A Matter of Circumstance

Chapter 3 - Aftermath

The clock on the mantel chimed midnight. Harry stirred at the sound and, carefully extricating himself from Ginny, lay down next to her at what he hoped was a comfortable distance. He fought the desire to pull her close and wrap her in his arms, instead figuring that he was simply unaccustomed to this somewhat clinical and detached intercourse. That's what this was, he decided. Intercourse. Not making love, not having sex. Simply intercourse.

Harry did think that he'd at least had one or two occasions when he felt he had made love to a woman... when there were feelings that ran deeper than just the physical. Of course, the vast majority of his experience had been centered more on enjoying the pleasures to be found with women. Those times had been joyful and fun. He'd always taken care to ensure his partner had enjoyed herself as much as he had. The women had seemed to appreciate him and he'd felt those encounters had been mutually satisfying. Of course, unlike Ginny, those women had the advantage of experience. They had been willing participants, able to convey to him what pleased them and what did not.

But this... this was new to him. It was awkward and impersonal... as if he'd been with a stranger. But Ginny was not a stranger; he'd known her for half his life. He knew more about her than any other woman he'd ever been with. He'd shared major events in his life with her. She was like family. But it didn't feel incestuous... not wrong like that... just somehow warped and incomplete. These thoughts made him feel sick and filled him with a deep ache.

Shaking himself from his self-absorbed reverie, Harry looked over at Ginny. She lay very still with her eyes closed. Her breathing seemed ragged and her fists were clenched onto the sheets.

"Oh God, Ginny... are you all right?" He held his breath, waiting for her to respond.

After an extended pause, he almost had to strain to hear her soft response. "I'm... I'm fine." It had occurred to him that it would be like Ginny to lie just to spare his feelings. Guilt began twisting even deeper within him at the thought of physically and mentally traumatizing his friend.

"I'm so sorry..." he began again. The words seem so feeble to him. How could he possibly apologize sufficiently for doing this to her? He had never felt so low in his life. Self-loathing coiled around his heart as he thought of having to put her through this day after day. His eyes closed in torment and his head dropped back onto his pillow.

Harry heard her take a breath as if to say something, but then silence followed. He dreaded hearing what she would say, but he figured that he deserved any condemnation she directed at him so he prompted her. "What?"

Once again there was silence. Harry was about to ask again when she finally spoke, her voice so soft he could barely hear her. "I'm not."

He turned his head to face her. "You're not... what?" he repeated slowly.

"I'm not sorry." She shifted her body until she was lying on her side, facing Harry. She returned his gaze, a somewhat apprehensive look in her eyes.

Now he was really confused. "I don't understand... what do you mean?" He narrowed his eyes in skepticism, wondering where she was going with this. He was leery of the pain he knew she could cause him. He waited for her to confirm her enmity of him.

She lowered her eyes and he followed her gaze to her hand plucking nervously at the sheets. She appeared to be gathering courage. "Well, please don't misunderstand... I am sorry about the circumstances. It's just that... I suppose it's fitting in some way, that you should be my first." She hesitated and her voice lowered a little. "You were my first love."

Harry was dumbfounded. It was the very last thing he expected from her. The constriction around his heart lessened as it sank in that she did not hate him. But then, he was struck by what exactly she had said. He looked down at her incredulously. "'Love', Ginny? A schoolgirl crush at age eleven hardly constitutes love."

"No," she sighed, "that wasn't love. But that didn't last past my second year anyway." She looked up to meet his eyes. "Well, it doesn't matter now anyway but suffice it to say that by my sixth year, I had fallen in love with you."

"I didn't know," Harry replied in awe. He searched his memory for any indications that Ginny had been in love with him. How could he miss such a thing?

"Of course you didn't. You were a little preoccupied then. I kept it to myself anyway. I knew you wouldn't love me back. I didn't want you to feel guilty and I was happy to just be your friend."

Harry was stunned by Ginny's insight. Thinking about it, he knew she was right. During his sixth and seventh years he had been solely dedicated to being prepared for his inevitable confrontation with Voldemort. After the brief infatuation with Cho during his fifth year, he had decided that he couldn't afford to be distracted by girls. If Ginny had shared her feelings for him at that time, he felt sure he would have reacted badly and probably would have completely alienated her from his life. He also knew the guilt of rejecting her would have eaten away at him. As it was, he now felt guilty because he knew she must have been hurting at the time and he groaned.

He wasn't sure he really wanted to know but he had to ask. "So... when did you stop loving me?"

Ginny's gaze moved beyond Harry's shoulder and she, once again, shifted uncomfortably. "It doesn't matter now, really. I've only told you this so that you might be able to find some peace with what has happened here. It's all over now and we can go back to our lives." Ginny fell silent and appeared to be lost in thought.

