Disavowals

Chapter Eight - Da Capo

Anne sighted the barrier between Platform 9 and Platform 10 with a wave of relief. They'd made it safely there. Ever since Friday her mother had been anxious, her father tense, and her siblings in various states of excitement. They seemed to regard nearly having their home found by a Death Eater as some form of adventure. Tellingly enough, however, it was Nicola and Eddie who shared this attitude the most. The ones who would be living in that home while Anne and Terry were safe at Hogwarts...Anne tried to ignore the guilt. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't.

Eddie and Nicola were at school, so only their mother had come to the train station. Anne felt another pang of guilt when she saw the circles under her mother's eyes. Sleeplessness was a curse they all shared at the moment, but she'd been able to protect her parents from it for so long.

"You remembered your pencil case, didn't you?" her mother was asking Terry. "And your Potions ingredients?"

"Mum, I wouldn't leave those!" Terry protested indignantly. "Stop wriggling!" The last was addressed to her yellow-eyed cat, Medusa. "We're almost there. Hey, isn't that Theo?"

She pointed over by the barrier, and Anne saw Theo trying to look nonchalant and failing miserably. He kept glancing nervously at the barrier, waiting for the right moment. Standing next to him was a tall witch whose Muggle clothing - a skirt and jacket - was far better than most.

Theo's gaze landed on Anne and her family, and to her utter astonishment, he lifted his arm to wave. Terry waved back enthusiastically and dragged her trolley around to head his way. Anne stopped dead, causing her mother to crash into her.

"Anne, what's the matter?" her mother asked. "Have you forgotten something?"

"No, no, I - no, I haven't," said Anne vaguely, hauling her heavy trolley to point in the right direction. "I was just surprised, that's all."

Terry, going at her usual speed, had reached Theo and appeared to be giving him an enthusiastic account of the last week. The witch accompanying Theo was looking around them with a look that Anne knew well. The kind that knew the monsters were under the bed, and was trying to find them before they found her.

"Hello, Theodore, how have the rest of your holidays been?" Anne's mother greeted Theo warmly. "Peaceful, I hope."

"Ah - yes. Very peaceful, thank you, Mrs. Fairleigh."

Theo caught Anne's eye, and she found herself looking down at her luggage trolley. She was suddenly, acutely aware of how many people there were at King's Cross station, and she felt like they must be all looking at her and Theo.

"Anne," Theo said softly, and she forced herself to look up.

"Hey, Theo." She bit her lip to try and stop the awkward smile spreading on her face, but Theo's answered it, and maybe the station wasn't that crowded after all.

"I'm Mary Fairleigh," Anne's mother was introducing herself to the witch next to Theo. "You must be Theodore's aunt."

"Monique O'Neill," the tall witch confirmed with a smile. "It's been a while since I've been here - my youngest left Hogwarts seven years ago."

"Glad to be going back?" Anne asked Theo. Terry was waving frantically to some of her classmates.

"Very much so," he agreed. "It's going to be an interesting year."

"Isn't it just. It's...funny, talking out here."

"Exposing."

Anne nodded. "You could say that."

"You three had better get going," Monique O'Neill interrupted gently, "it's a quarter to eleven. Have a good year, Theodore, and write to us whenever you feel like it."

Theo blinked, but recovered smoothly. "Thanks, Aunt Monique. I will. And...thank you for having me."

"It's been a pleasure," she said firmly.

"Take care of yourselves, now," Anne's mother was telling her and Terry. "Try not to get into any more trouble than you're already in."

"I don't get into trouble, she does," Anne protested, hugging her mother. "Be careful, Mum."

"See you at Christmas, Mum," Terry added, getting a hug in her turn.

Anne noticed Monique O'Neill hugging Theo farewell, too, and that seemed to surprise him more than anything else.

"Be quick, you'll be shielded by that group there if you move," she told him.

Terry went first, skipping through the barrier. Anne and Theo followed with a final wave to the two women watching them go. Anne reached out to squeeze Theo's hand as they went through to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. She almost lost control of her trolley, and Gwaihir squawked, but it was worth it to feel the quick pressure of his hand on hers.

Anne wasn't sure what to do when they boarded the train - the strange looks they were getting from their classmates were unsettling enough - but Terry solved the problem for them.

