in an attempt to make him suffer?" he asked earnestly, stroking the loose hair away from her face. "He spent twelve years in Azkaban."

"I know," she muttered, refusing to look at him. "I let him rot there."

The rejection won't be as difficult, she thought, watching a honeybee land on a small purple flower, than after he knows everything.

Remus turned her face toward his. "We all did," he replied, looking into her eyes. "Even Dumbledore."

Althea gently removed Remus' hand away from her face. "I look in his eyes and I see Azkaban," she replied, stroking a loose curl behind her ear. "He'll never lose that, Remus, and it will always remind me of what I did to him."

Remus lifted her face and stroked her cheek. "What do you think I see when I look into your eyes," he replied softly and smiled warmly. "It doesn't matter to me."

"He'll hate me, though," she said quietly, looking at his chest. "If he ever learns of what I did--"

Remus pressed his fingers to her lips to silence her. "He is incapable of hating you," he said with the utmost sincerity, resting his hands on her shoulders. "You're breaking his heart--"

"He broke mine," she replied quickly, frowning.

"Listen to me," Remus said sternly, "Sirius had no intention of leaving you. You were his best girl."

"So? He was never there to leave."

He sighed heavily, briefly looked at the sky, and then his eyes returned to Althea. "I know you remember last night's conversation.... Do you remember what he said?"

"Yes, how could I forget it? James--"

"No," he replied forcefully, shaking her slightly. "He was ready to kill himself because he had nothing to live for--no James, no Lily, no Althea. He was going to kill Peter and then kill himself because he couldn't live without you," he explained, looking intently into her eyes. "Look, he spent twelve years in Azkaban, waiting for the right moment to escape and kill Peter--"

"But he didn't!" she replied heatedly, pushing away from him.

Remus quickly held onto her upper arms. "Did you ask what Harry wanted?" he asked shortly and Althea shook her head. "Harry didn't want us to kill Peter because he knew a worse fate awaited him--the Dementor's Kiss.... Althea, he was ready to kill Peter until Harry reminded him of a worse fate. He would let a dementor suck out another man's soul for you," he explained solemnly, his eyes searching her face for a response.

Althea remained quiet. I hadn't asked.... I didn't think of asking for I was so angry at him, she thought, and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Not even I wanted that for Sirius when I thought he did those horrific things. Althea started to cry and Remus wrapped his arms tightly around her back.

"What have I done?" she whispered, horrified, as her body continued to heave as she cried. "I've ruined everything."

"You haven't...not yet," he whispered, soothingly stroking her back. "You want me to be happy, right?"

Althea nodded into his shoulder.

"I want you to return to your home and find Sirius," he explained softly into her ear, "and I want you to tell him that you love him--don't speak--you do love him.... No one will judge you.... You know the truth, now."

Althea lifted her head from his shoulder and wiped her eyes. "He'll hate me--"

"No--"

"Yes, if he ever discovers that Prudence is alive and what I did," she replied emphatically and looked toward the direction of her home. "I can't tell him.... I don't have it in me to tell him."

"Then don't tell him...or tell him when you're ready," he replied, turning her face toward his. "If I have to hear him lament anymore for you, I'll scream."

Althea laughed quietly as she sniffed back tears. "You're incapable of screaming," she remarked and smiled sadly. "You're okay with this?"

Remus nodded as he smiled a small, bittersweet smile. "When I heard you murmur 'I love you, Sirius,' as you slept after we made love, I knew I couldn't compete with him," he explained, wiping wet strands of hair from her face.

Althea flushed from embarrassment as she wiped her eyes with her fingers. "Damn," she muttered, staring at her skirt. "Afina said I murmured it as well--as I napped on her couch.... I never knew I talked in my sleep."

"You do. You always have."

"Have I?"

Remus nodded. "Sirius thought it was great fun," he explained, reclining onto his elbows. "He'd ask you questions and then tell us the answers."

"What sort of questions?" she asked with suspicion, raising an eyebrow.

"If you ever fancied a professor was one question," he replied and started to chuckle, "and if you fancied Dumbledore."

Althea feigned a face of disgust. "What did I answer?"

Remus screwed up his eyes as he thought. "You said you thought the Ancient Runes professor was sort of good-looking...and you said you didn't fancy Dumbledore, but Lily wondered if he was sexy in his youth," he answered and glanced toward Althea.

