Ebb and Flow

The Cottage, October 1981

***

"Wake up Althea," Sirius whispered, kissing her shoulder blade. "Wake up," he urged softly, kissing her cheek.

Althea woke, but refused to open her eyes. "Let me sleep a little longer," she mumbled, pulling the bedclothes snugly around her. "I'm having a great dream."

"Is it about me?" he whispered eagerly, wrapping his arms tighter around her.

Althea smiled and cuddled closer to him. "No, now let me get some sleep," she mumbled, and her smile broadened as Sirius grumbled. "Oh, don't make a fuss; I'll be awake in three hours."

Sirius let go of her and turned onto his other side. "Three hours? Making me wait three hours?" he complained, pulling the bedclothes away from her. "I can't believe you'd want to wait three hours for something this important."

Althea quietly laughed at Sirius's eagerness for a pregnancy test. I haven't even bought one yet, she thought, opening her eyes. Of course, he probably won't let me wait until after breakfast. She sighed at her lost sleep and turned to face Sirius's back. She slid closer to him and as she wrapped her arms around his waist, she kissed the crescent moon tattooed on his shoulder blade. Her lips sensed his shoulder muscles tense and she smiled as she draped her leg over his.

"Now she moves closer to me because she's cold," he muttered and tightened the bedclothes around him.

"Fine, if you want to wait the three hours we can," she suggested, tugging at the bedclothes.

Sirius quickly turned over and held her close to him. "Oh no, no," he replied emphatically, shaking his head. "Something as important as this doesn't wait."

"Of course, not," she said brightly and kissed the tip of his nose. "Morning," she added cheerfully, ruffling his hair.

Sirius took her hand from his hair and brought it to the side of his face. "Do you know what day it is?" he asked happily, kissing the back of her hand.

Althea playfully furrowed her eyebrows. "Today...I don't think today is different from yesterday."

"Oh, come on," he sighed, rolling her onto her back. She observed him reach over to the nightstand and grab something. "I think it's time to use Madam Poppy's Pregnancy Patch," he said, reading the label on the small pink box. "It has been a couple days since you missed something important."

Althea laughed. "When'd you get this?" she asked as Sirius opened the box.

"At the Apothecary yesterday," he replied, pulling out the directions.

"I could have bought this, you know," she said, smiling.

"I know, but I had business in Knockturn Alley--oh don't make that face," he said and pinched her nose.

Althea frowned. "Your work frightens me," she muttered, turning her head to the side.

Sirius gently coaxed her face toward him. "It frightens you, but you still want to hear about it," he replied and kissed her forehead.

"I need to know what you're doing," she responded, "but you don't tell me everything."

"If I told you everything, you wouldn't let me out of the cottage."

"Well maybe you should," she replied, smiling halfheartedly. "Anyway, did you have trouble finding the test?"

"No, but the woman behind the counter gave me an odd look when I bought this," he said, resting the box on her chest. "Now, let's see," he said, unfolding the directions. "'Remove cover from patch and place on skin of lower abdomen. Wait ten minutes'--ten minutes? It's a bloody patch, what does it have to do? 'The patch will turn blue for a boy and pink for a girl'--isn't that lovely, we'll know straight away. 'In the case of multiples, individual colored circles will appear'--let's not hope for that! 'In the event a pregnancy did not occur, the patch will remain black,'" he read and tossed the directions on the floor. Sirius removed the oval patch from the box and peeled off the backing.

"I think I can do this bit myself," she replied, attempting to take the patch from him.

Sirius held it high over his head. "No, no, let me do this," he said, putting the patch behind his back as Althea went to grab it.

"All right," she replied, resting her arms at her sides. "But if you mess this up--"

"I'm not going to mess this up," he interrupted, peeling off the rest of the backing. Sirius lifted her nightgown and placed the patch on her lower abdomen. "There we go," he said and patted her abdomen. "Now we wait."