"Hurry up, there's an empty compartment here!" she called back to them.

Anne hesitated, but Theo steered her in with a light touch on her shoulder.

"We'd better get one before they all fill up," he said.

"You want to spend a whole train ride with Terry?" Anne muttered.

"Well, no," Theo muttered back in her ear, "but I'm sure we can find a way to get rid of her at some point."

Anne bit back a giggle. Terry, who had plumped herself down in the window seat, rolled her eyes.

"Ew, if you want to flirt, go somewhere else."

"If you want to leave, the door's just there," Theo informed her, sitting down on the seat opposite.

Terry just wrinkled her nose, staring out the window. "Look, there's Harry Potter! And I can see Alex, too. Wonder if anything exciting happened to her this summer?"

"Too much excitement is a bad thing," Anne reminded her, seating herself next to Theo because she wanted to and she could, even if it did feel like someone was going to tell her off any minute. She didn't talk to Theo, or see him, or know him outside of one or two times and places, and now she did and it was wonderful and strange.

"Your aunt seems nice," Anne said, by way of an opening.

"She is. It's almost worrying. I wish...I spent so long working myself up to walk away from my family and now I have all these relatives who want to meet me. Everything's turned upside down."

"It has." Anne hooked a leg up onto the seat, shuffling around so she was facing Theo more. "That reminds me - I have to tell you about what happened on Friday. Your family almost caught up with you."

"They did catch up, yesterday. My cousin got attacked. I went and visited her in St. Mungo's with my aunt and uncle." Theo spoke matter-of-factly but he looked so tired. "She'll be alright but if they hadn't agreed to take me in - well, I'm not going to go around blaming myself for the Death Eaters' actions but it doesn't help."

"They came after us on Friday. Or we think they were, at least - we were lucky," Anne told him. "Nic and Eddie and I were walking home from the bus stop and we ran into a Death Eater searching the neighbourhood. Eddie and I almost had him fooled but Nic let slip we were the people he was looking for - it wasn't her fault, she couldn't know."

"It wasn't your fault but you still wanted to hex her silly," Theo filled in.

"That, too," Anne admitted. "Eddie was wonderful - he jumped the man from behind and nearly tried to kill him with his bare hands. It didn't work, but it was pretty amazing."

Theo laughed, the first proper smile she'd seen from him today. "I wish I could have seen that."

"He said it was only because you weren't there to do it," Anne said cheekily. "Now that I'd like to see."

She was rewarded by Theo's snort. "The day you see me trying to settle things the Muggle way is the day I ask to be transferred into Gryffindor."

"That might be easier, this year."

"It could be, at that." Theo sighed. "But what can any of them do without the whole world knowing they did it?"

"They could hex your sheets," Terry burst in imaginatively. "They could set a fire and say a candle did it. They could -"

"Thank you for the encouragement," Theo told her bitingly. "Any other cheerful thoughts to start the year?"

"Yeah, we get to do a research project in Potions this year, just studying how it's made, and I think I might do something like the Draught of Living Death, because -"

"That's cheerful? Anne asked. Should she have mentioned the Death Eater's identity? The conversation was drifting away, now, and she didn't like to bring it back.

I...no. Theo's got enough to deal with, as Terry so kindly pointed out. He knows what his uncle is. His relatives being the ones to attack my family has been his own special nightmare for so long, I can't tell him it was almost true. He's happy, now...he'll find out soon enough.

"Of course it is!" Terry exclaimed.

Anne recovered from her thoughts to exchange a wry glance with Theo. At least someone was enjoying Potions.

"I brought the music to some of those songs we were playing," Anne offered. "Mum said I could bring it, 'cause no one at home really plays it, especially the old pop from the sixties. I thought we could try it just for a change of pace."

"That's not pop," Terry said in disgust. "Pop is fun music. All that stuff's ancient. Good pop music is like the Spice Girls!"

"The what? And what's pop?" said Theo.

"Don't ask," Anne said, shuddering. "Just don't. I'm thinking of asking someone to Obliviate me so I can't remember the music."

"It can't be that bad if Terry likes it."

Terry looked torn between horror, shock, and flattery.

"Oh, it can. Imagine the most bland, trivial, driveling depths music can possibly descend to."

"That bad?"

"Worse," Anne told him with relish over Terry's protests. "Much, much worse."