Harry felt as if his heart had collapsed as a wave of regret and guilt washed over him. He realized that the time had come for him to tell her the whole truth. As he watched and contemplated how to tell her, her eyes squeezed shut and a look of pain flashed across her face. She then fell onto her back with a cry of anguish.

"Ginny?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"Oh God, what am I going to tell Mark?"

Harry felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. This was going to be so hard.

"It's not over yet," he managed to choke out.

"What do you mean?"

"This has to continue." Harry turned his head away from Ginny. He couldn't bear to see her reaction to what he would say. "Tonight was... only the first part. We have to keep... doing this--" he motioned vaguely at the bed, "every night."

"W-What?!" she stammered. Harry felt her body stiffen next to him. But we can't... I... why?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "The spell will only be broken when... well... if you become pregnant."

Ginny was silent for some time. Harry finally turned to look at her and his heart broke at the despair he saw in her eyes. "But Dumbledore is looking for a counter-spell," he said, trying to reassure her. "I'm sure they'll find something before..." his voice trailed off.

"And you didn't tell me this before because...?"

Harry recognized the suppressed anger in Ginny's voice. "I... I don't know," he sighed in resignation, "I suppose it just seemed too much to tell you all at once... earlier. Your knowing wouldn't have changed anything, and I guess... I just wanted to spare you more pain... for a little longer."

"Oh, Harry," she sighed. "I suppose I understand. It might have made... before... a little harder."

They both lay in silence for several minutes. Each lost in their own thoughts until Harry noticed a faint jiggle in the bed, followed shortly by the soft sound of Ginny sniffling. Oh God, she was crying!

"Ginny?"

"I don't know what to do," she choked out. "How will I explain this to Mark? I'm supposed to meet him for lunch tomorrow and I don't think I can face him." She broke down into audible sobs.

Harry instinctively moved closer and reached out to take her hand. "Shhhh. Ginny... it will be all right. He'll understand. He loves you. I'm sure he'll accept anything that keeps you alive and safe." Harry hesitated and shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Oh, no... no Harry." Ginny's soft crying stopped. "I don't think that would work. I... I appreciate you offering... but that's not a good idea. I need to do this myself."

Harry was somewhat relieved. He would have talked to her fiancé if that is what she wanted. But he really didn't care to try to explain to Mark what was happening between him and Ginny. Still, he felt he needed to be by her side. "Are you sure you don't want me there?"

"I'm sure. I have to do this alone." She squeezed his hand and smiled warmly at him. "But, thank you."

They fell into an uncomfortable silence again.

"Harry... how are we going to do this? I mean... this getting together every night. Doesn't this just seem so... I don't know..." her voice trailed away.

"I don't know, Ginny. I wasn't prepared for things to turn out this way. The letter had said it would be a Muggle woman. I wasn't expecting this to be easy, but now things are so much more complicated." He paused, finally allowing himself to speak of his deepest fear. "You're my friend and your life is being ruined. Your family is going to hate me. I just don't know what to do."

Ginny gasped, and Harry was surprised to see her eyes sparkling with fiery determination. "My family is not going to hate you. They could never hate you. You didn't ask for this... we didn't have a choice. And my life isn't ruined. I've lived through some pretty horrible things." She reached out to lay her hand gently on his arm and gave a small smile. "This isn't so horrible."

Harry tried to smile back but settled with a shy nod.

Ginny hesitated, then asked, "How were you going to do this with a Muggle woman?"

Harry cringed as he thought of his plan to stun the woman and explain afterwards. Thankfully he realized that wasn't what Ginny had asked before he spoke. "I'd planned for her to stay here... close by. I mean... I could have gone to her everyday." He hesitated, trying to find the right words. "Well... we could have had sex in her world, but then we'd still need to come back here. And there would be the issue of getting her here and back home every day." He paused again, searching Ginny's eyes. "I was going to have her stay in the next bedroom. I thought it would just be easier."

"I still don't understand, Harry," Ginny said with a frown. "If you could have...been with her once a day in her world why would she need to come here?"

"Well... not here to my house. It would be more convenient for her to stay here since she'd have to go up to Hogwarts every day. So she could see Madam Pomfrey."

"Madam Pomfrey?" Ginny seemed perplexed for a moment. "Oh... yes. I guess you would need to check to see if the spell had been broken." She looked as if a new thought had occurred to her. "I suppose I will need to... now."

Harry nodded. "Hopefully Dumbledore will find a way to end this before..."