Now we wait, she thought as Sirius rested the side of his face against her chest. The last time I took this test I was terrified, but now--now I'm still terrified. Althea frowned as she gently massaged the back of Sirius's head. That damn article from the paper, she thought, twirling a piece of Sirius's hair. The day before, the Daily Prophet contained an article about a pregnant witch attacked as she left Diagon Alley. Voldemort's supporters are attacking pregnant witches--now no one is safe, she thought as Sirius lifted his head.

"Are you all right?" he asked, taking her hand.

Althea sighed. "I was thinking about that woman yesterday that was attacked," she replied as Sirius kissed each of her fingers. "Are we being selfish?" she asked as he kissed the back of her hand.

Sirius placed her hand to the side of his face. "It's too late to be thinking these things now," he replied, kissing the inside of her wrist. "I thought we decided we wanted this."

"I do want this, but that attack frightened me," she said, taking her hand away from Sirius. "It's not just us anymore."

"I know, and we'll take every precaution," he said softly and kissed her forehead.

Althea sighed. "I just want the best for our baby, that's all," she explained, and Sirius smiled. "What?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We don't even know yet if you're pregnant and you're talking like a mother," he replied and kissed her lips.

Althea frowned at Sirius's lightheartedness. Kissing me and telling me everything will be all right won't help, she thought--her eyes lingering on the bruise on Sirius's right temple. Why did I tell him it was okay for him to take on more work for the Order? What will I do when I'm alone with the baby and we're attacked? It will happen--it's just a matter of time.

Althea pushed him away. "Promise me, Sirius," she began, looking into his eyes, "that if this test comes back that I'm pregnant you'll cut back on the work you do."

"You know I can't do that," he replied, frowning.

"Promise me," she insisted, but Sirius shook his head. "Well, at least try."

"I'll try," he sighed, "but let's talk about something else. How about our baby boy?"

"Boy? What makes you so sure it's a boy?" she asked, rustling his hair.

Sirius grabbed her hand and began to trace circles in her palm. "It could be a girl, too," he replied, smiling to himself. "Whatever it is, it'll have the best of everything--schools, clothes, toys, parents."

"You know," she began, taking her hand from his. "If it's a boy, he might send Dumbledore and McGonagall into early retirement."

"And if it's a girl, she won't be able to leave the house until she's thirty."

"Who's the overprotective parent now?" she teased and pinched his nose.

Sirius grabbed her hand and pretended to bite at her fingers. "Overprotective? I'm not overprotective," he replied, interlocking his fingers with hers. "I don't trust the intentions of adolescent boys."

"Not all adolescent boys were like you," she teased, releasing her hand from his.

Sirius's head jolted back in shock. "What? I was an innocent--don't laugh--an innocent young man seduced--stop laughing," he replied with mock indignation, covering her mouth with his hand.

Althea pried his hand from her mouth. "Your intentions have never been innocent."

Sirius smiled. "With you...no," he replied and kissed the tip of her nose. Suddenly, Sirius rested his head on her shoulder and pounded the pillow with his fists. "I want the test results now," he groaned and rolled off her and onto his back. "Is it almost time?"

"I thought you were keeping time?" she replied, lifting herself onto her elbows.

Sirius swiftly sat up. "I thought you were," he replied quickly, looking from her eyes to her abdomen. "It might be time. Lift up your nightgown," he said excitedly, tugging at the fabric.

Althea lifted her nightgown and the two simultaneously looked at the results of the patch. She gasped and giggled at the results.

"Pink--it's pink," she said with awe, smiling.

She shifted her gaze to Sirius, who continued to stare at the pink patch.

"Sirius, are you all right?" she asked, stroking back the strands of hair that fell into his face.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm all right," he muttered and rested his hand over the pink patch.

"Are you disappointed it's not a boy?" she asked, resting her hand atop his.