"He wasn't sort of good-looking," she replied with a small smile, reclining next to him. "He was very good-looking--stop laughing--but very boring," she explained as Remus coughed as he attempted to stop his laughter. "All my fantasies of youth were shattered that first year of teaching at Hogwarts. The dashing Professor Thornton was nothing more than a complete bore...and married."

"See," he said, resting his hands behind this head, "I'm just as boring."

"You are not."

"I let you read, what I thought to be an interesting article on the hinkypunk population in North America, and how do I discover you?" he remarked, looking from the sky to Althea. "Asleep at your desk."

"I'm always asleep at my desk," she replied, rolling her eyes. "My job is so bloody boring."

"You need an exciting man," he replied, matter-of-fact, and nodded in the direction of her house. "Sirius is available."

Althea looked out to sea and laughed humorlessly. "What sort of life will we have?"

"The life you should have been living these past twelve years--"

"Right, do you really think Sirius and I would still be together?" she remarked and laughed darkly, stroking a curl behind her ear. "We wouldn't have lasted another month. Sirius would see Prudence on weekends."

"You and I know that you would be the one seeing Prudence on weekends," he corrected and Althea heard him grunt as he sat up.

"You're right. Prudence is his daughter."

"Althea, eventually, he'll be found innocent," he continued thoughtfully.

"And?" she insisted, turning her head toward him.

Remus brought his knees to his chest. "And, in time, he would find a wife and have children," he explained, resting his chin against his upper arm. "Would you want Sirius in love with another woman?"

"No," she murmured and sat up, bringing her knees to her chest. "Just as he wouldn't want me in love with another man. We would rather each other be miserable and alone than happy and in love with someone else. It's always been that way." Althea rested her chin on her folded arms. "I heard him, though--last night--the conversation you had with him.... What wizard would want me?"

Remus remained silent.

"It's one of the few beliefs of his family that remains with him," she continued and took a deep breath. "He'd leave eventually because I can't give him what he needs."

"He needs you."

"Now, but after he's cleared, he'd want a life with a family," she began, looking at her toes, "not a life with me."

"It could be years before he could clear himself," he suggested, "and he has what he needs."

"Prudence isn't here; like an idiot, I gave her away," she replied with palpable regret. She lifted her head and looked out to sea--grateful of the large ocean separating Prudence, Sirius, and the truth. "If he ever discovered I abandoned our daughter to some Muggle couple," she began warily, taking a nervous breath, "I don't want to think what he would do. He'll take back what is his without consideration for his daughter. "

"No," he insisted softly, "Harry."

"Harry?" she asked, looking toward Remus.

Remus nodded slowly. "Before Peter escaped that night at Hogwarts, Sirius had asked Harry to live with him."

"Really?"

He nodded again. "Harry didn't buy the Firebolt, Sirius did."

"He did? How?"

"Does it matter?" he asked--a small smile crept across his face. "If he's not talking about you, he's talking about Harry. He talks of Harry as if he is his son," he continued and laughed quietly. "He's grown up...slightly."

Althea smiled. "He has...slightly," she agreed--her smile becoming bittersweet. "He always wanted a son."

"Prudence is safe," he assured, resting his right hand against his chest. "I swear, I will never tell."

"It's still wrong though," she murmured and sighed ruefully. "I'm so afraid he'll discover somehow.... I've hidden everything. I've stopped carrying her photograph...afraid it'll fall out and he'll see. He despises lying--"

"You're not lying," he replied, tilting his head to the side and screwing up his eyes, "you're withholding the truth--"

"By letting him believe a lie," she interrupted, narrowing her eyes. "He knows there is something keeping me from him. I heard him--"

"I'd never tell him," he interrupted quickly.

"Why did you tell him I was alive? We wouldn't be in this mess if you had kept me dead," she replied, stretching her legs before her. "If he ever discovers the truth he'll hate you as well." Remus furrowed his eyebrows, frowning. "Why did you tell?"

"I didn't," he replied, his expression softening, "you did."

She hadn't...had she? The night at Hogwarts, when I wanted to kill him, she thought, feeling the color drain from her face. He must've remembered.

"When?" she forced herself to ask, her voice wavering as she turned her body to face him.