"Yes. But it looks like I will be doing a bit of traveling each day in the meantime."

Harry's eyes widened as he remembered that Ginny still lived at home with her parents. "Ginny, you will come here... every night, I mean." He could feel a blush creeping up his neck. "I don't think I could... well... be with you at The Burrow."

"No... I don't suppose I could do that..."

Harry's face fell at Ginny's rejection. Ginny appeared to notice the look on his face and quickly shook her head. "Oh! I'm sorry... yes, I will come here. What I meant was that I don't think I could... do that at my house either."

Harry was relieved. The thought of taking Ginny every night under her parents' roof made him slightly ill.

Ginny groaned. "Mum doesn't even think it's proper for a twenty-two year old witch to live by herself. I can't imagine what she'd thin--"

She stopped in mid-sentence, her face taking on a look of horror. About the same time, it dawned on Harry that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had no idea where Ginny was right now. It was after midnight and she had never returned home yesterday. He also realized that no one, not even Dumbledore, knew that the Muggle woman they had expected had turned out to be Ginny. "We need to let your parents know where you are."

"Oh my... they're probably in a state of panic by now... I have to leave!" Ginny started to get out of the bed and stopped, clutching the sheet against the front of her body. "Can you turn the other way... so I can get dressed?"

Harry's eyes drifted to stare at the smooth skin of Ginny's exposed back. He caught himself and quickly returned his gaze to her face. "Your mum and dad need to know what's going on, however I have to let Dumbledore know that you aren't a Muggle woman... of course, you aren't a Muggle... I mean..." Harry blew out an exasperated breath. "Oh, you know what I mean!"

"Yes, but I don't know what you're getting at."

Closing his eyes, Harry tried to order his thoughts. "I need to let Dumbledore know about you. Why don't I ask him to meet us at The Burrow and he can help explain all this to your parents?"

"Harry, it's the middle of the night."

"Do you honestly think they're sleeping right now with you missing?"

Ginny nodded. "Er... right. What about Professor Dumbledore?"

"You know... I've always wondered if he sleeps at all." Harry shifted to the other edge of the bed and stopped. "Knowing him, he's waiting to hear from me. Why don't I go downstairs to Floo him so you can get dressed? Then we'll Apparate to The Burrow together."

*****

Harry magicked a fire into the fireplace of the kitchen. Not knowing how long it would take Ginny to make herself presentable, he was tempted to prepare a cup of tea. Instead he took some Floo powder from box on the mantle and knelt in front of the fire. He threw the powder onto the fire, stuck his head in and called, "Dumbledore's Office, Hogwarts."

After several moments of staring into the empty office, Harry saw Dumbledore come into the room.

"Harry... I wondered when I would hear from you."

"I'm sorry, Professor. Things got... complicated."

"How so?" Dumbledore asked, perplexed. "I understand the woman was delivered."

"Yes, but... she wasn't a Muggle." Harry hesitated a moment. "Professor, it was Ginny Weasley."

Dumbledore's face fell. "Oh, my..."

"Yes, well... my reaction was a bit stronger than that."

"This does complicate things a bit."

"Professor... there wasn't time to contact anyone. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley don't know where Ginny is right now. They don't know what's going on." Harry took a deep breath. "Do you think you could join us, at The Burrow to help explain?"

"Certainly. I'll be there shortly. In the meantime, I'll send Fawkes to them with a note that she is safe."

Relief poured through Harry's veins. "Thank you."

*****

When Harry returned to his room, Ginny had dressed and was standing at his mirror, tending to her hair with his comb and brush.

"I hope you don't mind," she asked sheepishly. "I didn't want to show up at home looking..." She shrugged.

"Not at all," Harry replied. Stumbling for something to say, he added, "Dumbledore will join us at The Burrow in a bit." Harry took in Ginny's red-rimmed eyes and once more felt awash with remorse. "I'm so sorry about all this."

"Harry, it's not your fault." Ginny replaced Harry's comb on the table slowly and turned back around to look at him. "Do you think..." she began, "would you mind..."

"What is it?" Harry worried at the look of apprehension on her face.

Ginny swallowed. "Harry, I was thinking - I can't stay at home now. Not like this... not while this is going on." She vaguely motioned toward the bed with her hand. She bit her lower lip nervously. "Do you think I could stay here? I mean... in the next bedroom?"

"Of course you can."

She breathed a sigh of relief. Harry stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't know why he was doing it... it just felt so natural and he wanted to comfort her. He admitted to himself that he needed the comfort as well.

Taking a step back, he looked down at her. "Are you ready?"

A look of sadness showed on her face briefly. But she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. Looking him straight in the eye, she nodded. "Let's go."