Sirius shook his head. "No, no, I'm not disappointed," he murmured and brought his gaze from her abdomen to her eyes. "There's a little girl in there," he said and grinned.

Althea nodded her head, smiling. "It's amazing, isn't it?" she replied, lying back on the bed.

Sirius rested his head against her stomach. "This is more than amazing," he said, tenderly stroking her lower abdomen. "I mean I'm a godfather, but this is different. This is mine," he explained and kissed her lower abdomen.

Althea's smile broadened as Sirius stroked and kissed her abdomen. A little girl, she thought happily, laughing as his lips tickled her skin. Suddenly he stopped, rested the side of his face against her stomach, and held her tightly--the way he held her concerned her. She could tell he was unsure about something.

As she was about to ask him what that something was, he spoke, "I'm someone's father."

"Yeah," she whispered, twirling a strand of his hair between her fingers.

Sirius lifted his head and crawled toward her. "No, you don't understand," he said, looking into her eyes. "I'm her father," he finished, pointing to his chest.

As she looked into his eyes, she knew she did not need to ask what she did not understand. His eyes were anxious and frightened. "You're not your father," she said, stroking the hair away from his face. "And you're definitely not your mother,"

"I want to be a better man than he was," he replied, caressing the side of her face.

"You are a better man," she encouraged, but Sirius frowned.

"Are you sure?"

Althea nodded vigorously. "Of course, you are," she said with rising excitement. "You'll be a fantastic father. You're great with Harry."

Sirius smiled sadly and rested his forehead against hers. "I hope you're right," he whispered, caressing the sides of her face....

A sharp kick in her back by the baby interrupted Althea from her memory. Lurching forward, she rubbed her back and sighed. Of course, I'm right, she thought, continuing to look at the rain falling against the window. Just maybe if you were home more, I'd be able to prove it.... Sometimes I wonder if he truly understands the responsibility or just wants offspring in case he dies in battle. He's never home now--as if he ever was--and I'm beginning to think he just wants the offspring. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered if it were me or some other girl he found and coaxed into his plan.... I just happen to be the most available.... He seems to care more about that damn motorbike than he does me.... I suppose I'll have to have a Death Eater with his wand pointed at my throat before he realizes it's not Sirius anymore.... Damn it! Where is he? It only seems like he uses the cottage for a place to sleep, bathe, and dress. Never mind me anymore. Just keep me safe and out of the way.... I wonder what gift he'll bring me this time; another 'Sorry I knocked you up, it was a mistake, I'm stupid to think I could do this myself, but I'm too stubborn to leave. Here's another toy for the baby.' She has enough toys Sirius; what she needs is you.

After the mysterious explosion at Sirius's flat in December, Althea offered him to stay at her cottage. He agreed, and it was understood that along with his Order duties, he would search out another flat. It was an advantageous arrangement. Sirius had a place to stay (Lily refused, she admitted that Harry was enough of a handful), and it would mean extra protection for her, and living as a single witch in a time of violence and uncertainty, the extra protection was needed. If it offered extra protection, she did not know--Sirius often spent days or weeks away from the cottage. His absence was unnerving, and in late January, after an enormous battle with Death Eaters, Sirius had not returned to the cottage. His whereabouts were unknown, but after two days of no word, he returned--bruised, blooded, and his spirit seemingly broken. Distraught, she healed his wounds, and in passing as she healed them, Sirius mentioned the word 'baby.' Althea would have done anything for him--no matter how reckless or sudden--and she did...she conceived their daughter.

Althea continued to look anxiously out the front window, waiting for the first glimpse of a motorbike. Sirius had not been home in two days and his whereabouts were unknown. Usually, if he had to spend the night away, he sent word to let her know he was all right; however, she had received nothing and it was an hour until nightfall. Earlier that morning, she had sent a note to Lily, but it was returned--unopened and tied exactly how Althea tied it to Gabriel's leg. Two days he's gone and Lily hasn't written me or read my note, she thought, waddling over to the sofa. With great effort, she gingerly lowered her large, pregnant body onto the soft sofa. Something is wrong, she thought, groaning as her body sank into the sofa. He's either left me, or he's dead.