"When you responded to my letter," he answered, smoothing the hair away from his face as the breeze picked up again. "He untied the letter and recognized your handwriting before he saw your name.... He sat at the kitchen table, refused to hand me the letter, and continued to stare at the envelope."

"He was very angry with you, then?"

Remus shook his head. "He was very happy, and contrary to what you believe, he didn't want to meet you," he explained. "I had to convince him that you wouldn't kill him and that you'd believe the truth."

"Why wouldn't I want to believe the truth that he's innocent?"

"Why are you treating him as if he wasn't?" he replied, looking into her eyes. "He's happy that you're alive and that you believe him."

"But--"

"If you tell him you love him," he interrupted, resting his hands on her shoulders, "nothing else will matter to him. In time, when you're ready, you can tell him everything and he'll still love you. How many men from your past can you say that about?"

"You."

Remus let out a quiet laugh. "I don't count."

"Why must you be so selfless?" she asked, with a weak frown. "I feel guilty."

"Don't, I'm very selfish," he replied, his lips twisting into a small smile. "I'm tired of listening to Sirius' comments about all the things he'll do to you after twelve years. It's become a bit old...but creative," he continued and paused, thinking, "very creative."

"He had twelve years to think about it," she remarked as she felt her cheeks flush with warmth. "Although I reckon he hadn't in Azkaban."

"No," Remus replied and laughed quietly. "I believe," he began and pointed in the direction of Althea's house, "that if you go in there and ask for his forgiveness, he'll forgive you."

"You believe so?"

"No doubt," he replied, resting his hands on her shoulders. "He loves you more than I--or any man--could."

To love me that much after all these years, she thought, looking at her folded hands. Could you, Althea, say the same?

"Yes," she replied, looking up at Remus. "Yes, I'll go."

***

Althea's trembling hand grasped the banister as she ascended the staircase, her legs shaking with each step upward. You can mend this, she thought as she reached the top step. She stopped and frowned, rethinking her resolve. Stop doubting yourself, Althea. You're right to ask for his forgiveness.

"He'd let a dementor suck out another man's soul for you," she murmured, a sick shiver radiating from her spine.

Taking a deep and steady breath, she continued to walk toward her childhood bedroom and noticed the door ajar--the mid afternoon sun illuminating the edges of the white-painted door. She smoothed her skirt, adjusted her bra through her blouse, and fixed her hair in the mirror between their bedrooms as she rehearsed her part of the conversation. Tell him you understand now, she thought as she took one last look in the mirror. You're sorry for all the horrible things you said to him since your arrival.... You were afraid at what you'd hear, but--but...bloody hell, I'm still afraid.

"He needs you, though," she murmured as she approached the partially open door.

Who was the last man that needed you?

"Sirius," she said, frowning slightly as she knocked. Did she sound too eager? "May I come in?"

Sirius grunted and Althea insinuated his answer was yes. She opened the door and cringed as the door squeaked and groaned on its hinges. Sirius had not moved; he continued to sit in the window niche--his knees to his chest, intently reading one of her journals. His head bent, clean locks of hair effortlessly fell into his eyes--a few of the strands moved as he blinked; his smooth, shaven jaw softened as he read; and as Althea's eyes traveled his profile, she smiled as his toes wiggled under his long, linen trousers.

"That charm was supposed to last for at least two years," she remarked, poorly attempting make conversation. "The door was charmed last summer."

"I broke the charm," he said plainly, turning the page. "I wanted to hear who'd enter."

"Afraid I'll hex you if I caught you reading one of my journals?" she asked and Sirius shrugged, refusing to look up from the journal. "I never wrote about losing my virginity, if that's what you're looking for."

Sirius shook his head. "You and Lily were very naughty," he replied, closing the journal. "The things you'd have poor Jane do--"

"Jane isn't that poor," she commented, leaning against the bedpost. "She is one of the wealthiest women in all of Wizarding France."

"Is she?" he murmured and thoughtfully furrowed his eyebrows. He hesitated for a moment before he spoke, "I never really realized just how much she fancied me."

"More like obsessed," she corrected, folding her arms. "She's deliriously happy with her husband and five children...so what I've heard."

Sirius turned to face her, resting his feet against her floor. "You haven't spoken with her?" he asked with some concern.

Althea shook her head. "No, we haven't spoken since she attended Lily's funeral," she answered, kicking her heel against the floor. "She blamed me for Lily's death."