"Anne, there you are!" Ellie said from the doorway. "Gabby's off with her boyfriend somewhere, and Sarah's in the Prefect compartment, so we thought we'd find you and- what are you doing here?"

The last was directed, predictably enough, at Theo, who returned his coolest, most arrogant stare. "Sitting."

Mai, who had appeared beside Ellie, eyed him with unconcealed antagonism. "Just because Anne's too nice to tell you to go away doesn't mean we are. Now get out, Slytherin."

Anne bit her lip, unsure of what to do. She should really - but it wasn't Mai and Ellie's fault they - oh, dear.

"I don't think so, thank you very much," Theo told her. "I quite like it here."

"So I see," declared Mai, her eyes narrowing. "But we, on the other hand, have no intention of sharing a compartment with some Death Eater's brat."

"I don't think he does either," Terry said impishly.

"Now what's going on here?" Ernie Macmillan sounded as self-important as ever. "Move aside, you two, you're blocking the corridor." Being much taller than Mai and Ellie, he was able to see over them into the compartment. "Oh." The certainty faded from his voice. "Hello, Nott."

"Macmillan." Theo nodded courteously. "Don't be too hard on your Housemates. They're trying to evict me, and I'm being intractable."

"He is, indeed," Anne said dryly. "Come and sit down, guys, the train's going to be full up soon."

Ernie's eyebrows raised. "Oh. I see. Has there been..."

"Some developments on the home front." Theo shrugged, carelessly. Or so it would appear. "The situation reached what you might call breaking point."

Ernie nodded over Mai and Ellie's mystification. He was pompous, Ernie, but not stupid. "We'll still be seeing you at the DA, then? Both of you?" He looked at Anne. She nodded.

"Definitely," Theo said.

"Excellent, excellent. I'd better get back to the Prefects' compartments, then. I'll see you around." With that he departed down the corridor.

Mai and Ellie gaped after him.

"What the hell?" Ellie said. Terry, in her corner, was giggling uncontrollably.

Anne exchanged glances with Theo.

"Be nice," she admonished softly.

"For you, anything," he replied with a quick smile.

"Liar," Anne laughed. She looked back over her shoulder. "Are you coming in, or not?"

"But we - you - I -" Mai was speechless. Ellie was quicker to react, stalking in and dropping herself in the seat next to Terry. After a second, Mai joined her, still looking very confused.

"Right," Ellie said. "I want explanations."

"I can't really see anything to explain," Theo said.

"I wasn't talking to you," Ellie said witheringly. "Anne, what are you doing? And your sister's here, too! You have to learn to stand up for yourself."

From the front of the train came the sound of the whistle, and Anne felt the seat press against her back as it began to move off.

"Look, I'm sorry to disappoint you," she began, "but I'm not being pressured, bullied, coerced, or even ignored, really. I can take care of myself. And of Terry, if it comes down to it."

"I can take care of myself," Terry protested. Theo raised his eyebrows, and she glared at him, but both were overridden by Mai's more than slightly hysterical voice.

"Anne, if you could take care of yourself, you wouldn't be sitting on the train next to a Death Eater!"

"Given that she isn't sitting next to a Death Eater, that's rather a moot point," said Theo dryly.

Mai shot him a look of mixed unease, fear, and hatred. "Don't bother lying. Everyone knows about your father."

"That's not quite fair, Mai," Ellie said carefully. "He's not responsible for what his father does." Her face hardened. "He's responsible for what he does, though. Anne, don't you even remember what he called you?"

"Called me?" Anne frowned. "No. What on earth do you mean?"

"In the corridor," Theo prompted. "You tripped. About eighteen months ago?"

She finally unearthed the memory. "Oh. Oh, that. I'd almost forgotten about it. How come you remembered?"

"Because it was horrible!" Ellie announced indignantly.

"Guilty conscience." Theo's lips twitched wryly. "You do remember that sort of thing."

"I'm surprised you had enough of a conscience to feel guilty," Mai said coldly.

"What did you call her?" Terry addressed Theo with some curiosity. "Was it really bad?"

"Nothing he's going to repeat for your ears," Anne told her firmly.

"I should think not," Theo agreed. "Someone so sweet and innocent."

Terry rolled her eyes.

"Why would you care about what Terry hears?" Mai challenged.