Gran placed the magazine she was reading at her side. "So, he's not back yet," she remarked, folding her arms as she sat across from Althea.

"No, he isn't," she mumbled, rubbing her very pregnant stomach.

"No note either?" she added, looking over the rims of her glasses at Althea.

"No, Gran," she sighed, her gaze rising above Gran's grey hair out the window.

"I knew it," she muttered. "You can't trust his lot. He's probably run off with some girl and left you to care for his baby."

Althea frowned at her comment and directed her gaze toward her. She'll never accept him, she thought, not even when I'm carrying her great-granddaughter. Gran still believes Sirius will turn against us and join the Dark Side--what more does he have to do to prove he's not a dark wizard?

"Gran, don't be ridiculous," she replied, dismissively waving her hand. "He has his work."

"Oh, his work," she replied and furrowed her eyebrows. "Yes, this work. This work that almost got him killed--that has him come back to your cottage bruised and bloodied--"

"Gran, please!" she admonished, rubbing her temples. "I don't need you telling me what I already know."

"Well, then," she huffed, sitting up straighter. "If you know it, why don't you tell him to stay home?"

"Gran, I've told him to cut his work, but he can't--"

"Or won't," she interrupted. "What could be more important than a man's wife and child? Don't interrupt me, Althea Rosemary. He should be here, with you, and not out with his friends chasing down a dark wizard."

"I don't believe you said that," she muttered, shaking her head.

And we're not married, she thought, massaging her abdomen. We only said it because you had found him in my bed, and I had told you I was pregnant so you wouldn't kill him.

"I said what I believe is best for my granddaughter and my great-granddaughter," she explained, narrowing her eyes.

Althea shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and the baby followed as well.

"Parents should be at home with their children and not out fighting. Is that what you want for your child? To be a widow? Or for the child to be an orphan? I dare say that's where you'll all end up if you continue this fighting," she finished heatedly.

"Do you want Voldemort to take over?" she asked, attempting to keep her anger in check.

"Oh don't say his name!" she scolded--her manners flustered. "You're just like your parents--caring more about their research than their daughter--"

"Gran, please!" she replied, continuing to massage her stomach.

"You need to hear this, Althea Rosemary," she replied sternly, pointing her finger at Althea. "Your parents put you in constant danger, taking you all around the world like they did. After your mother passed, I insisted on taking you, but your father disagreed. I could have kept you safe."

Althea laughed. "Safe? How would you have explained magic, Gran? You couldn't have kept me from Hogwarts," she remarked, amused.

"I kept George," she replied triumphantly.

Althea opened and closed her mouth in surprise. "George? Uncle George was a wizard?" she asked and Gran nodded. "It would have been impossible to keep him from Hogwarts. How did you do it?"

Gran straightened her skirt. "I bound his magic," she said plainly.

"You bound his magic? How do you bind someone's magic? I've never heard of such a thing," she replied, confused.

Gran sighed and leaned back against the armchair. "Some would say it was Dark Magic, but I don't believe so--not when you've been through what I've been through."

"Dark Magic? After many lectures on Sirius and how he's as evil as his family, you--you go and use Dark Magic against your son? How could you?" Althea replied with astonishment.

"I had to, Althea Rosemary--you wouldn't understand," she replied, her eyes darting from side to side in agitation.

"Try me," she smiled.

Gran shook her head. "Just know that I had my reasons--very good reasons to take that potion during the first month of pregnancy. However, with your father I missed taking the potion--you see what happened there," she explained solemnly and folded her hands in her lap.

"That's terrible," she whispered, covering her mouth.

I could never have done that to our baby, never, she thought, placing her other hand on the spot on her abdomen the baby had kicked.