"You?" he asked, leaning forward. "You had nothing to do with it!"

"I dated you," she replied and slammed her heel against the floor, "therefore I encouraged Lily to date James, and she became his girlfriend--then wife. I also should have known how truly evil you were."

Sirius sighed sadly and lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he said, looking at the journal in his hands.

"Don't," she replied, unfolding her arms, "she's an idiot."

Sirius lifted his head as he let out a loud, bark-like laugh.

"Anyway," she began, pointing to the journal, "what year?"

"Oh," he said, looking to the book in his hands and smiling, "seventh year."

Althea smirked as she rested the back of her head against the bedpost and Sirius winked at her. "You just want to read about our first time," she remarked and giggled deeply.

"Already have," he replied and winked, placing the journal next to him.

He leaned his back against the window and studied her--his eyes casually traveling up her feet, her legs, her hips, her torso, her breasts, and met her eyes. The back of Althea's neck prickled with warmth, and Sirius stretched his long legs and crossed them at the ankles.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I would like to speak with you," she answered and gently bit her bottom lip.

"Speak with me?" he repeated, resting the back of his head against the window--his eyes looking up at the ceiling. "You won't throw anything at me, will you?" he asked with a small grin.

"No," she replied, massaging her upper arms.

Sirius' eyes looked from the ceiling to her, and he lifted his head, aware of her apprehension. "Right," he said, sitting up.

"Please," she began as she sat on the unmade bed, "I'd like you to sit here...with me."

Sirius sighed and stood, and Althea's eyes followed him as he walked toward the bed and sat at her side. As she was about to speak, she looked into his eyes and caught her breath; she decided she would look at her folded hands instead.

Althea sharply inhaled a shallow breath--a cold, clammy feeling washing over her insides. "I care for you a great deal," she blurted, rubbing her hands together. "Your opinion means everything to me."

Sirius laughed quietly. "It never did before," he remarked gently.

"It does now," she replied and took another shallow, nervous breath. "Are you angry with me?"

Sirius did not answer.

"Are you angry that I let you rot there? That I did nothing?"

Sirius was silent.

Althea continued to look at her hands, her nails, and decided that she--on Thursday--would travel to Hamilton to have a manicure. "At first," she began to explain, her right thumb chipping away at the nail polish on her left index finger, "I didn't believe that you could do those horrible things. Others went about to convince me--"

"Others?"

"Gran, Remus, Dumbledore," she answered and inhaled a shaky breath. "Dumbledore presented me with the evidence he had against you...someone close to Lily and James was passing information, you were their Secret Keeper, and you'd used Dark Spells on more than one occasion."

Althea quickly glanced up to see Sirius' expression...was it disappointment? I was the one person who should have believed him and I didn't, she thought, returning her gaze to her hands. He should be more than disappointed with me. He should be enraged.

"I couldn't believe you were the spy, though," she said in earnest, "for if there was one thing you hated beyond all things, it was your family--you hated it so much you left. James was your family and you wouldn't...." Large, warm tears slide down Althea's cheeks, dropping onto her hands. "Others kept reminding me of what you did and I felt enormous guilt...I still loved the man that betrayed my best friend. I couldn't automatically stop loving you," she explained--her throat painfully tight. "I was treated like a freak because of my feelings for you.... I learned that what I felt for you was abnormal and wrong, and somehow it translated to that I was abnormal and wrong."

"Oh, Althea, I--"

"No," she replied firmly, lifting her face--her eyes looking into his. "You shouldn't love me. I've been so selfish...so angry at what you've done when you haven't done anything at all.... You should hate me."

"I don't hate you," he replied, placing his hand over hers. "I can't hate you."

"I've betrayed you," she replied, not removing her gaze from his. "I've betrayed you in the most horrible of ways." She took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and slowly released it--feeling her body relax slightly. "Forgive me."

"There's nothing--"

"Yes, there is," she insisted, leaning forward. "I've treated you horribly and I should have done more to help you."

"It doesn't matter now," he replied, his fingertips gently stroking her cheek.

Althea closed her eyes, enjoying the way his cool fingertips felt against her skin--his fingertips were still very soft.

"No one would have listened to you and you might have ended up in Azkaban.... I'd never want that."

If you only knew, she thought, small tears trickling down her cheeks as she opened her eyes. I can't tell you.... It would hurt you so terribly. He tenderly cupped her face in his hands, resting his forehead against hers.