"I'd like to know what you're doing in the DA," Ellie interjected, folding her arms. "I thought you Slytherins were responsible for it getting broken up, back in fourth year."

"None of your business," Theo said in clipped tones, and Anne couldn't help agreeing silently. "And I had nothing to do with Umbridge discovering it that year; I was in the library doing homework at the time, if you must know."

"You were one of Umbridge's Inquisitorial people, I remember that," Ellie said.

"How could I possibly disappoint my Housemates?"

"Yes, but why are you in here?" Mai was still very unhappy, hunched up on the seat like she was going to be attacked at any moment. Anne didn't know what to do. At least Ellie was being logical. "And Anne, why are you in the DA? You never said!"

"It wasn't very important," Anne shrugged. "At least - not then. Besides, I thought you would have figured it out."

"Well, you're so quiet, and you're always coming and going, it gets hard to notice," Ellie said. She frowned at Anne thoughtfully. "I take it you two know each other from the DA?"

"Something like that," Theo said lightly. "Every Hufflepuff there has already seen fit to have a go at me, so please, spare yourself the effort."

"I wasn't going to." Ellie was in one of her moods. "You still haven't said why you're here."

"Because I'm not a Death Eater," Theo said flatly. "The Dark Lord has little love for anyone who refuses to follow him."

Ellie studied him for a moment longer. "All right, then."

Mai, surprisingly, gave Anne a tentative smile. "Gabby is going to be furious with you, you know. Lying for all those years."

"I wasn't lying," Anne protested. "I just left out important bits of the truth. It's a very different thing."

"You can tell her that."

"Look at it this way," Theo advised. "Nobody in your dorm is going to try and kill you."

"You could be surprised," said Ellie.

"Anne, Theo, look, there's a really long jet trail!" Terry announced suddenly. Anne craned past Theo to look obediently out the window.

"Oh, yes, I see."

"Where? What?" Theo said helplessly.

"Up there, in the sky. The long white cloud?" Terry pointed.

"What's a jet?"

"It's a sort of aeroplane," Anne explained, leaning back.

"Are those those things that Muggles use to fly?" Mai asked.

"Yeah, they carry lots and lots of people, and there are big ones for carrying people and little ones for shooting people and-"

"Terry, they're not really for shooting people," Anne pointed out.

"Wands aren't just for killing people, either," her sister objected. "But they kill people with them anyway."

"I suppose so," Anne replied dubiously.

"But what is an - an aeroplane?" Theo asked again.

"Yeah, how do they get so many people in them?" chimed in Mai.

Anne exchanged glances with Ellie. Her mother was Muggle-born, and she would have a fair idea about what a jet plane was...and how long it would take to explain.

Well, it was better than awkward silence.

*

For once, there was not a cloud in the sky when the train finally arrived at Hogsmeade. Theo strongly suspected this was due to some irony-loving deity, given the number of storm clouds brewing on his personal horizons. The fact that they continued, over the next few hours, to brew rather than thunder, only increased the tension.

Much to Theo's surprise, he'd survived the train ride to Hogwarts unmolested by any of his Housemates. He suspected that either they didn't know where to find him, or either because no opportunity had risen to catch him alone. After Ernie Macmillan had seen him publicly associating with Anne, a large number of the DA had seen fit to drop by on the pretext of "looking for someone", or, if they happened to be Prefects, "just patrolling." Macmillan had reappeared to ask "how things were going." If Theo was honest with himself, he actually got on quite well with the Hufflepuff Prefect. Even if this was deeply worrying.

Of course, having to share a compartment with Anne's friends hadn't been the height of amusement, but everyone had survived. He was extremely impressed that Anne put up with them on a day to day basis. Shallow would be a charitable term to use. The thought intruded that they were just normal teenage girls, but so was Anne, and she never talked about clothes.

Well, she never talked to him about clothes.

The ride to Hogwarts had been uneventful. He had been hijacked by several Hufflepuffs into one of the Thestral-driven carriages, and politely grilled on the events of his holidays. Theo was beginning to wonder if all the attention was still attributable to a desire to look out for Anne. They were awfully...sociable. It could be vaguely possible that they actually wanted to talk to him.

That was verging on wild speculation, but since none of his old friends...well, Housemates, friends was stretching it, would be talking to him, it might be nice to...