"Was it?" she replied, raising an eyebrow. "Look at everything around you, Althea Rosemary. The Ministry is losing, Muggles and wizards are dying everyday; how can you expose your child to this?"

"That is why Sirius is out there, Gran, so we don't have to expose her to this," she replied, her voice tightening.

Gran shook her head. "You've made a grave mistake," she responded, looking from Althea's face to her abdomen.

Althea's eyes widened. "Our baby is not a mistake. How dare you say that!" she admonished--her voice shaking. "I love her and would give my life for her."

Even though sometimes I believe he thinks she's a mistake, she thought, resting her arm on her abdomen. I've heard him...speaking with James.

"Her--at least it is her," she replied, folding her arms. "Maybe she'll be less like her father."

"Stop it!" she scolded, vigorously rubbing her forehead. "I know you don't trust him, but I don't need this right now."

"Of course, I don't trust him--look what he's doing now. He will end up hurting you, Althea Rosemary, and your baby," she replied firmly as she stood. "He can't help it. Now, I hear his wretched motorbike, so I must be going," she added shortly and Disapparated.

Althea sighed and rubbed her stomach. "Don't listen to what Gran said, right," she said to her stomach. "Your mummy and daddy love you very much and we can't wait to see you," she added uneasily.

If only he'd bloody prove it, she thought, frowning.

Suddenly, Sirius Apparated into the drawing room--his hair and clothes soaked from rain and his face pale. Althea attempted to stand, but he motioned with his hands for her to remain seated as he spoke, "Please, just sit there."

"Sirius, what's the matter?" she asked anxiously, furrowing her eyebrows.

Sirius, his mannerisms agitated and uncharacteristic, sat next to her and held her close. "God, I've missed you," he answered and kissed her lips.

Althea reluctantly pushed him away. "I've missed you, too--Gran was driving me mad," she replied, wiping the wet hair from his face. "Sirius, what is the matter? You're so pale. I never received a message about where you were, and I wrote Lily, but the note wasn't touched."

Sirius took her hands in his. "There's a reason why Lily didn't write you back," he began and her heart sank. "Don't worry, Lily is fine, but we have to leave."

"Leave?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius nodded and in a low voice began, "We have information that Voldemort is after James and Lily."

Althea felt the blood quickly drain from her face and torso. She never wanted to think of losing Lily or James or Harry. "What would he want with James and Lily?"

"We don't know why, but it's his top priority," he explained in a whisper. "He's wanted them for some time now--the old protections aren't enough. We won't see them for some time, and don't worry, they'll be safe."

Althea rested her hand on her stomach. "Is that where you were?" she asked, massaging her stomach.

Sirius rested his hand atop hers. "Yes, that's where I was, and I'm sorry I didn't send a message--I couldn't," he explained softly and kissed her lips.

"So that's why we have to leave--we have to go into hiding as well," she said quietly, looking into his eyes. "They'll come after us because they're our best friends."

Sirius nodded his head and brought her hands to his face. "I've already begun arranging our hiding, and we'll be in full hiding in a week or so," he explained and Althea frowned. "I know...I know," he murmured, kissing her forehead and then her lips. "But we'll be in your favorite place," he whispered and attempted a nervous smile. "Dumbledore is helping--we'll be safe. James, Lily, and Harry will be safe," he reassured and kissed her lips. "You know I would never let anything happen to you or to our little girl," he whispered, massaging her abdomen.

"Right," she sighed and rested her forehead against his shoulder. She wrinkled her nose, as Sirius smelled of rain and motor oil. "Please, don't leave anymore," she whispered, holding him tightly.

"I won't leave anymore," he replied softly, stroking her back. "You're going to become sick of me."

"Never," she replied attempting levity, but failing miserably.

The news of the threat against her best friend and Harry drained her of any happiness. Well, I have what I wanted--Sirius home, but I would have preferred him willing and not forced, she thought, as he kissed the top of her head.