"Don't cry," he whispered, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "What ever happened, I forgive you.... You did what needed to be done.... I love you."

Althea smiled, her fingertips delicately stroking the side of his face. The heaviness she felt slowly lifted from her body--he forgave her. She let out a small, relieved laugh and Sirius grinned--the harsh lines on his thin face softening--his handsome features returning.

"God, you're beautiful," he murmured, closing his eyes. "I'll understand--"

"Don't," she spoke, placing her fingertips atop his parted lips.

She pulled away from him to his obvious frustration. "What will it take, Althea?" he asked, his expression exhibiting a mixture of irritation, anxiousness, and desperation. "Are you afraid I'll be angry at how many men you've been with?"

Althea nodded fretfully.

"I honestly--"

"Thirty," she blurted, twisting her hands in her lap.

At least I believe it's thirty, she thought and gently bit her bottom lip.

Sirius eyes widened slightly and he took in a moderate gulp of air. "Well, we're even then--"

"Muggles count," she said and laughed nervously.

Sirius screwed his eyes up in thought, but soon shook his head. "Never mind, then," he replied, cupping her face in his hands. "The point is," he continued, resting his forehead against hers, "I love you and I know you love me.... What else is there?"

What else is there, she thought as Sirius waited for her reply. You've dreamt of this. Isn't this what you've always wanted? You and Sirius...and now you have it.

"Nothing," she said quietly and Sirius smiled.

"Right," he murmured and leisurely closed his eyes--her pulse quickened, "nothing."

Althea slowly closed her eyes and smiled as Sirius hesitated, his breath warming her lips--it smelled of strawberries.

"Did you forget how to kiss a girl?"

Sirius chuckled quietly as he murmured an answer Althea understood as no. Her heart leapt and she caught her breath as his parted lips lightly brushed hers, she sliding her arms around his neck. She felt his lips faintly smile as she did so and she pulled him closer to her, letting her lips intermingle with his. You were being an absolute idiot, she thought, smiling mischievously as his teeth gently tugged on her bottom lip. He doesn't care...about anything.

"Remus will be on his walk for some time," she murmured into his ear, her lips then playfully kissing and tugging on his earlobe.

Sirius murmured an unintelligible answer and Althea giggled--his lips tickling her neck--as she reclined on the soft mattress, Sirius eagerly following her. No, she thought, her lips curving into a smile as Sirius' fingertips leisurely glided up her inner thigh.

Althea rested her hands against his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly against her palms as she pushed him away. A small frown developed on his lips as she caught her breath and smoothed the hair away from his face.

"I want to do something," she whispered, gently rolling him onto his back--her hands intertwined with his at the sides of his face. "Your favorite," she added and winked as Sirius grinned.

Althea's lips, unhurried, lightly kissed and caressed his tanned chest as his fingertips massaged the back of her head. Ever so often, her eyes would drift upward and she would smile as their eyes met. I hope I remember what he enjoys, she thought and smiled to herself as she unbuttoned his trousers. However, I think after twelve years I could do just about anything and he'd be happy.

"Althea...Althea...no," he murmured as Althea's lips gently stroked his stomach.

Althea refused to stop, her own heart beating excitedly as her lips detected the subtle quickening of his pulse beneath the surface of his soft skin. She had forgotten how quickly his skin could flush, and the new pink of his skin brought a smile to her lips. Her lips passed his bellybutton and she paused, fiercely kissing and sucking at his delicate skin, his fingers tightly grasping her hair as he let out a soft moan.

"Althea, no," he forced out, lifting her head up and cupping her head in his hands. "No," he whispered, looking into her eyes. His dim, haunted eyes unnerved her and she quickly shifted her gaze to his lips.

"What?" she asked, pouting slightly. "Don't you want to?"

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows as he gently stroked the side of her face. "I thought I heard...oh, never mind," he murmured and smiled.

"Sirius?" Remus called out.

Althea frowned as she heard Remus climb the stairs and Sirius sighed with disappointment and aggravation.

"I knew I heard him."

"Damn," she whispered, resting her forehead against his waist. "I thought he wouldn't be back."

"It's been twelve years, my love," he replied, lifting her chin with his index finger and thumb, "I think Remus needs to be off the bloody island."