There were a lot of things that would be nice.

But between the Hufflepuffs and the uneventful train ride, Theo almost managed to forget his troubles until he walked into the Great Hall. Then they came tumbling back. Moving to the Slytherin table required, from habit, the assumption of his old mask; but at the same time came the knowledge that he didn't have to. There were no more lies, and no more pretence. That was clear enough when he spotted his classmates. Crabbe and Goyle weren't paying attention - that hadn't changed. But Blaise Zabini dismissed him with one glance, now Theo had proven himself unworthy...by his standards. Pansy Parkinson sneered. Millicent Bulstrode looked like he was a particularly unwelcome guest. Tracey Davis had the grace to smile, but it was fleeting. Daphne Greengrass looked away. The expression on Draco Malfoy's face was enough to make Theo look behind him for a Gryffindor, but he knew it was his appearance alone that caused that look of malice.

It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. He wouldn't call any of them friends, really, yet...they were the people he'd shared a dorm, classes, meals, his life with for the past six years. Theo could tell himself he didn't value their opinion, but it seemed that some part of him did. It was pride, really, pride and habit. That was all. Habit.

Habit and pride led him to sit right next to them, and he paid for that, too, right through the feast. None of them were quite stupid enough to try anything, not in the Great Hall, but the ostracism was as blatant as a curse. Daphne, next to him, faltered a question about his holidays at one point, but that was cut off sharply by Draco Malfoy.

"Nothing he could say to a decent Slytherin," Malfoy sneered. "You want to be careful who you talk to."

Theo ignored him - it wasn't worth it - but that was enough to put an end to conversation between Theo and his fellow seventh-years.

Salvation came in the unlikely form of Estella Haywood, two seats down and across, and a member of the DA.

"I hear you had an interesting time over the summer, Nott," she addressed him. Theo looked up, startled. Estella Haywood was not precisely talkative.

"That depends on what you call interesting," he told her. "Eventful, yes."

"You made it back."

"Yes, it wasn't that eventful."

"It was for some of us." She glanced down the table. "Gerald Cameron got killed last week."

"He's in your year, isn't he?" Theo didn't know the sixth years very well.

"He was." Estella gave an odd, one-shouldered shrug. "I think this will be an...eventful year."

"It will, indeed. As long as events confine themselves to...other places."

"I don't think there'll be many...events...at Hogwarts." Estella smiled. At least, her teeth showed. "Quite a few of us would prefer to keep it...neutral."

"Neutrality sounds like an excellent option for...certain places," Theo agreed. "I imagine the teachers would get quite upset if things began to get out of hand. Professor Snape has never been fond of...disruption."

"He hasn't, no. It would be a great pity if our House provided that disruption, wouldn't it?" Estella raised her voice slightly.

"It would," Theo said blandly, but far more important were the slight nods Estella got from most of the sixth years in sight.

If Malfoy doesn't keep things civilised on our own territory after this, he'll have more than me to worry about. We play our power games, but there have to be limits, for everyone's safety. Nobody wants the war to play out in our common room, and now there's public agreement on it.

That's assuming a certain amount of intelligence on Malfoy's part.

That could be assuming too much.

*

The rest of the feast passed without great incident, until Theo was leaving the Great Hall. His Head of House appeared, bat-like, out of the shadows.

"A word with you, Nott. Now."

Theo nodded - he'd been expecting this - and followed Snape meekly down to his office. He got no more than calculating looks from the rest of his House, including Haywood. She was on his side - maybe - but the games of Slytherin went on, regardless.

Like they always have, except for the ones who are so bent on their own goals that they don't notice, or the ones like me who do just enough to survive it, or the ones who don't care. And all of those put together are few enough.

"You seem, Nott," Snape began without preamble as soon as the door to his office shut, "to have been spending entirely too much time among Gryffindors. At least, that is the most charitable front I can put on your actions."

"Do you have any better suggestions, sir?" Theo said coldly. What did Snape expect him to have done? "I played along as long as I could, but there are limits, and my ability to lie to the Dark Lord would have passed most of them by quite a long way. As it is, I'm alive, and free, and that's a damn sight more than I would be any other way!"

Snape seated himself behind his desk in a swirl of black robes. "Mr Nott. If running away from home was the only solution you could think of to your dilemma, then I must wonder why you were placed in this House."

Theo swallowed his anger, or attempted to. "What was I supposed to do? I couldn't lie my way out of it, not anymore. I had to go. I had to."

"You had...other options, if you had remained where you were."

Theo wasn't sure he'd caught Snape's meaning correctly, but he pressed on regardless.

"I am not, and will not be, anybody's spy."

Snape ignored the accusation. "And last year-"

"- was different. Which is one of the reasons I had to go."

"How...honourable."

"Sir - I thought I could avoid choices, once. I was wrong. But there is, yes, nothing dishonourable in choosing. And nothing wrong. This isn't the sort of war that lets you hedge your bets, or at least, it doesn't let me do so."

Snape regarded him for a moment. "You seem very sure of yourself, Nott."

"There have to be some limits. We're supposed to be ambitious, right? I have an ambition. To get away from this war and live my life in peace. With the emphasis on live."

"I see."

There was a moment's silence. Theo's eyes wandered around the office, to the jars on the shelves with contents best not described, the shadows in the corners. It couldn't be much fun to work in. Did Snape prefer it that way, or was he cultivating an image?

"Nott." His eyes snapped back to Snape. "Shall we go over your situation? You have publicly and openly rejected the Dark Lord in a way that has brought shame on your family and a resulting obligation to remove that shame. You are sharing a dormitory with four boys who are, quite possibly, under orders to deal with you. You are a member of a House which has a history quite at odds with your stance. Your allies are the staff, who cannot be everywhere, and certain of your fellow students, only one of whom is in your own House. I, as your Head of House, am not able to firmly deal with the situation. You are, in short, in as much trouble as I have ever seen any student of this school achieve. What do you propose to do about it?"

Theo cleared his throat. He had thought about this. "Well, sir, my family are unable to reach me unless they can get inside Hogwarts, which has only been achieved by one man, who is currently dead. The same goes for any other Death Eaters. There is my cousin Celia, but frankly, if she's a genuine threat, then I've already lost this game. Most of my House will be at best indifferent, at worst hostile, but the majority of them will not be interested in setting the sort of precedent that letting Malfoy and his gang attack me on our own ground would set. There was a discussion about this during the feast, and at least the sixth years will be neutral. Estella Haywood will probably be on my side. I think. If I'm not hopelessly outnumbered, and then she'll probably fetch help. The impression that my classmates have, I believe, is that you would frown on attacks inside our common room or dorm, which are easily attributable to them. You could back that up." He paused, but there was no response. "The staff can't be everywhere, but I can stick to public areas or places where other members of the DA are. Basically, if I'm careful, I'm safe. After all, if it was that easy to get at someone in Hogwarts, Potter would have been dead years ago."

"Mr Malfoy and his friends are scared of Potter," Snape said contemptuously. "They are not scared of you. But you are, in the most part, correct."

"Most part?"

"I'm going to give you some advice, Mr Nott. As your Head of House, I strongly recommend you listen to it. You think Draco Malfoy is stupid." Snape paused. "He's not. Nor is he as easily dismissed a threat as you seem to imagine. Hogwarts is only safe to a degree. Take Potter, for instance. He is," Snape sneered, "the most well-guarded and watched student in this school, however little he deserves the privilege. He has escaped death on these grounds by the skin of his teeth on numerous occasions. While you are not nearly as high up the list of the Dark Lord's enemies, you are also much less experienced at escaping. If you want to have a safe year, Mr Nott, you will need to be very, very careful."

"That's it?" Theo couldn't help saying. "Be careful?"

"Watch your tongue, Mr Nott."

"Sorry, sir." Easier to apologise than antagonise Snape further. "Is that all?"

"That is all. You have a confrontation to get to, I believe."

"I believe I do. Thank you, sir."

Just as Theo put his hand on the door-handle, Snape's voice lashed out from behind him. "One more thing, Mr Nott. Anyone who starts a fight in the common room this year will be punished. I suggest you do not."

"I won't start any, sir."

"Keep it that way."

Theo stepped out of the office feeling like he'd just crossed a very deep chasm on a very thin bridge. Snape would stop fighting, but how far was he really going to go? How far were his classmates going to go?

If only he could camp out in the corridor overnight. It would probably be more comfortable.